Maggie
I’d been staring at my phone for at least half an hour. I’d already composed the perfect message, and it was ready to go, but for some reason, I couldn’t make myself hit that send button. I had no idea why I was hesitant. It was just a short text telling him which day to come over for dinner.
While it seemed simple enough, the thought of being alone with him, sharing a meal and an evening together, made my palms clammy.
I was beginning to think it wasn’t worth it when suddenly I mustered the courage and pressed send.
I was a little stunned by my abrupt actions, but I also felt pretty proud of myself for taking a chance.
But then the waiting set in, and it wasn’t long before pride turned to doubt, and doubt turned to self-deprecation. I was silently cursing myself when my phone chimed with a message. I quickly glanced down at the screen, and my heart skipped a beat when I read:
Ronin:
Who is this?
Me:
Sorry. I forgot to say that it’s Maggie.
Ronin:
I know.
I was just messing with ya.
I was beginning to think you forgot about me.
Me:
Not a chance.
Ronin:
How’s the car?
Did you get it fixed?
Me:
Yes. Thanks to you.
Turns out you were right about the alternator.
Your guy fixed it and had it back to me the next day.
Ronin:
Good.
I’m glad it worked out.
Me:
Me, too
Are you having a good week?
Ronin:
It’s been busy, but I can’t complain.
You?
Me:
The same.
Just ready for the weekend.
Ronin:
Can’t disagree with you there.
Me:
So, is Saturday at six good with you?
Ronin:
Yeah, I should be able to work that out.
Me:
Great.
How do you feel about chicken and pasta?
Ronin:
As long as you’re there, I’m good with anything.
Me:
Okay. Great.
Saturday night. Chicken and pasta.
Ronin:
Looking forward to it.
I was smiling ear to ear when I shoved my phone back into my purse. I thought my good mood had gone unnoticed until I heard Nathan ask, “What’s up with you?”
“Hmm?” I glanced up and found him standing across from me. “Oh, it’s nothing. I was just texting a friend.”
“A friend?”
“Yeah, a friend. You know, people have those.”
“Not you.” He’d had an attitude all night, and I had no idea why. He rolled his eyes and started into the kitchen as he grumbled, “It’s always Keeley or Ryan with you... I bet you were talking to some dude. That’s why you were smiling like that. Girls always smile when they’re talking to dudes.”
“Nathan.”
“What?” He stopped and turned to face me. “It’s not a big deal. You should be talking to dudes.”
“I should?”
“I don’t see why not.” He shrugged nonchalantly. “You’re alright looking. You’ll have plenty of guys who are into you.”
“Oh, you think so?”
“Yeah. You’re a catch.”
“So, you’re okay with me dating?”
“Yeah, and to be honest, I kinda already figured you’d been going out and just not telling us.” Another shrug, and he turned and started over to the fridge. “I don’t care who you talk to or go out with. Just make sure he’s not a douchebag like Dad.”
“Nathan, don’t call your father a douchebag.”
“Well, that’s what he is.” He grabbed a soda and slammed the refrigerator door. “He called last night to let us know that he wouldn’t be able to take us to the hockey game next month because he and what’s-her-face are going to the beach for her stupid birthday.”
“I’m sorry, sweetie. I know you were looking forward to that game.”
“It’s fine. I’ll just watch it on TV or something.”
“What about this weekend?” It was only Tuesday, but I’d hoped their father had something fun planned—or anything for that matter. It helped them to have something to look forward to. “Do you guys have anything planned?”
“He said something about taking me hiking at the park, but they’re calling for snow. No way we’ll go if that happens.” I could see the light leaving his eyes as he said, “We’ll probably do what we always do. Dad will take Crissy out on some date, and I’ll be stuck babysitting Sam.”
My first instinct was to try and fix things, especially when it came to the kids, but sadly, I couldn’t ‘fix’ their father.
His weekends with them were his weekends, and as much as I hated it, the experiences he gave them were his and his alone.
I had to stop trying to make up for the bad times they shared with him.
That wasn’t my job, and as hard as it was not to meddle, I had to let it go.
I let out a frustrated breath before saying, “Maybe you and Sam can take your PlayStations and play a few rounds with your friends.”
“Maybe.” Nathan glanced over at the stove, then back to me. “What’s for dinner?”
“We have to pick up your sister from volleyball practice. I thought we could grab a bite to eat on the way back.”
“Oh.” His eyes widened. “Can we go by the Little General and pick up some hot wings?”
“I was thinking pizza, but wings will be okay.”
“Awesome!”
And just like that, his smile returned, and my heart was full. I grabbed my keys and purse, and then we both headed out to the car. We drove over to the school and had barely pulled into the parking lot when Samantha came barreling out of the front door with several of her friends.
Normally, she would come out chatting and laughing with them, but tonight, she was tight-lipped and wouldn’t even look at her teammates. She opened the car door, and without so much as a hello, she got in and closed the door. I glanced over my shoulder as I said, “Well, hello.”
“Hey.”
“I take it practice didn’t go well.”
“It was okay.”
“You don’t sound like it was okay.”
“It was fine, Mom.”
I could tell from her tone that it was anything but fine, but I didn’t push.
I simply put the car in drive and started towards the Little General.
When we pulled up, Nathan opened his door and bolted inside, giving me a second alone with Samantha.
I used the opportunity to turn around to face her as I asked, “Are you sure you’re okay? ”
“No.” Her cheeks flushed as she admitted, “Jessie is having a sleepover this weekend, and she didn’t invite me.”
“What? Are you sure?” Jessie was one of her good friends. They’d had several sleepovers throughout the years, so I was surprised that she hadn’t included Samantha in this one. “Maybe she hasn’t gotten around to asking you yet.”
“She would’ve asked me by now.”
“But...”
“I’m not invited, Mom.” She sounded utterly defeated as she told me, “Casey told me tonight at practice that Jessie is mad because I made the JV team, and she didn’t. So, basically, she invited everyone in the group but me.”
“But aren’t some of those girls on the JV team?”
“Yep, but I guess that doesn’t matter.”
“Oh, honey. I’m sorry. That’s so unfair.” Once again, my protective nature kicked in, and I found myself wanting to fix the problem. But again, there was no way I could fix this. “Maybe you should talk to her and see if you two can work things out.”
“I don’t think so.” Her precious eyes met mine, and then, the sass quickly followed. “She can have her dumb party. I don’t even want to go. It’ll be as lame as she is.”
“Okay, that’s your call.” She was in a tough spot, but I trusted her to handle things in her own way. “Let’s go in and grab some dinner, and we can talk about it some more when we get home.”
She nodded, then got out of the car, and we both went inside to meet up with her brother. I would like to say that our night improved after dinner, but sadly, that was not the case. In fact, things got increasingly worse.
Our water heater died.
And Paisley, our Golden Retriever, got into the trash and made a huge mess in the backyard.
It was one thing after the next, and by the end of the week, I felt like I’d been pushed to the brink.
Thankfully, I had my night with Ronin to look forward to.
I would finally have a chance to escape the chaos, even if it was only for a few hours, and I could enjoy a little adult conversation and just be myself—not Mom, the solver of all the world’s problems.
As soon as I dropped the kids off at their dad's, I headed straight to the grocery. While I could’ve waited until the following morning, I was worried the weather might turn worse, and I wouldn’t be able to get what I needed to cook dinner.
Once I got everything I could possibly need and more, I drove back home and spent the rest of my evening cleaning and catching up on laundry.
The next morning, I woke to a blanket of snow on the ground, and while it was beautiful, I dreaded taking Paisley out.
She wasn’t a fan of the cold and was even less of a fan of snow and ice.
I forced the covers back and pulled on my boots and coat.
After much urging, I finally convinced Paisley to go outside and take care of her business.
She bounded back inside, and I got busy preparing for my night, First, I delved into my closet and started searching for something to wear.
I wanted to look nice, but I didn’t want to overdo it.
After getting Paisley’s approval, I decided on a pair of comfy jeans and an oversized sweater.
I tossed them on the bed and then headed into the kitchen to start meal-prepping.
I did all the dicing, slicing, and marinating, and by the time I was done, it was time to get in the shower.
I was feeling pretty good about things until I started getting dressed.
There was something about seeing myself with my hair and makeup done that filled me with nerves.
It had been years since I’d dressed up for a man—at least, not one I wasn’t married to, and it was freaking me out.
I kept studying myself in the mirror, and the longer I stood there critiquing myself, the more inclined I was to change.
That would seem simple enough, but if I changed even once, I would change a hundred times.
Knowing I would just end up making myself crazy, I forced myself away from the mirror and went into the kitchen for a glass of wine.