Chapter 6 #2
Just as we made it to the table to set everything up, Daniel and Tristan came out of his room and said goodbye before heading out the door, leaving David and me completely alone. After we set everything up on the table, I took a seat across from David.
The man in front of me was usually so confident and sure of himself, but right then, he seemed anything but. Anxiety gripped my chest, and I took a deep breath, centering myself. “Is everything okay? You seem really tense.”
David let out a heavy sigh. “I’m okay, darling, just nervous . . . I know we just met, but I really like you and want to ask you on a date.”
I’m not sure how, but somehow I knew that wasn’t the only reason he was nervous. But regardless, his words made my heart flutter and my cheeks heat. “Y-you wanna take me out on a date?”
David smiled tightly and nodded. “I do. I really do. If that’s something you want, of course.”
My face flushed even hotter, and I wrung my hands together in my lap. “I’d love to go on a date with you . . . but I have a feeling that isn’t the reason you look so nervous.”
His hand rubbed at the back of his neck, and he sighed again. “You’re right, I’m sorry. Normally, I’m not so nervous when I have this conversation.”
I reached forward and grabbed his hand in mine. His body stiffened at the initial contact, but then he relaxed into my touch, and the corner of his mouth lifted into a small smile.
“Hey, it’s okay. For the record, I really like you too, and I want to get to know you. You’re safe with me; you can tell me anything.”
He smiled softly, his thumb rubbing the back of my hand. “Thank you, darling . . . I'm trans. I hope that isn’t a problem.”
A flurry of emotions hit me all at once.
I usually told people I identified as pansexual, but if I were to be more specific, I’m androsexual.
It means I’m attracted to masculinity regardless of gender identity.
David was all masculinity with his short, scruffy beard and deep voice.
He ticked all of my boxes. I was also excited to have met another gender queer person.
Since we ran our business from the apartment, I didn’t have many opportunities to socialize and meet others like me.
Tristan was one of my closest friends, and while he supported me, he couldn’t relate to my struggles. I was thrilled at the possibility of having someone in my life I could talk to and possibly relate with.
My heart ached for this man. He wasn’t a problem, and I was going to make sure he knew that. “Why would that be a problem? You know I’m nonbinary.”
David looked puzzled, like he wasn’t sure how to explain something that I’d obviously missed.
“Aren’t you gay? I didn’t want surgeries.
It was too high a risk, and once I had top surgery and had been on testosterone for a while, my dysphoria was a lot better, so I opted against it.
I’ve always preferred bottoming, and on rare occasions when I feel like topping, I have no problem using toys. But not everyone is okay with that.”
My dick twitched in my panties, making me squirm a little.
Being a feminine twink who didn’t like to bottom, I totally understood his problem.
Luckily, I had the perfect solution. “Well, in a broad sense, I’m pansexual, but more specifically, I’m androsexual.
For me, that means I am attracted to masculinity, but I don’t care about gender identity.
I find myself more attracted to masculine-presenting people, but I couldn’t care less about what’s in someone’s pants or what pronouns they use.
As for roles, I may be a sub, but I’ve always preferred to top.
Sometimes I feel like bottoming, but that’s rare.
” The look of shock and pure hope on his face made me feel a bit bolder.
“Sounds to me like we might just be what the other needs.”
It was like a switch had flipped, and the confident man I met yesterday was back. “Well fuck, darling. You might just be right. I’m pansexual, just so you know.” David’s face contorted into one that looked heavy with regret and guilt. “One more thing . . . Daniel doesn’t know.”
Confusion filled me. Daniel was David’s best friend and was so supportive of me. It was honestly shocking that he didn’t know. “Obviously, you aren’t required to tell him. But I’m honestly shocked that you haven’t. You seem as close as brothers.”
The guilt on David’s face turned into shame, and I cut him off before he could speak. “You have no reason to feel guilty. I’m not accusing you of anything. I want to understand. It’s not like you’re involved with him sexually, and you don’t owe him any part of yourself you don’t want to give.”
David squeezed my hand in reassurance. “I know I don’t.
But as you said, Daniel is like a brother to me, and I desperately want to let him in and see all of me .
. . but it’s hard. I’m not the greatest at making friends.
Daniel is honestly the first friend I’ve had that I wanted to tell.
By the time I trusted him enough to tell him, I couldn’t make myself do it.
I’ll go to tell him but get so caught up in the anxiety of it all that I get tongue-tied and can’t do it.
Part of me kept trying to convince myself that he wouldn’t be supportive as an excuse.
Then I saw how he was with you and how accepting he was.
I knew then that I was wasting time, and I needed to tell him. Not for him but for me.”
Pride filled me. David was a kind and caring man who seemed to love those closest to him with every fiber of his being. He wanted Daniel to see the whole picture, not just the small pieces he kept on display for the world to see, but also the ones he kept hidden.
“That’s totally valid and normal. Tristan was the first person I came out to, and it was nerve-racking. You’d think it gets easier, but it doesn’t, does it?”
David was almost twenty years older than me and had more experience living openly as a queer person.
He nodded, his smile bittersweet. “Sometimes. It definitely gets easier than it was the first time. Regardless, there’s always that underlying fear.
Fear that the person you’re telling could reject you, or possibly worse.
If they reject you, it stings, but I’ve learned that regardless of my identity, I don’t want those hateful people in my life.
However, if they aren’t a piece of shit, the freedom it brings is powerful.
Sure, it’s scary, but nothing feels better than standing before someone and being accepted with open arms. That is worth the chance.
Every. Damn. Time. I hate that I’ve been too scared to make it happen. ”
My heart felt like it was being torn in two. I pulled my hand from his and quickly stood from my seat and made my way around the table. The second I reached him, I plopped down in his lap. His eyes widened with shock, but an undeniable desire swirled within them.
“Thank you for sharing that with me. I’m very proud of you.” I leaned forward and cupped his cheek. “Would it help if I came with you, or did you want it to be just you and Daniel?”
He looked conflicted before his face hardened into one of pure certainty.
“No. It’s not just him and me anymore. He has Tristan, and I want to see where this thing between us goes.
I’d like all of you to be there. I’ll contact David soon and set something up.
preferably before we take you little ones to the club. ”
I let out a gasp. “We’re going to the club?”
David chuckled nervously. “Sorry, I seem to be getting ahead of myself. Yes, I told Daniel that you and Tristan have never been to the club, and we thought it’d be fun to go this weekend, as long as you’re both feeling better. Would you like that?”
Excitement coursed through me, and I practically vibrated right off his lap. “Yes, that sounds like so much fun! Will I get to see your paintings?”
He smiled warmly and tucked my hair behind my ear before placing a soft kiss on my forehead. “Of course, darling. I’ll have to ask Jack for permission to take you into the new pet room, but I doubt he’ll have an issue with it.”
The kiss he placed on my forehead had me feeling like a puddle of goo. I nodded, my words nowhere to be found. My stomach, however, was not lost for words and chose that exact moment to rumble so loud I knew David had heard it.
“Come on, darling. Let’s get you fed.”