Chapter Four.
Grace
D amn, I was bone-tired driving home. A waitress had called out sick at Bernard’s, so I’d picked up the extra shifts and needed to sleep. Once I’d checked the girls had eaten, I bathed them, and read them a story. Nova had been a delight these past two weeks. She was on a break while deciding what college to attend. However, from what Nova was saying, she wasn’t interested in further education as she was fighting pro-fights, tournaments, and representing the USA at the Olympics.
To say I was surprised that the tiny teenager was a martial arts expert was an understatement. Nova was so pretty and dainty it didn’t seem possible, but she had shown me a couple of her bouts, and jeez… she took no prisoners. I was also shocked at how well-known Nova was for her skills. Falcon did the same, but his passion was swimming. Considering how good Nova was doing, I wasn’t surprised to discover Falcon also represented us at the Olympics.
Nova had started daily training with the girls. I’d hesitated at first, but Phoe questioned my reluctance. Phoe said if the girls learnt something that would protect them, then surely it was worth the effort. Phoe explained that Nova did six hours of personal practice each day but also taught classes at night for the Hellions.
I’d been horrified to hear what the women of Rage MC called the children. But after seeing them in action a few times, I fully understood the nicknames. There were four that I kept a very firm watch over if they were next door. Dante, Eddie, Davy, and Mav. They seemed to be the ringleaders. If trouble were going down, one of them would be behind it, which meant I watched the girls very closely.
On nights like tonight, when I only wanted to hit the sack, I felt sorry for my neighbour. Before Nova had begun babysitting, Savage rarely had guests and had kept to himself. The poor guy was under constant siege now, making me feel awful. I’d discovered Savage worked nights, too, so everyone invaded his house while he was asleep in bed.
I’d tried talking to Nova about keeping the girls on my side of the fence, but she pointed out that Savage had a swimming pool and I didn’t. Nova claimed Savage could sleep through anything and not to worry about it. When I mentioned the kids eating at home, Nova had snorted and asked if I’d seen the groceries the old ladies bought daily to feed whatever brood was at Savages.
Nova also stated that when I got more comfortable with the girls being around everyone, she’d take Harper and Isla to the clubhouse, where everybody usually hung about.
I’d hesitated to judge anyone for being an MC, but the unkind thoughts lingered. Finally, as I met various brothers and old ladies, I realised they were pretty nice. The men were loud and gruff and didn’t say much unless they were teasing someone. The women were, on the whole, friendly. Some were understandably reserved towards me.
Next door was quiet when I got home, and I looked across and only saw Savage’s hearse and Harley on the drive. It amused me to no end that Savage worked in a funeral parlour. I had never known anyone to do so, although I’d been informed he dealt with the crematorium side of things. That led me to believe that Savage burned the bodies. But I didn’t ask because I didn’t think that was a topic for polite conversation.
The couple of times I’d seen Savage, I’d been stunned by his looks. Everything about Savage screamed to me and my lady parts. Not that it was a surprise. A neatly dark-trimmed goatee, short hair at the sides but longer on top, and stunning hazel eyes were the tip of the package. Savage was tall, about six foot three, wide-shouldered, and his muscles had muscles. There was no way he’d ever be interested in my waitressing frumpiness. Not that it mattered.
Garry had done such a job on me; I’d never trust another guy again. And Garry had betrayed me for my promotion, one he hadn’t earned. Now neither of us had the role, and I couldn’t be happier. It was so hard to comprehend how the man I loved, been with for ten years and had two children together, could betray me so badly. Even now, eighteen months on, I still found it hard to understand. Once I’d heard the initial conversation, the revelations kept coming, and each one stunned me further.
Well, Garry and that bitch Lin had finally paid. While some of their actions may not have been arrestable, drugging someone without permission was a felony. Assholes, the pair of them. Justice had been served, yet I felt cheated and empty.
Cheated because my supposedly perfect life was far from it. The last five years had been a lie—not that I’d known it. That’s how long the affair between Garry and Lin had gone on. And I was empty because the love I thought existed in real life clearly didn’t, making me bitter, upset, and twisted inside.
I wouldn’t trust anyone again, especially with my two precious girls. I’d not even realised Garry and Lin were breaking them down like they had me. If I could have got my hands around Lin’s throat, I’d have cheerfully strangled her.
However, the leg of lamb had made me notorious enough. A shudder ran through me, and I shoved thoughts of that night aside.
A knock at the car window made me jump, and I realised I’d been staring at Savage’s drive for several minutes.
“Are you okay, poppet?” Nancy asked.
Happily, I smiled at the elderly neighbour who lived on the other side of me and climbed out.
“Hello Nancy, I’m good, just wool-gathering. How are you?”
“Well, it’s ladies’ night. Mike had disappeared to the shed. The fool thinks I don’t know he has cigars and whiskey down there. He also thinks I’m unaware that old man Cribbens comes over and joins him with Stan from down the road. But if I let Mike have his little luxuries, he doesn’t complain when I buy something I shouldn’t.” Nancy chuckled and patted her purple hair.
“That makes sense,” I agreed.
“Dearest, I popped a casserole round to the young girl looking after the kids and found myself rather disgraced. Nova was making chicken kievs from scratch,” Nancy said ruefully.
“Yes, Nova apparently loves to cook. Just another one of her many talents.” I laughed.
“Did you get her from that agency?” Nancy asked, sniffing in disapproval. It was clear what Nancy thought of the former agency I’d used.
“No. Nova is… well… her father is friends with Savage, next door, and she was looking for a summer job while she decided what to do,” I finally explained.
“That girl has a killer instinct. Nova is a household name around here,” Nancy drawled, and I looked shocked. “What? I’m hip and up with everything. Nova and Falcon Blackelk are pretty famous. They’ve been in newspaper articles.”
“Why ask if I hired Nova from an agency?”
“I didn’t know if she was planning child care full-time. To waste talent like they have would be a terrible thing. Every time they win a tournament or contest, they hit the paper. Despite not being native to our city, we’ve kind of adopted them as our own. That Rage MC has quite a few famous people attached to it. There must be something in the water,” Nancy pondered.
“Rage do?” I replied, surprised. As tired as I felt, I was getting a lot of information from Nancy, which made me more comfortable leaving the girls with Nova.
“Oh yes, well, Phoenix Michaelson is self-explanatory. If you haven’t heard of her, then you’ve been in the Alaskan wilds.” I had to agree with Nancy there. “Then there’s L. Smithson, who’s married to a brother. Thomasina Mae Blake, Artemis, the bounty hunter, and then the kids. Carmine and Tye play professional baseball and hockey… lot of famous names in Rage MC,” Nancy said.
“Wow,” I murmured, shocked.
“Oh, there’s more. Anyway, how are you poppet?”
“Okay,” I replied automatically.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes,” I answered with a smile.
Just after I moved in a year ago, Nancy had found me in a weak moment as I broke down into floods of tears in my backyard. She’d offered comfort, and I’d confided the entire dirty story to her. Since then, Nancy had held my secret and checked up on me regularly, and we’d become good friends. It was nice having somebody—especially another adult—I could trust.
Nancy was seventy-two, married to Mike with kids and grandkids that kept her busy. She loved cooking and knitting and was always baking cookies. Which Nancy did believe in adding cannabis to when she thought people needed chilling out. I’d zoned out for hours the first time I’d accidentally eaten one. Luckily, I had hidden them from Harper and Isla, or who knows what would have happened. Now I checked there was nothing relaxing in the food Nancy brought me.
Nancy was over twice my age and lived more daily than I did in a year. Seriously, I needed to take a leaf out of her book and embrace life more. It was finding time that hindered me because all I did was work. And I was working more than usual because I had to pay Nova. The girl wasn’t exactly expensive, but I still had to pay.
“Lordy, you’re zoning out. Go take yourself off, put those kiddies to bed and get a good night’s rest,” Nancy ordered, interrupting my wayward thoughts.
“Sorry,” I said, feeling guilty.
“For what? Being a single, hardworking mother of two. Get on with you. There’s nothing to apologise for. This old body holds a lot of respect and love for you,” Nancy replied and began walking away.
Nancy was right. Some sleep would help wonders. Plus, I had tomorrow off, which meant I got to lie in!
◆◆◆
I blearily opened my eyes and scowled at the clock that brightly proclaimed eight in the morning. What the fuck? Confused, I closed my eyes and wondered why the hell I was awake. Once again, the lawnmower’s chug echoed. It was eight on a Sunday! You had to be kidding me!
Irate now, I climbed out of bed and peered out the window, momentarily arrested by the sight that greeted me.
Savage was mowing his grass in cut-off jean shorts and nothing else.
I swallowed hard at the beautiful view. Of its own accord, my gaze traced his tattoos and the way his muscles flexed in the bright sun. Savage already had a thin sheen of sweat covering his body, and I licked my lips. Several female neighbours across the road were watching him from their porches. And honestly, who would blame them?
Then I scowled, remembered how early it was, and threw open my window.
“Savage!” I shouted.
He didn’t hear me, so I repeated it louder.
“What?” he called back, switching the mower off.
“It’s eight in the morning,” I said pointedly.
“And you’re still in bed?”
“Rude! You know I’ve been working fourteen-hour shifts. This is my one lie in.”
“Sorry. I got an early start because I planned to do yours afterwards, and I’ve other shit to do today. If I stop now, I won’t get yours done, and it needs doing,” Savage retorted, folding his arms across his chest.
His muscles flexing almost sent me into a tizzy.
“Mine?” I replied instead, trying to ignore my screaming lady parts.
“Yeah. Know you don’t get time, was going to help,” Savage explained.
I peered at my grass and silently acknowledged he was right. The lawn was a shit show. I sighed even as I knew I’d regret my next words.
“Fine, thank you, carry on,” I said, closing the window.
I almost screamed as I turned around and saw the bird’s nest my hair had become overnight. If Savage had been interested, seeing me like this would soon end that.
Dear God. I could have starred in a horror movie. Angrily scowling at the mirror, I climbed back into bed and yanked the covers over my head.
I was so done with today already.
Savage
I was trying hard not to laugh at the state of Grace’s hair. Every time I’d seen it, her hair had been a silken ponytail that gleamed healthily. Grace had obviously tossed and turned this morning because it was a frizzy mess. It didn’t make Grace any less cute, though. Her sleep-flushed face was sweet, and I noted how she still looked tired. A flicker of guilt ran through me, but Grace was awake now. I would finish my lawn and then do hers.
A movement made me turn around, and I almost groaned as I saw one of the women from across the street approaching. She held a glass of either water or lemonade in her hand.
“Hi, you’re looking like you could use this,” she said, offering the drink.
“I’m good, thanks,” I replied and didn’t miss the flicker of irritation in her eyes. She sipped from the glass and gave me a thorough look over.
Agitation rose; I wasn’t a piece of meat, and I’d never look at a woman so blatantly.
“Are you busy later?” she asked, and I lifted an eyebrow. “I was thinking of having a cookout, and a man like you—”
“Like me? What? A dumbass biker?” I questioned, and she stepped back.
“I beg your pardon?” she said, her tone becoming icy.
“Lady, you saunter over here like you’re some sort of seductress, offer me a drink, then look me over like a slab of meat. If I did that to you, you’d scream blue murder about not being a sexual object. It’s disrespectful and unwelcome. No offence, but I’ve got stuff to do,” I said bluntly, turning my back and restarting the mower.
Loudly huffing, she stormed away.
Thank God. Maybe I’ll be able to get shit done without further interruptions. Then again, I sighed as my phone beeped. It was a group message from Drake informing everyone there was a cookout tonight. Happily complaining under my breath, I shoved the lawnmower viciously forward and concentrated on one task at a time.
◆◆◆
“What ya doing?” a little voice asked a few hours later.
Startled, I saw Isla sitting in the corner of my garage as I checked my Harley. It was a habit to go over everything weekly because after my first seized and threw me across the road, I was paranoid.
“Checking that it works right.”
“Why?”
“Isla, bikes can be dangerous, even in capable hands.”
“Oh. Will you take me for a ride?” Isla asked.
That was a question I wished to avoid.
“Does your mom know you’re here?”
“Nope. Mom’s with Harper planting some flowers. Do you like flowers?”
I sighed. Isla seemed determined to get my attention.
“I like looking at them,” I replied.
“Me too,” Isla said.
“That’s good. Shouldn’t you find your mother? She’ll wonder where you are.”
Isla didn’t get the hint. “When are you taking me on the bike?” she pushed.
“I won’t. Only I ride it.”
“Why?”
“Because that’s what bikers do.”
I hid a smile at the way Isla’s little face scrunched up. She was clearly considering something.
“I’ve seen two riders on bikes,” she argued.
“Yes, husband and wife.”
“Nope. Apache put Kai on his, and Rock had Bastian on his one,” Isla stated.
“That is because they are father and son,” I quipped, and Isla’s eyes narrowed.
“You don’t have kids.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“That, Isla, is something I don’t talk about… nuh huh… let me finish before you interrupt. Sometimes things happen in a person’s life, and they decide they don’t want things.”
“And you don’t want children?”
“No.”
Isla’s face scrunched up. She didn’t like my answer, but I waited as I tightened the bolt I was turning for her next question.
“But what if someone gave you ready-made kids?”
“I’d still say no, Isla. Something terrible happened when I was young, so I decided I didn’t want to expose any youngsters to that. And that is my final word,” I said firmly.
“Well, I think that’s mean, and you’re not a bad man.”
Isla’s words kicked me straight in the chest, and I forgot to breathe for a few seconds. She got to her feet and stared at me with a sad expression.
“You have a house and a garden. You could have ready-made children and make them happy. Goodbye, Savage, I’m going to find Mommy,” Isla announced and skipped away.
Isla’s words had hit below the belt. I loved my brother’s kids. Hell, I knew how old they all were—and their birthdays. Never having my own children was a decision I’d made years ago. And it was the right one, but it didn’t stop that little bit of yearning for them.
Whenever you deny yourself something, you automatically desire it. That was natural.
Was I being unnatural by not having babies even when the core of me wanted them? Probably. Years ago, I believed I’d made an informed decision. I was still considering this when the phone rang.
“Mr Jesse Walker?” a voice asked, and I straightened.
“Speaking.”
“This is Willow Rivers Care Home, Lettie speaking. I’m a care nurse here. I’m calling to inform you that Mr Sawyer had a fall today. We’ve had the doctor in, and Mr Sawyer has sprained his wrist.”
“How is he?” I demanded with urgency.
“Mr Sawyer is a little shocked but could explain what happened. It was an accident, Mr Walker. Mr Sawyer tripped over his slippers. He does have a bump on his head but no concussion. However, he is upset.”
“I’ll call him.”
“Would you mind?”
“Of course not. Does my uncle require anything else?”
“No, but Mr Sawyer is counting the days to your next visit. He says it’s your annual shopping trip,” Lettie said.
“Yeah, a carer usually comes with us. Has one been arranged as we leave town for the weekend? My uncle does not need to see that shitshow,” I growled out.
“Yes, everything has been booked, and a carer will be available.”
“Great. Let my uncle know I will phone soon, and thank you. If you’re his new permanent carer, let me know if he needs anything, and I mean anything. That man is a damn hero, and he doesn’t go without, hear me?”
“Yes, Mr Walker, I do. If Mr Sawyer needs anything, I’ll let you know immediately.”
“Thank you, Lettie,” I said and cut the call. I took a couple of deep breaths and then picked up the phone to speak to my uncle.
He was the only person alive I’d burn in hell for, apart from my Rage MC family. Nobody else came close. But my uncle was a fuckin’ hero despite how the town treated him.
We both came from filth, and one of us rose above it and risked everything. However, I was the one who ran away and hid, being a coward.
I didn’t understand why my uncle insisted on living where he did. I’d offered to bring him with me many times, but he said he was born in that town and would die there. He just wanted a simple life.
Well, I thought bitterly, my family had ensured he had one. Anger burned through my veins, and I clenched the wrench I held in my fist.
Killing them in cold blood did not phase me. Some might be behind bars, but others were free. When it was time, I’d move on them. The only reason I hadn’t was because of my uncle. He wanted no more bloodshed, whereas I was only too happy to spill it, especially where he was concerned.
I stared at the garage wall as I tried to get my emotions under control.
Every time my family was mentioned, they spiralled. Even seeing their names in newspapers set me off. People had looked for me, but I had hidden my trail too well. They’d never link me to the boy I’d once been. Not now. Not ever.