Chapter 36
CLARA
All my choices from the moment I stepped into Dmitri's hotel room by mistake that night have come down to this.
I'm tied to a radiator, freezing in a broken-down building.
Andrey and Dean are experts at manipulation, be it people or evidence.
And right now, I'm pretty sure Dmitri believes I really have betrayed him, which means no one is coming to rescue me.
“Can I at least get a blanket or something?”
Dean looks up from his phone, which he's been constantly checking. What he’s waiting for, I don't know.
“Please?” I ask, my teeth chattering. It's really cold in here, and I only have on a light coat.
Surprisingly, Dean takes off his coat and drapes it over my shoulders, adjusting it gently.
I'm so surprised by the gesture that I manage a small thanks, despite the fact that it smells of cheap cologne, body spray, and sweat.
It makes me want to vomit because of everything I associate that smell with.
It's nothing like Dmitri's expensive, subtle, smoky scent that I realize has gotten so under my skin that I calm down just from thinking about it.
“So, look.” Dean sits back in his chair, a vantage point to look down on me. “I know we've been in a really rough spot the past six months.” It takes everything I have to hold in a snort of derision, to keep my face as neutral as possible as the delusional words come out of Dean's mouth.
“But we had something really good. We had something really special. And I want to forgive and forget because I love you. Losing you has shown me just how much. I know I got angry that you chose the mob boss over me, but I also know that’s just who you are.
You like powerful and dangerous men; you can’t help yourself.
I’m willing to overlook your lack of judgment and betrayal if you come back. ”
The only thing I can manage in response is a faint, “Oh?”
“I mean it. I know I wasn't the best boyfriend. I know I have some anger issues, but I'm really working on them. I promise I'll be better if you promise me better, too.”
“Better?” I don't know if the question sounds as innocent as I'm trying to make it.
I know I'm walking a dangerous path right now.
My best line of defense would be to play along with Dean; to let him think I really do want to get back with him, that I've been in love with him all along and have just been waiting for him to change.
But his words have me burning with anger at the fact that he thinks it's okay to kidnap me, to work with Andrey, and then tell me he accepts that I made a bad decision because that’s just who I am, as though I'm some woman whose only desire is to procreate with the strongest man, as though Dean’s abuse had absolutely nothing to do with me leaving.
But I have to play along, as angry as it makes me, as much as it repulses me, so that I can get out of here. So I can keep my baby safe.
“So, does that mean you’ll get me out of here? So we can start over?” I practically choke as I say the words.
If Dean gets me out, I can make my escape. I’ll tell Emily to call in the cavalry to take me away from all of this, even though it makes me unbearably sad to think of not having Dmitri in my life or the baby's, especially since I was just coming to terms with the imperfect man I fell in love with.
What's even worse is the idea that I will disappear before I can tell Dmitri I didn’t betray him. That grief brings tears to my eyes, which I use to my advantage when I realize Dean is watching me. He probably thinks the tears are for him, a sign of gratitude for his magnanimous forgiveness.
“Yeah, of course. You know Andrey answers to me.
He thinks he's playing me, but I'm playing him.
You know I only did this because Dmitri thinks he can take you from me.
I had to show you that I'm the stronger man.
I'll get you out of here as soon as all this is over.
I really want you to know that this is all for your own good.
I'm getting you out of a terrible situation.
I'm saving you. Andrey just needs a little bit of leverage, and once Smirnov is out of the way, we can be together again.
We'll be happy. I'll even claim the baby as my own.
This really is what's best for you. I'm doing this because I love you.”
Dean really does think he's doing this to help me. I can see in his eyes that he believes it with every fiber of his being. He might be delusional, but he truly believes everything he's saying. He truly believes he's helping me.
“Can't you get me out of here now? You're right. I'm sorry I left you. I guess I just needed to see how much better a man you were than anyone else.”
Dean peers at me, tilting his head slightly.
“I know,” I add hurriedly, “I know I haven't admitted it, but you really are showing me how much you love me. You're trying to take down a mob boss for me, and you only kidnapped me to keep me safe. That really shows how much you care.”
Every word out of my mouth feels like acid, burning my tongue and making bile rise in my throat. But this is my chance, and I have to take it.
I'm willing to do just about anything right now.
“Do you really mean it?” Dean asks.
“Of course, I do. Look at everything you've done for me. You tried to warn me about Dmitri, but I didn't listen. Why did you team up with Andrey, though?”
Dean shrugs. “He offered me the chance to take down Smirnov, to help get you back.
I told him you wouldn't listen to reason because that asshole had you under his spell, and he gave me a way to get you out of there.
Plus, the money. He's paying me a lot of money for this, and it's going to set us up for life: you, me, the baby, and all our future kids.
But we're going to get Smirnov first, and I'm the one who will be taking him in. I get to be the hero. I’ll finally get the commendation and the recognition I deserve.
Maybe they'll promote me to sergeant, or hell, even captain.”
I highly doubt that I think, struggling to keep the disbelief off my face.
I'm pretty sure the higher-ups can smell a rat a mile away. At some point, his dealings with Andrey will come out, and if they don't fire him, they'll demote him to desk duty in a tiny precinct on Staten Island until he retires.
“I have our future all worked out, Clara. I'm going to show you how much better I am than that mobster billionaire. I'm going to show you that you don't need all that money, that I can still give you everything you want without it.”
“You’re right, I don't need all that money.” It’s true. It was never about the money. It was about the man.
“But Dean, Andrey is a criminal, too. He’s the worst kind. He’s so much worse than Dmitri, you have no idea. Are you aware he killed Dmitri's first wife when she was pregnant?”
Dean blinks. I'm guessing Andrey completely left out that part.
“He's not going to just let me go, Dean. You have to get us out of here now.”
“But then I won't get the money.”
“You're never going to get the money, Dean. Andrey is a psychopath, not just a Russian mobster. What he tells you and what he's actually going to do are two different things. You have to believe me.”
Dean watches me closely, and for a moment, I think I’ve gotten through to him. But then his eyes narrow into a heated glare.
“Do you really think I'm that stupid? Do you really think I'd let some fucking Russian get one over on me?”
“Dean, no—”
He rises from his chair and stalks closer. I can see the rage in his eyes, twisting his face into something ugly and frightening.
“Dean, please. I'm telling the truth, all of it is—”
The back of his hand flies at me so fast, it takes a second to register what happened until the pain, sharp and stinging, blossoms across my cheek.
I stare up at him defiantly, my hand against the side of my face.
“I was going to give you everything, Clara. I was going to give you everything you ever wanted.” He backs away from me. “You’re going to stay here. Be good until Andrey's done with you, and then we'll go. Don't try anything like this again. I'm watching you, Clara. I know your tricks.”
Dean storms across the room, his footsteps heavy, and yanks open the door. I hear him answer his phone before the door slams shut and locks.
I'm alone with a throbbing cheek, the tears starting to fall, wondering what the hell my plan B is.