18. 18
18
D onna tilted her head and watched him for a moment. She didn’t think he would appreciate it if she pointed out that he was blushing, so she popped the last bite of her biscuit into her mouth and reached down for something else and found her plate empty except for a few crumbs.
“We can get more if you’d like.”
She looked up to find Savage watching her. A little embarrassed, she looked down at her plate and tried to think about it. Was she still hungry? Did she want more?
“No, better not. This is more than I’ve had at any meal in quite a while, and I don’t want to upset my stomach again.”
“Are you sure? There’s plenty of food, there always is with us. You never have to worry that you’re taking food from someone else when you’re with the Souls.”
“I’m sure. I think if I ate more, it would make me sick, and I don’t want to deal with that again so soon.”
“I don’t blame you.” He took a deep breath, then continued. “But if you get hungry, say something. We will find something for you.”
“I don’t want to be a bother.” Donna stood and picked up her plate, then looked around for a trach can.
“Here.” Savage took the plate from her, stacked it with his and dropped them both into the trash, then with a gentle hand on the small of her back, he guided her to a large ice chest where he pulled out two bottles of water and handed her one. “Come on, let’s go put our tent in order, then we can figure out what to do with the rest of our day.”
Once more his hand rested low on her back as they walked. Donna had found it slightly uncomfortable at first, as it reminded her of the way Noah had used a hand there to push her where he’d wanted her to go. She hadn’t said anything as she didn’t want to upset him. But it hadn’t taken long for her feelings about Savage’s hand in the small of her back to change. Once she realized he wasn’t going to shove her along like Noah had, but instead he used gentle pressure to steer her, she’d started to find it reassuring.
She never had to worry about how to find him or where he was. The hand on her back that had been disconcerting at first, had quickly become reassuring. Donna also got the impression that part of the reason he kept his hand there was because he wanted to touch her. Since Savage had been nothing but kind and gentle with her, and never pushed for more than she was willing to give. With the exception of his pushing for information in order to keep her safe or take care of her. Even she could admit she’d needed to tell him all of it, it just hadn’t been fun, or easy.
On the way back to the tent, Savage pulled out his phone, typed up and sent a text, but since Donna knew it couldn’t be for her, she didn’t pay much attention. When they reached the tent, Donna once more kicked her shoes off before stepping inside, leaving them outside as she had before.
Inside, she put her sleeping bag back on top of her mat, then rolled it halfway, the same as Savage was doing. The last thing she wanted was to climb into bed and find she had a six or eight legged bed mate. Or worse one with no legs. She trusted him, so she followed his example when it came to things she wasn’t sure about.
After they had the tent neat again, Savage sat on the empty section of his mat, legs crisscross.
“First, let me have your phone. I want to make sure you have my number, before I forget again. I want you to be able to reach out any time.” He held out one hand, palm up.
Donna stared at his hand for a moment, wondering the best way to handle this. After a few seconds she decided head on was best. She’d already told him things that were far more embarrassing.
“I don’t have a phone,” Donna said as she moved to sit on her own sleeping mat.
“Not there.” Something in Savage’s voice stopped her mid-movement. She turned and frowned at him, not sure what he wanted. “Come sit over here.” He patted the mat next to him. “Or I’d prefer here,” he laid one hand on top of his crossed legs, “but I’ll let you make the final decision with what you’re comfortable with.”
Donna looked at the hand, then up to his face with a scowl.
“What? You’ve already been in my lap once. I didn’t molest you then and I won’t now. I just thought we’d both enjoy that more. And while it might feel a little odd at first, I like having you in my arms. It seemed, at least to me, that you didn’t mind being there either.”
Donna watched him for a moment, suspicious. But he was right. She had liked the taken care of feeling when he’d held her that morning. On top of that, he’d never been anything but gentlemanly toward her. Besides, she reminded herself, if he tried anything she didn’t want, she’d be in the perfect position to use her elbows against him.
After making her decision, she wiggled around until she sat in his lap, facing her side of the tent, her back to his chest. His arms came up around her, crossed low on her belly and after a few seconds, she leaned back, letting the warm strength against her back comfort and relax her.
“Why don’t you have a phone?” he asked.
Donna closed her eyes a moment as she let the low rumble of his voice vibrate through her, making some of the tension sitting like a rock low in her belly unfurl and seem to not weigh so heavily. She took a deep breath, trying to find the right way to say it, then realized it would probably sound naive and stupid any way she put it, so might as well get it over with.
“I gave it up before I joined the commune, and while some people had them, it was only the higher ups and people in charge. There were only four or five phones at the compound. The ones in charge kept them. It sounded reasonable at first. Fewer bills, but they would be available if anyone needed one for some reason.” She shrugged.
“But it wasn’t what it seemed when you joined, was it?” Savage’s voice was gentle as he spoke.
Donna didn’t say anything, only shook her head. She didn’t want to say how stupid she felt for falling for the scheme that was the commune.
“Let me guess, if you asked to use the phone, either it was unavailable with some reasonable excuse, or there was some reason you couldn’t make your call privately. They were making sure you didn’t say anything to anyone that might come get you, or help you escape.”
She started to twist around to look at him, she wanted to ask how he knew that, but as she started to move, Savage’s arms tightened around her.
“We’re good. You’re fine.”
She tensed for a moment, not liking that he held her but after a moment she relaxed again.
“I don’t know how you know that, but yes. I eventually gave up on getting a hold of a phone or having a chance to call for help, though I’m not sure who I would have called.”
“What about your parents? Wouldn’t they have helped?”
“They probably would have, if they were able.” She took a deep breath and mentally braced herself. “I was a surprise baby, long after my parents had given up on having children. My parents were older.”
“Were?”
“Dad was almost 70 when he died last year. Mom is only a few years younger, but she’s been dealing with dementia for several years. Last time I had a chance to go home, she didn’t know me, she didn’t even remember having a child at all. And her doctor told me she was going downhill fast.” She stopped, forced herself to swallow and took several deep breaths while ignoring the tears that welled in her eyes and slipped silently down her face. “I know I should go and see her again, but it hurts so much to have the person I love the most look at me and not know who I am.”
“Oh, babe. I can’t imagine. That has to be heartbreaking.” Savage’s arms tightened his arms around her and rocked side to slide slowly for a moment.
“It is. And to make it worse, I can’t bear to go see her because it breaks my heart every time she has no idea who I am. A little more of my heart dies every time and I just couldn’t take it anymore.”
“And it’s not like she can miss you if she doesn’t remember you, right?”
“Exactly. I feel guilty, but I just couldn’t do it anymore.”
“That’s understandable.”
Donna wasn’t sure if he was justifying her actions or just trying to keep her calm, either way she appreciated it.
Something vibrated in his pocket. Savage shifted, pulled his phone from his pocket, and used one hand to navigate to see what the notification was, then after a moment, spoke again.
“You said you’re how late again?”
“Two weeks.”
“Okay, I thought so, I just wanted to be sure. I have a brother who’s an NP. I texted him this morning asking questions about care for you, how soon do we need to get you to a doc, what it’s safe to do, like riding a bike, that kind of thing.”
She was both touched that Savage would think to do that and a little annoyed that he did it without asking her first. What if she hadn’t wanted to know? No. that wasn’t reasonable. She took a breath and reminded herself he probably knew even less than she did about pregnancy and babies and that was saying something because she knew very little.
“What did he say?”
“We should probably pick up a home test, just to be sure. And that they’re accurate, in fact many doctor offices use them. He also says that unless there’s some reason like vomiting that won’t stop or bleeding, you don’t need to see a doctor for a few weeks. So if you want, we can wait until we get to Arizona. One of my brothers down there recently had a baby, so his wife will know a doctor you can see.”
“Okay.” That was a lot of information, and it took her a moment to process it. “Anything else? What’s safe or anything I shouldn’t do?”
“He says that other than the obvious things to avoid like alcohol and drugs, all kinds, not just the illegal ones, you can do nearly anything you want, including sex.”
Donna’s face heated and she was glad her back was to Savage. She fought the urge to squirm in his lap as she wondered if he’d asked his friend about sex or if the other man had added it in on his own.
How much weirder would her life get?