PHOENIX
I’m still none the wiser as to why I can’t stay in Braxton. Melanie tried palming me off with some bullshit excuse about my safety. The truth is I’ve never been safe in Braxton. Physically or mentally. I’ve always lived in fear, knowing that when the sun goes down the monsters will come out of the darkness and hurt me some more.
I never knew any different, and until now I was raised to think it was normal. That I was there for their sick and twisted pleasure. Fuck, how wrong I was. It’ll take me a while to adjust to this new life, but I said I’d give it a try.
I’ll be honest. The past week has gone by in an emotional blur. Each day is the same as the one before. I chose to close my mind. Deciding it was easier to shut out everything that had happened and what was happening—the way I always do when life gets hard. Unbearable. Refusing to acknowledge the drama. Not giving power to the trauma.
It turns out as I played dumb, everything I thought I knew was all a lie. Lies which in turn ended up in me losing everything—including myself; or what little was left of me.
My home, my friends, my life; all no longer mine.
A vivid reminder of why I’m currently trapped in the back of a hurst, dancing with death as my driver tries and fails to navigate the long, treacherous roads leading to Stonebrooke. A small town on the outskirts of Braxton, hidden deep in the forest. It’s not too far from home, but at the same time it feels like a lifetime away.
With each sharp, grueling turn and unexpected slam of the brakes, I’m beginning to feel like maybe this isn’t the fresh start Melanie made it out to be. No, I’m sure this is actually where I’ve come to die. A reflection of the sins past down to me, and the irony of my transportation isn’t lost on me.
I’d offered to drive myself. I would have preferred it that way, but it came as no surprise when Melanie stepped in and shut me down. She wouldn’t hear any of it, she probably thought I’d make a pretend getaway and stay hidden in Braxton somewhere, and she wouldn’t have been wrong. But the reality is so much deeper than that. Just another decision taken away from me. Something else I never saw coming, like the authorities revoking my driver’s license and anything else attached to my legal name, followed by endless and no doubt empty promises that I’d receive new documents soon enough.
Funny how I can’t bring myself to believe any of the bullshit which falls from their mouths.
From now on I’ll be going by the name of Phoenix Melrose. My mother’s maiden name, and given she died when I was a baby it’s assumed no one will put two and two together. I suppose it’s the nicest way they can tell me that my mom’s irrelevant. I’ll be Melrose on paper and Gonzales will be nothing more than a distant and painful memory—at least while I’m still here.
Personally, I don’t understand why they’re making such a big deal about my identity. Melanie kept telling me that no one would know who I was at Stonebrooke, yet the authorities didn’t want to take that kind of risk. A risk they still won’t tell me about. These guys love to air on the edge of caution, only it would help me more if I knew what threats were waiting for me in the big wide world.
I didn’t want it.
I didn’t want any part of this, but a week under Melanie’s care—under her watchful eyes, it was enough to teach me that I wouldn’t get anywhere fast by arguing. So, for the first and last time in my life, I did the unthinkable. I put up and shut up, eager to get out of that hideous hostel. Desperate to escape the clutches of their control and see what my new life had in store for me.
I’ll admit, a small foreign part of me is a little excited. Buzzed by the prospect of starting over again. I don’t need to hide anymore. I can be whoever the fuck I want to be—with zero judgment. And if Stonebrooke is going to become my prison then I’m going to do everything I can, determined to make it count while enjoying every second of my sentence.
The sun begins to set as we continue to drive out of town, straight into the mouth of the dense forest which separates the two towns, dimming my visibility.
The weather has turned. Ice cold just like my hollow heart, enhanced by the broken seals around the rattling windows, allowing the crisp October air to creep in, seeping deep into my bones. My teeth chatter uncontrollably, forcing me to pull my black leather jacket tight around my body, but it does nothing to help. I guess I’ve only got myself to blame, but in my defense; when I slipped into my playsuit and converse this morning, I didn’t think I’d be going anywhere. I was adamant I wasn’t leaving, but that was before the offer of Stonebrooke was thrown into the mix.
The only light comes from the dim headlights as we crawl at a snail’s pace through the tall trees, concealing us deep in the shadows, proving to be pretty irresolute by this point.
“Hey… excuse me,” I call out to the front. “Any idea of an ETA?” We should be there already. I feel like he’s been driving around in circles for hours. It’s probably only been about thirty minutes at best, but being closed in, in such a confined space isn’t doing my mental health any favors right now.
He doesn’t answer me. He remains mute, just the same throughout our long ass journey so far. Obviously, his main goal is to dice with death, playing an unforgivable game of roulette with my life as he bumps around over the rocky and unapologetic terrain. One wrong move and all this… this stupid plan to keep me safe, designed to protect me… it would all have been for nothing.
Game over.
For me, the driver and the death trap carrying us.
Maybe I caved too soon. I should have put up more of a fight. Taken my chances. I’d probably be safer staying put in Braxton. At least no one was actively trying to kill me there. Or that I knew of anyway. Sometimes ignorance can be bliss.
My father sure has a lot to answer for and one day I swear I’m going to make him pay. Make him suffer for what he’s put me through. For every sadistic and fucked up thing he’s made me do. The fear. The trauma. The neglect, and now this.
Well, that’s if the bastard survives. Right now, I’d bet his chances of survival aren’t looking all too promising. Every single odd is heavily stacked against him, and they fucking should be. Especially after his latest downfall.
I asked so many times, but Melanie remained tight-lipped, as she did all week. She won’t budge. Refusing to tell me anything. Apparently, she’s not allowed to discuss active cases, no matter the implications of the victims. I’m not stupid though. It doesn’t take a genius to work out he fucked up. He’s always been sick in the head. Poorly, as he liked to call it, but there was no stopping him. He craved the adrenaline. Low and behold he soon got ahead of himself, getting caught along the way. It was bound to happen eventually. A fool’s move but shit, he must have fucked up on a massive scale this time. Yet, it’s me who’s paying the price. I’m the one being forced out into the night. The one who’s expected to get on with my life like nothing has happened. Like everything hasn’t changed.
Maybe that’s why the driver refused to acknowledge me. who knows, he could have some crazy sixth sense, allowing him to see me. And I mean, really see me. Right down into the hidden depths of my dark and twisted soul. Witnessing just how damaged and messed up I really am. I doubt he’s the first person to pick up on the venomous poison which flows through my veins and he won’t be the last. A horrific reminder of who I am and where I come from—and that won’t change no matter what name’s attached to me.
I can’t even take part of the blame. Not that I’d want to, but sometimes when life gets a little too much I often wonder if it would be easier if I did. Easier for me. Easier for everyone else around me. The sad truth is, I can’t stop it any more than the air I breathe. I’m a product of his fuckery. This is who I am. By design. By default. Hell, I can’t even apologize for my fucked-up DNA because I never asked for it. Not for any of it.
I’m broken. Damaged beyond repair, all because some sad ass selfish bastard chose to disregard me, dissolving all of his obligations in a heartbeat. That man fed me to the wolves and didn’t give a fuck whether I survived or not.
He was a monster. Someone who couldn’t find it within himself to control his actions. To find a way to curb his thirst for destruction. I’m glad he’s out of my life, but now because of him I’m on a one-way journey to hell.
Finally, after what feels like an eternity of endless torture, the hurst gradually slows, crawling along as the unforgiving earth smooths out beneath us. I watch, transfixed as the trees widen, opening up, allowing what’s left of the days light seeping between the thick foliage. Relief consumes me, holding me tight, leaving just enough room for me to breathe. I don’t think I’ve ever been so thankful for my life as I am right in this moment, and that thought alone speaks volumes.
My chest swells as the outside world comes into view, blinding me with its unstoppable beauty, before large iron gates greet us.
“Are we here?” I say aloud, my uncontrollable curiosity getting the better of me, and just like magic the gates open inward, granting us entry. For the first time in my life, I’m floored. Floored that there’s someone out there, expecting me. Waiting on my arrival.
Fighting against the foreign tears of gratitude as they threaten to spill over, my mute driver hits the gas, rolling forward, completely oblivious and unphased by the days turmoilous events. Unphased by whatever plan has been set out for me.
The seconds turn into agonizing minutes as my new life creeps closer, and it’s one hell of a strange feeling. One I never expected. I was adamant I’d never leave Braxton, yet here I am being escorted into Stonebrooke and excitement is charging through my veins. I’ll be honest, my nerves are shot and the heated suspense of the unknown is creeping around in my head, threatening to take over. A feeling I’m refusing to acknowledge. Granting it zero power to manifest into my reality.
I’m not scared, I just hate the unknown with a ferocious passion. I was conditioned to survive under the hands of someone else’s control, so obviously, I don’t deal with change all too well. I’ve always been kept in the dark through no choice of my own and this… well, this is so different to me on so many levels.
We continue to roll down a massive driveway, illuminated with solar lights on either side, lighting up the way to my final destination and I jump when the hurst comes to a sudden stop, the old, rusty metal groaning out in protest.
My mouth drops when I look out of my window as I take in the monstrous gothic building towering over us. I’ll never survive here. I’ll get lost in the first five fucking minutes. But that’s my future’s problem. Right now, I need to allow my mesmerized mind to enjoy this, because as soon as I’m out of this death trap I know I’ll never witness it with fresh eyes again.
Endless trees line the pristine lawns, and right in the center is a gigantic water fountain, standing tall with half naked statues holding it up. Standing proud, the first introduction to the grandeur this place holds in the middle of the granite driveway.
My attention is captured when I sense movement to my right. This is it. My moment of truth. My fresh start. Hopefully it’s not as much of a shit show as the life I just left behind was. Pulling up my big girl panties, I take in a deep breath and open the door, about to walk straight into my new life, no matter what awaits me on the other side. The crisp fresh air hits me hard, penetrating deep into my lungs, thankfully removing all traces of the stagnant air which consumed me on our journey here.
“Miss Melrose?” A small but firm voice calls out into the darkness before a thin figure appears in my line of sight. She waits patiently for me to respond and that’s when I remember my sudden and unexpected name change.
“Erm… yeah, that’s me.” I stammer, unable to think straight let alone try the impossible task of stringing a coherent sentence together.
“Pleasure to meet you,” she smiles brightly as her face comes into view. On first impression I’m happy to find her warm and welcoming, her eyes wrinkling at the corners. “My name is Ms. White, the Dean of Stonebrooke Hall.” She holds out her hand and I take it willingly. “It’s a joy to have you joining us, and I hope you’ll enjoy your time here.”
Her kind words are unexpected. They leave me speechless. I don’t think anyone has ever spoken to me with such care and compassion before and it makes for a welcome change. Here’s to many firsts. She watches me closely. Expectantly and all I can do is offer her a weak smile. This is so far out of my comfort zone and I know I’m fucking it up with each second that passes.
I’m guessing she hasn’t received my file yet. When she does, I don’t think she’ll be as welcoming. Not when she finds out who I really am. Not when she knows the truth, so I’ll try and enjoy my peace while it lasts.
“It’s getting late,” she says when I remain silent. “Why don’t you come with me.” As though reading my mind she adds, “don’t worry about your belongings. Those will be sent straight to your room. But first, you must eat. You have quite a busy day tomorrow so you’ll need your energy.”