45. Eshe
Eshe
I pulled my dark green hood further in front of my face as I walked with Ezra up the stairs to the palace of Zyriah—my home.
My eyes flitted to the area furthest to the right, where I could see part of the destruction from the fire. Our main hall was further than that, but I guess the explosion had taken a good part of the palace out.
It hadn’t even been rebuilt. I frowned. Maybe Kavid kept it up as a reminder of what he lost that day.
No, I reminded myself. I wasn’t part of what he lost. He wasn’t my brother. Not in the literal sense, but in the sense that he attempted to kill me, failed, and killed our bond instead.
As my sandals hit step by step, bringing me closer to the entrance, I was waiting for that familiar sense of safety or pride seeing my home to flood my veins.
But it never did.
Only a deep sadness lingered there, and I was grateful to have Ezra nearby to remind me what love truly was.
It was an action, not just a feeling. Love, I’d come to realize, was something that had to be shown.
Ezra saved my life time and time again. He put my safety above his wants and desires by sending me off with Salazar, not knowing how dangerous he was.
He stuck by my side even when he didn’t agree with what I was doing.
He was on my team, no matter what. We now fought on the same side.
I suppose that was what love with growth looked like.
My steps slowed on the stone flooring as we approached the wide-open doors.
The guards had let us in when they recognized Ezra.
Their brows were raised at me, but they didn’t question it in his presence.
It was strange walking to a place I used to call home, yet the guards didn’t recognize me. I was dead to them.
That didn’t bother me as much as I thought it would.
Ezra’s broad shoulders caught my eye. He wore his usual black tunic and black headscarf, which was lowered to show his identity. As though sensing eyes on him, his head moved over his shoulder, meeting my eyes. I could feel his tense body. He didn’t want to be here, but he was here for me.
I lowered my head and brushed my sweaty hands against my loose beige dress.
I was ready.
A woman I recognized, dressed in a deep crimson tunic, stood by the large open doors. “What can I do for—” she stopped, her jaw dropped, and her face blanched. “Eshe.”
Plastering a smile on my face, I said, “Kala. I’m here for my brother. Is he here?”
Kala’s eyes darted to Ezra before they widened for a moment. “Qahl Ezra,” she stammered and lowered her head even further. She lifted herself up after a moment to answer my question. “He’s here. Let me show you the way.”
She looked back as we followed her, almost as if she couldn’t quite believe it was me.
The skin on her face had almost lost all of its tan color.
We walked down the hallway where my father used to have his cup of kava and business meetings, made our way up a few floors, and found Kavid exactly where I thought he would be.
In my father’s study, Kavid was planted where my father’s desk used to be.
He was seated against the left wall, near the windows that displayed the city of Crahst. To the right were all of my father’s old books tucked into floor-to-ceiling shelves.
Memories crossed my mind of a time when I used to hide in closets just to read them all without being told I had to do something more suitable for my gender.
But I couldn’t stop learning. I inhaled education, and the books I read became my religion.
I turned back toward Kavid, and that must have been when he sensed people in his study. My eyes met my brother’s, and his face paled. He immediately met Ezra’s next to me, and the tension between them was so taut I could drag a dull knife through it if I wanted to.
“Kavid,” I greeted him with a brow raised.
“Sister.” Kavid cleared his throat, seemingly reminding himself who was here, and raised himself from his leather seat. He stepped toward me with his hands wide open. “I’ve—how—how are you here?” He searched my eyes. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”
Ezra stepped between us.
Kavid’s head pulled back, and a flash of pain crossed his face.
“What is this, Eshe?” He didn’t look at me, though. Kavid kept his hard gaze on Ezra. “Don’t tell me now that you were the one who found my sister out in the desert dunes by those Atrovians that she’s yours. She’ll never be yours.”
Ezra tilted his head but kept silent. Probably laughing hard inside his mind.
“Is that what happened? I knew those fucking bastards were the ones to attack my camp and take Eshe.” He shook his head.
I crossed my arms, already over this conversation. “I know who Salazar is,” I said slowly.
Kavid's eyes barely fluttered a moment my way. “What is this really about, Ezra?”
I lifted my spine as Ezra stood motionless. “I said I know who he is. I know that he was my father, and I know that you tried to kill me,” I repeated myself.
He finally slid his eyes back to me. Now I had his attention.
I felt the back of my eyes sting, but I didn’t allow my emotions to show—not here, not now. I had to be strong for the little girl who suffered all those years ago. For the girl who was afraid of baths ever since. For the weakness that fell upon me because of him.
“Eshe. Why don’t I ask the maids to prepare your chambers now that you’re home and you can step out and let us talk?” His eyes darted to Ezra, his full focus leaving me. “I appreciate you for finding and bringing my sister. We can resume the wedding celebrations—”
I took a step forward. “I could never talk to you again… I would choose your next words wisely.”
Kavid flinched at my words. “What did you say?”
I continued, “I finally found out who killed our family.”
He kept his gaze on me.
A moment passed. And another one.
Silence spread in the room, and the tension only intensified, leaving me almost breathless. But the spiraling sickness inside my core was stronger and demanded to be let out.
His head dropped in defeat, and his lips pursed. “I’m sorry, Eshe. When I saw you again, I didn’t want to say anything about it… It was better kept in the past if Salazar were no longer in the picture. I just wanted to take you back home, to protect you—”
“Don’t pretend like you care,” I spat and took another step forward. I felt my body trembling. Ezra matched my move.
“I told you years ago that it was an accident!” His palms opened before him. “I thought we were past this.”
“An accident?! You don’t say an attempted murder is an accident, Kavid! Salazar confirmed you tried to kill me, his daughter.”
Kavid winced hard and took a step back, hitting the front of his desk. He shook his head, a tightening in his jaw, and looked anywhere but at me.
“And when you tried to kill me, you know what he did to ensure he nor I were never in danger?”
He shook his head again. “Enough—”
“He killed our family—”
“I said enough!” Kavid shouted, his eyes piercing mine.
Ezra stepped forward with a finger in my brother’s face, “Don’t you fucking talk to her like that. You listen to her, or I’ll slam your fucking head into your pretty palace walls.”
Kavid audibly swallowed and paled even more.
“O—okay,” Kavid stammered.
Ezra scoffed and looked over his shoulder at me. His eyes told me he wanted to end him right here, right now. I shook my head slightly, tugging him by the arm.
We all took a breather, watching the floor or the walls around us. My eyes were stinging, but I bit on my inner cheek to stop the sensations from increasing. I couldn’t break now.
God, I couldn’t wait to get out of here and for Ezra to hold me.
Being here now gave me a sickening feeling. I didn’t belong here anymore.
I stared at the desk in front of us. Even that didn’t feel like Father’s. It had Kavid written all over it.
Clearing my throat, I continued so that the connection between him and me was over for good.
“Ezra was there, and he saw you. He saw you do nothing to save me that night from drowning. I want nothing to do with you, Kavid. I know we lost our family together, but I don’t want to be in your life anymore. ”
“Eshe—”
“I don’t.”
Kavid swallowed, and the pain in his eyes curled deeper into my stomach. I was going to be sick.
“I’m sorry, Eshe. I was… foolish and young.
I’m sorry for what I tried to do.” He looked at Ezra before glancing back at me.
“I’m glad that… you’re alive, despite my sinful motives as a child.
” My eyes burned, and all I wanted to do in that moment was curl up in my father’s arms and cry.
But he wasn’t even my blood father, and he was dead because of my real one.
Kavid continued, “But it’s not your choice if you don’t want anything to do with me. I know Father gave you freedom, and I will too. However much I can give, I will. You will return to your old room—or I can give you a bigger one—whatever you wish. You can even take mother’s wing—”
I scoffed, and a tear fell from my eye. Shaking my head, I had no words. He didn’t understand. There was no way I’d ever return here, sleep under the same roof as him after everything that transpired.
“I don’t think you heard her right.” Ezra took another step forward.
Kavid’s back stiffened, and I could see a slight tremble in his fingertips. He most likely wasn’t accustomed to someone speaking to him like this—other than a Qahl. His eyes flickered for a moment toward the room’s entrance.
“She doesn’t want to be in your life anymore,” Ezra continued.
Kavid snapped his eyes back to me. “What, you’ll just get to decide what you want to do with your life?”
He raised his eyebrows at me when I didn’t answer the moment he asked.
“Yes,” I said, lifting myself a bit higher. Is that too much to ask for?
Kavid scoffed loudly with a smile on his face I knew he did not feel. He glanced back at Ezra, who was now standing right in front of him. “And you, of all people, are going to allow this atrocity?”
“Why not? She can do whatever the hell she wants. She has no more ties to you, Kavid, unless you want her to show the world who her real father is, and I’m sure you wouldn’t like that, now would you? If her father wasn’t really her father… what does that make you?”
Kavid’s face blanched, but he licked his lips before asking, “Who else knows about Salazar?”
Ezra huffed. “Pretty sure the General of Brestan knows, as he was conducting business with him earlier when Salazar had Eshe and another woman as captives. Might want to ensure peaceful terms with the Brestians soon.”
“If any word gets out, it won’t go so well for the Princess of Zyriah either. She’ll be an outcast. It won’t just affect m—”
“She’ll be my wife. It won’t affect her for a moment of her life. I’ll make sure of it,” Ezra said.
A sharp gasp slipped quietly from me. And then my heart did a little flip.
Did I hear that right?
Kavid had to crane his neck to look into Ezra’s eyes, his own flashing red.
“That’s not going to happen—”
Ezra’s hand lunged for Kavid’s neck, and I could see my brother’s eyes bulge as he searched for air. Ezra’s fingers were going white, pressing slowly into his throat. I placed my hand on Ezra’s biceps and tugged him off my brother.
“He’s not worth it. Let’s go home.”
My heart was in my throat, realizing his home was mine. Not in Mongah, not in Zyriah, not anywhere but in Urnaz. It felt like a million miles away, but there wasn’t a place I wanted to be more than curled up in Ezra’s bed at the palace.
What a stark difference my journey had been.
Attempting to kill the man I love and his family, to now wanting to be around him at all times because I felt safe.
I felt at home.
Ezra finally released Kavid’s throat with reluctance. He massaged his throat, and his nose flared as Ezra turned toward me.
We began to walk a couple of steps before his voice thundered across the floor, “The other woman held captive, Norrah, is that the name I recall correctly? I believe it is.”
My steps faltered, and I froze. My blood cooled like the silver poison.
“Yes.” He chuckled harshly behind us. “Yes, that’s the name of his recent wife.”
I flung around. “Not wife. They were betrothed but—”
“But he found her, and now I know how. She was with you all along. It was in the papers for months. He must have felt humiliated, enraged that the desert countries knew of his runaway bride.” He was still massaging his neck, which had turned red from Ezra’s hands.
It was beginning to be harder to breathe, not knowing what Gabriel would do to her.
“She is important to you, Eshe. I can see that in your eyes. She’s important to the general as well.
You’ll be happy to be informed that they are, in fact, married. They have been since two days ago.”
Two days ago.
No.
A part of me had thought that perhaps they would wait a few more months.
It was etiquette to invite relatives, and that took months of planning and traveling.
Not only for relatives but also for political reasons, as a general rule, it would be proper etiquette to invite the neighboring royalty as well.
To marry her within a blink of time… as if she were a whore or a commoner.
My eyes fell to the floor.
She was married.
I felt a hand on the small of my back, and I took a deep breath, lifting my chin.
I would save her. There would be no rush, no mistakes. We would save her from the general forever.
“Goodbye, Kavid.”