7. Q
Q
“She’s with you?”
“No, I’m not with him,” Jules answered, glaring me down. “I’m not with anyone.”
Rooster’s brows furrowed as he asked me, “Is she or isn’t she?”
“She is,” I answered with no give. “I’ll make sure she gets where she’s going.”
“Alright then. I’ll leave you to it.” Rooster’s eyes skirted over Jules once more, then he turned and started back down the hall. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”
I didn’t bother responding. Instead, I kept my attention focused on Jules. Her cheeks were bright red with exasperation as she stood there with her hand perched on her hip. “There a reason why you’re lurking around in here?”
“I wasn’t lurking,” she replied with a roll of her eyes. “I was looking for the bathroom.”
“Oh, so the one in the bar not good enough for you.”
“I’m sure it’s fine. I just didn’t see it.”
“Um-hmm.”
“What are you doing here anyway?” she sassed. “Shouldn’t you be outside flirting it up with Caroline?”
“What?” I don’t know what threw me more. The fact that she used the words flirting it up or that she thought I was doing it with some chick I’d never even heard of before. “Who the hell is Caroline?”
“Seriously?” She rolled her eyes again. “You’ve got so many chicks on your roster that you don’t even know the girl’s name.”
“My roster?” I chuckled sarcastically. “Seriously? Where do you come up with this shit?”
“Play it off all you want, but you should know, you’re the main reason why Caroline wanted to come tonight.”
“Caroline?” As soon as I said her name, it hit me like a ton of fucking bricks. “You mean Smokey’s girl? The little blonde number?”
“Yeah, that’s her. Funny how you suddenly remembered her.”
She whipped around and started charging down the hall. Just before she was out of earshot, I grumbled, “I just don’t get it.”
“Get what?”
“You.” She turned to face me with narrowed eyes. I studied her for a moment, searching for some reason for her detest for me, but found nothing. “What have I done to make you hate me so much?”
“I don’t hate you.” Her eyes remained trained on mine. “I don’t care enough to hate you.”
It was impossible not to feel pissed when she turned and started back down the hall.
I was trying to think of some vile comeback to shout at her when she suddenly stopped.
She continued to face forward, and her voice trembled as she said, “I’m sorry.
It’s not you. There’s nothing you’ve said or done.
I made myself stop caring a long time ago. ”
“Why would you do that?”
“It was the only way I could survive.”
Without giving me a chance to respond, she stepped through the doorway and disappeared into the bar.
There was something about her tone that had me rushing down the hall after her.
When I got to the bar, I searched the crowd but saw no sign of her.
I spotted Rooster standing by the back door, so I went over and asked, “Have you seen Jules?”
“The chick from earlier?”
“Yeah. I think she might’ve come through here.”
“Sorry, brother.” Rooster motioned his head towards Tenzleigh as he said, “I was a little preoccupied. I’m sure she’s outside or something.”
“Maybe.”
I eased past him and through the door, then out to the bonfire.
Again, I searched the crowd but saw no sign of her.
I did see Caroline. She was talking to Saber, one of my brothers, and it seemed the two were getting quite cozy.
I decided to leave them to it and continued looking for Jules on my own.
Since I didn’t see her by the fire, I decided to check the parking lot.
I’d just stepped around the corner when I spotted her sprinting toward her car. I started after her as I called, “Jules! Wait!”
The second she heard my voice, she picked up her pace and shouted, “Just leave it, Q. For your sake and mine.”
“Not gonna happen.”
She let out a deep breath, then turned for her car.
She was just about to get in when I came up behind her and took hold of her arm, turning her to face me.
When her eyes met mine, and I saw the indescribable fear in them, I immediately released her arm and held up my hands in surrender.
“Oh, damn. I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to scare ya. You gotta know I’d never hurt you.”
“I don’t know any such thing.” Clearly rattled, she took an apprehensive step back as she stammered, “But it... but it doesn’t matter. I’m.. I’m fine.”
“No, I don’t think you are.” Seeing her so rattled gutted me, and I found myself wanting to do whatever it took to make it go away. “I don’t think you are fine at all, and I wanna know why.”
“Why do you care so much?”
“I have no idea, but I do.” Her fearful expression softened as I said, “You can trust me, Jules.”
“I wish I could believe that.”
“You can. You just have to be willing to give me a chance to prove it.” I could see the wheels turning around in her head. I was close. I could see it in her eyes, so I suggested, “Just have a beer with me.”
“Just a beer? Nothing more?”
When I nodded, she turned and closed her car door, then followed me back to the party.
I grabbed us a couple of beers, then led her over to the bonfire.
Once I’d found a spot away from everyone, I grabbed two chairs and placed them next to the fire.
Without saying a word, we both sat down and stared at the fire as we sipped our beers.
As much as I wanted to push her to talk, I didn’t.
I just sat there with her and watched the fire as it popped and crackled, hoping in time she’d finally break the silence.
It took her some time, but eventually, she said, “His name was James. I was twenty-two when we met, and I was smitten from the start. He was handsome, sweet, and charming, and he had the most adorable smile.”
She continued to look forward, her eyes trained on the fire, as she let out a defeated sigh.
After a couple deep breaths, she finally continued.
“We started dating, and it wasn’t long before I started to fall for him.
He made it easy. He was very attentive and kind.
As crazy as it sounds, I felt safe with him.
I thought I would spend the rest of my life with him, but things changed after we got married. ”
I glanced over at Jules, and just like before, she was still staring straight ahead.
Her face was void of expression, but there were tears pooling in the corner of her eyes.
“The things I loved the most about him ended up being the very things that tore us apart. His attentive nature turned into jealousy and the need to control me. He questioned my every move, and when he thought I’d done something wrong, he lost it. ”
My mind was racing with questions. Jules was a smart, beautiful, determined woman.
It was hard to believe that anyone would ever hurt her.
It gutted me to even think about it. The knot in my stomach grew even more intense when she rocked her head from side to side and muttered, “And when he lost it, he really lost it... It was like he wasn’t even the same person.
I tried everything... from trying to reason with him to just nodding silently, hoping and praying I could calm him down, but once the rage set in, there was no escaping his wrath. ”
“You saying he hurt you?” She was being too vague. I had to know exactly what she meant, so I asked, “He put his hands on you?”
“Yeah, he did, but it’s not all his fault.” Tears started to stream down her cheek as she admitted, “I knew he had a temper. I knew he’d been in fights in bars and in high school, but I never thought that he’d be like that with me.”
“Knowing he had a temper doesn’t make what he did your fault, Jules. It was his fault and his alone.”
“You don’t understand,” she argued. “I should’ve known better. I should’ve seen the signs and never got involved with him.”
“But how could you have known?”
She lowered her head with shame as she confessed, “Because my father was just like him.”
“Wait. He hurt you, too?” When she nodded, it was all I could do to keep my composure. “Ah, for fucks sake, Jules.”
“I know.” Her eyes skirted over to me, then over to the fire. “I guess I’m a glutton for punishment.”
“No, you were just a kid who fell in love.”
“That’s a copout, and you know it.” She shook her head with regret as she told me, “I should’ve known better. I saw the signs and ignored them. That’s on me.”
“But you didn’t stay. You got away.”
“Yeah, well, even the strongest of oaks can only take so much before they finally break.” She stood and looked down at me with a pained expression. “And once they are broken, they’re broken. There’s no going back.”
As soon as the words left her mouth, she turned and started walking back to her car. This time, I didn’t stop her.
Not because I didn’t want to.
I did.
I just had no idea what to say to her. She’d been to hell and back, and the last thing she needed was me to say something that could make her feel worse.
Even though it was hard, I remained planted in my seat, and as I sat there studying that fire, I went back over everything she’d said.
It was tough to think of her in such a fucked-up situation.
It was even harder to know that it had happened with both her ex and her father.
I’d never understood how a man could put his hands on a woman. It just made no sense to me. At least now I finally understood why she’d been so intent on pushing me away.
I was thinking about my next move when Cotton pulled over a chair and sat down next to me. He gave me one of his knowing looks as he asked, “It just me, or is something on your mind?”
“You could say that.”
“It got anything to do with the girl you were just talkin’ to?”
Even after all these years, I still had no idea how my president did it. Maybe it was just good, old intuition, but it was like the man could sense when something was up with one of his brothers—and clearly, tonight was no different. “As a matter of fact...”
“You wanna tell me about it?”
“She’s a tough nut to crack.”
“You think there’s something there?”