16. 16
16
D onna didn’t want to see Savage’s face. He had to be disgusted with her now and seeing it would break her heart. He would look at her differently, she had no doubt. She didn’t know if she could take it.
“Okay. I guess that explains a couple of things. Come on, it’s cold out here. You don’t need to get chilled.” He stood and tugged her to her feet beside him. She realized that he’d followed her in nothing but his underwear. He hadn’t even stopped to put on shoes. Not that she had but she’d needed to get as far away as she could before getting sick.
He walked with her back to the tent, helped her inside then followed. After sitting her down, he put his sleeping bag back on the mat where it had started out then sat himself.
“First, it’s still cold, you should get dressed. Or climb back into your bag. You don’t need to get chilled.” He waited until she’d pulled a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt out of her bag and pulled them on, while he did the same. She was still pulling on her socks when he spoke again.
“Wow. I wasn’t expecting that. There’s a couple of things I need to know. First, and I know this is hard, but I need to know. Were you forced?” His voice was both gentle and steel hard. She didn’t know what to think.
She looked up at him, eyes wide. “Forced?”
He swallowed, reached out to touch her then stopped before his hand reached her. His voice was gentle as he found another way to phrase it. “Did they rape you?” There was a growl in his voice she hadn’t heard before but oddly, it didn’t scare her. She felt like he was getting angry on her behalf, and it made her feel better, at least a little.
“No. I wasn’t raped. At least not like you mean.”
“What do you mean, not like I mean?”
She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Her fingers knotted together in her lap, she kept her eyes on them to keep from having to watch his reaction as she explained. “I said I joined the commune with my friend. That was true, as far as it went. What I didn’t say was that it was my boyfriend. We’d been together for about a year before we joined the commune, sleeping together for at least half of that.” Donna still didn’t look up, she didn’t want to see the judgement on his face.
“That doesn’t answer my question.”
She didn’t look at him, didn’t answer, and hoped he’d let it go.
“Babe.” His voice was barely more than a whisper. “I need to know. It’s not going to change how I see you. But I need to know if I need to find someone and make him pay. I need to know how gentle I need to be with you.”
His words made her look up. She hesitantly met his gaze, half afraid of what she’d see there but all she saw was compassion.
“Did he force you?” he asked again.
“He didn’t see it that way. He said I was his and I had to give it to him whenever he wanted. If I said no or fought, he hit me. I learned it was easier just to give in.” She couldn’t help the tears that pooled in her eyes, but she blinked several times and kept them from falling.
She saw his jaw flex, one hand clenched into a fist, then relaxed and wondered what he was thinking.
After a moment, he spoke again.
“I’m so sorry, babe. If I could go back and keep you from having to go through that, I would. Will you let me hold you?” He held his arms out, welcoming her into his lap.
She didn’t know why, but she trusted him. She wanted to say she could do this, she didn’t need any help, but his offer had her emotions bubbling over and before she could find the resolve to stay where she was, she’d already moved to sit on his lap. Savage folded his arms around her, making her feel safe for the first time in months.
Donna didn’t know if it was relief at feeling safe, admitting what had been happening or hormones, but she couldn’t hold the tear back any longer. Sobs wracked her body and everything she’d held back for months, since long before she’d discovered the pregnancy, came rushing out.
She had no control. Savage couldn’t have been expecting this, and Donna knew she needed to stop, get control of herself, and let him go. No doubt, now that he knew everything, he’d have no issue finding her a shelter and dropping her off. She wanted to say she would go. She didn’t blame him for not wanting to take on her drama. And in reality, she didn’t blame him. No one wanted to take on a woman already carrying someone else’s child and she wouldn’t expect them to. But she couldn’t stop.
She didn’t know how long she sat there, unable to control the emotion that seemed to pour from her. Through the whole thing, Savage simply held her, one hand making gentle circles on her back while he murmured reassurances and told her they would figure things out. She wasn’t in this alone and he would help her. She didn’t know why he would want to but right now those words helped more than she’d known was possible.
“Feel better?” he asked after she’d cried herself out, then sat limp in his arms until she felt somewhat human again.
“Kind of. Oh shit. You were going to go help with breakfast. I’m sorry.” She started to get up, to move away. But his arms around her tightened, keeping her where she was.
“Don’t worry about it. There are enough of us they probably won’t even miss me for one day. We’ve got a few things we need to talk about. First though, are you hungry? Can you eat? Do you need anything?”
She took a deep breath and thought about it for the first time since they’d come back into the tent.
“I need to use the bathroom,” she said with a wince. She hated admitting that to him but now that she had thought about it, she needed to go asap.
“No problem. But shoes this time.” He reached over and grabbed her shoes from next to the door, handing them to her before he reached for his own. “We should have gotten you a pair of flip flops too. They would be easier to get in and out of for quick trips. We’ll have to see about a trip into town to get you some.”
Donna slid off his lap and pulled her shoes on, giving him the room to get into his own. She couldn’t help but stare wide eyed as he pulled a holster and pistol from somewhere and fastened them to his jeans. She hadn’t noticed he was armed. Not that she cared, but how had she missed it?
All things considered, being out here in the middle of a field, on a ranch with no town or anything around, there was probably wildlife that it was a good idea to be armed against. It wasn’t like she’d never seen, or even shot, a pistol before, she just hadn’t realized Savage had one.
“I really don’t—”
The low rumble coming from his chest stopped her, from both speaking and in mid-tying one shoe. She looked up at him, eyes wide.
“You can stop right there.” His voice was low, but hard. “I told you we would figure this out. Don’t try to stop me from getting you what you need. We’re going to get you to the bathroom, then come back here and talk for a bit. There are some things we need to establish between us, one is that I’ll be taking care of you, and you won’t fight me about it. If I want something you don’t, we can talk about it, but you need shoes you can get in and out of easily, in case you need to go to the bathroom or leave in a hurry again. It’s pure luck you didn’t step on something sharp the last time. I’m not going to try to control you, but I won’t take no for an answer when it comes to your safety. Got it?”
Donna took a deep breath and tried to let go of her need say no, to do without so she wasn’t a bother. It wasn’t easy but she would try. Plus, she really needed to pee.
“All right.” She pushed herself to her feet. “We can talk more after we get back.” She wasn’t sure how much he would expect her to tell him, and she needed some time before she had to face that.
She wasn’t sure she could rely on him but right now, the idea that she didn’t have to do everything on her own, which was what she’d assumed when she’d run from the commune, was a relief. She would take help as long as it didn’t cost her more than she was willing to give.
By the time she made it out of the tent, Savage was there beside her. She didn’t know why he wanted to go with her but at the moment she was just glad not to be alone.