40. Diesel
Chapter 40
Diesel
I stare at the phone in my hand. Marcum wasn’t in, but I left him a message with Rory’s last name. I’m an idiot. Signs are pointing to the fact that I’m the biggest fucking idiot on the planet. I let my past affect how I reacted to things with Rory. It’s understandable, but it could very well be wrong. I should have thought everything through and instead I lashed out. I lashed out at Rory and although I took absolutely no pleasure in the pain I caused, I still delivered it coldly —wanting her to hurt as much as I did.
When the blinders were off I saw through Violet’s lies easily. If I’m completely honest I saw through them before that. I knew from day one that Vicki’s words were nothing but lies. Fuck, I had to lock her up in a damn room and have her monitored by a doctor constantly just to make sure Ryan didn’t come out hooked on the shit she put in her system. Rory… Jesus Christ, I want to believe her.
Worse.
I think a part of me does believe her.
What in the fuck do I do with that?
If she’s been telling me the truth all this time… then, I’ve crushed her.
Fuck.
I look at the wall our bedrooms shared. Her side was silent, but I heard her get into bed earlier, I knew she was there. Even if I hadn’t heard her, I would know somehow. It was almost as if I could feel her. I move deeper into the bed, reaching so I could put my hand on the wall, stretching my fingers out to cover more space.
“Gorgeous.”
I spoke against the wall, half hoping she could hear me and half hoping she was asleep. I’m so fucked up in the head, so much rushing through it, I honestly don’t know what I want…. Except for one thing.
“Rory, I… I’ll talk to the doctor tomorrow. I’ll have them check me out. I’ll find out if the vasectomy took. I… I’ll talk to them,” I tell the wall.
I lay there after that, waiting to see if she’ll reply.
She doesn’t.
“If… if what you’re saying… if you’re right, Rory. I’ll fix this. I’ll fix it. I promise,” I vow.
Again, she doesn’t reply. She does get up from her bed though, I can hear her moving around. In a few minutes, I hear the shower turn on in her adjoining bathroom. I lay there and listen the entire time. She takes an hour, maybe longer to shower. Then I hear the water turn off and she’s moving around in the room again. Eventually, silence takes over.
Not once does she try to talk to me.
Not once.
If she’s telling the truth… I deserve that. I deserve her silence and more. If the tests come back and she’s telling the truth I have a lot to fix.
A fuck of a lot to fix.
I just hope she lets me…