17. Eshe
Eshe
Since Ezra took the choice away from me, I decided then that I would see Kavid. I realized he deserved to know I was alive, just like I deserved to see him.
A few days ago, I wouldn’t have doubted Ezra’s brutal hold on me, but this morning cracked that narrative, if only for a moment. I thought we had an understanding, maybe even respect for each other. I was thoroughly wrong. He thought I was his property to do with as he pleased.
He reminded me just now how likely he was to be the murderer.
Casimir walked beside me with a hand wrapped around my elbow. It was adorable how he thought that would prevent me from doing anything. I glanced up at Casimir while he guided me to the back of the palace.
As soon as we passed the threshold where Ezra couldn’t see us anymore, I rammed my elbow into Casimir’s side. To my shock, he tightened his hold on me.
“You think I didn’t expect this, love?” he grunted as he towered over me for a moment. “You will listen to Ezra. There are no games to be played here.”
“You’re sorely mistaken, Cas. I don’t think we’re playing games at all. This is my brother we’re talking about,” I spat as he continued to pull me through the hallways of the main palace.
“It doesn’t matter.” Casimir shook his head, and for a moment—of weakness—he seemed to understand. “Ezra is doing what he thinks—knows—is best.”
I attempted to wriggle my elbow from his iron hold, but he just pressed his fingers deeper. “He doesn’t know what’s best for me or my brother.” I scoffed.
Casimir refused to look at me. I could see the silent battle in his head. “You don’t know what’s best for you.”
My jaw dropped, my mouth going dry. “Since when did you start sounding like your brother?”
“We are twins, or did you forget?”
“I haven’t forgotten.” I gritted my teeth.
Casimir walked so fast that suddenly we reached my bedroom—no. The prison chamber. I glared at him for a moment longer, and I knew I might regret what I was going to do. Casimir didn’t seem to have a mean bone in his body, and I didn’t want to hurt him—not really.
“Are you okay?”
My cheeks turned wet from the tears I shed. I shook my head, “I miss him, Cas.”
His lips parted in awe. He had never seen me in tears.
Frankly, neither had I.
Casimir wrapped his arms around me, and I wanted to roll my eyes.
It was what I admired about him when I was younger.
He was a lover, not a fighter. A much better and honorable choice than Ezra.
Sweeter than Ezra. More charming than Ezra.
I needed balance in my life. Someone who kept me steady in the midst of the fires I created.
Taking a deep breath, his papery woody mixed with a hint of cardamom wrapped my senses.
As if he had spent all morning reading his philosophical textbooks.
I almost need this. I almost felt myself leaning further into his body, allowing his genuine comfort.
But this wasn’t about him.
This wasn’t even about me.
This was about my family—my brother. Who was alive and well, who deserved to know his sister lived.
With a strong force that came from within, I yanked him off me and shoved him into the bedroom.
He didn’t hesitate and kept his arm wrapped around my waist, and we took a tumble together. It was almost as if he had anticipated it and allowed it to happen.
Before I could shove an elbow under his chin, he twisted his body, bringing mine under his.
Goddamn these Navon twins’ heavy bodies. They were going to be the death of me.
I wriggled under him, unleashing my arm and ramming a fist into his side.
He grunted forward. “Eshe!”
I didn’t waste my breath as I wrapped a leg around his and pulled, causing his body to lift from mine. I pushed him over my body and rammed another clenched hand into his ribs.
My insides hurt.
I didn’t like causing Casimir pain.
His other hand lunged around my neck, tugging my face into his chest. My breath expended from the moment, and I attempted to push against him, but my neck was glued to his body.
I thrust my knee between his legs, but he dodged it with his other hand.
“Where did you”—I panted—“learn how to fight!” It wasn’t a question.
He planted a loud smack, kissing the top of my head, before saying, “All princes learn how to fight”—I pushed my head under his chin—“love.”
His bicep was pressing into my neck.
I really didn’t want to do this to him.
I weaved my other hand through the arm that was tucking my neck, using my triceps and elbow, I pulled on his arm until he hissed and released. The moment he gave me room, I crouched above him and jammed my knee into his diaphragm, leaving him more breathless than before.
Scurrying to my feet, I left him lying in my bedroom as I stepped past the threshold.
I smiled.
He leaped. “Eshe, you’re going to—”
The door slammed before he could finish his sentence, but his palm kept it from closing. I didn’t waste another moment and whirled on my heels just to stop myself in my tracks.
Two guards with stone-cold faces pressed forward, and suddenly, Casimir grabbed my elbow once again.
“Close, but I’m not an idiot,” he grunted. I could feel my eyes go wide as he pushed me back into the room. “I anticipated this,” he panted.
The door slammed shut in front of me. Casimir and I, alone.
Suddenly, I felt stuck.
I shook my head. “This isn’t a game. This is my brother.” I waved a hand at the door. “He’s—he’s alive, and you won’t let me go to him?”
He said nothing back. I had to try harder.
“Don’t do this to me, Cas.” I glanced up with more tears welling in my eyes. “Please.”
The column of his throat moved. “I know it seems cruel, but I know Ezra. He’s doing this for a reason, even if you or I can’t understand.”
“There is no reason, Casimir, but to gain more control by having the Princess of Zyriah in his hands. You say you know your brother, so it’s safe to say that you know he likes to control people just to prove that he can!”
His brows furrowed, and he shook his head slightly. “That’s not true.”
“It’s what he has shown me since childhood.”
Casimir placed his hands on his hips, tilting his head as if I were a child. “Ezra would never play games like that. There is a reason why, and whether you like it or not, he’s not doing this to control you or Zyriah.”
“Why else?”
“I don’t know why!” His arms flung around him. “All I know is that I trust him. I trust him enough for both of us.”
I couldn’t even look at him anymore as I crossed my arms, trying to swallow the words he spoke. There was never going to be a reason good enough to keep me from my sibling. This man was delusional, just like his brother. Twins. Scoffing, I turned my body away from him.
Footsteps echoed in the room, the door shut, and the bar slid into place.
Without wasting another moment, I rushed to the door. My heart slammed against my ribcage as I saw through the holes I’d made.
The bar on the other side was long enough to cover the whole length of the door. So Ezra found out how and fixed the problem.
There was no way out.
That relentless fucker.
My breath quickened.
I pressed my hand against my chest, but the pressure wouldn’t still.
There was no way to Kavid.
This time, I felt tears flow from my face that weren’t forced.
The feeling of truly not being able to see my brother after so long of believing him dead and then learning he was alive but still out of reach broke something I didn’t realize was inside of me.
I would never forgive Ezra for this. Even if he was proven innocent of my family’s deaths.
I would never forgive this.
Father was talking to the Qahl of Tehara about potentially arranging peace through a marriage once I am older.
I shifted on the cushion uncomfortably. Father told me not to do anything that would jeopardize us.
He told me to sit still, but how was that even possible?
Regardless, I would never jeopardize my family. I’d be the obedient daughter—for now.
I just knew that as soon as our fathers would be done speaking, Ezra would do something that would infuriate me. Then Casimir would help me feel better.
Right now, Ezra’s eyes were trained on my father, cold and calculating.
Our fathers clapped forearms and moved toward the balcony overlooking the gardens.
Ezra followed and leaned his back on one of the pillars, watching them.
Pieces of his black hair fell into his eyes.
His eyes were so dark, I had to physically stop myself from staring at him because I didn’t want him to catch me.
It was always embarrassing when he did. With a bit of courage, I approached him.
He was tall, but I was tall for girls my age, so his height didn’t intimidate me.
“You won’t be able to ignore me forever, you know, if we get married.” I crossed my arms, staring up at his face.
His eyes slid down to me. My smile fell short when I realized just how tall he was and how small I felt.
“If we get married? Don’t be so naive, it’s when.” And then he pulled on my long braid. Before he could move away, I sucker-punched him in the stomach.
He barely made a sound at first, mostly because of shock, but then he laughed.
“Nice try, little warrior.” He tried to stifle his laughter.
Blinding rage soared through me. “Just because I’m a girl doesn’t mean I can’t hurt you!”
He wiped tears of laughter from his eyes and walked away.
That was exactly how it always was. He’d do something stupid, and I’d do something tenfold, but somehow he’d make me feel like an absolute imbecile!
After two days of complete solitude, except for the servant who gave me food, I had gone through all the options before I came up with one more.
Once the chambermaid entered with a tray full of dinner, I slowly released my crossed legs from the ottoman I sat on.
She trembled slightly when she placed the tray on the short table to the left of me.
The air had shifted, and she could feel it too.
“You wouldn’t hurt an innocent working woman who has no choice in this, now would you, girl?” She quirked a brow up at me.