26. Eshe
Eshe
My heart rose to my throat, and I attempted to swallow the lump threatening to choke me.
There were always stairs in the baths.
Why weren’t there any?
My trembling fingers found my throat, telling me it was okay to breathe.
I hadn’t had this strong a reaction in… years. Not since that night I almost drowned in the baths.
A shudder ran down my spine. I could do this. I’d jump in, wash myself and get out.
I swallowed. I had always stuck to the side of the baths, dipping my toes or legs in, or if I needed a full-body scrub, I’d do so on the stairs. I was never completely in a place without something to crawl out of, just in case…
Because of what happened, I never went into the water like that again.
There were no teachers to learn how to swim.
People just stood where they were comfortable, and well, because—this was the desert—you didn’t really need to learn how.
I’d just stay around the shallow areas, anyway.
But now, it wasn’t just the fact I didn’t know how to swim quite well. It was… so much deeper than that, now.
I looked at the lime-green water that seemed to mock me. It looked shallow. It was shallow. Of course it was—I was just overthinking it.
After removing the heavy robe from my shoulders, I grabbed a bar of soap on the nearby table and crouched low, beginning my descent into the threatening waters.
Once one of my legs was in, that was it. I had to go all in.
I took a deep breath. I would just keep my hands on the edge so I could pull myself up if I needed to.
One, two, three.
Sliding in was the worst decision I ever made. I couldn’t see anything—my eyes burned from the mineral water, my body completely submerged.
My mind went back to all those years ago, and I froze, forgetting how to get myself out of this alive.
My mouth begged to find air as water swallowed me whole, sucking me deeper. My toes couldn’t find the bottom. I was completely turned around.
The feeling was paralyzing.
I was pulled further into my memories.
Grabbing onto the surface of the water, I found nothing, just like that night.
The side of the bath had completely disappeared.
Water flooded into my veins every time I looked for breath.
My lungs burned and burned—needing air.
I couldn’t breathe.
Was this my last moment in life? Will this be the time I meet my family?
My heart pounded violently, looking for an escape.
If only my toes could reach the—
More water seeped into my mouth.
Suddenly, I felt something wrap around my waist.
My mind raced—
A monster was pulling me—
No, someone was lifting me up.
My mouth made contact with the air. Water immediately exploded out of my throat. I begged for air to fill me up. I could barely see through my eyes, but I knew by his touch alone who had just saved my life.
My trembling arm wrapped itself around his neck, and I clung to him.
I couldn’t let go.
I was so afraid.
The sounds that came from me, I couldn’t find my breath. My entire being was shaking.
Ezra continued to hold me.
It was an iron hold—he wasn’t going to let me go.
My heart calmed. I held myself tighter to him, afraid my shaking body would slip from his.
“It’s okay. I’ve got you,” he whispered.
A sob came from me, but I think it was just the water leaving my throat.
I tried to talk, but my tongue was heavy, and my throat burned.
After a minute of trying to find my breath, my body relaxed and leaned more against Ezra, knowing I was freely breathing again.
I wasn’t going to die.
I was going to live.
Unless Ezra let me go. Or if he decided to drown me himself.
“I n—need to g—get out.” I sniffed the excess water dripping from my nose.
His hold tightened for a moment. “Nothing’s going to happen.”
“I can’t—I can’t do this.” I couldn’t even look at his face, but my arm around his neck was an iron grip. I’d never felt so vulnerable in my life. With a squeeze of his forearm, he could easily kill me. Which I think I would prefer to seeing me at my weakest.
“What do you need?”
“I need to get out—just get me out, get me out,” I sputtered.
My breath quickened. He was going to kill me. But I knew that was irrational. In the back of my mind, I knew I was Casimir’s intended… but what if none of that mattered now? I tried to calm my breathing, telling myself it was just the fear of the waters.
“What do you need?” he repeated the question and didn’t move. I knew why.
He wanted to know.
A sob released from me. “Please, Ezra.” God, I was such a mess. Dignity was gone out the window—I was starting to forget who I was. Fear clouded my vision.
For a moment, I allowed myself to pry my eyes open and look at his face.
He was staring at me strangely.
There was no hatred or anger.
I felt my heart crack a bit, and I sniffled.
“I need stairs… something I can grab onto… please take me back.” I stared into his eyes—they were so dark with speckles of gold.
He didn’t want to hurt me. He was trying to help me.
My heart fluttered, and I relaxed for a moment.
“You can use me,” Ezra said in a low voice.
I shook my head, my wet hair clinging to my neck and shoulders. My face flushed—I would not use him while I bathed.
My eyes darted at the water once more, and then I realized how completely naked I was in his arms. I felt my body tighten.
I felt Ezra move his arm, and I swung my other arm around his neck.“Ezra—”
“I won’t let you go. It’s okay,” he said calmly.
Ezra moved us near the side, but not close enough for me to dare make the jump. He reached for the bar of soap floating on top of the water and walked us back to the middle—even further than where I was drowning.
The water slowly descended around my shoulders and chest.
“The water is shallow here,” Ezra explained.
My arms were still around his neck, and his arm was around my bare waist. Neither of us was letting go.
“You can try to touch the bottom with your foot,” Ezra suggested. “When you’re ready…”
His neck felt like a tower. I didn’t want to let go. I liked being in his arms. They were warm and protective against the menacing waters.
But I knew I couldn’t hold on to him forever. I dropped a foot down.
My toes felt the rough limestone bottom first, and I planted my full foot. Then I brought my next foot, now fully facing Ezra with my trembling arms still around his neck.
My naked body was completely flush with his, but I didn’t care.
I couldn’t think much about it since I was only focusing on surviving.
I took a deep breath. Why was he doing this? I wanted to get out of here. I felt another pressure choke me in my throat.
Ezra slowly wrapped his hand around one of my wrists and pulled it from his neck.
What was he doing? My breath quickened.
Was he going to leave me here?
His other hand reached toward the arm he held, and he began to softly brush it with the bar of soap.
The world stilled.
I couldn’t focus on anything but what he was doing.
Ezra swept the bar across my inner arm and brushed his thumb slowly along my soapy skin. His gentle touch was at odds with his tan, strong hand washing me.
My breath hitched.
The blood in my veins began to heat uncontrollably. He was staring at his movements, too.
His hand with the bar moved higher to my shoulders and my neck. I lifted my eyes and met his instantly.
His eyes were dark pools. The gold completely disappeared. I felt a pull toward them.
Slowly, I let go of his neck, and for a moment I froze, unsure.
His arm was still around my waist in a possessive manner, ensuring I wasn’t going to drown again.
Ezra hadn’t stopped brushing the bar along my skin, my neck, my collarbones. It was slow, and the feeling was mesmerizing.
Time had slowed, and so did my breath.
His eyes were so intense, I felt like I couldn’t breathe or move, or I would break this moment. My brain fired up then—I should want to break this moment. But I didn’t.
I liked his hands on me. They felt nice… and warm… and safe.
What was happening?
The bar reached the top of my chest, but his eyes hadn’t left mine. His movements were controlled.
I dropped my hands from his neck to his shoulders, grazing over his muscled chest. He shuddered under the tips of my fingers.
The shudder turned into tensed muscles, and his arm around my waist suddenly turned me around.
The sudden movement, without Ezra in front of me, caused my mind to race. My breath faltered, and I began to panic.
God, I was so weak.
His hand pressed my waist against him, and my core warmed.
His hands brushed my wet hair to the side, and I felt the bar of soap cross my upper back.
He was so tender. I questioned whether I had died and this was my heaven.
He was my heaven. Remembering all the times I was obsessed with him when I was younger, wishing he would just see me.
Now he was seeing me.
I was sure of it.
He was touching me and… There were no harsh words or hateful glances between the two of us. This wasn’t normal—this wasn’t reality.
A flood of fear coursed through my body once more.
A sob escaped my mouth. Ezra lifted his hand from my waist to my throat.
“Shh, relax,” Ezra ordered me. His voice instantly melted my body into his. I breathed in and out.
Warm sensations pooled at the bottom of my core at the sound of his voice.
“Do you know who did this to you?” he said in a cool, lethal tone.
He brought the bar of soap to the front of my body, but kept his hand around my throat.
“N—no one,” I stammered, trying to focus on my breaths and be in denial that almost my whole body is submerged in water.
“Don’t lie to me, Eshe.”
“I don’t like the water.”
“Because?”
“Because…” I can’t tell him. It’d only further his point about Kavid.
His fingers pressed lightly against my throat, feeling my pulse.
“You know who did this?”
He was going to kill me. I was going to drown. A tear fell from my eyes, and my pulse sped.
I hyperventilated.
“Ezra, take me back…” My hands lifted to his on my neck.
“Kavid did this,” he spat, answering his own question.
I froze. The world stopped spinning.
How did he know that?
I swallowed against the column of my throat. “H—how did you know?”