Chapter 5
Chapter Five
Jared
I'm balancing multiple containers of cookies as I approach the NightShade offices. It's one of those not-so-fun snowy days in the city where everything is super cold and the wind is blasting, and I'm worried that I'm going to fall at any minute.
But I couldn't not bring treats for everyone.
Not only do the guys depend on me to provide sweets for them, but it's pretty much my love language. And it's Christmas.
Three reasons are enough for me to do this.
As I approach the door, I try to peer over the sky-high containers in my arms for someone to help me get inside. I'm lucky enough that I hear "Let me get that" right as I reach it. I turn to see Archie jogging up. I grin at him, saying, "Thanks, Arch.”
He smiles, dipping his head as he holds the door steady. “Looks like you got a variety there this time. Want to tell me all the flavors?”
I rattle off each one that Benji prepared. “Snickerdoodle, red velvet, chocolate chip, white macadamia, sugar, brown sugar, and his super-secret candy coated one.”
Archie rubs his stomach as he walks beside me toward the elevators.
It's pretty bare bones tonight considering the party is in the ballrooms upstairs.
Tank had the space renovated because he wanted to make sure he could keep things secure for his team.
After all the stuff that happened last year with the bad guys and the attempted murders and such—yeah, I know, total mood killer—we have to be cautious.
Which means that anyone who is not a NightShade employee or a guest of one isn't allowed in the building right now.
Tim and Jim, the security guards I adore, wave at me, then motion for me to head on up.
They're debriefing some other guys who typically work security at Club Deny. They'll take over so those two can party with the rest of us in a bit. At least that’s the plan Tank filled me in on, so I’m hoping it’s the case.
At the elevator, Archie tilts his head my way. “You excited about the party besides, you know, all the cookies?”
I shrug as best I can with the load in my arms. “I'm not necessarily excited. It's a party, and I love it…”
My voice putters out as sadness overwhelms me. We step on the elevator when it arrives, and Archie presses the buttons for us.
“What has you bothered, friend? I don't want you to be sad at a party. That's totally not Jared behavior. Talk it out. Maybe it'll help.”
I lean against the wall of the elevator, closing my eyes. If I can't see him, then maybe I can confess everything.
“Truth is, I'm just struggling. Donny has Grant, which is great, and I'm happy for him, but that means that he has more time away from me.
I'm no longer his, like, person. And then everything that happened last year with work has been rough.
I'm pretty scared all the time because I don't really have anyone in my corner.
Everyone got paired up and found relationships and safety and security.
I'm still here trying to figure my own life out.
I'd give anything for a partner to support me. Someone to love me.”
I keep my eyes closed after finishing my spiel.
Archie's hand lands on my shoulder and squeezing softly.
I open my eyes and turn to him. I would normally be afraid of what I'd find there.
Pity is the worst. But my friend isn't giving me that look.
His expression is empathetic… also maybe a touch determined.
“I'm sorry that we didn't think about how you would be affected in all this, Jared. I think the adrenaline of it all and trying to get the bad guys caught really slowed down our normal relationships. I know that with things being more level now, we’re somewhat back to a normal pace.
Or as normal as can be type of pace., I hate that you feel like you don't have anyone. All of us would come if you needed something. Also, if safety is an issue I bet Tank would install some security for you.”
The elevator doors open, and I take off. He rushes to keep up with me as I'm shaking my head.
“No, you can't tell him. I don't want him worrying about me or worrying that I can't do my job anymore.”
Archie grabs my elbow, stopping me at the entry to the ballroom. I can already see the table and decorations set up. It's as if Christmas threw up in there.
Gosh, I love it.
“You are not a burden to anyone, Jared. We care about your safety. You’re family. Without you, Tank would be...” He takes a deep breath. “Well, he'd be an asshole even more than he usually is. Chance does create a sense of calm in the guy, but you know what I'm saying. You're vital to this team.”
I look over his left shoulder, unable to keep eye contact with him as I take in his words. It's not that I don't believe him. It's that for me, it's not enough.
“While what you're saying is true, I also admit that it's not everything for me. I want a partner. Someone to take care of me and support me. Someone that I can go home to at night. Someone who is happy to wake up beside me every morning. Someone that I can bring to a Christmas party as my date.”
I want a Daddy.
The words echo through my mind on a loop as I fight back tears. My letter to Santa went out this past week and though I know it's probably still in transit, I can't help but wish that a Daddy would show up here at the Christmas party. It's what worked for Donny.
Why can't it work for me?
Why can't I be the guy who happens upon someone who's perfect for me?
Archie hums and releases my elbow. “I understand what you're saying, Jared.
If you ever want to talk about it more or need support in any way, reach out to me.
I'm more than happy to sit down with you and hang out.
I know the other guys would be as well. This doesn't have to be a friendship where I only see you when it's related to NightShade. You're our friend too.”
With that he spins toward the room and takes off. I see Takeshi in the distance. I have no doubt that's where he's heading. Archie loves his husband and hates to be away from him longer than necessary.
I turn my focus back to delivering the cookies after he leaves.
I scan the room noting all the ways it was put together.
I didn't have a hand in much of it this year, what with the way Tank has been having me handle his schedule and transitioning things over to Grant’s new hire, whom I still haven't met.
My days were filled, and Christmas planning just didn't seem like something I could take on. I'm happy to know that they decorated and were able to do it without me.
While I’m looking around, I spot the dessert table. It's next to what looks like a drink station. I ignore the urge to go see if they have any of Sinclair's coffee or hot chocolate since I'm addicted to the stuff and move to drop off my donations.
There's no one around the area so I get to work pulling lids off containers and setting them up just so.
Benji was very serious about the presentation of each item.
Considering he intends to show up later with Curtis, I need to be precise.
Though they're not technically NightShade employees, they are part of a Tank's circle of friends.
Everyone knows everyone in this damn town. It's something I've come to realize as time passes on. If you're not friends with them, then you at least know of them through one of your own friends.
In the time it takes me to get everything unloaded, the room seems to come alive. I'd chosen to show up right before the party started because I knew if I was left alone with all these cookies, I would eat half of them.
As I turn to see who else has arrived, I’m overwhelmed with emotion.
I note a lot of the guys showing up with their boyfriends, but there's also the married couples roaming around.
The women from human resources and the guys in accounting.
I spot some of the talent scouts coming in with eye candy on their arms—whoever their flavor of the week is—and yes I do say flavor of the week because they are notorious for having someone new on their arm as they're courting them for a record deal or a talent contract.
It's a running joke at this point. I don't think any of them will actually find a relationship. I could be wrong though.
There are even a few of the artists we already support under the NightShade brand.
Since Tank is all about accessibility, he even invited his remote workers. They were all given funds to make it to the party tonight. He wants the best people on his team working for his business, and sometimes that means they don't work in the office or even live in the city.
Seeing them is a treat. No more observing; it’s time to get moving.
I mingle with the crowd, going up and saying hi to the ones I know and introducing myself to those I don't. It's habit at this point. Working at the reception desk at the office means that I couldn't be as introverted as I wanted to be.
It's only my softer side that gets that way. Without a Daddy to help nurture it, those times are few and far between.
The more people that show up, the bigger the party becomes. It's not wall-to-wall bodies. There's enough that you have to navigate your way through the crowd.
I decided to finally take a break for some treats. It’s been long enough for others to have sampled it all. I grab one of the snickerdoodles—aka my favorite for tonight because my favorite is ever-changing—and then turn toward the drink table.
A glance at the little labels reveals everything is brought to us by Sinclair. I ponder over whether or not I should have coffee or hot chocolate. Eventually I settle on the good stuff.
Hot cocoa is a must.
Honestly, the side of me that craves a Daddy really loves the stuff. Coffee would also keep me up forever tonight. Considering I need to crash after all this, I should avoid the caffeine. It's been a busy time, and we don't actually have to be in the office until after the new year.