Londyn
I’d always loved driving through Port Angeles.
I’d roll down my windows, letting the cool breeze whip around me, and the second I smelled the salty air, I would be overcome with the need to put my toes in the ocean.
Doing my best to dismiss the urge, I'd continue through town and up into the lush forests where towering evergreen trees created a beautiful makeshift tunnel.
The sun would filter through the branches, casting dappled shadows and flickering light on the pavement below, and then, without warning, I'd catch a glimpse of the sparkling blue waters of the Strait, teasing me from between the gaps in the buildings.
The charming downtown area was filled with quaint shops, inviting cafes, and local boutiques, and the people were laid-back and welcoming, adding a charm to the town.
It was one of the many reasons why my parents refused to leave.
They’d set their roots there right after they married, and it wasn’t long after when Joseph and I were born.
Feeling the same nostalgia about our small hometown, my brother, Joseph, and his wife decided to buy a place a few blocks over, so when I finally arrived at my parents’ house, I wasn’t surprised to find his car parked in the driveway.
I pulled in behind them, then turned to the backseat and gave Dalton a little nudge, waking him from his nap. “Hey, sweetie. We’re here.”
“Um-hmm.”
“Grangran and Papa are going to be so happy to see you.”
He nodded, then stretched before unbuckling his seatbelt. He wiped the sleep from his eyes, then stretched once more as he said, “Maybe they have ice cream.”
“I’m sure they do.”
I opened my door, then walked around to the back and opened his. Once he was out, I closed the door, and we started up the front steps. We hadn’t gotten far when my mother appeared with a big smile.
"There you two are!" Mom scooped Dalton up into a big hug. "Look how much you've grown since the last time I saw you."
“I’m four now.” He giggled as he hugged her back. "I missed you, Grangran."
"I missed you too, sweetie. And guess what? We have a surprise for you."
His eyes widened. "Ice cream?"
"No, something even better.” She motioned us forward as she said, “Come on inside and see for yourself."
Curious, we followed her into the house.
It was familiar, with the same old furniture, the same pictures on the walls, and blankets laid across the recliners.
While I still smelled the comforting scent of my childhood, there was something new about it, too.
I couldn’t put my finger on it until I spotted her—a beautiful golden retriever puppy with a pink collar and wagging tail. “Mom, what did you do?”
“We have a new member of the family.”
My mother had always been a remarkable woman.
She was in her late fifties but always managed to look much younger.
She was beautiful and tall, strong inside and out, and she was my best friend.
We talked every day, sharing the tidbits of our day, and I took great comfort in the fact that she was just a phone call away.
It made me feel closer to home, and with the craziness in my life, I needed that. I needed it more than I could describe.
I looked over at her, noting the smile on her face, and my heart swelled in my chest. It never failed to amaze me how she always knew exactly what our family needed. She was practically beaming as she told us, “Meet Daisy.”
Dalton’s face lit up as he sat down on the floor next to Daisy, hugging and loving on her like she was his new best friend. Clearly pleased with the attention, Daisy wagged her tail even harder and started licking Dalton in the face, making him giggle with delight.
Seeing them together made me realize how much I’d missed having a dog around. Daisy was just a puppy, but I could already see the potential for a lifetime of love and companionship. I looked over to Mom and smiled as I told her, “Mom, she’s beautiful.”
As if on cue, my father entered the room just as Mom said, “She was your father’s idea.”
“I thought she might tempt you two into coming to see us more often.” A smile swept across his face as he walked over and wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tightly. “What can I say? I miss my daughter and only grandson.”
“Only grandson for now,” Joseph interjected. “That might change very soon.”
“What? Kate is pregnant?”
“Yeah, about six months along now.”
“Oh, Joseph!” I rushed over and gave him a hug.
Joseph and Katie had been trying to conceive for years, and after several heartbreaking failed attempts, they’d all but stopped trying.
Needless to say, I was shocked to hear that Katie was not only pregnant but six months along. “Congratulations! I had no idea!”
“Katie wanted to keep it kind of quiet until we knew the baby was okay.”
“And everything’s good?”
“So far so good.” Joseph couldn’t have looked more pleased as he said, “We had an ultrasound last week, and he looks perfect. His heartbeat is strong, and he has all his little fingers and toes.”
“Oh, Joe. That’s so good to hear. I know you both must be thrilled.”
“We really are. Even though it came as a surprise. I just took a big promotion at work, and Katie has two huge projects that she’ll be working on for the next year or so.” He looked over to Mom as he said, “Thankfully, we’ll have the best sitter in town.”
“Mom’s going to babysit for you?”
“That’s the plan.”
My throat tightened with an unwelcomed jealousy.
I hadn’t wanted anyone in town to see that I was pregnant and tell Malcomb, so I left soon after we broke up.
I took the scholarship and went off to college, but after one very long semester, I decided to move to Seattle where I would be closer to my folks.
I found an apartment near campus and started the summer session, thinking it would give me a jump on things. And it did. I was able to get settled and prepare for Dalton’s arrival, but I did that all alone.
Mom was there when he was born. Dad, too.
But they were only able to stay for a week or so, and then, they had to get back to work.
They came and visited as often as they could, but as time passed, those visits became less and less frequent.
Dalton spent his days at the campus daycare, and when he got old enough, he started at the local preschool.
While that was fine and he was well taken care of, it wasn’t Mom.
“That’s great... really, really great.” I let out a breath, trying my best to shake my mindset. When that didn’t work, I told him, “I ah, I need to get our things out of the car. I’ll be right back.”
“I’ll come and give you a hand.”
“No, that’s okay. I got it.”
With that, I stepped outside and started over to my car. I’d just opened the trunk when I heard the low rumble of a motorcycle off in the distance, and my heart stopped. I held my breath, trying to brace myself for what I might see when I turned and looked down the road.
But no one was there.
Soon, the rumble faded, but the tightness in my chest remained.
There was something about that familiar sound that had me stepping back in time,
And just like that, I found myself bombarded with memories of Malcomb.
The way he always held my hand when we were out.
The way his eyes darkened when he was about to kiss me.
But most of all, I loved the way he made me feel like I was the only person in the world who mattered. He would whisper my name, and that was all it took. The heartbreak started to creep back in, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
I felt a tear trickle down my cheek, and it was enough to pull me back into reality. I was done crying, so I quickly wiped the tear away. Unfortunately, my mother caught me in the act. “Honey? Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m good.”
“You don’t look good.” She stepped closer, trying to get a better look at me. “Is this about Joseph and the baby? You know I would’ve loved to keep Dalton...”
“It’s not about that.” I motioned my head towards the road. “I just thought I heard a motorcycle.”
“Oh, I’m sure that was just one of the boys. They’ve been working on a big renovation project downtown. They’re redoing the bank and coffee shop.” She sounded almost excited as she told me, “They’ve done an amazing job. You should go see it.”
“I don’t think so.”
“So, you’re going to do like you usually do and hide out the entire time you’re here?”
“If by hiding out you mean hanging out here and spending time with you and Dad, then yes. That’s exactly what I’m planning to do.”
“And what about the wedding?”
“What about it?”
I grabbed our bags from the trunk, then started towards the house. I hadn’t made it to the front steps when she said, “You know, he will be there.”
“Who?”
“Londyn.”
“Okay... And what if he is?”
“Are you going to talk to him?”
“I don’t know, Mom.” I wasn’t a complete idiot. I knew the time would come when I would have to face Malcomb and hash things out, but the wedding wasn’t the time or the place. “I haven’t really thought about it.”
“Well, I think the time has come for you to start thinking about it, because sooner or later, you’re going to have to face this thing with him.”
“You’re acting like I’ve never tried to talk to him.
You know I have.” I knew it wasn’t enough, but I’d gone to the clubhouse three separate times to talk to him.
Each time, there was something—a run or an issue with the brothers that prevented me from seeing him.
I’d written to him countless times, but never got a response.
I could only assume that he didn’t care about me or our son, so I gave up.
“Besides, it’s not like he’s made any effort to see me. ”
“Malcomb has made his fair share of mistakes. You both have... Maybe it’s time you both faced those mistakes and moved on with your lives.”
Mom had always been a very level-headed and understanding person.
Even when I was completely irrational and downright stupid, she never judged me.
She never told me I was wrong or that I was making a huge mistake.
Instead, she always waited and listened to me, and once I’d said everything I had to say, she’d help guide me to find my own answers—and tonight was no different.
“You make it sound so easy.”
“Nothing about this is easy, sweetheart.”
Without saying anything more, she stepped over to me and took Dalton’s bag from my hand, then started back up the front porch steps. I followed her inside and put our things away. By the time I was done, Joseph had gone, and Mom and Dad were in the kitchen getting things ready for dinner.
I joined in, and while we took turns chopping vegetables, we caught each other up on all the things that had been going on in our lives. It wasn’t long before we’d put together quite a meal. We gathered in the dining room and continued talking as we ate.
After dinner, Mom followed Dalton into his room and helped him get ready for bed. Once he was settled, we each gave him a kiss goodnight and turned out the lights. I took that as my cue to turn to Mom and say, “I think I’m going to call it a night.”
“So soon?”
“I’m sorry. I’m just wiped out.” I gave her a hug as I asked, “Why don’t we take Dalton to the beach tomorrow? We could take a picnic and spend the day there.”
“Oh, I would love that.”
“Then, it’s a plan.” I stuck my head into the hall as I shouted, “Night, Dad.”
“Night, Lou.”
With a smile on my face, I slipped into the bathroom, brushed my teeth, and washed my face, attempting to wash away the worries of the day.
Sadly, it didn’t help. As soon as I crawled into bed, my mind went straight to Malcomb, and the memories started playing over and over in my head like a broken record.
It wasn’t anything new.
It happened every time I came home.
All those feelings would come creeping back in, and I’d find myself missing him. I missed the way he would smile the second he spotted me in a crowded room. I missed him reaching for my hand when we walked across the street or into a busy place. I missed being the one he told his secrets to.
I’d held onto those secrets, just like I’d held on to our box of memories I had hidden under my bed. I cherished all the little mementos—just like I cherished the first time he told me that he loved me.
It was late, and it had been snowing for hours.
We were in his bedroom. Malcomb was on his phone talking to one of the brothers while I was over by the window, watching the flakes as they collected on the pine trees.
I had no idea Malcomb was behind me until I heard him say, “You’re really something, you know that? ”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re smart. You’re beautiful. You get along with everybody, and you put up with me.” He stepped closer. “I have no idea what the hell I did to get so lucky.”
“I think I’m the lucky one.”
His eyes locked on mine as he leaned forward, but just as his lips were about to touch mine, he paused. My lips parted and our breaths mingled, making my entire body hum. “I love you, Twinkles.”
Without saying another word, he slipped his hand behind my neck and pulled me forward, crashing his mouth against mine.
His lips were soft and full as they covered mine.
It was like they were made just for me. His warm, wet tongue ran across my bottom lip as his hands snaked down my back.
They were strong and assured as he pulled me closer to him.
I’d thought about this moment for months.
I loved Malcomb, but I didn’t know how or when to tell him.
So, I kept my feelings to myself and waited, praying that one day he would feel the same about me. Feeling both relieved and elated, I leaned back, breaking from our embrace and whispered, “I love you, too, Malcomb.”
I watched in wonder as he lowered his mouth down to mine, kissing me softly, so gentle and sweet.
His hands were strong and self-assured as they drifted over my back and waist, his scent circling around me.
Goosebumps swept across my flesh when he delved further into my mouth, exploring every inch with his tongue.
His fingers dug into my hips as he pulled me closer to him, forcing a light moan to vibrate through my chest.
We were both lost in the moment when his door flew open and Torch announced, “Alright, enough of that shit. We’re going sledding.”
“In the dark?”
“Well, hell yeah! It’s the best time to go.” Torch started out the door as he told us, “Now, quit pawing all over each other and grab your fucking coats. We have a race to win.”
And with that, our little romantic moment was over.
It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.
I had a blast sledding with Malcomb and his brothers. The thought had me smiling, but it didn’t last long. Those times had come and gone, and deep down, I knew they were nothing more than distant memories.
And that’s all they would ever be.