Chapter 20
Bastian
Good grief.
She just kept going.
I wasn’t sure if Orlando’s explanation of why their stubbornness was a positive trait was a good one or not, but I was going to do my best to believe it while I dealt with her insanity.
“Shower faster.” He’d already been in there thirty seconds and she was going to let herself in if I’d forgotten to lock the back door. “I laid out the dark blue T-shirt with your pants from last night on the bed.”
“Thank you, Daddy.” My huff got a laugh out of him. “Bastian. Yes. Bastian.”
He was definitely going to fuck up the name versus title thing before Terrence.
“Bastian says wash your dick and get out of the shower. I think you’re playing with it at this point.” Considering his snicker, I was probably right. “This is your mother. Once I open the door she’ll try to barrel in.”
Ha.
His groan and the way he reached for the shower knob said we were finally on the same page. “There’s no way something is actually wrong. She’s just being a menace but I probably shouldn’t say anything rude just in case.”
I would.
“Someone had better be in the emergency room for this level of crazy.” I might not have been the nicest person but his laughter as I headed out of the bathroom said he didn’t mind. “Don’t get distracted and leave me to deal with her alone. She’ll think you’re dead or locked in a closet somewhere.”
His groan echoed out of the bathroom as I headed into the hallway. “That closet thing wasn’t my fault.”
She was definitely going to know he was in my bedroom.
God.
I’d managed to look frustrated and confused as I got to the front door, but I just hoped I could keep up the act. Bitching at her wouldn’t help and I had to keep on my toes or she’d get in. I’d seen it in action and I wasn’t going to be another moron who fell for her routine.
“Francesca?” Confused. Bored. Mild concern. “Is someone sick? In the hospital?”
My questions had her going still and stopping halfway up the stairs. “No.”
While she was slightly off center, I kept going. “Then what’s going on? I thought someone was breaking in and then I realized I had a visitor. I’m glad I didn’t call the police.”
It wouldn’t be the first time it’d happened to her, so I wasn’t worried. They always let her go fairly quickly because they didn’t want to deal with her either.
“I got a call that Orlando stayed over.” Narrowing her gaze at me, she finally finished walking up to the porch. “Is he sick? Did you get him drunk?”
Her shame-filled tone had me fighting the urge to roll my eyes. “First of all, how old do you think he is? You should be the one in the family who knows he’s old enough to drink.”
I wasn’t robbing the cradle…just talking him into trying diapers and onesies.
Huffing, she ignored my digs and crossed her arms over her chest. “Where is my son?”
Hopefully out of the shower.
“Francesca, it’s seven in the morning. Seven.” When she didn’t look ashamed at all, I decided being polite was going to get me nowhere. I wasn’t Terrence who thought fucking with them was fun. “This isn’t appropriate and I’m not having this conversation with you.”
She just charged right back in and actually tried to slip around me and get in the house.
Fucking ridiculous, but I was faster than she was and shifted to block the doorway. She wasn’t going to let that stop her, though. “I need to check on Orlando. He didn’t answer his phone.”
“How many times have you called him this morning?” When that actually made her blink, I knew it would be an insane number.
“From now on, he will not be answering any text messages or calls before eight in the morning or after eight at night. If there is an emergency, you will call me and I’ll let him know there is a problem. ”
I was not one of her wussy-ass relatives and stood my ground as she glared at me, clearly expecting me to crumble.
Maybe that look only worked on men who liked women in some way?
I was way too gay to be affected if it was and entirely too patient for her games. It only took about a minute for her to break. “This isn’t appropriate. Just because he lives next door doesn’t mean you get to control his life.”
Did she think she was the one who got to control his life?
“Think of me as another Aunt Jessica.” Ha. That had her sucking in a breath. “If you want access to Orlando, it will be appropriate, and it will go through me.”
That woman was a battle ax who’d been raised from birth to stand up to bulldozers. She was only thirty and had every woman in the family on edge.
Hmm.
Maybe Harry had actually found a Domme?
“But Orlando.” Shaking her head, she tried to regroup. “He’s—”
“Mine and if we have a problem with that, I’ll teach every man in this family how to find their…fortitude.” I really didn’t need to be saying balls to Orlando’s mother…not after I’d claimed him. “I’m sure Jessica could give me some pointers.”
I wasn’t sure what had gone down at that spa day but all the other women winced every time it came up.
“Fine.” Looking slightly less like a pirate ready to storm my boat, she looked around me into the house. “But he’s alright, isn’t he? He had a lot of pasta last night. You know what that does to his stomach.”
Nothing.
It did nothing to his stomach.
The brat was allergic to pomegranates, not pasta.
“He’s fine.” But he was going to be in trouble because I could hear him hiding in the hallway, probably just out of sight. “He will text you later at a more reasonable hour, or if you would like a phone call he can do that closer to lunch.”
When her glare came back and she opened her mouth, I cut her off before she could demand something else insane. “We have plans.”
Stubbornness was a virtue.
Stubbornness was a virtue.
Stubbornness was a virtue.
“I was going to take him to the library.” All I could do was wonder how she’d gotten to her age without somebody killing her.
“You need to google that woman’s name and then reevaluate that plan.” This was getting ridiculous and she’d already lost her chance at me being polite. “Orlando is taken. He does not need to be fixed up with anyone.”
Her huff had me fighting the urge to roll my eyes again. “You don’t have to lie to protect him. He just needs a push to find the right person.”
I admired the fact that she’d said right person, but that was as much credit as I’d give her.
“He’s found the right person.” We were just going to go in circles if I didn’t put a stop to this. “This is my final warning, Francesca. Atlantic City.”
I could fight fire with fire.
Her shocked inhale and wide eyes made me finally smile and I knew it was an evil look by the way she was staring at me in horror. “You wouldn’t.”
“I would.” Watch me. “You may have Enzo or any of the men in the family pay me a visit if I mistreat him, otherwise, I expect respect.”
It was too much to hope she’d just leave us alone, but respect should be a reasonable goal and something vaguely defined enough that I could use it to my advantage.
“Fine.” She knew I’d won and whirled herself around, nearly taking a header down my steps in her drama-fueled pouting.
I didn’t let out my breath until she’d made it to the ground and was stomping across my yard toward her car that was parked on the street. “Have a good day. It was nice to see you.”
“Did my mother just flip you off?” Orlando’s whispered tone coming from behind me had me thinking about laughing. “You’re amazing. You got her that mad and she left.”
As he mumbled something about needing a Daddy years ago, I turned around and headed back in, not letting my expression change until we were safely behind locked doors. “Where did my backup go?”
He blinked as he stepped back from the curtain beside the door. “I would’ve just distracted her. You were scary on your own and kept her attention.”
“She’s not a wild cat you needed protection from.” His shrug said he wasn’t going to agree with me on that. “But I will accept your logic since it’s early and neither of us have had caffeine.”
“Or an orgasm.” Orlando was making it hard to keep a straight face, but it was time for us to talk. “What does—”
“Nope. You can’t ask about that and it’s only to be used in the direst of circumstances.” The bulldozer in a dress had just needed to see I was serious as a fucking heart attack or mob-filled nonsense. “You can’t even use the word around your cousins or anyone. She didn’t know you were that close.”
Sighing, Orlando nodded. “Got it. I promise.”
He actually seemed sincere, so I took his hand before he could try to distract me again. “Talk time.”
“Then orgasms and pancakes?” His earnest excitement said it was going to be hard to keep us on track. “I was really good last night. I remembered your limits and found a scene that worked within those limits and I went to bed on time. That means orgasms this morning.”
“We’ve got something to clear up first.” At least, I was pretty sure we did. The pieces were weird but were starting to come together. “Come sit with me.”
Deflating like a popped balloon, Orlando widened his eyes and pouted. “With a bottle?”
“No, with a conversation and possibly a confession.” Yeah, he had that same look when his mother had realized he’d stolen his cousin’s Halloween candy and sold it at school.
He’d made good money but he’d broken her heart with his thievery.
He was still adorably dramatic when we sat down in my big chair and he wiggled to try to distract me. “Alright, Trippy, what did you steal and who is the money going toward? Another cute girl with a bad haircut?”
He’d always been an adorable sucker.
“No.” Slouching over, he let out another long sigh. “This time it’s selfish. I don’t regret it, though. Nope. I was smart and I deserve my reward.”
He was just as insane as the rest of them.
“What was your reward?”
I should’ve expected the answer but the grin threw me for a moment. “You.”
Lord.
“Explain.” I was hoping we could do it the easy way, but when he started studying my ceiling, I knew I’d have to give him a push. “I was doing some research yesterday and I’m pretty sure I’m the only man in town who can see your profile on that stupid site.”
His grin said I was right, but the confession followed quickly. “If you answer all the questions…all the questions…just right it narrows down the algorithm so your profile doesn’t show for nearly anyone else but one or two people.”
Well, that explained a few things.
“So…me and your stalker?” When he went back to trying to find every flaw in my ceiling, I knew I was right again. “Trippy, is there a Secret Santa?”
His frown worried me.
“Technically yes.”
His pleased expression worried me even more.
“How technically?”
“Well.” Wiggling again, he looked more like a naughty kid than a sexy brat who was trying to make me hard. “The regular Santa didn’t get me what I wanted last year, so he just needed some help.”
And we were losing our bigness very quickly.
“Did you ask Santa for me last year?” His nod made me wonder what I’d missed, but we could come back to that another time. “Did you actually go sit on Santa’s lap?”
Yep.
“Yes, grown-ups do that too. I saw lots. But he didn’t know what to do so I had to help.” Orlando’s oh well shrug said he really didn’t think there was anything wrong with whatever he’d done. “I thought and thought and thought and then I figured it out.”
“Let’s try this again. Is there a Secret Santa, and if there is, who is it?” When I could almost hear the wheels in his head grinding to figure out a good answer, I did my best to look concerned and slightly sad. “I’m trusting you to be honest, Trippy. You don’t want me to worry.”
Bingo.
His glare was the cutest thing I’d ever seen. “That’s cheating. Terrence said so.”
Fucking hell.
“Is he your Secret Santa?”
No, but I was close based on how much drama Orlando radiated as he slumped into me.
“Enzo was his Secret Santa. Terrence liked it. A lot.” Shrugging, Orlando still didn’t actually seem to understand manipulating me had been wrong. “He’s smart and Enzo had good ideas. We helped him.”
“Just to make sure I have this straight…you don’t have a Secret Santa but Enzo was the real one and that was just for Terrence?” When Orlando nodded without looking like he had to confess anything else, I sighed. “Was that the right thing to do?”
“Yes.” Popping up, Orlando looked like he thought I was stupid. “I did a good job and I was Santa’s helper. He didn’t know how to get you for me.”
Great.
“You were Santa’s little faker, not his helper.”
I knew I was right but Orlando crossed his arms over his chest. “You listened first. You started it.”
Fucking hell.