Chapter 36
CLARA
Inearly jumped out of my skin at the sudden interruption of my brooding session. Had it been anyone’s voice but Luke, I would have screamed. For the briefest flicker of a second, I wanted to jump up and run into his arms, letting his strong embrace shoulder some of my pain.
Then I remembered I couldn’t, and I remembered why I couldn’t, and I got pissed off at him all over again. His stupid lie had stolen that from us.
Luke stood in the shadows to the side of the stage, looking like a spirit with only one foot in my world, begging for me to let him in all the way.
“Go away,” I said, feeling too exhausted to fight. The idea of arguing with him just made me tired and sad.
He remained, unmoving. “I know what happened with Dixie, and I’m so fucking sorry. It’s all my fault.”
I let out a long sigh from the deepest hollows of my chest. “Not everything is about you, Luke. She’s just a shithead. The world is full of them.”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “Actually, this time I think it really is about me.”
“Why?” I couldn’t summon the energy to ask more than that.
“So, I was out drinking with your brother last night.”
I snorted and didn’t look at him. “I’m glad you two have patched things up.”
“Now that you mention it, we did and he told me to try talking to you again.” Luke shrugged.
“But that’s not important right now. We were out in Tipsy’s parking lot, talking things out, and we heard Dixie telling her friend she got this theater shut down so you couldn’t put on your Nutcracker show. ”
I twisted around, no longer feeling like a deflated balloon. “Wait, Dixie was behind that?”
Luke nodded grimly and took a step toward me. “She’s fucking the mayor, first of all.”
“Oh, I know,” I said, almost smiling at the absurdity of it. “Mrs. Fletcher told me. Can you believe it?”
“Seriously!” He shook his head and grinned. “How sad is that?”
“Tragic, to be honest.”
“Well, hold your pity for a second,” he said, holding up his palms. “She keeps coming after you because she thinks you stole me away from her.”
“What are you talking about?” I frowned. “How would she even know we hooked up in New York?”
“No, no,” Luke said, disbelief in his voice. “Back in high school. Crazy, right?”
My mouth dropped open like the truth was too big to swallow. “Yeah, it’s crazy. That never happened. Unless I’ve forgotten way more than I think I have.”
“Hey,” Luke said. “If we had gotten together back then, I promise it would have been unforgettable.”
He wasn’t wrong. I would have been replaying that in my head for the last decade. “So she’s been bearing a grudge against me for something that never happened? Is that what you’re telling me?”
“Yeah, unfortunately. I think I know why, though.”
He told me about the argument he and Dixie had gotten into after the Christmas Spectacular. Luke had told her stealing the part from me had been a shitty thing to do and it made her a bad person. The fight escalated into them breaking up for good.
“You fought with her about that?” I asked softly, hating the warm feelings his story awoke in me. “You defended me?”
He looked a little embarrassed, which was unusual for Luke.
“Yeah, well, it wasn’t right. Someone needed to stand up to her.
” He sighed. “Anyway, my theory is that Dixie needed someone else to blame for the breakup, that it couldn’t possibly be because she had hurt someone to get what she wanted. So yeah, it feels like my fault.”
I got to my feet, ready to go back to the high school and dropkick that bitch off the stage.
The anger roared inside me, but then the flames flickered and faded just as quickly.
“It’s kind of a relief,” I said. “Not that her motives mattered all that much, but it’s nice to know she didn’t just hate me for no reason.
I mean, she did, since I never stole you away from her, but you know what I mean. ”
“I suppose so,” he said. “But I want to apologize for that anyway. It feels like I keep finding ways to mess up your life.”
“Not always,” I said, shuffling my feet and not able to meet his gaze. “Ganymede offered me that job with her again. That woman is insistent.”
He took another step toward me, his face lighting up. “That’s great. But that was all you, Clara. You earned that.”
“I’m not taking it.” I kicked at a speck of dust on the stage. “You’ll be free of me when you leave again.”
“You know that’s not what I want.” His voice was rough with emotion. I couldn’t look at him, unable to bear the pain I knew I would see on his face. “You should take the job.”
“New York doesn’t hold the same appeal it used to,” I said, trying to hide the bitterness in my voice.
“Because of me? Dammit, Clara, don’t do that. I can understand if you’re scared to take that next step, but don’t use me as an excuse.”
“You don’t get to tell me what to do, Luke!” I said a little louder than I meant to.
He stepped back. “Sorry, I won’t. I just don’t want to be responsible for fucking up your dreams. So my opinion is that you should think about the job without including me in the equation. It’s a big city. There’s absolutely enough room for the both of us.”
I sniffled. “I’ll take that under advisement.”
“Clara, I know I made a mistake, and I’ve been hating myself for not being honest ever since. I want to be honest with you now.”
I cleared my throat. “Okay…”
“The honest truth is… that with you, I make time to just be in the moment and enjoy life. I never really did that before.” He growled. “I don’t want to lose that. I don’t want to lose you. I know I messed up, but I also know something else. I know I love you, Clara Snow.”
His voice echoed through the theater. The old girl still had amazing acoustics.
“You don’t love me,” I said, feeling frozen under the spotlight.
Luke took another tentative step closer. “I should have told you before, when I knew, because I’ve known for a while, longer than I’ve let myself believe. I love you. I didn’t want you to leave.”
“And I didn’t want you to lie to me, but here we are.” I looked at him then. “I don’t want to give up on my New York dreams, either, but I’m only human. I can only take so many ups and downs before I need to get off the ride altogether. Maybe I should just be an accountant.”
“Let’s not do something reckless like becoming a CPA,” he said, chuckling. “But okay, yes, I had a bet going with Troy to bring a girlfriend home for Christmas. And I hadn’t told you about it yet. Which is a lie by omission,” he added quickly, seeing my expression darken. “I’m not making excuses.”
“Why didn’t you just tell me?” I asked, gaze boring into his. I needed to see the truth in his eyes.
“Because I wasn’t faking it anymore,” Luke said, unflinching. “You already felt like my girlfriend. At that point, I didn’t feel like I would be bringing home a fake girlfriend. I would be bringing home a real one.”
“You still could have told me.”
He nodded. “I know. And I’ll admit I was scared. I was worried you would react exactly like you did.” He held up his hands quickly. “Which is a perfectly appropriate response, for the record. I should have just told you from the very beginning.”
I took a deep breath. “And now you love me? Just like that?”
“Actually, no,” he answered, grinning. “Yes, I love you. No, it’s not just like that. I had a crush on you back in high school, but you’re Nic’s sister. I couldn’t let myself think of you that way. Hell, I felt guilty for thinking of you like that at all.”
“No, you didn’t,” I said, eyeing him doubtfully.
“I took the bro code seriously back then. And to be fair, back in high school, your brother would have ripped my head off if I laid a finger on you.” Luke sighed. “I wasted so much time. Nic doesn’t even seem to have a problem with us dating now.”
“Really? You talked to him about it?”
Luke nodded and I gulped down my surprise. That meant his feelings were serious. He wasn’t just telling me things I wanted to hear, only to pull the rug out from under me after he won the bet.
Interesting.
“The conversation got derailed when we overheard Dixie talking trash,” he said. “I tried to confront her right then, but your brother stopped me.”
I bristled at that. “He what?”
“Yeah, he said I would just piss Dixie off more and make things worse. I don’t know if he was right or not.
” Luke shrugged and shot me a grin. “I did confront her right before I found you here at the theater. Right in front of everyone prepping for the play. Interrupted her terrible song and everything.”
I smiled a bit at that. “I wish I could have seen it.”
“I’m pretty sure all the students recorded it,” he replied with a laugh. “I have a feeling it’ll be making the rounds online. Luke Whitaker, professional broadcaster, yells at mayor’s mistress, which I absolutely called her out on.”
“Thank you for sticking up for me. Nic, on the other hand? He’s going to get a piece of my mind.”
Luke started pacing on the spot, coming closer and retreating, back and forth. “I know I don’t deserve you in the slightest after not being totally honest with you. Love and trust go hand in hand, and you can’t trust me if I keep secrets from you. I get that.”
He paused and rubbed his eyes like he was at the end of his rope.
“If you say you don’t feel the same, I’ll leave right now, but please promise you’ll take that job with Ganymede.
I’ll leave the city, quit my job, and disappear if it makes it easier, but you can’t give up your dream because of me.
You are destined for big things and I hope you realize that. ”
His words stunned me into silence. The only sound was the pounding of my galloping heart.
Luke nodded like he understood. Without another word, he exited stage left and I watched him go.