Chapter 20
Juli
Nearly two weeks later, and what a spell it’s been.
Two weeks since I said goodbye to paradise.
Two weeks since I bid Cameron goodbye.
Two weeks since I was last in his arms.
Everything about it has been shitty, starting with my plane being delayed for two hours. Then, I couldn’t find a rideshare from the airport.
When I finally got home, I walked in to find my fridge had leaked all over my kitchen floor.
Instead of dealing with it like the independent woman I am, I dropped my bags and escaped to my parents’ house.
When no one was home, I drove around, sobbing tears of weighty emotions.
I couldn’t tell you which parts made me cry the hardest. At one point, I couldn’t see the road, so I pulled over into an empty lot and ugly-cried.
It was not my finest moment.
The next day, I called the landlord about the fridge, who got someone in immediately to clean the damage, and a new fridge was delivered the next day.
On Thursday, Erica sent me a text message with a picture of Cameron and me from the wedding. I thought my pool of tears had dried up, but with one look, I lost it again. Thankfully, I had just come from the grocery store. I’m not ashamed to admit I ate my weight in Ben & Jerry’s that night.
I can’t bring myself to immerse myself in books, and I’ve barely done any work, even for the new client. She’s probably wondering when I’m going to respond to her email. Today. I’m doing it today. At least, that’s my plan.
In an unusual turn of events, Preston has texted me every other day. Unusual because prior to my trip, I was lucky to get a one-word response to a text message I’d send on the rare occasion. He hasn’t come out and explicitly asked how I’m handling things, but the notion has been implied.
I quickly tracked him down before I left on Monday to say goodbye.
It was tearful—how could it not be after leaving Cameron on the beach the way I did?
I tried to play it off like I was unhappy about leaving paradise, but I’m not sure he bought it.
I didn’t bother to mention Cameron, not wanting to start any arguments that might arise.
Nor did I need to have him take any anger out on Cameron.
Not for a vacation fling. Not for something that’s over and done with.
Try getting my heart on board with that.
Cameron and I were a vacation fling, a one-week casual hookup between friends, the sand in my boots. As much as it felt like so much more than that.
My phone rings, preventing my thoughts from taking a total nosedive into snot-induced, binge-eating, ugly-cry territory.
“Lissy Girl. How’s it going?”
“You home?”
“Yes.”
“I’m coming over.” The phone clicks off in my ear.
I take in the state of my condo—leftover dinner and empty water bottles on the coffee table, snot rags scattered throughout—and myself—old, raggedy T-shirt, thin, holey, black leggings, rat’s nest in my hair.
For about half a second, I consider changing and cleaning before deciding Elisa won’t care.
Though I’m not acutely prepared to discuss why my life is in the state it is.
Less than five minutes later, my front door opens, Elisa flouncing through it, her long bohemian skirt swishing across her legs.
She’s paired it with a brown belt and a white tank top.
Her blondish hair is pulled back into a braid, and her makeup is flawless.
One hand holds a tray of coffee, a brown bag in the other.
“Hey, I brought coffee and croissants. With chocolate.”
“You, my dear sister, are my favorite.”
She steps into the middle of the room, stopping in her tracks, her eyes perusing up and down me before skittering over the rest of the room. “What the hell is happening here?”
“What? Like a girl can’t lie around in her house in her PJs and not be judged for it?”
Her eyes widen as she does another visual scan. “I’m going to ask this again, in a less judgmental way. What’s going on with you?”
“I’m having a dreadful week.”
Elisa sits on the couch next to me, her butt balancing on the edge, perched to leap if necessary.
She plops the bag of goodies onto the coffee table.
“You just got back from the best vacation ever. How could your life have gone downhill so quickly? An asshole author?” I shake my head, a lump forming in my throat, nervous she’s going to get me to spill my secrets.
“Mom and Dad threaten to revoke your savings accounts?”
I roll my eyes. “As if. Let them try.”
“Oh good. You’re not totally broken.” Taking out one cup of coffee, she hands it over. Then she reaches into the bag and digs out the chocolate croissants. “Should we bother with plates? We can’t make any more of a mess than you already have, right?”
One shoulder lifts. “Liesl comes Monday. A few crumbs will be fine until then.” Matching my nonchalant attitude, my sister places a napkin in her lap, a croissant on top. Forced to sit up, she does the same for me.
“You get five bites before you have to spill your guts.”
“I take back about you being my favorite.” Bite. Chew. Swallow. “I don’t want to talk about it. I’d rather wallow in my misery.” Bite. Chew. Swallow. Which isn’t exactly the truth. I’d rather not be miserable, if I’m being honest.
“How was dinner with big bro?”
“Good. He seemed distracted.” Bite. Chew. Swallow.
“That’s nothing new.”
“Even more distracted.” Bite. Chew. Swallow. Last one. Better decide what I’m going to say to get her off my back.
“Hmmm. Maybe it’s because we haven’t seen him in a handful of years.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
“And Cameron?” His name makes me cringe, something Elisa doesn’t miss. “Wait. I thought you said things were good. Just like you imagined.”
“The man lacks nothing in the bedroom. In fact, he’s improved tenfold.”
Bite. Chew. Swallow.
Elisa has a sip of coffee in her mouth, but it soon sprays all over the coffee table.
“Okay, that will need to be cleaned up.”
Swiping at her chin, she bounds to her feet. “Hold up. I didn’t hear you correctly. What do you mean, ‘he’s improved tenfold’? How the fuck do you know that?”
Oops.
So busy trying to keep my brain from spewing my reasons of why I feel so crappy, I’ve inadvertently spilled a well-kept secret.
“Remember when Cameron came to visit after that STEM camp Preston attended a few summers in high school?”
“Hardly. I was a baby.”
“Oh, right.” When she acts all mature, I forget she’s so much younger than me and her memories don’t extend as far as mine. “Anyway, he’d come stay with us for a week or two after camp was over.”
“Okay. Keep going.”
“That’s when my crush first began. That first summer.
I was maybe twelve but too shy to do anything more than blush every time he was near.
The following summer, I got the courage to speak to him.
By the third summer, we somehow became friends.
As much as you can be friends with a boy who is your brother’s good friend and you’re the awkward younger sister. ”
Elisa rolls her eyes, sitting back down. “Please. As if you were ever awkward.”
“You’ve seen pictures. You know. Anyway, Preston stopped going to camp, and Cameron stopped coming for the summer.”
Her brows knit together. “So you had sex when you were like what?” She quiets for a minute, doing the calculation in her head. “Fourteen! Damn girl. I didn’t think you gave it up that early.”
“I didn’t. I was almost seventeen my first time. Not with Cameron.”
“Okay. Get to the good part.”
“So impatient.”
“For this? Hells yeah.”
“It had been a few years since Cameron had visited. I didn’t have any way of contacting him, so I kinda forgot about him.
Until the summer before college. It was as if no time had passed.
None. Except he was less on the scrawny side, more built, and definitely more man than his last visit.
My teen crush blossomed into something way more than it had been.
I hung around him and Preston as much as they’d tolerate me, which much to my delight, was a lot.
Sometimes Cameron and I ended up at the pool by ourselves while Preston was off entertaining his lady friends, god knows where. ”
Elisa covers her ears. “Gross. Don’t put images like that in my head.” She gags, selling the drama.
“One of those times, I went into the pool house to use the bathroom. I hadn’t realized Cameron followed me in.
” I pause there for dramatic effect but also to gather exactly what I want to say.
She’s going to ask how it was, and I’m not prepared to give her the truth.
As much as I haven’t forgotten it, it wasn’t good.
“You had sex in the pool house with Cameron Fairbanks?” she squeals. “How did I never know this about you, you sexy vixen?”
“I didn’t tell anyone. Not a single soul. Not even my besties at college when I was drunk. You’re the only person besides Cameron who will ever know.”
Her brows scrunch in consternation. “Because it was bad? Because he made you feel insignificant? Because it was like having sex with your brother?”
“Ew. Gross. Definitely not the last one.” It’s my turn to shudder. Choosing my words carefully, I explain, “It was . . . fast.” Incredibly fast.
“Guy had no stamina?”
“Something like that.”
“That’s a bummer. I was once with this guy who shot his load before his pants were off. Like, dude, have some respect for women first.”
A nervous chuckle floats around us. My story’s similar to that, but I don’t want her to know it.
“Let’s say fourteen years later, Cameron more than made up for his pool house performance. The man has the stamina of a bull.”
“How would you know the stamina of a bull, Juli?” Elisa shakes her head, her attention drifting from my story to her coffee cup. She’s gotten enough of the tale to satisfy her instant gratification personality, which bodes well for me.