Chapter 19
Jasper
Humming quietly, Evie loaded the dishwasher. She had shoved me aside when I started, insisting she didn’t want my help.
Sure, I’d made dinner, but it was boxed mac and cheese.
Hardly fine dining. The woman had been more grateful than I expected for such a simple gesture.
Shit, now I’d wished I’d put in more effort.
My siblings could all cook, but I’d managed to weasel my way out of kitchen duty growing up.
It was one of the perks of being mom’s favorite.
Unfortunately, that also meant I missed out on learning all her recipes.
While Evie worked, I busied myself wiping down the countertops.
The kitchen was small but filled with charm.
A set of shelves near the coffee pot displayed several mugs, and the scalloped curtains over the windows let just enough light in during the day.
The framed pressed flowers that hung on the wall were cute, if not a tiny bit crooked.
It wasn’t showy, and it wasn’t perfect, but it was hers.
Little by little, Evie was peeling back the curtain and giving me a peek at her inner life.
And like the obsessed man I was, I relished every detail, filing them all away in my mind.
The efficient way she moved around this space.
The little sigh of relief she made when Vincent latched.
The way she played with her hair when she was lost in thought.
After turning on the dishwasher, Evie popped up on her toes and pushed down on the open window with a grunt.
“Ugh.” She steadied herself and did it again, pushing it harder with the heel of her hand.
“Stuck?” I asked.
She shook her head. “I’ve got it.” This time she gripped the sill hard and pulled with everything she had.
It didn’t budge.
“You okay over there She-Hulk?” I asked, setting the dish rag next to the sink.
She glared at me over her shoulder. “This stupid window always sticks when the temperature changes. It’s fine.”
I stepped back and propped a hip against the counter.
I could fix the issue easily, but I knew better than to step in.
This woman had pushed me to a level of patience I never knew I could possess.
These days, I was approaching monk-like status.
When I had more free time, maybe I’d start giving Zen life advice on TikTok.
She pushed again, the muscles in her jaw clenching.
Worried she was going to pull a muscle, I finally sidled over. “Evie.” At her side, I gently nudged her over.
The glare was back, along with a large sigh.
I wiggled the pane, thinking I could jimmy the lock and lift the window, and lifted up, hoping that if I pulled the frame gently, I could ease the stick, but this fucker was stuck good.
After a couple of tries and using damn near all my strength, it finally released, and I slid it into place and latched it.
“Fucking figures,” she growled.
“Wood’s swollen.” I stepped back, schooling my expression when really, I wanted to grin maniacally. She was adorable when she was frustrated. “I’ll sand the sill down tomorrow. There’s moisture stuck in the groove. Easy fix.”
“I can fix it.” She stepped in front of the sink again, her arms crossed like she was trying to box me out.
With a nod, I put my hands on the counter beside her, bracing myself, and peered out the window to the darkened backyard.
“I bought this house because I wanted something I could manage,” she said, turning and surveying the yard too. “Something small that I’d never have to share.”
I put my hand over hers. “You’ve done a great job. You’ve put a lot of love and work into this place.”
“I’ve tried.” She deflated. “But like everything else in my life, it never feels like it’s enough. This stupid window, the bathroom fan that whistles, the creaky front stairs, the damn bushes that need to be trimmed all the time.”
The frustration in her voice cut me up. How could this woman think she wasn’t enough? She was so much more than enough. She was everything.
“You’re busy,” I murmured. “Busy being awesome at your job and busy being an awesome mom. The bushes and the creaky steps? Small potatoes in the grand scheme. And I can help.”
She nodded once, her body loosening beside me. The muscles in her jaw were no longer tense like they’d been when she said she was never enough. Like this stupid window was a symbol for the other parts of her she hadn’t had time to fix.
But tonight, she’d let me help.
As we stood silently, both still looking out the window, I couldn’t help but think how idiotic I was to assume that showing up meant flowers, fancy dates, gifts, or back rubs. The Instagrammable type of effort. Cliched shit.
In reality, this was showing up. It didn’t have to be loud or flashy. And I was beginning to realize this may just be my superpower.
And Evie was finally letting me use it.
“I wanted to ask you something,” I said. “Feel free to say no.”
She dropped her arms to her sides, which felt like a gesture of cooperation.
“You’ve mentioned a few times that you wish you had a fireplace. That you enjoy sitting by a fire to relax.”
She nodded.
“What if I built a fire pit out back? With a small patio?”
Her eyes widened. “You can do that?”
“Yeah. Josh and I built a massive one at the farm. And we’ll do another at Jess’s house when it’s finished.”
Maybe her family wasn’t the type to build and create things. Maybe they hired people to mow the lawn or fix the roof, but I was a farm kid. We used good old Yankee ingenuity and elbow grease to get things done.
“That’s too much.”
Lips pressed together, I shook my head. “I’ve already drawn up some sketches to show you, but I don’t want to intrude.”
She blinked and searched my face, a line forming between her brows, as if she was looking for an ulterior motive. She was too smart and guarded to just say yes to all my outrageous plans.
“Sitting around a fire is one of life’s great pleasures,” I explained. “My dad taught me to build a fire and nurture it and keep it going.” Heat prickled at the backs of my eyes, but I continued on. “I’d like to teach my son like he taught me.”
My son.
I desperately wanted to share these things with him. Take long hikes and talk about life. Teach him about tapping trees and keeping bears off the property.
But Evie had gone eerily silent.
My stomach pitched. Shit. I’d probably offended her.
I cupped the back of my neck and squeezed. “I know it’s silly. If you hate the idea—”
“I don’t hate it,” she blurted out. “I’ve always wanted a patio, and a fire pit would be wonderful.”
“Great, then I’ll work on it.”
She twirled the end of her ponytail like she always did when something was bothering her. “I just.” She closed her eyes, as if searching for the right words. “I don’t want to take advantage of your generosity. I could wait. Hire someone eventually.”
“I want to.”
She frowned at me, confusion swimming in her eyes.
Damn, this woman was just not getting it.
“Evie. If I didn’t want to, I wouldn’t have offered. I’m a simple guy. I want to be here. I want to help you out. I want to be Vincent’s dad.”
She opened her mouth as if to respond, but I went on before she could, my head full of steam.
“In my world, this is what dads do.” I gripped the edge of the countertop on either side of me. “They fix problems, they provide when they can, and they help out. This isn’t just your house.”
Her brows rose, and a concerned look flashed across her face.
“It’s our son’s home,” I said softly before she could get the wrong idea.
“And that means something to me. I may not live here, but I’m damn sure going to provide the best possible home for him.
You are so capable, so if I can mow the grass or fix a window or even build a patio to take a little of the load off you, then I’m happy to do it. ”
For a long moment she only stared. My nerves made me restless, but I didn’t move.
I’d probably said too much. I’d probably tipped my hand.
We’d been tiptoeing around this arrangement for months.
And so far, ignoring it had worked. But at some point, we had to face the facts that we had a baby together but weren’t a couple.
I’d respected every one of her boundaries since day one, but this was a silly place to draw a line, so tonight, I’d push a little.
My mom used to say I wore my heart on my sleeve. For years I thought that was a bad thing, a curse to battle against. I worked hard to be detached and indifferent.
Maybe it was because I was sleeping on the ground. Maybe I was too damn tired to wage that war any longer. Because the urge to be myself with Evie and Vincent, to let them see who I was, had taken over. Maybe I didn’t have much to offer, but this was one area in which I could contribute.
“I’m not going away,” I said softly, grasping her hand.
The touch sent a surge of energy through me, giving me the strength to stand straighter and step closer.
Her eyes widened, and her chest rose as she inhaled deeply.
“This is who I am,” I said with a squeeze of her hand.
“You’ve heard a lot of bullshit rumors about me, but they aren’t true.
I want Vincent to know me. I want to teach him and guide him to grow into a man who can be authentic and strong and vulnerable.
But in order to do that, I need to be here, contributing.
Coparenting or whatever you want to call it. ”
She lowered her head a fraction, breaking eye contact. “I know.”
Realizing that my passionate plea had been a little too loud, I forced a calming breath. “I’m doing it,” I said, my voice lower. “I’ve given you time and space and support. He’s my son too. He’s never even met my family. Never been out to the farm.”
She reeled back like she had been punched.
My gut dropped. Shit. But still, Gabe’s words echoed in my ears.
“This is bigger than a window, Evie. I’ve earned the right to fully participate in Vincent’s life.”
“You have,” she admitted, her lip trembling. “And I’m sorry. He should go to the farm, meet the family. I think it would be lovely.”
The tightness in my chest eased. I had not expected that reaction.
“I want those things for him too.” She shook her head, tears cresting her lashes. “You have been a great dad. And you’re right. I’ve treated you like shit.”
I deflated. Fuck. I was a total dick.
“No, that’s not true,” I said, panic rising in my chest. “I’m sorry if I made you feel that way.”
“Don’t be sorry. You’ve done nothing wrong.” She covered her face, her shoulders shaking.
I pulled her into my arms and held her tight. Dammit. What the hell was I thinking harassing the exhausted new mom like this?
“You’re a good man,” she said into my now damp shirt. “And I hate that we’re fighting about…” She sniffled. “About home repairs. What a dumb thing for me to get territorial about.”
She pulled back and looked up at me. Even like this, face tearstained, her beauty hit me straight in the solar plexus. Every time I was close to her, every time I got to touch her, I was overwhelmed with this intense need to be even closer.
“I’ve been dismissive and downright nasty to you,” she whispered.
I handed her a paper towel. She used it to dab at her eyes, then blew her nose with it. It was adorable.
“I’m a bitch,” she said, fresh tears falling. “I push you away, and you just keep coming back. Do you know how infuriating that is?”
A mix of frustration and affection churned inside me at that comment.
“I just want you to be another shitty man. Another person who lets me down so I can write you off and then smugly control everything. But you.” She poked me hard in the chest. She’d gone from tears to rage in the blink of an eye.
“You just keep being decent and helpful. You want to build a patio, for fuck’s sake.
” She threw her arms up. “Do you know how much easier it would be for me if you were a deadbeat?”
My breath caught. “What? How would that be easier?”
“You don’t have enough childhood trauma to understand.” She poked me in the chest again. “So I appreciate you and what you’re doing, but give me a minute to catch up, okay? You can’t just show up here day in and day out, being all decent and helpful and handsome and expect me to be okay with it.”
“Um… what? Why not? and handsome?” Ego stroked, I grinned down at her.
She only glowered back and turned away, pacing the small room.
“So yes, you can do stuff around the house,” she said, “I actually appreciate it. I just need to process. My default setting is icy bitch. But you just have this way of, ugh. I don’t know.
” She squeezed her eyes shut. “Of defrosting me and catching me off guard.”
My heart lifted, though I had to hold back a chuckle. This conversation had gone in directions I could never have predicted. But I got the sense I needed to quit while I was ahead. Evie didn’t need me, but she was willing to put her own baggage aside and let me be here anyway.
I’d take the offering gladly. And I’d take this moment and tuck it away to think about later. Tonight, I’d made a tiny bit of progress. She didn’t know it yet, but I didn’t want to be anywhere but here. Even when she was yelling and crying, I wanted to be with her and Vincent.
And I couldn’t imagine that desire ever fading.