Londyn
Growing up, I always imagined myself living in a small house on the Washington coast with a beautiful view of the North Pacific.
I would have a career in law, saving the world one case at a time, with a loving, doting husband and two precious children.
It was a wonderful dream, but it was just that.
A dream.
I actually lived in Seattle in the Belltown area.
It was a bustling area that was growing by the minute, and while I liked it there, I worried that it wasn’t the best place to raise Dalton, my four-year-old son.
He was energetic, curious, and often rebellious, and there were times when I wondered if I’d made a mistake when I chose to move to such a busy part of the city—especially when I had to rise an extra forty-five minutes early just to get him to preschool in time for his graduation.
I was sleeping so soundly when the warm sun started to peek through the curtains, announcing that it was time for me to get out of bed.
I tossed back the covers and was hit with a mix of nostalgia and excitement.
I couldn’t believe that it was Dalton’s last day of preschool.
It was a day that would mark the beginning of a new chapter in our lives.
While Dalton was thrilled, I was a bit apprehensive.
I felt like time was flying by, and I was just standing alone in the wind.
I shook the feelings off and went to Dalton’s room to wake him. When I walked in, he was still sound asleep, his little chest rising and falling ever so softly. I walked over to the edge of his bed and brushed a strand of hair away from his face as I whispered, “Hey, buddy. It’s time to get up.”
“Hmm-hmmm,” he fussed with a groan.
“Come on, sweetheart.” I leaned down and kissed him on the forehead. “We gotta get ready for your big day.”
Dalton stirred, slowly opening his eyes, and a sleepy smile formed on his face. “Graduation?”
“That’s right. It’s your last day of preschool.”
"Really?" he mumbled, rubbing his eyes.
"Yep. You better get moving or we’re gonna be late.”
Dalton sat up and stretched, then reached over and gave me a long hug.
Once he’d given me my morning love, he got up and waited as I placed his clothes on the foot of the bed.
As soon as he was dressed, I combed his hair, and he brushed his teeth.
After a quick breakfast, we both rushed out of the house and to my car.
When we pulled up at the school, I turned to look at him in the backseat, and my heart swelled when I found him smiling back at me. “You look nice, Momma.”
“Thank you, sweetheart.”
As I helped him out of the car, I couldn't help but think about how much my little boy had grown. It felt like just yesterday he was a tiny baby in my arms, so sweet and vulnerable, and now, he was about to graduate from preschool. It seemed so surreal.
Dalton's excitement was palpable as he raced to the door, eager to start his big day.
I watched him run ahead, a smile on my face as I followed behind.
I took him down to his class, then headed to the gymnasium.
When I walked in, I found the room filled with parents and children, all dressed in their best clothes for the occasion.
I was searching for a place to sit when I spotted a few other mothers from Dalton's class.
Cassie, one of the nicer moms, gave me a wave and mouthed, “Come sit with us.”
“That’s okay.” Like the other mothers, she was sitting with her husband and the rest of their families. I didn’t want to intrude, so I pointed at a couple of empty seats up front and told her, “I’ll just sit here.”
I feigned a smile, then quickly rushed up front. I couldn’t help but feel a little jealous as I claimed my seat. My family couldn’t make it, so I was there alone, which wasn’t something new. My folks had to work, so they couldn’t make it to his special day.
I was waiting for the program to start when I felt someone sit down next to me. I turned and gasped when I saw that it was Jackson, my best friend and supporter. His lips curled into a smirk as he snickered, “Hey there, Tinkerbell. How’s it hanging?”
“Jackson!” I didn’t remember telling him that today was Dalton’s graduation, so I asked, “What in the world are you doing here?”
“I couldn’t miss seeing our boy graduate from preschool.”
“But how did...”
“He mentioned something about it this past weekend, and I told him I’d be here.”
“That’s very sweet of you.”
“Well, I’m a sweet person.”
“You definitely have your moments.”
His grin grew wider, then immediately faded when he saw what I was wearing. “So, what’s with the getup?”
“What?” I looked down at my black knee-length skirt and a white blouse, feeling suddenly self-conscious. “There’s nothing wrong with what I’m wearing.”
“That depends... Are you trying to look like a high school principal?” he asked, his eyes gleaming with mischief. “You should unbutton the top a bit, and you know, it wouldn’t hurt for you to try using some conditioner. Your hair is an absolute mess.”
“My hair is fine.”
There were definite pros and cons to having a gay best friend like Jackson—one of them being the fact that they don’t hold back, especially when they don’t approve of something.
I wasn’t sure what was wrong with my hair, but I had no doubt that Jackson would fill me in.
His nose crinkled with disapproval as he questioned, “When’s the last time you had that mop trimmed? ”
“I’ll admit it’s been a minute, but it’s not that bad.” I rolled my eyes, fighting the blush that threatened to rise to my cheeks as I quickly tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. “And to think I was actually happy to see you.”
“Oh, come on.” He gave me a playful nudge with his shoulder. “You’re still happy to see me.”
“Yeah, maybe just a little.”
“So, where’s our boy?”
“He should be out in a minute.”
And just like that, the music started to play, and Dalton and his classmates appeared on the makeshift stage. My heart swelled with pride as I watched my son take his place with the other children, and two hours later, my son had officially graduated from preschool.
As soon as the graduation ceremony ended, Dalton ran towards me with his tiny arms outstretched, and I scooped him up in a bear hug.
His face lit up with a huge smile when I told him that Jackson and I were taking him to his favorite pizza place for lunch, and he immediately started talking about which pizza he wanted and the arcade games he wanted to play.
We spent a couple of hours at the pizza place, then went to the theatre to see the latest kid-friendly movie before heading home. When we finally made it back to the house, Dalton went to his room to change clothes while Jackson and I went into the kitchen for a drink.
I was pouring us both a glass of tea when I heard Jackson ask, “What’s this?”
“Hmmm?” I glanced over my shoulder and found him pointing to the envelope that was clipped to the refrigerator door. “Oh... That’s the invitation to Skylar’s wedding.”
“Your friend from high school?”
I nodded. “I’m actually kind of surprised that she invited me. I haven’t spoken to her in months.”
“Are you going to go?”
“I’m not sure.” The thought of going back home and revisiting my past wasn’t something I was looking forward to. In fact, I absolutely despised the idea. “I have a lot going on at work, and ...”
“You don’t have to make up excuses for me.” He cocked his brow. “I know Malcomb is the real reason you don’t want to go.”
He was right.
I hadn’t seen Malcomb since the night he ended things, and I was in no hurry to remedy that. “I’m just not ready to face him.”
“It’s been five years. I think the time has come for you to get over this guy.”
“I would love to get over him and move on, but every time I look at Dalton, I see Malcomb staring back at me.”
I wasn’t exaggerating. It had been like that since the day he was born and was one of the many reasons I’d had such a hard time letting Malcomb go.
I loved him. I loved him hard. And even though I was young and na?ve, I knew I’d never love anyone the way I loved him.
That notion was confirmed the day our son was born, and I held him for the very first time.
He looked up at me, and in his eyes, I found unconditional love. I found forgiveness, but most of all, I found hope. That hope gave me the strength to keep pushing forward. I didn't give up. I finished college and found a job—I did what had to be done for my son.
I tried to put Malcomb behind me. I honestly did, but living with his miniature twin made that difficult. If anything, it made me love him even more.
I was trying to explain that to Jackson when I said, “They have the same eyes, the same smile, and freckles. They even walk the same. It’s like they were forged out of the same damn mold or something.”
“But he broke things off with you.”
“Yeah, he did.”
“And he basically told you he was with other chicks.”
“He did that, too.” I shrugged. “What can I say? I’m a glutton for punishment. Regardless, I’m just not in the right mindset to see him. I’m not sure I’ll ever be.”
“Then tell her that. I’m sure she will understand.”
“You don’t know Skylar.” I handed him a glass of tea as I told him, “She’ll kill me if I don’t come to her wedding.”
“Well, maybe she had the good sense not to invite him.”
“That’s unlikely. His mother and her mother are tight, so I’m pretty sure the whole family will be invited.” I let out a sigh as I added, “And her parents and mine are close, too. They’ll all expect me to be there.”
“That’s a tough one.” Jackson sat down at the kitchen table and shrugged. “You could always skip it.”
“I could... or you could come with me.” I was half-teasing, half-serious as I snickered, “You could pretend to be my better half. That way, I wouldn’t have to talk to anyone, and...”
“No one’s going to buy that I’m your boyfriend, Londyn.”
“Why not?” I walked over and sat down across from him. “You’re handsome and smart, and you have a...”
“So help me, if you say I have a great personality, I’ll get up from this table, and that will be the end of this conversation.”
“Actually, I was going to say you have a good job.” A smirk crossed my lips as I told him, “Your personality is hit or miss.”
“Talk like that isn’t going to help your case.”
“Come on, Jackson. It could be fun.” I leaned in as I told him, “There’s an open bar, and I’m sure Dan-o’s will be catering, so the food will be amazing.”
Jackson frowned as he took a sip of his tea, contemplating my proposal before answering, “But I hate weddings.”
"I know, but I really don't want to go alone. Plus, it's not like we have to stay long. Just a few hours, and then we can leave."
“I don’t know.” He raised an eyebrow at me. "What am I supposed to do while you're schmoozing with your family?"
"The open bar, Jackson. Need I say more?"
I gave him a light-hearted shrug, then took a sip of my drink, waiting eagerly for him to respond. After a few moments, he finally sighed, "Alright, I'll go.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, but I’m going as your friend. Not your boyfriend.”
“Okay, but what ‘bout a really good, close friend?”
“Fine, but no showing out. There will be no PDA or fake shenanigans in the coat closet.”
“You watch entirely too much TV.”
“I mean it, Londyn.”
“I got it. No PDA or shenanigans in the closet.”
“Damn. I’m so gonna regret this.”
“Oh, hush. It’ll be fun.”
We talked a little longer, and then Jackson made himself scarce, leaving me to get Dalton ready for bed. After his bath, I wrapped him up in a fluffy towel and carried him to his bedroom. I helped him into his pajamas and tucked him into bed.
I sat beside Dalton and ran my fingers through his hair watching as he drifted off to sleep.
Once I was certain he wasn’t going to wake, I got up and went to my room.
After a long day of running around, I was exhausted, so I threw on my pajamas and crawled into bed.
My head had barely hit the pillow when my mind drifted to Malcomb.
I shouldn’t have been surprised. All the talk about Skylar’s wedding and going home brought up a lot of old memories that I’d worked hard to forget—like the night he ripped my heart from my chest, and he did it with a smile.
He was right.
I should’ve seen it coming.
Malcomb and I were an unlikely match. Malcomb was outgoing and loved by everyone. He was tall and devastatingly handsome with dark, shaggy hair and gorgeous blue eyes. The second he smiled one of his dashing smiles, the girls would flock around him, doing everything they could to win him over.
I still have no idea why I was the one who’d caught his attention.
I was average height with dirty blonde hair and a figure that wasn't worth mentioning, and in my oversized plain tees and baggy jeans, I was basically invisible to everyone around me.
But Malcomb not only saw me, he wanted to date me.
We were together for just over two years, and I thought everything was wonderful.
I adored him, and I thought he adored me.
When he broke it off with me, it nearly destroyed me.
I’d worked hard to put him and the hurt he’d caused behind me.
It had taken me years, and there were still times when I missed him desperately.
I often wondered what our lives would’ve been like if Malcomb had answered my letters and decided to be in Dalton’s life. I might’ve pushed him to be involved or asked one of the brothers to do it, but I just couldn’t—not after being turned away so many times.
Call it pride or whatever you want, but I simply couldn’t continue to reach out.
I thought it was the right thing for both of us.
But on nights like this, when Dalton was growing with every breath, and I felt so bitterly alone, I wasn’t so sure.