14. Ellie
Chapter 14
Ellie
I hate him. I hate him for so many things, but most of all right now, I’m afraid he’s right. I mean, it tore my heart out to make the decisions that I had to make—that I felt forced to make. I grieved him and he didn’t call to check on me once. He didn’t try to find me. He’s right, that’s what cuts the most. I was so insignificant that he didn’t try to even call me and yell because I left.
I’ve been stupid. This past week I’ve let him back in, all the while hoping something magical would happen and erase the past two years. It’s not. Nothing is going to change what happened, nothing is going to change Liam.
Or me, apparently.
I’m still the girl in love with a man who takes the law into his own hands. I’m still the girl afraid of what his decisions could mean for our future. Except leaving him just assured that we have no future at all. The worst part is, I’m still here in love with him, but now I’m alone and miserable all the time.
And I am miserable.
I live on coffee and doughnuts. I rarely have a regular meal.I work constantly and it’s not because I’m in desperate need for money, although that part is nice. It’s because staying home alone gives me too much time to think and too much time to regret. I do regret leaving Liam. I had my reasons at the time, but my life now is not the same and I miss my husband.
“Stop overthinking, Ice and just admit it,” he murmurs softly, his voice going a little tender. I close my eyes, feeling defeated.
“You didn’t even call me, Liam. Not once. You let me walk away.”
“I gave you what you wanted, Ellie. At least that’s what I thought I was doing.”
“Then, you need to do it again. There’s too much time between us now and way too much butter in the gravy pan.”
“I have no idea what that means, de-Ellie it for me.”
I roll my eyes, but I fall short of smiling. There’s definitely nothing here to smile about.
“Homemade brown gravy is better with bacon grease, but you have these people that make it with butter. It’s a fine line, too much butter and it loses its taste forever. That’s us.”
“You’re comparing us to a food that is made to clog your arteries and kills you?”
“Breakfast isn’t breakfast without gravy,” I remind him, “But, maybe that’s a good analogy. We were something that tastes great on the tongue, but is overall bad for us.”
“I don’t know much about the horseshit you keep digging in, Ice. But, I do remember how great you did taste on my tongue. Starting every morning with my head buried between your legs was my life’s goal. Fuck, if I don’t miss that.”
“That’s just sex, Liam,” I mumble, ignoring the way his words makes these nervous flutters in my stomach. “I’m sure you had me replaced almost as soon as I walked out the door. God knows, the club girls were all itching to fall on your dick while I was there.”
“I warned you before, not to get that shit twisted in your head, Ellie. You’re the only woman I wanted.”
“You proved that while we were together. I’m saying once I left and wasn’t an issue for you anymore,” I defend, wanting him to know that I never worried about him cheating on me while we were together. He gave me his word and I always believed him. Always. Fury never lied to me. He always laid it out plain and simple. He just never bothered taking me or us into consideration when it mattered most.
“Is that what you did, Ellie? Did you replace me quickly? Did you let someone else between those sexy, long as fuck legs of yours?”
“We’ve been apart for almost two years, Liam. Did you think I’d never find someone to give me what you used to?” I taunt, feeling the anger inside of me begin to fester again. I probably chose the wrong words, though. Because I see his face fill with anger, his entire body tense, his muscles stretch against his tight skin. There’s a reason the men nicknamed Liam, Fury. He’s intimidating as hell when you push him to the edge and his anger takes over. I’ve never been afraid of him, but when he’s like this, it’s only smart to get cautious.
I move away from him, the backs of my legs hitting my desk, as I watch him closely. I’ve always said that Liam had a grizzly bear inside of him. It would seem that I’ve just poked the bear out of hibernation.
“Who was it, Ellie? Was it that fucker outside? Did you let him crawl between your?—”
“Stop it, Liam. You don’t have a right to ask me any of this,” I snap. I’ve never been one to back down from Liam’s rage and that hasn’t changed.
“The fuck I don’t.” His voice is quiet but deadly. He walks until he’s pressed against me, his hand at my neck. His thumb pushing against my pulse. “I don’t care how long it has been Ellie, I was your first and you will always belong to me.”
“That’s bullshit and we both know it. Do you expect me to believe you haven’t had one woman since we’ve been apart? What was that whore between your legs the other night? A figment of my imagination?”
“My dick hasn’t been inside another woman since you left, Ice.”
“You never lied to me when we were together, Liam. Don’t start now,” I snarl, his words are painful, because one of the biggest hurts I’ve had to deal with was knowing that by leaving, Liam would be free to give another woman everything that was once mine.
“You know me better than that, Ellie. The one time I decided to say fuck it and try, you show up. If that’s not a sign from above, I don’t know what the hell is.”
“You want me to believe you haven’t been with a woman since me?” I ask, torn between wanting to believe it and afraid of believing it at the same time.
“I’m not saying I didn’t try at first. I’m saying when you left, my shit was left broken,” he says, his lips stretching into an almost smile, that looks a little bitter.
“It didn’t look broken the other night.”
“And maybe it wouldn’t have been if I’d let her finish. I can’t say either way, what I do know is that once you showed up everything changed for me. These past few days have been so fucking good, I know I’m not giving you up.”
“Liam—”
“And I know you need to quit trying to run away, Ellie. Running didn’t work out before. Now we’re here.”
“I live here now.”
“You liked Tennessee.”
“My job is here.”
“There’s a job in Tennessee with your name on it, Ellie.”
“I’m afraid to ask,” I mumble, some of the tension I was feeling finally starting to bleed away.
“The pay sucks, but the fringe benefits can’t be matched,” he jokes, leaving no room to mistake what type of job he’d be offering.
“I can’t promise anything, Liam, and honestly there’s a real chance you might not want me now. I’m not the same person I was when I left.”
“We can take it day by day. I’m not rushing you, Ice. But that fucker out there doesn’t get one more taste of you.”
“He never had one to begin with, you idiot,” I mumble, still confused, but tired of fighting.
“Then—”
“I may have left you, Liam, but I still loved you. You know I’m not the type of woman to do the mattress mambo with someone unless I love them.”
“You did with me after just three days, Ice,” he reminds me. I can feel my face heat as I blush.
“I loved you,” I sigh. “I’ve always loved you, Liam.”
“So, once you left, you were broken, too?” he murmurs, leaning in to nuzzle my neck. I close my eyes, realizing he wants me to give him the words. I should resent that, but for some reason, I don’t.
“Yeah, dummy. I was broken, too.”
“That makes me unbelievably fucking happy, Ice.”
“Because you’re an asshole,” I mutter.
“Probably, but I don’t really give a fuck. But, I’m feeling the need to celebrate…”
“I have to tell you, Liam. I’m not ready to bend over my desk, so if that’s what you’re thinking, you can get that thought out of your mind for now.”
“I can wait as long as you can,” he says with a smirk that tells me I just might be in trouble…