Chapter 32
Evie
Jasper led me up to the hotel suite, his arm around me protectively.
Emotionally drained, all I could do as I fed Vincent was stare blankly at the wall.
Even my baby boy’s giggles couldn’t lift the fog.
When I’d finished nursing him, Jasper laid out the tummy time mat, then took him from me and played with him until he rubbed at his eyes, signaling that he was sleepy. Picking up on the cue on his own, Jasper changed him for bed, then sang to him while rubbing his back in the Pack ’n’ Play.
With any luck, he’d sleep in this strange place. At four months old, he slept for good stretches of time most nights.
My little guy was growing so fast.
The thought brought with it a wave of emotion, causing tears to leak from my eyes without permission. It was all happening so fast. Everything had changed. And nothing would ever be the same again.
“Come on,” Jasper said, suddenly standing in front of me. “You’ve been staring at that wall since we got here. Time for a bath.”
He helped me to my feet and led me to the large bathroom where the freestanding tub was filled with steaming water and the air smelled like jasmine.
Slowly, he turned me around and unzipped my dress. “Just get in the water. It will help.”
I nodded, helpless, and let him gather my hair and sloppily secure it in a claw clip.
It was sweet, how much he cared. But I was too numb to appreciate it.
My muscles screamed as I lowered myself into the tub. I felt like I’d climbed Everest.
The tears kept coming, bringing with them all the built-up anger and shame that had been gnawing at me since the moment I’d seen my father.
“I’ll order cheeseburgers and find a rom-com to watch. Sound good? This is our first trip as a family. We can’t let toxic assholes ruin it.” Jasper plucked my clothes off the floor, pulled out his phone, and tapped at the screen until classical music began to play. Then he left the bathroom.
Damn my father for ruining such an incredible day.
I’d networked and met some of my heroes, and dozens of young women had asked me questions about my career.
After months and months of second-guessing my decision to leave my job in New York, I was starting to take pride in my new position.
I was building something special at Sugar Moon, and it was about time I owned it.
But my father had the uncanny ability to dissolve my self-confidence with nothing more than a look. Add in his tone and the way he’d looked at Vincent, and I was sick.
Then Jasper had to witness it all. God, it was gross.
My fingers had wrinkled by the time Jasper returned and sat on the closed toilet.
“I’m proud of you,” he said. “Breaking generational cycles is hard, but you’re doing it.”
My chest felt hollow. “I think my desire to protect Vincent is stronger than the conditioning or the shitty feelings my father evokes.”
“Exactly. I’m so proud of you.”
He leaned over the edge of the tub, nuzzling my neck. The man was maybe the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. The smile, the dimple, the muscles, and the arms covered in ink.
The emotion that stirred inside me as his warmth soaked into me was more than lust. It was longing. To touch him. And need. To feel him and possess him and be part of him.
I looked up at him, surveying the stubble on his jaw, the glimmer in his eye, and couldn’t stop the words from tumbling out of my mouth. “I love you.”
His body went stiff, his eyes widening.
“I love you,” I said again. It was too early for this kind of declaration, but I didn’t care. The words would not stay in my mouth, and I was too exhausted to fight them.
Without a word, he pulled me out of the tub. He toweled off every inch of my skin with care and then wrapped me in the fluffiest of robes.
As he tied the belt around my waist, his head bowed, I cupped his cheek.
“Jasper,” I whispered, my heart pounding.
He looked up at me, his eyes shining with tears.
Exhaling, I brought my other hand to his face too. Then I kissed him, desperate to ground myself to this moment.
Before I could get totally lost in him, I pulled back and searched his face. “Are you okay?”
He ran his hands through his hair. “Yes. I’m just in shock and can’t really think right now.”
“Do you want me to say it again?”
With his lip caught between his teeth, he nodded. The action was so damn sexy that I was tempted to drop to my knees right there on the bathroom floor.
Instead, I untied my robe slowly and let it fall to the tile. “I love you, Jasper.”
Heat and affection flooded me as he drank me in, his expression one of desire and respect and something bigger. Something that looked a lot like love.
“Now take me to bed.”
Without hesitation, he scooped me up. The bedroom was dark as he deposited me on the fluffy bed, Vincent’s sound machine turned up.
“Can you be quiet?” he asked, his fingers traveling down to my thighs.
Before I could answer, he stole my breath by stroking my clit with his thumb.
I arched up, already more than ready for him.
“Fuck, you’re soaked.”
As he slipped one finger inside me, I grabbed a pillow and covered my face. It was necessary, with the way I was already struggling to keep from moaning.
“I bet you could come like this.” He nipped at my inner thigh.
I removed the pillow and nodded, weaving the fingers of one hand through his hair.
“Is that what you want, mama? You want to come?”
Rather than beg, I gave him a deadpan look that I hoped he read as “no shit.”
With a deep chuckle, he slipped a second finger inside me. “Hmm,” he said, sliding them out again, leaving me empty and desperate. “I’m not sure I’m going to let you.”
“Let me?”
He stood and shucked his shirt, pants, and boxers. All the while, I watched, drinking in the hard lines of his body.
“Good girl,” he said, palming his cock. “I love the way you look at me. Makes me believe that what I feel isn’t one-sided. The need. The lust. The longing.”
A low moan escaped me before I could stop it. It sure as hell was not one-sided.
“Look at you,” he murmured as he climbed back onto the bed. “Laid out for me. I’m so fucking lucky.”
He kissed his way up my torso, lavishing each of my breasts with attention.
I dug my nails into the muscles of his back, desperate to have him closer and nearly moaning again when his erection pressed against my thigh.
I needed him. I was an empty, needy mess, and the only remedy for that was to have him. To give in to the craving that had overtaken me. Only then would I feel complete.
“Please,” I gasped. “I need you inside me.”
He pulled back. “Okay,” he whispered. “Let me get a—”
“Bare,” I hissed out. “I need you bare. We’re both healthy.” We’d been using condoms since that first time, but I hated it. He was Vincent’s father. I was in love with him. I wanted all of him.
It was reckless. Exclusive breastfeeding was not foolproof birth control. But I couldn’t find it in me to care. Being with Jasper was all that mattered. This was bigger than me and my anxieties.
“Please.”
He bit down on one nipple, pulling a gasp from me, then lapped at it, easing the sting.
“You are all my fantasies come to life.” He pinned my arms above my head.
“All your fantasies?” I rolled my hips, reveling in the weight of him on top of me.
He entered me slowly, then took his time setting a rhythm, his eyes closed like he was savoring the delicious friction. “Almost. Because I wish I’d been able to see you pregnant.”
“Why?” I may not have known I was pregnant, but I’d felt like shit during those months, and I hadn’t looked much better. I’d taken millions of vitamins and done yoga endlessly, thinking my body was falling apart.
He sped up, bottoming out inside me, causing the heat in my core to burn hotter. “The thought of you, your belly rounded and carrying my child? Fuck, Evie, it makes me so hard.”
A thrill zipped through me at the admission.
“God, I’d love to walk around town, showing you off. So the whole world knew that you were well-fucked and taken care of. And I’d love taking you home just as much. So I could fuck you and care for you and satisfy every need you had.”
My legs shook and I squirmed, more turned on than I’d ever been.
“You like that don’t you?” he murmured against my lips. “Tell me, Evie. Tell me what turns you on.”
Eyes closed, I tilted my head back. “You coming inside me.”
He pushed one of my knees up, hitting me at a new angle, even deeper and harder than before, and I gasped, my vision going spotty. With him, I was consumed by a sensation I’d never wanted before. But now I didn’t think I could survive without it.
Total trust. In him.
“Fuck, this won’t last if you keep talking like that,” he gritted out.
His heat and his words and the sound of his body against mine drove me higher, making it difficult to stay quiet.
A moan slipped free, but he quickly clamped his hand over my mouth. That move only served to make me more desperate.
“That’s it,” he encouraged. “You’re so close. Come around my cock, Evie. I want to watch you take every inch of me as I fill you up.”
When he locked eyes with me, I only soared higher, my muscles contracting, the tension coiling around me tighter.
Bracing myself, I clutched him to my chest. His bulk pinned me to the bed as he fucked into me hard and deep.
As I let go, spiraling into oblivion, I held tight to the words he whispered in my ear. “I love you. I love you. I love you.”