Chapter 5
STARLA
By the time we reached the farm, it was dusk.
After a quick meal of sandwiches and chips, Graham left to unload the livestock and get them settled for the night, while Ma gave me a quick tour of the house and then showed me to my room.
She assured me that my things would be fine in the truck until morning when we had more muscle available to carry everything upstairs.
Not that it would take much to bring my belongings inside. The only furniture I owned was a mattress with bedding I refused to part with, a few sentimental items I’d collected since my release, and an obscene amount of clothes I’d picked up over time.
I could complain about a million things from my time behind bars, but a few details most people never think about sat at the top of the list. Cheap detergent stiffened our uniforms, and no matter how long I wore them, they never softened up.
Our bedding scratched just as badly. While locked up, I made a mental list of everything I’d buy as soon as I had the money–something I’d never even considered before my arrest.
Before prison, I would just walk into a store and take whatever I wanted.
Once I committed to living differently, I planned to get a job as soon as I could and buy the things on my list as I got the money.
That’s exactly what I did. As soon as I had enough to spare, I bought a set of sheets so expensive I felt ashamed to admit the price, but I never regretted it.
I didn’t regret buying my clothes either.
None of them cost much, since most of them came from secondhand stores and garage sales, but that just made them even more precious to me.
I was living proof that one person’s trash could be another person’s treasure, although I still hadn’t found anyone who treasured me the way I believed I deserved.
Since I didn’t have that person in my life yet, I had to take care of myself, and I decided sleeping on soft sheets and wearing comfortable clothes was the first step.
I knew the bedding on the spare bed would be clean and soft, so I felt fine leaving my own in the truck for now.
Luckily, I’d had the sense to pack a change of clothes in my backpack before I taped up the last box before dawn.
That meant I had something fresh and clean to sleep in once I finished my shower.
A good shower was another thing I’d never take for granted, along with the privacy provided by a locked bathroom door.
I took my time under the hot spray, letting it loosen my muscles that had been tense for days while I worried about the drastic change I was about to make in my life.
The water washed away the stiffness from a long day spent on the road.
When I finished my shower, I braided my wet hair and put lotion on every inch of my skin, a luxury I’d become spoiled by since my release.
Then I put on the fresh clothes I had packed for the night.
I figured Ma and Graham had already gone to bed, so I didn’t bother with a bra under my worn T-shirt, but for the sake of propriety, I pulled on the leggings I had tucked in my bag.
Somehow I managed to navigate the stairs without making them creak, amazed that I still remembered exactly where to step after all these years. I made my way to the kitchen for a drink before heading out to the porch to listen to the farm settle around me.
I’d done the same thing dozens of times while I lived here as a child, and even though I could have used the extra sleep, I couldn’t resist sitting outside and listening to the bugs chirp while the animals calmed and grew still.
Since it was fully dark, I couldn’t see many details of the new buildings and structures around the farmhouse, but I could see the glow of lights inside a few of the houses as others blinked off one by one while some families turned in for an early morning tomorrow.
I tried to remember which family lived in each of the houses visible in the distance, but it had been so long since I’d thought about them that I knew I was probably wrong.
That train of thought made me wonder where their children lived now that they were all grown.
Only a few kids had been younger than Graham’s sons, and a couple had been my age, meaning they were all adults with families of their own by now.
I knew from my conversations with Ma that Graham’s boys weren’t married yet, and she worried about that.
Not one of the three had been in a serious relationship, as far as she knew.
Always thinking about the future of the farm, she wondered what would happen in twenty years when her sons were older than she was then, and their children were running things.
I sometimes wondered if Ma worried out of habit, because from everything she’d told me, the next generations of the Brick family seemed determined to improve things and bring the farm and its goods into the modern world.
As much as Ma hated change, she seemed to have embraced most of it, even if she still complained now and then.
I heard rustling in the grass along the side of the house, followed by footsteps on the porch and the tapping of nails on wood. A moment later, Graham stepped around the corner with two dogs walking happily at his sides.
He stopped in his tracks when he saw me, and the dogs froze with him. They stood at attention and studied me, waiting for his signal to decide whether they needed to protect him or not.
“Heel,” Graham said softly. “Relax.”
The dogs eased up instantly, which made me breathe a sigh of relief. I slowly lifted my hand toward them and said, “This is probably a dumb question, considering three seconds ago I thought they might eat my face off, but are they friendly?”
“They’re very friendly unless they need to be otherwise,” Graham said as he walked closer. When he reached me, he took my hand himself and held it as he stepped down a few stairs so he could sit beside me.
I tried to keep my heart from racing at the innocent touch, but my body ignored everything my brain said. My pulse shot up so quickly that my watch started beeping in alarm. I wanted to rip it off my wrist and throw it into the dark yard when I had to let go of Graham’s hand to silence it.
“What was that about? Why do you have an alarm set so late in the evening?”
I laughed softly. “Back home in Rojo, I would have been awake for at least three more hours, but I understand that’s not going to happen here.”
“Ma will expect you up when she is, but she’ll probably give you a day or two to acclimate before she says anything about it.
” I reached out toward the dogs again, and while I waited for them to catch my scent, Graham said, “I’m still curious why someone would set an alarm to wake them up at night. ”
“It wasn’t that kind of alarm. It was alerting me that my heart rate had spiked,” I admitted.
I could see Graham’s profile in the light from the house as he slowly turned his head to look at me, and heat rose in my cheeks as he studied my face.
When he didn’t say anything, I rushed to explain.
“I was born with a heart condition, and since it has flared up now and then over the years, my cardiologist suggested I wear a watch like this to track fluctuations so we can spot a pattern before there’s a real problem. ”
“Did the dogs and I scare you that badly?”
My face was on fire as I answered honestly. “No, you didn’t scare me at all.”
“Then why did your heart start racing? Are you feeling okay?”
“I feel fine.”
Graham reached over and took my hand again, and within a few seconds, my watch started beeping. His lips curved into a knowing smile. “I guess even technology knows I’m not good for you, huh?”
“Why aren’t you good for me, Graham?” I blurted before I could stop myself.
That wasn’t true. I was thinking, but I was having some of the most impure thoughts I’d ever experienced about a man, and I’d endured plenty of dry spells where fantasies were the only thing I had.
This wasn’t the first time I’d had naughty thoughts where Graham was the star, but those old daydreams had been about the Graham I knew then, not the incredibly sexy silver fox he had become.
He wasn’t a complete silver fox, but the sprinkles of silver in his beard and the touches of gray at his temples made me wonder about the rest of him.
Did he have chest hair? I hoped he had a little.
I also hoped he didn’t have any hair on his shoulders, because that was just gross.
But if he had that trail of hair leading from his belly button down to . . .
“What are you thinking about, Starla?”
“Right now?” I asked, trying to buy myself a little time to come up with a lie.
“No. Yesterday at three o’clock,” Graham answered sarcastically.
Grateful for the out, even though I knew he hadn’t meant to give me one, I said, “I was rushing around to make sure I had everything I needed and that . . .”
Graham interrupted, “You know what I’m talking about, Starla.”
The larger dog had settled beside us, and I reached out with my free hand to run it gently down his back. “What’s this one’s name?”
Graham held my hand and slowly rubbed his thumb over my knuckles.
“That’s Luna,” he answered. “The other one is Ruckus.” I glanced over my shoulder and saw the black-and-white dog sitting in front of the screen door, staring into the house.
Graham surprised me when he said, “Well, go in there, then.” The dog surprised me even more when he lifted one paw, hooked his nails around the handle, and pulled the door open far enough to wedge his snout into the crack.
Once he had it open, he let go with his paw and trotted inside.
Graham chuckled. “That one likes to pretend we’re in charge, but we all know he’s smarter than any of us. ”
“Where is he going?”
“Ruckus is Ma’s dog. They’re rarely apart, and from what my brother said, he’s been antsy since we left the house and started going apeshit as soon as he heard my truck turn down the drive.”
“Is this one . . . Luna . . . your dog?”
“She is. She’s spoiled rotten and will lie there for hours as long as you’re petting her. I think she must have been a cat in a past life.”
“Maybe I was, too, because I’ll sit here as long as you keep rubbing my hand like that.”
“I’m not sure I should be holding your hand, Starla.”
“I’m not sure you should either, but I like it.”
“Seems your watch has calmed down. That’s something, I guess.”
“I’m curious to know why you think holding my hand isn’t a good idea.”
“I’ve come up with a pretty long list of reasons so far, and with enough time, I’m sure I could add to it.”
I bumped his arm with my shoulder. “That wasn’t an answer, Graham.”
“Call me Sarge.”
“What?”
“My family calls me Graham.”
My heart dropped at the realization that he didn’t want me to assimilate into the family like Ma did. I stammered, “Oh. Okay. I . . . um . . .”
“I rarely hold hands with anyone in my family, and I damn sure don’t wonder what they look like naked.
” My watch started screeching again, and Graham bellowed with laughter.
When I lifted my hand off Luna’s back to slap at my watch, she raised her head and growled at me in protest. Graham .
. . Sarge . . . laughed even harder. “I’ve never been a fan of those smartwatches before, but yours is changing my opinion. ”
“It’s never really bothered me until now.”
Sarge changed the subject. “Do you need me to get anything out of the truck before I go inside?”
“No. I’ve got my pillow, and Ma showed me to my room earlier.”
He squeezed my hand before he let it go and stood up. When he looked down at Luna, she pointedly ignored him. He frowned and said, “She usually sleeps in my room, so I’ll leave the door open so she can come in when she’s finished with her massage.”
“You sound jealous.” Since when did I start blurting out everything that came to mind?
I usually chose my words carefully, a habit learned at an early age while bouncing between foster homes every few months.
Apparently, I lost that skill the second my childhood crush touched my hand. “Sorry, that was . . .”
“Spot on,” he interrupted. “‘Night, Starla.”
“Good night, Gr . . . Sarge.”