Chapter 15 #2
I swallowed past the lump in my throat. “When I came home for Christmas after my first semester of college, he called me a loser at dinner, in front of my grandparents and cousins, because I’d gotten a B in philosophy.
Went on and on about how I was wasting his money drinking beer and eating pizza instead of studying.
“No matter what I did, I was wrong. When I failed my driving test because I couldn’t parallel park, got a poor grade on a hard test, or dropped a glass in the kitchen, it always came back to my body.”
He tucked my head against his chest, his warm palm cupping my jaw, and I let myself breathe in the scent of him.
“The way you’re shaking… This trauma lives in your nervous system, and something about tonight brought it all back. Maybe because you were tired and overwhelmed…” He trailed off, stroking my hair.
All my life, my parents had made sure I understood that I was inferior. I was fat and stupid and I wasn’t beautiful like my sisters and my mother.
I was an embarrassment. I reflected poorly on my family.
It was my original sin. If I’d been thin and beautiful, my childhood would have been so different.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered into my hair. “You are beautiful and smart and capable. You are a wonderful mother to our son. And those people have no place in your life here.”
“I went no contact two years ago.” I sighed. “Sometimes I text with my older sister, and I did text my parents when Vincent was born, but that’s it.”
He hummed. “I’m proud of you.”
A strange mixture of doubt and hope swirled inside me. No one had ever said that to me before, especially in regard to cutting off my shitty family.
“What is wrong with me?” It was time to defuse the emotional intensity of this moment. “Vincent has an ear infection, and I’m sitting here making it all about me.”
“It is about you,” he whispered. “You’re Vincent’s mom. And he deserves the best mom. A mom who is loved and supported and healed. So I’m here. To listen whenever you need me to.”
“You give great hugs,” I blurted awkwardly.
He broke into a smile, like that was the best compliment he’d ever received.
But he was great at so many other things too.
I blushed just thinking about all the ways he took care of us. About his confidence and charisma.
“How do you do it?” I asked. “Remain calm. Be so damn optimistic?”
“Calm is relative,” he murmured. “And I’ve been trained to handle emergencies without letting my nerves get to me, so I can’t take credit for that.”
“No, I don’t believe it.” I flattened a hand on his chest and pulled back. “This is who you are. This isn’t about training.”
“Nope.” He shook his head. “I panic just as much as the next person. But I’m good at compartmentalizing so I can focus on what needs doing. It’s a skill that’s been drilled into me for almost a decade.”
I huffed. “Deny it all you want, but I think your ability to problem-solve and the way you make everyone feel safe are your superpowers.”
Removing my hand from his warm, solid chest, I sat back on the couch. The moment was getting too intimate for my comfort. Now that I’d gathered my wits, my skin prickled at the thought of how much I’d exposed myself to him.
“What’s wrong?”
I pushed my hair behind my ears, conscious of how gross I must look. God, couldn’t I at least look cute during my emotional breakdown?
“I just spilled my secrets.” I avoided his eye. “So I’m feeling a bit exposed.”
“Okay, then I’ll tell you a secret.”
I sat up straighter, crossing my arms, hoping the move would help me put a little more emotional distance between us.
“I love rom-coms,” he said quietly.
I scoffed.
“Growing up,” he continued, “my mom and I had a tradition. Sunday night was movie night. We’d settle in before the week started and watch rom-coms and eat popcorn. My siblings were all grown up or busy, and Dad played poker with his buddies once a week.”
I was hit with a pang of sadness, knowing that I’d never meet these people. That Vincent wouldn’t know his grandparents.
“Notting Hill, You’ve Got Mail, Serendipity, all the classics.” His lips ticked up on one side. “I liked happy endings. I liked the simplicity of knowing with certainty that the characters were on the right path and making the right choices. Sadly, life doesn’t always turn out like that.”
“Trust me, I get it,” I said. “But the fantasy of the rom-com is nice.”
“I was convinced it wasn’t real.” He lowered his gaze to his lap. “That hit you like a lightning bolt kind of love.”
“It’s not real,” I corrected.
He shook his head. “You’re wrong. When I held Vincent for the first time in the hospital?
It hit me just like that. And it was crystal clear that I was in the right place at the right time with the right people.
Doing exactly what I was destined to do.
” A sigh escaped him. “Be a dad. The stars had aligned to give me my shot at happiness. That’s when the movies finally made sense. ”
The sentiment hit me hard, my eyes welling with tears again. Goddamn Jasper and the sweet things he said. His love for Vincent made him even more attractive to me. And there was only so much an exhausted new mom could take.