Chapter 2
Jasper
Istood outside the closed door, awash with panic, my heart racing. As I adjusted the gift bag in my trembling hand, I forced myself to take a deep breath. It didn’t help. I couldn’t wrap my head around the events that had brought me to this hospital room.
Frozen to the spot, I willed my legs to move. I was used to running into burning buildings, for God’s sake.
But my body stubbornly remained where it was. I was trained for emergencies, not cozy visits with newborns. Danger didn’t scare me, risk didn’t scare me, but this? This terrified me.
Was this my child?
Could I even be a dad?
I hadn’t put any thought into the idea of having kids. I’d only just turned thirty. That meant I had plenty of time to worry about that later. Way later. After I’d figured the rest of my life out.
Except if what Evie said was true, that time was up.
My stomach clenched. I was unsure of the protocol, but I knew I had to knock and go in there.
So I took another cleansing breath.
Three, two, one.
Feeling weaker than I had in years, I raised my hand and gently knocked. When a soft voice called “come in,” I eased the door open.
The room was a hell of a lot more cheerful than the ER, which was where I usually ended up. The room was filled with balloons and flowers, and the sun shone in through the open shades, making the space feel cozy.
Evie was propped up on the bed, a tiny bundle in her arms. A blue hat. A boy? A son?
Knees wobbling, I padded closer. She was feeding him, and he was gulping hungrily at her breast. Tiny, fragile, with balled-up little fists.
Evie’s dark hair was pulled back and there were shadows under her eyes, but she radiated pure joy.
I zeroed in once again on the tiny miraculous creature snuggled against her. A tidal wave of emotion hit me, dousing me in joy, fear, and awe. Around the edge of his tiny hat, tufts of dark hair spilled out.
“He’s—” A sob rose in my throat, but I swallowed it back. “So tiny,” I blurted out. “Smaller than a football.”
Evie peered up at me, and when her eyes darted to the far side of the room, I followed her gaze. Only then did I realize we weren’t alone.
“I guess I should say congrats?” Frankie Dunne sat near the window, her legs draped over the side of the chair.
She was wearing a tank top, her colorful tattoos on display.
She was a hell of a mechanic and did a lot for the town, but I knew better than to get on her bad side. “Where the hell have you been?”
“On shift.” I said curtly. “Dealing with several small and one very large emergencies.”
Frankie clicked her tongue in annoyance.
I gave her a tense smile. The last thing I needed right now was an audience.
I turned back to Evie. “Can we, um, speak?” I trained my focus on her face, avoiding looking at the baby now that I realized just how exposed his mother was.
Evie had her whole boob out, and the baby was sucking away.
She looked like she was made for this. Like it was the most natural thing in the world.
A fierce protective fire I’d never experienced before rose up inside me in their presence.
“I’m not leaving,” Frankie practically growled.
“It’s okay,” Evie said, gently stroking the baby’s cheek.
With a sigh, Frankie stood and stared at me. She was five foot nothing, but I knew better than to mess with her.
“I’ll be outside. Let me know if you need me to drag his ass out of here.” With that, she was gone, closing the door quietly behind her.
For a long moment, Evie and I stared at one another. I was at a loss for what to do or say. She looked equally unsure, and honestly, that was a bit of a comfort. Because maybe I wasn’t the only one out of their depth.
“He’s beautiful,” I said. I didn’t have the first clue how to start what was truly the mother of all awkward conversations.
She smiled softly, peering down at the baby. “He is.”
“So, um…” My heart rate picked up again, making my words come out weaker than I’d like. “What you said last night.”
She straightened a little, her attention drifting up to me.
My breath caught as our eyes locked. The beauty of this moment hit me like a punch to the gut. If this was really my son, then one day, I’d tell him about the moment I met him. Would I want to have to explain how I interrogated his mother just hours after his birth. Hell no.
“Not that I want to accuse,” I said, tripping over my words.
She shook her head. “I’m sorry. My brain is so scrambled right now. I didn’t think this was possible. In fact, I was told by multiple doctors that I’d likely battle infertility.”
My heart lurched. “So you really didn’t know?” I was a paramedic, not a doctor, but I had medical training. It seemed unbelievable that for nine months, she’d carried a baby and yet had no idea she was pregnant until she went into labor.
Anger rose up in me each time I replayed the moment she told me I was the father of her baby.
If she’d clued me in during her pregnancy, I would have done everything I could to support her.
Sure, I was a good-time kind of guy, but that didn’t mean I’d ghost her when shit got real.
If I was the dad, then I deserved to know.
“I have PCOS,” she said, her voice timid.
“I’ve never had regular cycles. My hormones are a mess, and it’s been such a stressful year for me.
I felt off and I gained weight, so I went to the doctor.
He told me to eat healthier foods and to exercise more.
I didn’t even consider that this could be possible, and no one ever suggested I take a test. So I followed his directions, and I’ve been working to be as healthy as I could be. ”
My stomach twisted itself into a knot. Seriously? I knew women tended to get worse medical care than men. It was a load of shit, but it was reality. But her story was nuts.
“And while it’s natural for you to be skeptical,” she hedged. “You’re the only guy I’ve been. Um…” Her cheeks turned a soft shade of pink as she trailed off.
My shoulders relaxed a little. This was hard on her too.
But then her words registered, and my heart seized in my chest. “Ever?”
“No.” She rolled her eyes. “Recently, like in the last year.”
Brows raised, I surveyed her. Why did I find that knowledge so satisfying?
I shook the thought from my head. That was a sentiment to unpack at a later date.
“So I understand if you want a paternity test. But I’m sure he’s yours.”
I took a deep breath, digesting all this information.
The baby was mine. In theory, that should be terrible news.
Evie and I hooked up once. Well, multiple times, but only one night.
And the morning after. I wasn’t anywhere near ready to have kids.
Hell, I wasn’t even sure I was dad material.
But when I focused on Evie and the baby again, a strange sort of calm washed over me.
“Can I hold him?” I blurted out. “When you’re done?”
She nodded. “I think he’s dozing off again. How about you burp him?”
I took a step back, a bolt of fear zipping through me. “I don’t know how to do that.”
“You’ll figure it out. Watch.”
She pulled her hospital gown closed and eased him up, supporting his head. Then she gently patted his upper back until he let out a massive burp.
“Good job,” I said under my breath. Damn. The burp was bigger than he was.
“Here, you can take him. Do you know how to hold a newborn?”
I nodded. “Yes.” I’d spent time with my nieces and nephews when they were tiny and both my sisters made sure I coould hold a baby.
I stepped right up to the bed and gathered him in my arms, supporting his head using the crook of my elbow.
Carefully, I walked over to the chair Frankie had vacated and sat down, finally examining him up close.
“You’re a natural,” she said in a soft tone.
Warmth bloomed in my chest as I drank in the sight of him. If I didn’t know how impossible it was, I’d swear my heart grew a size.
This was my child.
My son.
His eyes were heavy, his tiny eyelashes fluttering. And his fingers? Fuck. They were the most precious thing I’d ever seen. He was perfect.
Before I knew it, I was crying.
And I was not a crier. Lawrence men were stoic. We shoved our feelings down and held them there until we forgot they even existed.
But holding this tiny human brought a whole wave of them up. The love I already felt for this person. The responsibility that settled itself on my shoulders. And the most visceral was the burning desire to have my parents back to witness this moment.
My siblings had been blowing up my phone, urging me to demand a DNA test. But in this moment, I knew this child was mine. On some deep, primal level, I sensed it.
I stared at him, my eyes full of tears, praying to every possible god that I wouldn’t fuck this up. That I wouldn’t let this little person down.
“What’s his name?” I asked gently.
“I haven’t settled on a name yet. I thought maybe we could choose together? But I really like the name Vincent,” she said. “It was my grandfather’s name.”
I stared at him, I could see it. Vincent. It was classic. It had gravitas. He would wear it well.
“Sounds great.”
She blinked at me, like she was stunned that I’d agreed so easily. But the name was perfect. And this woman had done all the work to bring him into the world; why wouldn’t I defer to her? “I know your dad passed away…” she said softly.
“His name was James,” I replied, back to memorizing every feature of this little miracle.
“Vincent James,” she said. “I like it.”
I looked up again, my eyes blurry, my cheeks wet. “Me too.”
Her lips curled up on one side, her eyes dancing. “Good. But don’t get used to me agreeing with you so easily.”
A laugh escaped me, startling the baby a little.
I’d forgotten how much I liked her. She was funny and a little sassy. Her eyes had a mischievous twinkle that said I know I’m smarter than you, but I’m too kind to remind you of that fact.
“Understood.”
We sat in silence as Vincent fell asleep in my arms. Like he felt totally safe and satisfied. I studied the slope of his nose and his little rosebud lips.
When I shifted so I could rest my elbow on the armrest of the chair, I found Evie watching us. “Are you okay?” I asked. I should have asked that the moment I walked in. “After the birth and everything.”
“Aside from the fact that I didn’t even know I was pregnant, it was a pretty standard birth, according to the doctors. Ruby and Frankie were with me, coaching me.”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t here,” I said. “I got called back to town.”
And it really was an all-hands-on-deck kind of situation. There had been multiple car accidents, and a handful of people attending the festival had fainted, causing a myriad of wounds. I’d worked all night, transporting folks and treating major injuries.
But the part of the day that had stuck with me was the moment the medical examiner zipped Will McManus’s lifeless body into a body bag and loaded it into the coroner’s van. It was so surreal. Things like this did not happen in Maplewood.
“I’m sure you were so confused.”
Blinking, I zeroed in on her. “Yeah, I was in shock, I guess, but that’s no excuse. If I hadn’t been on duty and the day hadn’t gotten so out of hand, I would have been here. I promise.”
I paused for a moment, trying to figure out how to formulate the question that had been plaguing me. Finally, I cleared my throat. “Um. I thought we were careful?”
I didn’t think it, I knew it. I was always careful. My dad had given me the talk about consent and protection at fourteen, and I’d sworn I’d never let him down.
I didn’t want to make accusations or come off like an asshole, but I knew how babies were made.
“Me too,” she said. “But that night is such a blur.”
Huh. That stung a bit. That night was not a blur for me. I remembered every detail clearly. The feel of her body pressed against mine, the way she’d cried out when she came. And the way she’d tasted. My God, I’d spent many lonely nights reliving those memories.
I’d noticed her immediately after she moved to town, but it wasn’t until we danced at Ruby’s bachelorette party that I decided to make a move.
They’d been drinking and dancing, and the two of us flirted wildly.
We made out in the parking lot before she took me home.
The morning after, I’d tried to get her number, but she’d made it clear she was not interested.
So I backed off.
Yet here we are.
Unsure of how to respond to that comment, I focused on Vincent, who was now asleep in my arms.
At the sound of a sniffle, I looked up, finding Evie crying.
“I’m sorry,” she blurted.
Frowning, I straightened in the chair.
“You probably never even wanted kids,” she cried. “I swear I had no idea, and now you’re here and probably wishing you didn’t have to be.”
My gut lurched. She was way offside with that assumption. Anger flared inside me, but I closed my eyes and reined it in. What would my dad do? He was the best man I’d ever known.
Even though he wasn’t here anymore, I wanted to be a man he could be proud of.
“Evie,” I said sharply.
She continued to cry. I held Vincent a little tighter.
“Evie.” My voice was louder this time. Luckily I didn’t wake the baby.
She froze and looked at me, tears streaming down her cheeks.
“Already, this baby is the best thing to ever happen to me, and I’ve only known him for ten minutes,” I said. “Unexpected isn’t bad. Unplanned isn’t bad.”
She hiccuped, wiping at her tears. “But we’re unprepared.”
I held her gaze, making sure she was really listening. “I’ll adjust. You’ll adjust. We will adjust together.”
I lived my life on the edge. Taking risks, caring little about the consequences. Rolling with things, avoiding the desire to control outcomes. Yeah, I liked to have a good time and I didn’t take things too seriously, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t when I needed to.
Her lip trembled, her eyes rimmed red. “I know you didn’t ask for this.”
The fear was clear on her face. She was worried that I didn’t want this. That I didn’t want him.
Nothing could be farther from the truth. I’d have to do a hell of a lot of work to live up to the man who’d raised me, but with this little guy in my arms, I knew I was ready to try.
“I’m here,” I said firmly. “And I’m not going anywhere.”