Chapter 8
Fylis
Mistress Jade steps back, giving me space. My mind is a storm, and I can’t seem to find my way out.
“Breathe, in for four. Hold for seven. Exhale for eight. Let’s do it together, ready?
” Her soothing voice is like a lifeline.
I grab onto it and try to pull myself out of my head.
I nod and hear her inhale, following along for four.
Hold for seven. Exhale for eight. We repeat it for what seems like an hour until I’m finally able to open my eyes.
“Are you with me now, Fylis? May I touch you to move you somewhere softer?” Nodding again, I hear her heels click against the flooring. Her soft hand moved under my arm to stabilize me. My hooves slip as I try to stand, but she catches me with grace. She’s so strong, and not just physically.
“Let’s get you over to the chair, hmm?”
The memory of my panic attack floods my brain, and embarrassment soon follows.
As soon as I sit down, the words spill out before I can stop them, “I don’t think this is for me.
You can keep the money I’ve already paid in advance for the future sessions.
” It’s almost as if she ignores me, though, sitting and crossing her long legs, she stares at me with an unreadable expression.
“How about we discuss what happened back there first, then decide?” She speaks firmly, but I can feel that hint of care, even if it’s laced in professionalism. Does she care about me or the money, though?
“But-” This woman has completely caught me off guard.
A ball of emotions twists inside me, and I can’t seem to cling to a single one long enough to steady myself.
Does she think I can’t handle this? I mean, yes, I said I couldn’t, but still.
Is that all she sees in me? Someone weak?
Pathetic? The thought twists in my gut, almost as unbearable as the torture wall itself.
Her eyes work me over, like she’s reading my every thought, but still doesn’t speak. Leaning back in the chair, she makes herself look a little less fierce. Man, she’s good. My body instantly relaxes, and I almost forget how we got to this point.
“Fylis, can I be honest with you?” Pausing for only a moment before starting again, “I became a domme for one reason: to help others harness their power. That’s it. I can tell you like to be in control. You like order. Rules. Rigidness.”
My eyes suddenly find something interesting on the floor to stare at as her words eat away at me.
“But here’s the thing, what you mistake for control is actually your unravelling.
You’re stuck in a routine that makes you miserable.
But miserable is better than feeling like you don’t have control.
I get it. I was like you. Even I needed this,” She waves her arm elegantly around the room.
“This made me who I am today. Confident. Controlled. At peace with myself. Happy. I want all of those things for you.”
Her words strike a chord in my heart. I want those things too. All along, I thought I had them, but really, I have only been running myself so ragged that I don’t have time to feel any emotions. Just burying myself in research and working to pass my days.
“Okay.” The lack of confidence is evident in my voice as I surrender to this frustratingly correct and stunningly beautiful woman. “I need this, you’re right. Please don’t give up on me.”
Her eyes narrow on me with a smile that’s slow and deliberate. Probably rehearsed, but I pretend it’s solely for me.
“Please, Mistress.” I chastise myself for forgetting my place once again.
“Okay, Fylis. We still have some time in this session. How about I teach you about edging?”
Fuck.