Chapter 13 #2
Matt, however, is in his glory, laughing, smiling, flirting…
He’s certainly giving these ladies their money’s worth.
He’s giving Herald’s their money’s worth too.
We have a whole display of Kingpin Fitness equipment set up to the right of Santa’s Village with sales associates on standby, ready to assist customers who are suddenly inspired to purchase fitness equipment.
And from the look of the line forming, plenty of people are feeling inspired.
When we near the hour mark, I decide I can’t watch it anymore. I pull off to the side and busy myself on my phone. I tell Dottie I’m “putting out a work fire,” but that’s a lie. The only fire I’m trying to douse is the jealous one flaming in my chest.
What is wrong with me?
I don’t want to be the one sitting on his lap. Do I?
“Hey Penn, could we get you sitting on Matt’s lap?”
Keira’s voice startles me. I look up to see Matt saying goodbye to the last group of ladies. They point and giggle at their new photos as they walk away.
I’m frozen in place.
Keira continues, “Before we break for lunch?”
“Why would I sit on his lap?” I finally speak.
“For more social media engagement?” she asks in her “please do me a favor” voice. “I’ve been posting clips from your Bossfit workout the other day, and everyone’s shipping you!”
“They’re ‘shipping’ me?” I ask, confused.
“You and Matt.” Keira cocks her head to the side. “Girl. Don’t tell me you don’t know what shipping means. You and I both need to get out more. Anyway, everyone thinks you two look super cute together and have lots of chemistry.” She hands me her phone. “Here. Scroll the comments.”
It’s a post of Matt and me doing sit-ups side by side at Bossfit. The video shows us glancing at each other when we think the other isn’t looking. I thought I was so subtle that day. Apparently not. But I had no idea he was stealing glances at me, too.
My cheeks flush in real time.
The post is undeniably adorable. And the commenters agree.
Couchtomato420: Where can I get a guy who looks at meeeeee like that? #bedroomeyes
EyeLoveMyPug99: If looks could impregnate, that girl would be DUE! #kisshimalready
DaddiezAmex4Evr: Following so I can watch when they finally consummate. #onlyamatteroftime
“She wants to watch us consummate?” I whisper to Keira. “These people do realize you’re running a department store’s social media feed, right? Not a porn site?”
“Yeah, yeah, they’re just being silly.” Keira waves me off and takes her phone back. “I think a cute pic of you guys would keep social media engagement up as we kick off the season. Please?” she begs. “Just one little pic? We gotta give the people what they want.”
“Do we, though?” I whine.
Dottie steps in. “Penny, it’s totally fine if you’d rather not. I know how it feels when you’re trying to deny feelings for someone.”
Is she messing with me right now?
I scoff at her. “I’m not denying feelings for someone.”
“Oh, so you’re admitting you have feelings for someone?” Dottie’s eyes twinkle with mischief.
“No! What are you—? I have feelings for absolutely no one.”
“Well, that’s a sad statement, honey.” Dottie frowns.
“You know what I mean.” I lower my voice. “I mean, I have no romantic feelings for Matt.”
“Great!” Keira chirps. “So there should be no problem with getting a cute little picture with him for our socials then.”
“No problem at all,” I say.
“Fantastic!” Keira fires back. “So prove it.”
“I will!”
She smirks when I stay frozen in my spot. “You do that.”
“I will!” I stomp over to where Matt is milling around his throne. “Matt? Hi. I’m going to sit on your lap now.”
His eyebrows pull together. “You are?”
“Yes! If you, um, if you consent, of course.”
He smiles. “You’re asking if I consent to you sitting on my lap?
“Yeah,” I say. “I am. And if you ask me, all those women gyrating all over you just now should have asked for consent before they sat on you, too.”
He laughs. “I think the consent was implied by the fact that I’m sitting here on a big-ass throne dressed as Santa Claus, no? And would you really call what they were doing gyrating?”
“I would, yes! And implied consent is bullshit. Do you feel objectified, Matt? Because if you feel objectified, we can reassess this situation. Maybe having you work out in costume in the sporting goods department is enough. Maybe we should leave the lap dancing—I mean the lap sitting—for Tony and Herb. They’re professionals and—”
“Penny?” He places his big hands on my shoulders. “I promise you, I’m fine. Are you okay?”
No. Clearly, I’m losing it.
I take a deep breath. “Of course I’m okay. I’m always okay. Let’s just get this over with, huh?”
“All good?” Keira is suddenly beside us. How much of that rant did she hear?
“Yup! Let’s get that pic,” I say with excess cheer.
Matt takes a seat, his legs spread wide. “Hop on, girl.”
“Could you, um, could you close your legs?” I avert my eyes, trying my damnedest not to look directly at his velvet-covered crotch.
His brow furrows. “Sure, but I’ve been finding the one-thigh-sit approach works best. Put the customer on my right thigh with their knees swung inward. Then we’re sort of side by side for the photo, ya know?”
I can’t even process what he’s saying right now. “No, just—close your legs, please.”
“If I had a dime for every time I’ve heard that one,” he jokes. “Kidding. I’ve never heard that one. As you wish, madam.”
Matt obediently brings his knees together.
He waits.
Keira and Dottie wait as well.
All eyes are on me.
“Right, uh.” My voice wobbles. “I’ll just, um, I guess I’ll just… sit.”
I approach his throne, turn my back to him, and sit down on his lap. Hard.
“Ow!” he shouts.
“Did I hurt you? Oh my god, are you hurt?”
When I turn my head to look at him, his face is so close to mine, our noses brush.
He leans even closer and whispers in my ear, “It’s okay, Penny. Santa likes it rough.”
“Say cheese, cuties!” Keira singsongs.
I face forward and attempt a smile, but I can only imagine what the camera captures, because I feel completely out of my mind right now. I want to get off his lap immediately, and I want to sink into him and spend an afternoon basking in his warmth and his scent and his humor.
“You were, um, you were right about the one-thigh approach. This, uh, this is… intimate,” I say through clenched teeth as I continue to smile for the camera. “My butt is directly over your man region and—”
“My man region doesn’t mind,” he rumbles.
He wraps his arms around my waist now and plants his chin on my shoulder so we’re cheek to cheek. This feels like an honest-to-goodness hug, and I can’t help myself. I melt into it. When was the last time a hug felt this good?
“Adorable!” Dottie shouts and peers over Keira’s shoulder to look at the photo. “Oh, that’s adorable.”
“Have you been avoiding me, Pennywise?” Matt whispers in my ear.
I continue smiling, but I realize it’s not forced anymore. This feels so nice. Comfortable. I feel myself relaxing into him. “I’m not avoiding you. Yesterday was just insanely busy. Black Friday always has my head spinning and—”
“Not just yesterday. I’ve barely been able to get eye contact with you this morning. And believe me, I’ve tried.”
“I’m sorry.” He’s right. We both know he’s right.
“We had fun on Thanksgiving.” He keeps his voice low. “Right? I mean, I did.”
“Sure. Yeah,” I say, breathless. “I had fun too, but—”
Suddenly, I sense movement under me. A stiffening, if you will. And it sends an unexpected rush of heat through my body.
“You’re doing great, friends! Just a few more shots!” Keira says from behind her camera.
I panic whisper. “Is that your, um–?”
“My man region? Yeah. It is.”
“Geezuz, Matt.” I try to keep my smile for the camera. “Have you been sprouting woodies all morning with these people?”
“Hell no! You’re the only woman who does this to me. I was holding it together, but your voice just now, that sexy breathy thing you just did? Well? Seems it did me in.”
I’m the only woman who does this to him?
He can’t mean that.
I turn to face him.
His eyes sparkle. I expect him to retract his statement. Or explain. But he doesn’t. He just smiles at me.
“You two okay?” Dottie asks, concerned.
Both our heads whip forward.
“Fine!” Matt says.
“We’re great!” I squeak.
Keira continues taking shots of us.
I lower my voice. “For the record, I did not do a ‘sexy breathy thing’ just now.”
“Ahhh, you’re doing it again.” His dick hardens more, and it hits me in just the right—or wrong, depending on how you look at the situation—spot.
I let out a tiny moan.
At least I think I do. Maybe it was an internal moan? Are those a thing?
“Don’t do that again,” he warns.
“What?” I snap. “I didn’t do anything.”
“You moaned,” he says matter-of-factly.
I gasp. “Well, maybe if you weren’t sprouting a woody…”
“Is that the only way you know how to describe an erection, woman?” He chuckles.
“Getting a hard-on, pitching a tent, launching a crotch rocket,” I rattle off. “Is that better?”
“Marginally. Hey, um, whatever you do. Do. Not. Get. Up,” he pleads. “Oh fuck, you just wiggled. We can’t have you wiggling right now.”
“Okay, that’ll do it!” Keira beams. “Thanks so much, guys. Our followers are going to love these! Let’s head to lunch!”
She puts the cap on her camera and stares at us expectantly. “Well?”
Dottie chimes in, “Are you two coming?”
“Not yet!” Matt says, then thinks better of it. “I mean, we’re not coming at all. We’re just sitting here. Obviously.”
Man, this guy is a mess right now.
But frankly, so am I.
“What Matt means is yes, we’ll be at lunch, but not quite yet,” I say.
“Why not quite yet?” Keira asks.
“We uh, we need to talk first? I need to give him some feedback about this first round of Santa visits. That’s part of my job as his handler, right? I should be offering him feedback?” I look at Dottie for confirmation.
She nods. “Absolutely. You know, I’m proud of the way you’ve embraced this position, sweetheart.”
Dottie places a firm hand on my shoulder, causing me to shift slightly on Matt’s lap.
“Speaking of positions,” Matt says. “I think it may be time we get out of this one.”
“Matt,” Dottie continues. “Would you believe that Penny was opposed to this whole World’s Fittest Santa endeavor when it was first presented?”
“Hard to believe,” Matt grunts, clearly suffering.
“Look at her now! Seems you’ve won her over with your charms.” She winks.
“Seems so,” he says.
“Lunch in conference room two as usual?” I ask.
“Conference room two,” Dottie says. “See you in a few.”
I realize then that Keira has been studying us. She gives me a curious look as she walks away with Dottie, but otherwise, doesn’t say a word.
Matt and I stay sitting in silence, watching them depart.
“Okay,” I say. “They’ll be out of sight in five, four, three, two… one.”
“Penny, I’m sorry. I wasn’t expecting this to —”
“Get your ass into Santa’s House,” I say in that same breathy voice from before.
“What?” he whispers back. “What are you—”
“Get your ass into Santa’s House. Now.”