Chapter 13
STARLA
“When Pa and I finally found them, they were as high in the tree as they could climb, screaming their heads off. They smelled so horrible that I made them sleep on the porch for at least two weeks. The stench was so powerful that my eyes started watering if I got within ten feet of either of them!”
Ma was laughing so hard it was difficult to understand her, and the uproar from the men sitting around the long tables on the porch forced her to raise her voice to finish her story.
“I wasted at least five gallons of tomato juice trying to get the smell off, but nothing could tackle it. We just had to wait it out.”
“Farm life is not for the weak,” Paul’s wife, Hannah, chortled. “That stink seeped into those boys’ pores and camped out so long we all wondered if it would ever go away.”
Grant, Gabe, and Garrison were all smiling good-naturedly, even though their childhood adventures had been the focus of conversation for the last half hour.
It was funny to hear Ma and the rest of the family talk about how wild it was on the farm with so many boys growing up together, but I wondered if it made Sarge sad to hear them since he’d missed so many years while he was in prison.
He didn’t seem nearly as affected as I’d worried, because he was laughing when he said, “I seem to recall another rogue skunk attack that had all of us scrambling for fresh air for a while.”
“Why would it hide under the seat?” Katie yelled angrily.
Katie’s husband, Frank, was laughing when he said, “We never got the smell out of that car, and when I tried to trade it in for a new truck, the sales associate laughed at me.”
“Do you still have it?” I asked.
“No. One year, Ma had the genius idea to park it over near the corn maze, gather up all the sledgehammers around the farm, and sell tickets to destroy it. Five dollars for two swings. We made a killing, and I was finally able to afford that new truck I wanted, complete with all the bells and whistles I never would’ve gotten using that thing as a trade-in. ”
“Now we take applications from various clubs in town. They find someone to donate a car or truck, and we let them take the profit as a fundraiser,” Sarge explained.
“Last year, it was the Little League organization, and they raised enough money to go out of town to a championship game,” Bill explained.
“Did they win?”
Bill scoffed. “Of course.”
“Last year, I donated quite a bit of money,” Sarge said with a grin. “I had way too much fun destroying that car.”
“Did you play on one of those teams as a child?”
“Yes.”
“I bet it felt good to give back and donate so much money to a good cause.”
Sarge grinned. “It felt so good I couldn’t stop myself from buying tickets and hitting that thing so many times I was sore for three days.”
I knew there was more to the story from how hard everyone around the table was laughing, and finally, Ma ordered, “Tell Starla why it was so much fun.”
Sarge looked a little sheepish as he said, “The bank donated the car after they repossessed it from my ex-wife.”
Chelsea, Jack’s wife, chortled. “Medusa was livid.”
“That’s fantastic!”
“You’ve made an enemy for life, you know,” Hannah warned.
“I think I’ll be fine,” I assured her with a smile.
As a foster child who jumped from home to home and school to school, I’d dealt with bullies throughout my childhood.
When I went to prison, the bullying took different forms, and I encountered more than a few women there who would have made my life miserable if I hadn’t stood up for myself.
Fabiella was a small fish in a large ocean; there were much smarter, meaner predators out there, and a woman like her wouldn’t hold a candle to them.
“I’ve dealt with her kind before. I can handle myself. ”
“You’re part of the club now. We meet on Thursdays. Bring whatever you like to drink,” Hannah ordered.
Chelsea added, “It’s at my house next week, so I’ll provide snacks.”
“Really?”
Katie nodded. “Whenever it’s your night to host, you’ll be in charge of the food.”
“You guys are serious?”
“Yes,” Sarge assured me. “They started the club soon after my ex and I moved home.”
“It’s the ‘I hope Fabiella gets lost in the woods and is eaten by a bear’ club,” Bill’s wife, Kristi, explained. “That’s not how it started, but that’s what it turned into once we got to know her.”
“When their little dinner club started, they called it the ‘I hope Ma gets lost in the woods and is eaten by a bear club.’ Then they met Fabiella and realized she’s quite possibly meaner than I am,” Ma explained.
“I wouldn’t say meaner, just more devious,” Bill argued.
“Really, though?” Frank asked. “Equally devious and mean, but using it for evil instead of good sounds better.”
“You realize either description is an insult to your dear, sweet, loving Mama,” Ma said as she dabbed at her eyes, pretending to brush away tears. “I’ve only ever tried to make you love me.”
All of us laughed when Sarge coughed, though it sounded a lot like, “Bullshit!”
“You have to admit, Ma, when we first joined the family, you were a little hard on each of us,” Hannah chided.
“I was, and for good reason. Little ninnies won’t last long out here breaking their backs in the heat, so I wanted to weed out the weaklings before we all got too attached.
But look at us now–we’re a great big family who laughs and fights in equal measure and all at the same volume, and my daughters fit right in. ”
“And now you’re part of the club, which goes back and forth between ‘I hate Fabiella’, ‘Ma’s being a pain in the ass,’ and ‘that skank at the grocery store was making eyes at my husband.’”
“So, when’s the wedding?” Frog asked from the other end of the table. “I want to put the date on my calendar so I don’t get double-booked.”
“Because you’ve got such a busy schedule,” Sarge said drolly. “Mind your business, Frog.”
Deciding to play along, I reached for another piece of the delicious fish Ma had cooked up after the men went night fishing, saying, “I’d like to have a winter wedding. How about February thirtieth of next year?”
“She picked a date!” Grant hooted.
Sully chimed in, “You’re in for it now, Sarge! Better run while you can.”
“It’s a good thing you boys are pretty, because when God was passing out brains, He ran out before you got your portions,” Ma said in exasperation.
“I’m not agreeing to marry a man who hasn’t even taken me dancing,” I said loud enough to be heard over the teasing aimed at Grant and Sully, who had both fallen for my ruse.
I shot Sarge a mock frown. “Every meal we’ve had together has been one I cooked, and I’d like to think I’m worth a trip out on the town that includes dinner and maybe even a spin around the dance floor before I agree to shackle myself to Sarge Brick. ”
Sarge was grinning when he asked, “Are you busy tomorrow evening, pretty Star?”
I winked at him. “I’ll have to check my calendar.”
◆◆◆
I peeked in on Lurk and found him sleeping peacefully, relieved to see some color in his cheeks that hadn’t been there when we first met. Now that the cat was out of the bag and I knew about Ma’s new roommate, I caught myself gravitating toward him as often as possible.
Of course, I masked my concern and eagerness to look after him with sarcasm.
Even though I didn’t really know the man, I was certain he wouldn’t appreciate being treated like he was weak or needed help.
Instead, I teased him about lying around while I made sure he ate plenty of whatever snack or meal I brought to him, and I happily walked around the house with him until he got winded and needed to sit.
Those made for some fun conversations, watching Lurk flirt shamelessly with Ma and listening to her insult his efforts.
We all knew he wasn’t serious, and I could tell Ma adored him, but it seemed to be a game she played with all of Sarge’s friends.
They would offer to sweep her off to wherever their home might be, and she would give them a list of reasons why they weren’t good enough for her, adding a list of things they could do to improve themselves in the hopes of finding a woman willing to put up with their shit.
Every conversation ended with Ma laughing triumphantly and whichever man she’d just insulted frowning, because he knew she was right and couldn’t deny he still had plenty of room for improvement.
I got a fresh glass of tea and took it out to the porch, ready for my nightly ritual of listening to the farm settle in before I went to my room to do the same.
As usual, I’d only been outside a few minutes when Sarge appeared with Luna close at his heels after one last check around the farm to make sure everything was as it should be before tomorrow’s work.
Luna greeted me eagerly, and I reached into my pocket for the treats I’d quickly learned to keep on hand. Once she had a new chew stick to enjoy, she walked down the steps and stretched out in the grass while Sarge and I talked, and then he escorted me upstairs to my bedroom.
“Hello, pretty lady,” Sarge said as he sat beside me. As had become our habit, he reached for my tea, took a long drink, and handed it back. “Are you exhausted after all of today’s excitement?”
“Not really. There were so many hands in the kitchen that I didn’t have to do much at all.”
“It gets that way when all the girls are over. At first, Ma didn’t let them help at all, but over time, they won her heart. It probably helped that they were all eager to learn from her. She likes that.”
“I think it’s funny that you call your grown-ass sisters-in-law ‘the girls’ with a straight face. They’re all badasses in their own right, just like Ma.”
“And it seems they’ve taken you in. Do you get your broom during the first meeting, or do you have to work up to it?”
“Har. Har. Har. A group of women getting together does not a coven make.”
“No, but if they were, I can guarantee that Fabiella would be sporting a tail with a baseball-sized mole on her forehead.”