8. Jules
JULES
Iwas with James for just over six years.
During that time, we had countless arguments, most of which included some sort of violence.
Sometimes it was just a push or a slap, while other times, he left me black and blue all over.
To make matters worse, no one cared enough to even ask about the bruises.
They just pretended they weren’t there, so I did the same.
I just went about my day, and no matter how bad it got, I never talked about the abuse I was enduring. Until the night of the party, I’d kept it all to myself. I had no idea why I’d decided to open up to a complete. stranger, especially one I’d been fighting so hard to resist.
Maybe it was his smile or the kindness in his eyes, but there was something about him that set me at ease, and I ended up telling him things I never intended to tell. I didn’t want him, or anyone else, to think I was weak or messed up in the head. But maybe I was.
I certainly hadn’t come out of it unscathed.
I had scars.
Some were buried deep, while others marked my flesh. I’d done my best not to let them define me, but there were times when they consumed me—heart and soul. It was a thought that had weighed on me for days, and it was still weighing on me when Caroline asked, “Do you have any plans for the night?”
“Hmm?”
“Plans for the night?”
“Oh.” I tossed the rest of the baskets into the bin. “Just some laundry and maybe a movie.”
“You should come to Danver’s with me. We could have dinner and a couple of drinks. Please.” She was practically beaming as she announced, “Hayes is going to be there.”
“Hayes?”
“You know. The guy I met at the party. He’ll be there with a couple of his brothers, and I don’t want to show up there alone.”
“You said the same thing about the party.”
“I know, but this isn’t a big deal. It’s just a burger and maybe a round of pool.”
“With a bunch of dudes I don’t know.”
“Q will be there.” She smiled and playfully fluttered her eyelashes. “You know him.”
“I don’t know him, Caroline. I just talked to him for a few minutes at the party. It was no big deal.”
“I don’t know. You two looked cozy sitting over there by the fire.”
“Shouldn’t you be a little more bothered by that? I mean, he was the reason why you went to the party, right?”
“He was, but I kind of lost interest when all he wanted to talk about was you.” She cocked her brow and smiled. “Don’t get me wrong. I tried to win him over, but he had his sights set on you.”
“That’s not true.”
“It is.”
“It’s not.”
“He couldn’t take his eyes off you!”
“He was flirting with all the women there.”
“But you’re the one he chased to the parking lot.”
“I don’t know why we are even talking about this,” I argued. “I’m not interested.”
“How can you not be interested? The man is smoking hot.”
“I have my reasons.”
“Well, I think you need to reevaluate those reasons, and the best way to do that is to come with me tonight.”
“Oh, my God. You’re the pushiest person on the planet.”
A proud smirk crossed her face as she asked, “Does that mean you’ll go?”
“Yeah, I’ll go, but I’m not staying long. I have things to do.”
“Um-hm.” She started walking over to her car as she groaned, “Can’t forget the laundry.”
“It’s all fun and games until you run out of underwear.”
“Oh, girl. That’s when the fun begins!” She gave me a little wave, then opened her car and got inside. Before shutting her door, she shouted, “I’ll meet you there around six.”
I nodded, then watched as she pulled out of the drive.
Once she was gone, I finished cleaning up a few things in the barn, then headed to my apartment for a quick shower.
I had no intention of getting dolled up.
I didn’t see a point, and yet, I still took the time to do my makeup and fix my hair.
I even skipped my favorite oversized hoodie and put on a fitted button-down and a pair of loose-fit jeans.
I was putting the last touches on my hair when I realized it was almost six o’clock, so I grabbed my purse and rushed downstairs to my car.
The bar was just a few minutes away—just far enough for my doubts to creep in.
I hadn’t seen Q since the bonfire, and I wasn’t exactly looking forward to seeing him tonight.
I still had misgivings about sharing the events of my past. I knew there would be judgments. I just didn’t know if they were good or bad, and a piece of me didn’t want to find out. While I just wanted to continue pretending, I had a feeling Q wasn’t going to let that happen.
I tried not to think about it as I parked and headed inside. I’d barely made it through the front door before Caroline came rushing over in her high heels and tight miniskirt. “You came!”
“I did, but I’m not...”
“Staying long. I know, but you’re here now.” She took a step back and surveyed my outfit with a playful grin. “And you’re looking good, girl.”
“I’m glad you approve.”
“I do!” She motioned me to the back of the restaurant as she said, “Come on. Let’s go sit.”
I followed her over to our table, and as soon as we were seated, one of the waitresses came over and asked, “What can I get you ladies tonight?”
“I’ll have a cheeseburger loaded, fries loaded, and a Jim Beam and coke,” Caroline answered.
“Oh, you’re not messing around.”
“Girl, I’m starving. I haven’t eaten a bite all day.”
I glanced down at the menu and checked the specials. When I spotted something I could eat, I looked over to the waitress and said, “I’ll take the Peppercorn Steak Salad with ranch. And no croutons, please.”
“Sure thing. What about a drink?”
“I’ll just have a Moscow Mule and a water.”
“You got it.”
The waitress double-checked our orders, then turned and started toward the kitchen. Caroline waited until she was several feet away before she leaned over to me and whispered, “I’ve been thinking about something.”
“Oh? What about?”
“You.” She pressed her lips together with apprehension, then asked, “It’s been three years or so since you left your douchebag husband, right?”
“Yeah, give or take.”
“And you haven’t dated anyone since?”
“No.” Our conversation came to an immediate halt when the waitress came over and placed our drinks on the table. Once she was gone, I leaned over to Caroline and whispered, “What are you trying to get at?”
“I’m just trying to figure out how you’ve done it. I mean, damn. Three years is a long time to go without.” Concerned marked her face as she asked, “Don’t you miss it?”
“Miss what?”
“Sex,” she hissed. “How have you been able to go without for so long?”
“It’s not as hard as you might think.”
Sex with James wasn’t all that spectacular.
In fact, it was awful. I often thought of him as the three-minute wonder.
I never could understand how he could be intimate with me so many times and still have no clue what I liked or didn’t like—not that it mattered.
There was no way I could enjoy having sex with him after he’d beat the hell out of me.
I couldn’t stand for him to touch me, much less make love to me. I simply did it to appease him and hoped it would put him in a better mood. It was clear from her line of questioning that she hadn’t had the same kind of experience. “How can you say that? I’d lose my mind.”
“I’ve managed to survive.”
“That’s just sad. Please tell me you at least have a vibrator to keep you company.”
“Hmmm.” I grimaced as I admitted, “Afraid not.”
“What! You’ve gotta be kidding me!” Her eyes were wide with disbelief. “You’ve gone all that time without anything? Not even a toe-dip in Wonderland? Nothing?”
“Nope. Not a thing.” I shrugged. “But like I said, I survived.”
“Surviving isn’t everything, Jules. A woman has needs!”
“You got that right,” a man’s voice boomed behind me.
When I glanced over my shoulder, I was mortified to find Hayes standing there with Q.
They both had amused looks on their faces, making me wonder just how much they’d heard of our conversation.
Caroline didn’t seem all that concerned when she smiled and said, “Hey, I wasn’t expecting you guys until later. ”
“Yeah, that was the plan, but we came early to grab a bite to eat. Had to get one of Flynn’s famous burgers.”
“Oh, they’re the best! I got one myself.”
“Well, you girls enjoy your dinner.” Hayes looked over to Q and the other two brothers that were with them as he said, “Come join us at the pool tables when you’re done.”
“Sure thing.” Caroline motioned her head over to me as she said, “We’re looking forward to it.”
Q looked right at me, but he didn’t smile.
He didn’t speak. I couldn’t tell what he thought as he followed Hayes and the others over to the pool tables.
I continued watching them as they prepared for their first game, and my stomach sank when his eyes met mine in a cold, dead stare.
He held my gaze for only a second before turning his attention back to his brothers.
I’d finally done it.
I’d gone too far when I told him about my past and pushed him away.
I should’ve been happy, but I wasn’t. Instead, I felt sick and had to fight the urge to cry. I wanted to get up and run out of that bar, but just as I was about to make up an excuse to leave, the waitress appeared with our food.
“This looks great!” Caroline gasped as she grabbed a cheesy fry and stuffed it in her mouth. “Hmmm. Hits the spot.”
“Good, huh?”
“Better than good.”
I took a quick sample of my salad, then told Caroline, “So, I think I’m gonna head home after we eat.”
“What? Why?”
“I just don’t think I’m up for playing pool tonight.”
“You don’t have to play. You can just stand there and look pretty. That’s what I plan on doing.” She giggled, then pleaded, “Please don’t go. Just stay for a little while, and I'll never ask you for anything ever again.”
“We both know that isn’t true. You can’t make it a week without asking me for something.”
“Yeah, well... This is true, but I really want you to stay. Pp-lease. I’ll do your basket duty for a week.”
“Seriously?” When Caroline nodded, I told her, “Okay, I’ll stay, but I’m holding you to basket duty.”
“No problem. I’ll be glad to do it.”