THIRTY-FOUR
R ay is acting like he cares. He rarely leaves my side. Kalina too. They’re constantly with me. I haven’t spoken a word to them since I got out of the hospital. Even then, it was to tell them that if they so much as thought about taking me to the psych ward, I’d kill them in their sleep.
They listened and then took me to their house.
I’m in my childhood bedroom, and this is where it all started. This is where the assassins were able to sneak into my room. Now that I think about it, it’s blatantly obvious that it wasn’t Hudson’s family.
They were too bad at their job to be sent by such an elite family.
Kalina is getting on my last nerve. This entire bedroom is filled with flowers. She’s changing my sheets personally twice a day and making sure there’s not a speck of dust. She tried to insist on bathing me as well, but Ray managed to talk her out of that.
They’re treating me like a child.
I hate it.
Last night, I woke up after another nightmare broke me into cold sweat. Both Ray and Kalina were in my bed, sleeping on each side of me. Immediately, Kalina brought me some of her sleep medications while Ray just held me.
I hear the staff in the house talking, too.
They’re not used to me being this quiet. They all know something happened since I was in the hospital for weeks, but no one dares to ask directly. They’re just whispering and murmuring amongst themselves, and it’s always refreshing to wake up with a new theory as to why the independent Noelle Campbell is on a house lockdown at this age.
“Noelle,” Ray calls out, and I look at him. “Jane returns tomorrow. I wouldn’t have approved of that, but she already booked the flight.”
A smile forms on my face, and I nod.
His eyes are glued to the nasty purple mark on my throat. It goes from pain and sorrow to anger in seconds. His hands fist next to his body, and he takes a step closer.
“I’m sorry. I failed you as a father, and I know there’s not much I can do to take back all the things I’ve done.”
I tilt my head to the side, a frown on my face. This is the first time he’s genuinely apologized, and I’m not sure how to react. He’s gotten too soft. He is the one who taught me to never apologize and to always deal with the consequences of my actions with my head held high.
He sits on the bed beside me and pushes the hair out of my face.
“I put too much pressure on you. You didn’t choose this life; you were forced into it. Last night, I sat down with Henrick.”
My mouth falls open, eyes widening as I continue to listen carefully.
He swallows. “This feud isn’t worth your lives. I’m not saying we’ll keep the alliance, but we won’t be out to get each other anymore, either.”
“So all it took was for me to try to kill myself for you to realize this?”
Hurt flashes through Ray’s eyes. I can’t remember the last time I called him Father or Dad. He hasn’t acted like one in a long time. He’s always been kind to me but kept me at an arm’s length.
He expected me to die because of this feud.
And I can’t lie, the hatred I had for the De Santis family started vanishing a long time ago. I’m no longer interested in killing all of them. It ended with Franco’s death, and it should stay like that. I no longer have the energy for this.
“Never do that again.” His voice cracks. “You’re my first baby, Noelle. I can’t lose you. I’ll never survive that.”
My nose starts itching, and, for some reason, Ray’s face blurs in front of me.
“When I was nineteen, I almost got caught on a mission. My punishment was training until I dropped from exhaustion. Niko did the same, and he was let go with a slap on the wrist. I got drunk on my twenty-first birthday, and I was screamed at for ruining the family’s reputation. Niko did the same, and you didn’t even glance at him, and he went nude through the fucking venue. The two of us don’t share the same parents. The resentment I hold toward him is your fault.”
“I know.” Ray raises his voice slightly. “I know that. I fucked up. Kalina fucked up. We fucked up as parents. It wasn’t intentional. It’s just that… ever since you were young, you showed genuine interest in the business. I wanted you to succeed.”
“And I did that because that’s the only way you’d pay attention to me.” I choke out a bitter laugh and then realize that I’m crying. “I could’ve performed the perfect kill. You wouldn’t glance at me twice. I went to the university of your choice because I thought it would get me more attention from you. It never did. And I gave up on Kalina a long time ago. She only has eyes for Jane, and I’m fine with that. At least one of us deserves to have a functioning mother figure.”
“I know there’s no way for me to fix this.” He swallows and wipes my tears. It only makes me cry harder. “I’ll back off and give you the space you want and need. But you’ll always have a home here, Noelle. It’s yours.”
I smile through the tears. “It’s a little too late for that, don’t you think? You know… The happiest day of my life was after I got stabbed by Hudson. You said that you’d kill him because he dared to point a blade at your pride, only to act like I barely existed later on. It hurts.”
Ray doesn’t speak. There are no words to make it all disappear. I may be overreacting, but it still feels like he’s splitting my heart in two. I remember my childhood and wonder when it all went wrong. He never abused me. He rarely raised his voice at me. But it still hurts.
I wipe the tears with the back of my hand and swallow.
“I’m not saying I’ll never forgive you. I just want space. From both of you.”
Reluctantly, Ray kisses the top of my head, and I fight the urge to let go of the tears. I’ve cried enough for a lifetime. I can’t show weakness ever again. He remains like that for a minute or two. Once he stands up, he glances at me, and I see that his eyes mirror mine—filled with tears he’s too afraid to let fall.
“Oh,” I call out, and he raises a brow. “Tell Niko to come in. There’s no need to stand outside of my door. It’s creepy.”
He chuckles, and the door swings open. Niko clears his throat as Ray leaves. It’s too awkward. His hands are in his pockets, and I see the anxious expression on his face.
“Am I about to get the same treatment as Ray?”
“I don’t know. Do you deserve it?”
“Probably,” he admits. “But I don’t want it. You know that despite how differently they treated us, I always loved you the most.”
“I know.”
He sits in the same spot as Ray did not too long ago and hugs me. He pulls me in and wraps his arms around me as if he’s terrified I’ll disappear quickly. His body trembles, and he tries to hide it. I chuckle at that, which makes him pull me even closer.
“What were you thinking?” he whispers. “You could’ve died.”
I take a deep breath and make some distance between us.
“I knew I wouldn’t die. I just wanted to give Hudson the opportunity because he hesitated too much.”
“He hesitated because Dylan had a knife to your throat, Noelle! I would’ve hesitated, too.”
I smile. “Which is why you’re unfit to take over Ray’s position. Hesitation will only get you killed.”
“That’s not funny.” He gives me a stern look. “Tell me, were you trying to distract Dylan and ended up cutting yourself deeper than planned, or you didn’t cut deep enough?”
I purse my lips. This is a conversation that has played in my head for the past few weeks, and I still don’t know how to properly approach it. Especially with Niko.
“I planned to cut this deep, but—”
“I fucking knew it.”
I throw him a glare, and he clamps his mouth shut. “Interrupt me again, and I’ll kick your ass.”
“I’m sorry.”
I nod. “Hudson would’ve shot Dylan one way or the other, but I wasn’t going to let him watch me die by Dylan’s hand, so I did it myself. When I saw Hudson’s expression… I wanted to die. It was a fleeting thought and as soon as the knife pierced my skin, I regretted it.”
“Noelle,” Niko whispers, then stops.
“I know, I know,” I say with a sigh. “I was just tired, you know? It hurt so much, and that looked like the easiest way out. But hey, I blame all of that on you. Why the fuck did it take you that long to find me?”
I joke, but it’s not appreciated. Niko’s eyes fill with deep regret, and I see that I should’ve picked my words more carefully.
“We did our best,” he says, though the sorrow doesn’t leave his voice. “Hudson didn’t sleep, didn’t eat. He barely functioned until we found you. You should reach out to him.”
An ache appears in my chest.
I shake my head. “No, this is for the best. Now that our families aren’t at each other’s throats anymore, he’ll be able to actually live his life. Last I heard, he nailed all of his exams.”
“Noelle.” This time, Niko’s voice is stern. “Hudson watched you fucking die in his arms. How long are you going to be a selfish brat? Do you really have no remorse for forcing him to see that? After he went above and beyond to find you?”
“Niko.” I sigh. “It’s not that simple. I pushed him away, so there’s no need for me to reach out to him. It’ll make me look like a hypocrite.”
“When will you let go of that fucking pride and allow yourself to be happy? Are you content with killing for the rest of your life?”
“Yes.”
“You answered that one too quickly.” His brows narrow. “But seriously, take a good look inside of yourself. You hurt the only man who is willing to put up with your annoying ass. You should be begging on your knees for him to forgive you.”
I blink. “You’re not serious.”
“Well, no. You shouldn’t beg any man on your knees. It’s pathetic, and you’re a Campbell. But you should reach out. He’s not been well.”
I close my eyes and fist my hands at my sides.
“I don’t want to know.”
“I’ll tell you anyway. Dylan didn’t escape, Noelle. Hudson has him.”
My eyes snap open, my lips part, and it takes me a moment to process it.
“What?”
“Yeah. Lyla took Dylan while everyone else was busy tending to you. He won’t tell us where he’s keeping him, though. My best guess is that he’s keeping him alive and safe until you decide it’s time to put a bullet between his eyes. Ray is furious.”
My mind goes into overdrive. Hudson has become a taboo topic around here. I don’t want anyone asking any questions or talking about him to me. Each time his name gets mentioned, I break a little on the inside.
When I told him to leave me alone, I meant it.
But when I remember the look in his eyes, it hurts all over again. In some ways, it hurts way more than what Dylan did to me. It hurts on a deeper level, and it’s something so foreign to me that I don’t know how to act or what to do.
I love Hudson more than life itself.
But after the stunt I pulled, he has every right to go back to hating me. I wouldn’t be surprised if he came one day with a gun to end it all.
“Where is Hudson right now?”
A small smile forms on Niko’s face. “I’ll find out. But hey, it’s finally time for you to admit it.”
My brows narrow.
He grins. “I told you months ago that you’d fall in love with him.”
I take the pillow from behind me and flank it across his face. He starts laughing, and it’s contagious. I’m laughing, too, for the first time in so long, and it feels almost too natural.
“Now,” Niko says, clearing his throat. “I know apologizing is something new for you, so I’ll help you.”
A snort leaves my lips. “No, thank you. I’ll handle this.”
“Good luck.”
Luck is something I’ll definitely need.