Chapter Eighteen.
Sapphire
I woke with an unfamiliar weight in my bed and stiffened before I remembered Hayden and I had slept together. Well, we’d done more than that, but eventually we wore ourselves out and fell asleep. I gazed at him as he lay on his back and admired him.
“Ah, Sapphire, what have you done? This was a stupid, foolish mistake,” I muttered. My eyes raked Hayden. He really was a handsome man, and he could do so better, find someone more suitable.
“Damn you. How dare you make me care, Hayden? It would be damn easy to love you, selfish to keep you, and so hard to set you free. And that hurts, because I’ve gotta let you go.
You deserve better than me and my life. You’re a good man, and I won’t permit you to get dragged down by us,” I murmured as I stroked his face.
“Don’t I get a say in that?” Hayden muttered, and I moved away from him and grabbed my robe. I wrapped it around myself and shook my head.
“Get dressed, Hayden. We had one night of fun, a memory for us both. But everything I said last night still stands. I’m not good for you, and I won’t wreck your life. I’ll use the spare bathroom, so please be gone when I come out.”
Swallowing tears, I walked away.
“You’d be easy to love to Saph, if you let someone,” Hayden called out.
That stung like crazy. Deep down, I always wanted to be loved, to be the sole focus of someone’s world.
It had never happened and never would. I had long ago accepted that when I became president, finding that kind of love would elude me.
My partner would have to bow down to the fact that I was queen and didn’t take orders.
He’d have to acknowledge that I protected him, not the other way around, and finally, he didn’t get a voice in this club.
This was a female-only club, and men had no place in running it.
Somehow, I knew Hayden was the rare man who’d be able to accept me, but at what cost?
The police department would look at him differently, with suspicion.
If Hayden got with me, he’d instantly be treated with suspicion.
Cases wouldn’t be given to him. Any callout involving us would be intensely studied.
Hayden didn’t realise what he was letting himself in for. I couldn’t do that to him.
Sad, I remained in the bathroom for far longer than usual, only coming out when I was sure Hayden had gone.
When I entered the bedroom, the smell of sex and Hayden’s own special smell lingered.
With a growl, I ripped the bedsheets off and shoved them in the washing machine.
I wouldn’t torture myself with this. As hurtful as it was, I had to accept I couldn’t have my perfect man.
Sparrow - a week later.
“This has got to stop, Saph. Either call Wylde or go and visit him,” I said as Sapphire looked up. She looked like shit, and I was going to call her on it.
“What?”
“You look like death warmed up. You’re not sleeping well, you’re snappy and hot-tempered, more than usual, and you’re downright miserable.”
“What’s that got to do with Wylde?”
“Because ever since you fucked his brains out, you’ve been like this. What are the odds that you kicked him out and told him it was to protect him?” I guessed.
Sapphire growled, and I knew I was right.
“Yeah. You’ve fallen for him.”
“He’s a cop. We can’t have a cop around the club. I can’t have the law as my man,” Sapphire denied.
“Oh, so you’re protecting yourself and not him? That’s where you’re going with this?”
“Sparrow, I love you, but get the hell out,” Sapphire snarled.
“Nope.” I shook my head. “You need to wake up. Wylde is a good guy.”
“He’s a cop!” Sapphire yelled.
“And you fucked him!”
“You think because I screwed his brains out, that means something? Hell, you couldn’t be more wrong,” Sapphire bit back.
“Saph, you’ve not taken anyone into your bed for months,” I argued.
Sapphire leapt to her feet. “That’s what this is about? The fact that I fucked him and that makes him special? Think again, sister.”
I followed Sapphire as she stormed out. Her eyes lit on Saxon, who looked wary. The poor man had clearly heard the fight between us.
“Saxon, your room. Now,” Sapphire ordered.
Saxon nodded and left the rec room.
“Don’t do this. Cheating on Wylde will make you feel worse,” I warned.
Sapphire tossed her hair back and stared at me. “It’s not cheating because we’re not together.”
With that, she stomped off, and I shook my head. Pride comes before a fall, and Sapphire was heading for a big one.
Sapphire
Saxon was waiting for me when I entered his room. “No talk. Just fuck,” I ordered, and Saxon reared back.
I moved into his space and ran my hands over his chest before cupping his groin.
I rubbed my hand over it to encourage growth, but Saxon didn’t respond.
A growl left me as I shoved him back onto the bed and climbed on top.
Hayden’s face flashed in front of my eyes, and I shoved him away.
I yanked at Saxon’s shirt, undid the buttons, and ran my hands over his warm skin.
Saxon looked after himself and boasted of a six-pack.
I ducked my head and began licking and sucking his skin.
All the while, I could taste and feel Wylde.
Finally, three things hit me hard. One, Saxon wasn’t Wylde and never could take his place.
Wylde had ruined sex for me with all other men.
Two Saxon was still flaccid, obviously so, which confused me.
And finally, Saxon was staring at me with a blank look on his face; he’d distanced himself from this.
“What the fuck?” I said and got off him.
“None of you women has ever treated me like a whore until today, Sapphire,” Saxon said, sitting up and buttoning his shirt.
Saxon watched me carefully as I recoiled at his words. Saxon kept his face impassive, and I couldn’t get a read on his emotions.
“That’s why you’re here, to service us,” I reported, digging my own grave.
“Yeah, with respect. What you just did bypassed all respect. I know my position in the club, and I’ve embraced it. Never been ashamed of what I did until now.”
“You’re ashamed?” I muttered as Saxon’s words hit me hard. Shit. What had I done?
“Yes.”
“Don’t be,” I replied finally as I sat down on the bed and dropped my head into my hands.
Saxon was right. I’d treated him like meat.
Sure, the guys were here to fuck us when we wanted it, but they were also respected and not spoken down to.
That was a rule. Naturally, they got paid in the form of food, shelter, and an allowance.
And they couldn’t refuse to fuck a sister unless there was a good reason.
But I’d never treated one so callously. They were club sluts, but they also had feelings.
“What’s going on, Sapphire?” Saxon asked as he straightened his clothing and sat on the edge of his bed with me.
“I think I’m in love,” I muttered.
“Then why are you here with me?”
“Because a cop can’t live our life. And I wanted to fuck Hayden’s memory away,” I admitted.
“Didn’t work, did it?” Saxon said with a hollow laugh.
“Nope. I’m sorry for how I just treated you.”
“Yeah. I signed on to be in your stable, but not to be treated like a whore. Not gonna lie, it hurt coming from you. You need to sort your head out. Because you can’t fuck away the memory of someone you love,” Saxon stated with confidence.
“You’ve tried to?” I asked, and he nodded.
“Just before I came here, my long-time girlfriend cheated on me with my brother. I went off the rails. Not only did I lose my brother, but I also lost my home, friends, and family. They all took sides, and somehow, I was the one in the wrong. I’d been with her since we were fourteen—ten years—yet I lost everything. ”
“You’ve never said anything, Saxon!” I exclaimed, surprised.
“Nope. I was hurting far too badly to discuss it when I arrived here. Luckily for me, you girls gave me a chance, and I’ve straightened myself out.”
“Are you happy, Sax?”
“Yes, believe it or not, this is a good life. And I know you women, if I want to leave, you’d wish me good luck and do your best to help me in my new life. I’m good with that.”
“Sax, you’re thinking of leaving?” I gasped. He was popular with the sisters, and I knew they thought a lot of him.
“Until just now, no, I wasn’t. What you just did, Sapphire, raises questions I need to think about,” Saxon replied.
I couldn’t hide my wince at the hurt in his eyes and voice. “I can’t apologise enough, Saxon.”
“No. You can’t. I felt violated just then. Saying no wasn’t an option because you’re the president. A fact I was well aware of. I suggest you sort your head out, Sapphire, because if it had been Blue or Cass, you’d have hurt them badly.”
Unable to deny Saxon’s words, I nodded.
“Please don’t leave, but if you do, put the responsibility where it belongs. On my shoulders,” I said, getting up.
“Oh, trust me, I will,” Saxon replied with a dark chuckle. I cupped his face and dropped a kiss on his forehead.
“You’ll never know how sorry I am,” I murmured and left.
A day later
I was sitting at a table in the rec room with Cyber when the clubhouse door opened, and a surprise, possibly unwelcome, visitor entered.
“Captain Hatton,” I greeted him.
“Good, just the woman I wanted to see.”
“What can I do for you?” I asked.
Hatton approached, grabbed a chair, and joined us.
“A word in private?” he said, looking at Cyber.
She laughed and got to her feet. “It’s a good job I’ve got work to do.”
“That was rude, Captain, and unappreciated. If you want my cooperation, then don’t disrespect my sisters,” I stated.
Hatton held my eyes. “Why did you have Stitch save Wylde only to kick him to the curb?”
“What?” The question surprised me so much that my mind went blank.
“You heard me.” Hatton pulled a laptop out of the bag he was carrying and logged in. He handed me a sheet of paper with times on it.
“What’s this?”