Chapter 3 Dakota
DAKOTA
It had been a long and lonely few weeks in this new town. I’d been juggling a new job, new apartment, no friends, and definitely no Daddy. The walls of my place echoed with an emptiness each night that was almost as loud as the emptiness in my tummy when I tried to sleep.
Exhaustion was winning out, and I was getting a few restless hours of sleep each night, but it wasn’t enough. I had brain fog from it, making work and all other aspects of my life more difficult. At least it was getting better, or better-ish.
If I couldn’t have milk, I needed a furry friend to keep me company.
At least that was my justification for scrolling through pictures of adorable pets time and time again.
It was also how I found myself at Paws and Whiskers Animal Shelter on a chilly Saturday afternoon with my heart set on finding the perfect cat to love.
My place allowed dogs, with a pet fee. But I always loved cats best. They were assholes in the very best of ways. You always knew where you stood with them, and there was something special about that.
The shelter smelled like a mix of pet food and cinnamon, and it was nice in a bizarre way.
Something about the place felt hopeful, like each little meow or bark was a promise of better days ahead.
I needed that kind of optimism in my life after all the decidedly not-better days I’d been experiencing.
"First time adopting?" A woman with bright red hair and a nametag approached me with a clipboard.
I nodded and twisted the sleeve of my sweater between my fingers. "Yeah. I just moved here for work, and my apartment feels too quiet without a cat bestie."
"Well, you've come to the right place." She smiled and handed me a form. "Fill this out and then you can meet some of our feline friends."
The form was pretty standard, so I checked all the boxes that said I was a responsible adult who could take care of another living creature and hoped for the best. Truthfully, I wondered if that was true, especially when I slipped into my Little space and wanted nothing more than to be taken care of myself.
But I knew I could be both a responsible adult when needed and a Little boy when it was safe to be.
"All done?" The woman took my form back and scanned it quickly. "Follow me, Mr. Murphy. Our cats are this way." She led me into a large room with cages stacked along the walls. Cats of all colors and sizes lounged inside. Some were sleeping while others watched us with curious eyes.
A few meowed as we passed.
"Take your time." She waved to the wall of options. "All our cats are spayed or neutered and current on their shots. They’ve also been checked by a vet. If you find one you connect with, just let me know."
I slowly wandered down the line of cages, peering in at each furry resident.
Some barely looked up from their naps while others came right to the bars and pressed against them, meowing for attention.
I stopped to wiggle my fingers at a few, but kept moving, not feeling that special connection yet.
And each came with a little story card telling you about their personality.
Then I saw him.
A medium-sized orange tabby with the greenest eyes I'd ever seen.
He sat in the back of his cage, watching me with curiosity rather than desperation or indifference.
When our eyes met, he stood up and then stretched, taking his sweet time before walking to the front of the cage to meet me.
I knew instantly he was mine, that we were two kindred spirits.
"Hey there." I pressed my fingers against the bars. “You’re so handsome.”
The cat sniffed my hand and then rubbed his head against my fingers.
"That's Marmalade." A man who worked at the shelter appeared beside me. "He's about two years old. Someone found him wandering around downtown about three weeks ago. No microchip, no collar. He was definitely a pet, though, based on what we’ve seen."
In a world where it was easy to microchip a pet, that angered me. Why would you have a pet and not do the bare minimum?
"Can I hold him?" I clasped my hands together to keep them from reaching out without permission. “I want to see if he likes me.
“Sure thing.” He opened the cage and scooped up Marmalade. The bigger shock was that the cat allowed himself to be picked up and transferred to my arms. He settled against my chest and looked up at me with those amazing green eyes.
I’d been wrong. He wasn’t mine… I was his.
"Oh." I adjusted my hold and rubbed the top of his head. "Hello there."
Marmalade blinked and then started to purr. The vibration against my chest felt like the most comforting thing in the world.
"I think he likes you." The man had taken a step back but was watching our interaction. “He usually is a bit skittish. They say cats pick their people.”
"I like him too." I stroked his soft fur and he purred louder. "I think he picked me."
"Agreed! Let's go start the adoption paperwork."
I followed him back to the front desk, still cradling Marmalade against my chest. He seemed perfectly content to stay there except for occasionally butting his head against my chin. Adorable.
"So there's an adoption fee of $95. That covers his neutering, shots, microchip, and helps support our shelter."
"That's fine." Reluctantly, I put Marmalade down on the counter so I could fill out the forms. He sat there regally with his tail wrapped around his paws, watching me with those intelligent eyes.
As I filled out the paperwork, I noticed a large sign for a Holiday Charity Fundraiser and Auction. Below it was a table with several clear plastic boxes and each had a sheet of paper taped to the front describing different prizes.
"What's that?" I pointed to the display and tried not to look too closely at the prizes.
The shelter worker smiled. "Our annual holiday fundraiser. We raffle off donated items and services to raise money for the animals. It's our biggest fundraiser of the year."
I finished the last form and handed it back to him. "Can I enter to win a prize?"
"Of course! The tickets are $5 each or five for $20. All proceeds go directly to the animals."
I walked over to the display while he processed my adoption paperwork. There were several different prizes listed, but one caught my eye immediately. A Personal Visit from Santa! Perfect for kids' parties or holiday gatherings!
My heart did a little flip in my chest. I might’ve been twenty-six on the outside, but my Little side, who was usually around four or five, absolutely adored Santa. The thought of having Santa come to my home made the Little boy inside of me jump up and down with excitement.
I leaned closer to read the details. "Winner receives a one-hour visit from professional Santa Niko Normandy at your home or event of choice.
Santa will listen to Christmas wishes, take photos, and bring a small gift for each child present (up to 5 children).
Additional children will be $10 each, via a donation to the shelter.
Date must be scheduled between December 5-23. "
The idea made my heart race. What would it be like to have Santa come visit me when I was in my Little space? I knew it probably wasn't possible, but still, I couldn't help imagining it.
"Did you find something you like?" The guy appeared beside me with a cat carrier that now held Marmalade.
"Um, the Santa visit looks fun." I tried to sound casual. "My, uh, niece and nephew would love it." The lie slipped out easily. I didn't have any nieces or nephews, but he didn't need to know that.
"Oh, that's a popular one! Niko is amazing with kids. They’ll love it."
I pulled out my wallet. "How much for twenty tickets?"
He blinked in surprise. "That would be $80."
"Make it thirty-five tickets." I really wanted to win. And if I didn’t, the money was going to a great cause. "That's $140, right?"
"Yes, that's right." He looked impressed as I handed over the cash. "All of them for Santa or do you want to spread them out?"
"All of them for the Santa visit, please."
He counted out thirty-five tickets and handed them to me. "Just write your name and phone number on each one and drop them in the box."
I sat down on a nearby bench and carefully filled out each ticket.
My hand cramped a little, but I didn't care.
With each ticket I filled out, I imagined Santa coming to my apartment and putting me on his knee.
In my daydream, I was in my Little space, wearing my favorite dinosaur pajamas, and he didn't think it was weird at all.
He listened to what I wanted for Christmas and told me I was a good boy.
The fantasy made my chest feel tight with longing. I hadn't had anyone to be Little with since I moved here. Arlo wasn’t perfect, but he was someone. And I missed having someone who understood and encouraged that side of me.
When all the tickets were filled out, I walked back to the display and dropped every single one into the box for the Santa visit. It looked like there were already about twenty tickets in there, but now mine outnumbered them all. I hoped that would be enough to win.
"That's a lot of tickets." The man chuckled when I returned to the counter. "Your niece and nephew must really love Santa."
I smiled weakly. "Yeah, they do. When will the winner be announced?"
"Tomorrow night is the live event. You’re welcome to come in person or we’ll call you if you win."
“Okay, thanks!” I nodded and picked up Marmalade's carrier.
He meowed at me through the box.
"Don't worry, buddy." I placed my arm under the carrier to support the weight. "We're going home now."
The shelter worker handed me a bag with some sample cat food, a toy mouse, and care instructions. "Congratulations on your new family member!"
I thanked him and carried Marmalade out to my car.
As I drove home, I kept glancing at the carrier in my passenger seat. Marmalade was quiet except for an occasional meow when I took a corner too quickly.
"Sorry about that." I cringed when I had to hit the brakes at a yellow light. "I'm not used to driving with precious cargo."
My apartment wasn't fancy, but it allowed pets and was within my budget, so I carried Marmalade and his supplies up the stairs and unlocked my door.
"Welcome home." I put the carrier down in the living room and opened the door.
Marmalade stayed inside for a long moment, just sniffing the air. Then he emerged slowly with his tail up and alert.
I sat cross-legged on the floor, not wanting to crowd him. "Take your time," I told him softly. "It's all new, but it's safe here."
He explored the living room in a wide circle, sniffing everything and occasionally looking back at me to check that I was still there. I'd prepared for this day earlier in the week and had all the cat supplies I might need. A litterbox, food and water bowls, a cat bed, scratching post, and toys.
Marmalade investigated each item with careful attention.
While he explored, I couldn’t stop thinking about the Santa visit. I'd spent over $100 on tickets for the chance to meet a real Santa who looked and acted the part. It was worth every penny…if I won.
Although, there was a chance Santa wouldn’t want to have a party for one adult.
Maybe I could say it was for a special adult Christmas party. That wouldn't be a complete lie. It would be special, and I was an adult, even if I wouldn't be acting like one during the visit.
Marmalade finished his inspection of the apartment and came over to where I sat. He bumped his head against my knee and then climbed into my lap before turning around twice and settling down.
"Hi there." I gently stroked his soft fur. "I think we're gonna be great friends."
He purred in response, and something in my chest loosened. I hadn't realized how tense and lonely I'd been until this moment with a warm cat in my lap.
"Do you want to play with me?" I asked Marmalade in a higher, younger voice. "I got you some toys."
I reached over and grabbed the toy mouse. Marmalade's eyes focused on it immediately and his pupils dilated with interest. I dangled it in front of him, and he batted at it with one paw.
"Get it!" I giggled and started to feel myself slide into my Little headspace. The stress I’d been shouldering all faded away as I let go of big things and just played with my kitty.
Almost an hour passed of me playing with Marmalade, dangling toys for him and laughing when he pounced.
He was such a good cat. When he finally tired and flopped onto his side, I knew exactly what his new name should be.
"I'mma call you Mr. Whiskers," I declared in my Little voice.
"Mr. Whiskerface the Brave. 'Cause you're brave and you have lots of whiskers. "
Mr. Whiskers blinked at me sleepily, apparently not objecting to his new name.
"Are you hungry, Mr. Whiskers? I got you special food.
" I crawled over to the kitchen on my hands and knees and opened one of the sample food pouches. It didn’t look too yummy once I squeezed it into a bowl, but he perked up when I made airplane noises as I brought it back to him. "Dinner time for brave kitties!"
Mr. Whiskers sniffed the food and then began to eat while I sat back on my heels and watched him. I hadn’t felt this kind of happiness in weeks.
After he finished eating, I showed him his litterbox in the bathroom again and filled another bowl with fresh water.
Then I grabbed my favorite worn teddy bear named Mr. Snuggles and returned to the living room floor.
"This is Mr. Snuggles." Mr. Whiskers sniffed my stuffie and then rubbed his head against it.
"He's my best friend. But you can be my other best friend. "
Mr. Whiskers must have decided Mr. Snuggles was acceptable because he curled up next to him and took a nap.
I turned on the TV and found a cartoon channel. Still feeling Little, I sucked my thumb and watched some silly puppies on the show as they saved the day. Occasionally, I would look down to make sure Mr. Whiskers was still there.
During a commercial, my thoughts drifted back to the Santa raffle. Thirty-five tickets had to give me a good chance of winning, right? I sure hoped so. And if I did win, maybe Santa would understand what I actually needed. Maybe he would even play along.
Or maybe that was just wishful thinking. Either way, Mr. Whiskers and I would have Christmas together.
"We're gonna have the bestest Christmas ever." I looked down at my new friend and smiled. "And maybe, if we're very, very lucky, Santa will come visit us."
Mr. Whiskers purred in his sleep, and I took that as agreement. At least I wasn’t alone anymore.