42. Rory
Chapter 42
Rory
“Oh my God! You’ve had sex,” Dani announces, causing me to jerk my head around to look at her.
“What?” I ask, tearing my gaze away from Noah—who’s sitting across the room with Ryan in his lap, and trying to sound like I have no idea what she’s talking about. I’m pretty sure I’m failing at that because I can feel the heat in my face. I’m definitely blushing.
“You did the horizontal mambo with Diesel!” she accuses in a quiet hiss.
“Keep your voice down,” I mutter, looking around.
“Oh my God! You whore! You did and you didn’t even tell me about it!” Dani cries—and might I add that she doesn’t do it quietly.
“It was just once,” I finally sigh out, head down. That’s not exactly true. It was three times, but all in one day. It’s been four days since and we haven’t done it once since then— not once. Of course, part of that is because Ryan has been back in bed with me… but still.
“What do you mean just once?”
“Well, ever since… Ryan has been in bed with me so…”
“God, don’t I know that story. Kids are the ultimate cock blocker,” Dani mumbles, and she’s not wrong.
“Yeah,” I respond, feeling as dejected as she looks.
“Well, what we need here is a plan.”
“A plan?”
“Yep. We’ll call it Operation Get Rory Laid.”
“Uh….”
“I’ll have Dakota invite Ryan over to a giant slumber party with him and the rest of my brood. I’ll make sure they have all the junk food I can buy and I’ll rent the latest new releases and let them have at it. They can take over the bar area with their sleeping bags and shit. And I’ll have Zander drag out the projector screen to put the movies on.”
“Um… I don’t think the men will like giving up their bar for the kids.”
“Ask me if I care?”
“Okay then, I don’t think the men will listen to you,” I tell her and that’s when she gets this wide grin on her face.
“Hey Diesel!” she yells across the room. Her voice carries easily, even over the music and talking.
“Yo,” he says looking over at us. He smiles at me and I hesitantly return it.
“Can you order the men to go in town for their festivities tomorrow night?”
At that question, the room goes quiet.
“Why would I do that?” Noah asks.
“I’m going to need the bar area for the kids. My brood’s going to have a giant sleep over.”
“Dani, I don’t think my men really want to?—”
“I’ll be inviting Ryan,” she adds and I just hold my head down at this point. Noah is many things, but the man is not stupid. He doesn’t need a house to fall on him.
“Ryan?”
“Yep. He’ll be with my kids… all night. You got a problem with that?”
“I’ll make sure the men give you the room,” he says right away.
“Thought you might,” she laughs and then turns back around.
“I hate you,” I mutter, afraid to look at Noah at this point.
“Did you know that you blush the same shade as your hair, Red?”
“I’m currently plotting your murder,” I warn her.
“Oh stop. I’m just being a good friend. Besides, I’m not doing this out of the goodness of my little heart.”
“You’re not?”
“Nope, I’ll want payback.”
“I’m almost afraid to ask,” I grumble.
“You get to watch over my bunch for a night, while I take Zander back to our lake house and remind him of all the ways he should be grateful I claimed his ass.”
I think this over. Dani and Crusher have a lot of kids, but they’re all older than Ryan—with the exception of their little girl. I think I’m probably getting the better end of the deal. Plus, I’ll hopefully get more time with Noah.
“It’s a deal.”
“I thought you’d see things my way. Now, do I take this to mean that you guys have patched things up?”
“Not really. I mean it’s definitely better, but Dani… there’s so much water under the bridge… I’m not sure it can ever be fixed.”
“Do you love him?”
“So much… but I don’t think love is supposed to be this painful.”
“Bullshit,” she says, taking a drink of her Coke and rum.
“No, really?—”
“Rory, love is the most painful fucking emotion there is. Doesn’t matter if it’s because you’re experiencing it, or you’re defending it, it’s still damn painful either way.”
“Then why even bother?” I ask her, trying not to let fear swallow me whole.
“Because it makes us feel alive. It gives us a reason. Trust me when I tell you that I wasted a lot of years trying to just exist and feeling so cold inside I thought I might freeze to death. I’ll take time with Zander—no matter how that time comes—over the alternative any fucking day of the week and twice on Sundays.”
“That’s easy for you to say. You’re happy and don’t have a deranged madman in your past that you’re just waiting to pounce at any given minute.”
She just looks at me, all joking erased out of her face.
“Rory—”
“Dani, I’m not being melodramatic. I’m being honest. King is a monster and he will enjoy killing Noah even more if he knows how much I love him. He’ll torture him and do it for sport, making me watch, because he’ll get off on it,” I tell her.
She puts her hand over mine and grips it tight—so tight it is physically painful.
“We’re just getting to know each other, Rory. I get that. I’m going to tell you about a man in my past that is just like that if not worse. I don’t talk about him anymore. I’ve tried my best to erase him from my brain. Sometimes those ghosts come back and Zander works extra fucking hard erasing them for me.”
“You don’t have to tell me, Dani,” I whisper, my stomach churning. I don’t know if she meant to show me, but I can see those demons in her eyes right now. I see them clearly, because I know those demons intimately. I have the same ones deep inside of me.
“I’ll tell you about it for two reasons, Rory. The first one being is I remember how it felt to be in your shoes, afraid to believe in a good man. I almost waited too long, and I don’t want you to make that same mistake, because as hard as it is for women like us to believe… there are good men out there and Diesel is definitely one I count in that number.”
My heart flutters in my chest at her words, but I ignore it and try to concentrate on what she says next.
“What’s the other reason?” I ask her.
“I’ve had good friends, Rory—better than I deserved. My girl, Nicole, she took my back even though it almost killed her and almost destroyed the man she loved. I don’t know how to repay that. Sometimes I think I moved here to get away from the guilt I feel every time I see the dark memories enter her face. But…”
She stops talking, her face looking almost tortured. She grabs hold of my hand again and this time the hold is painful, but I return it with just as much pressure, because I think she needs something to hold onto… Something to center her.
“Tell me,” I urge her softly, knowing all too well the different ways you can get lost in your head.
“Until you’ve lived in the darkness that we have, Rory. Until it has touched you and scarred you with its blackness… You can’t understand it. You can’t begin to understand the decisions it forces you to make. And I know better than anyone how distant you feel from everyone else, because there’s just no way they can understand the hell inside your own brain. I see it in you and it makes me think… finally there’s someone who understands me. Zander loves me, and he loves me unconditionally, but he can’t understand. He wasn’t there. He saw the aftermath, but he didn’t live it. Living it makes all the difference,” she says and I just nod because I have no words.
“Tell me,” I invite, wanting to hear her story, needing to, because I think she’s right. Finally, there’s someone who might understand me.
“If I’m going to get into that conversation. I’m grabbing a bottle of Jack and we’ll go to your room. I’d rather not have anyone see me when I discuss this particular topic. Besides my man has radar. He knows the minute I’m upset.”
“Then let’s get that bottle,” I tell her, standing up.
“Wait. If you had sex… maybe you should have juice. You know, in case one of Diesel’s little swimmers decided to make a home…”
“What?”
She looks pointedly at my stomach.
“Oh. No. I’m good. We used condoms,” I tell her blushing and ignoring the empty feeling I feel inside.
“A condom? Fuck… really?”
“Yeah, why?”
“I just didn’t figure Diesel would allow that. I thought he’d try and tie you to him the first real chance he got.”
“We don’t need fucking condoms, Gorgeous. I need to fuck you raw. I want to feel you—all of you.”
Noah’s words from the other night instantly play inside my brain and it causes my body to jolt like someone hit me.
“Hah!” Dani laughs. “I’m getting the picture. You made the poor boy suit up.”
I ignore her laughter and walk with her while she picks up a bottle of Jack and two shot glasses. As we’re leaving the room, I feel Noah’s gaze burning into me. I don’t look back, but I really want to…