51. Ellie
Chapter 51
Ellie
I didn’t realize a person could cry as hard as I did for that long a period of time. My eyes are red and they’re burning. My head hurts, a migraine forming, but it’s nothing like the pain in my heart, but my vision is blurry with it. I ignore it. I don’t have a choice.
I knew once Liam found out the truth that he’d be angry. I thought maybe we could survive, but after seeing Liam’s reaction and having him walk out on me, I know that we can’t. I waited and waited for him, but it became clear he wasn’t coming back. Now, it’s the following day, the sun is just starting to come out and with no word from Liam… I know that I can’t stay here. I take the letter I wrote him and fold it, putting it on our bed. Tears leak from my eyes again, but I wipe them away. I told Liam that I’d keep my cell with me. I begged him to forgive me and apologized again. It sucks, but I know that’s all I can do. I hurt him. I betrayed him and I have to live with that. I knew better. As an old lady in the club, some things are sacred. It doesn’t matter that I was upset and grieving, nor that I was sick of seeing Vicki throw away the child that I wanted so badly. Liam and I had been trying for over a year and it just never happened. I have endometriosis and we were told that getting pregnant would be a challenge. Getting that negative result after having my hopes up, nearly destroyed me. It’s not an excuse, but my mind truly wasn’t clear. If I had it to do over, I would. I wish like hell that I could.
But I can’t.
There’s nothing I can do but leave. Before I do that, there is one thing that I need to do. I leave my suitcase by the door as a wave of dizziness hits me. This headache is going to be my worst one yet. It’s already amplified. It kind of feels like a sledgehammer is pounding against the back of my head.
I walk slowly to Diesel’s door. There’s a chance he and Rory are already moving around for the day, but I’ve noticed since I came back that Diesel spends time with Rory in their room early, and then goes to work with his brothers. I noticed it because I was happy for him. Before when I was here, I don’t think he slept much at all. There were times when I doubted he ever used his bedroom. He’d fall asleep in his office most nights, or in Ryan’s room on the floor.
I’m so upset that I actually pass up his door and knock on the wrong one at first. I’m not sure I would have realized it, if it hadn’t been cracked and I looked inside, only to realize it was the laundry area.
I’ve got to get a grip. I just need to hold it together to talk to Diesel. After that, I can find a hotel and spend the day crying in bed—much like yesterday. When I finally make it to the right door. I knock, swallowing and trying to ignore the nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach.
When Diesel answers the door, I can tell by his face that he’s already spoken to Liam.
“Diesel,” I murmur, curling my fingers into a fist and letting my nails cut into the palm of my hand.
“I thought you’d be around.”
“You’ve talked to Liam,” I respond, already knowing, but his tone is even. He’s giving nothing away, but I can tell he’s not happy.
“Did you think he wouldn’t tell me?” Diesel asks, and I was wrong. He’s not just unhappy.
He’s mad.
“No, I knew he would, I was going to tell you myself. That’s why I am here. I was hoping that maybe you would let me try to explain?—”
“How you sold out the club and put my son in danger?”
“Noah,” Rory says from inside. I can physically see Diesel put a cap on his anger, trying to reign it in.
Diesel backs up, opening the door wider, waving me inside.
Suddenly, I feel like I’m walking to my doom…