PHOENIX
My first day went without a hitch.
I survived. Giving an epic one finger salute to the universe because against all odds, I somehow pulled through unscathed.
Baby steps, but I’m calling it a win.
Flick has been a Godsend. An angel sent from above to guide and protect me on this new journey. Quickly becoming the friend I never knew I needed. That girl didn’t leave my side. Not once.
My classes were okay. They weren’t anything to shout home about, but I was granted enough freedom to sit wherever I wanted—right at the back of each class with Flick, hidden from view. I’m grateful to my teachers because for some reason they decided against making a big deal out of my arrival. The last thing any new student wants or needs is to be called up to the front of class for ridiculous icebreakers.
I didn’t succeed in escaping the heated glares and hushed whispers though, but I guess I can’t have it all.
“Why are we so far down?” I ask as Flick leads the way to our quarters. I’m kinda excited to get to my room and settle in, but there’s a niggling feeling at the back of my mind which I can’t shift. Something which is forewarning me that this isn’t going to be plane sailing.
It doesn’t escape my attention that Flick has been walking for a while and in the total opposite direction to Dane’s previous route. I don’t point this out, choosing to play dumb seeing how I only arrived this morning. It grows colder with each turn she takes, the corridors growing darker and more constricted. Like we’re heading down into the tunnels below the large gothic castle.
The deeper we move, the more stagnant the air around us becomes, and I struggle to breathe. A foul, bitter taste invades my senses, mixed with a smell I’d recognize anywhere. Damp, mold and rotting decay and it instantly catapults my mind back, deep into my hidden memories. Memories I forced myself to forget. Memories I refuse to acknowledge.
“This is where the first years reside.” Flick replies. “Like the sewer rats we’re made out to be.”
I feel my brows crease in confusion. “Sewer rats?” I can’t see Flicks face so I can’t decide if she’s trying to be funny or if she’s being deadly serious. To be fair she wouldn’t have to try all too hard to pull the wool over my eyes. She wouldn’t even have to try because the pitch-black blindfold Dane placed over my eyes is still there, tattooed firmly in place, reminding me that nothing seems to be off limits in this place.
“You’re messing with me, right?” I question, realizing the deeper we go he less fir for purpose these tunnels seem to be.
“I wish I was,” she slows her step, giving me a chance to catch up with her. “But no, unfortunately for us, first years are confined to the dungeons. Didn’t they tell you this when you enrolled here?”
Enrolled? Like I had a fucking say in the decision. “I can’t say I remember that conversation.” I admit while thinking back to my last conversation with Melanie. She was more focused on getting me out of Braxton, telling me little about Stonebrooke. To be fair, I never thought about asking questions. The second Stonebrooke was mentioned I was sold. Just like she knew I would be. Everything was already picture perfect in my mind. A deluded fairytale I’d dreamed up years ago. Back when I still had my innocence and my judgement on the world hadn’t been altered or tarnished.
Imagination is a beautiful thing—reality not so much. “But Stonebrooke is famous for being one of the most prestigious colleges around.”
“Sure it is, or at least that’s how it used to be.” A soft laugh fills the space between us as we slow, approaching a narrow-spiraled stone staircase leading deeper underground. “Now it’s all about if your face fits.”
Shit. Her words hit me hard. Like a sucker punch to the gut. How could I have been so stupid. So fucking careless in my judgement. It makes sense for Melanie to send me somewhere like this. Where I’ll be chewed up and spat out, that way I won’t be her problem anymore. Fuck, what if I’ve made more problems for myself by agreeing to come here? I guess it’s too late to change my mind now. Looks like the damage has already been done.
“Looks like I’ll be keeping my head down and avoiding trouble at all costs then.”
“You better.” She warns me. “Being a first year makes you a target. That’s without starting here mid-term. I don’t want to scare you on your first day, but I’d be a shit friend if I didn’t give you the heads up. Keep your head down because if you get on the wrong side of them, trust me you’ll soon know about it, and these dungeons will be the least of your worries.”
“The dungeons?” I was fucking right. I am being led to my untimely death. Paying for the sins of everyone else around me and it looks like there’s nothing I can do about it. No matter which path I choose, there’s always someone hiding out in the shadows, waiting to strike. To take me down.
“Yeah, first years get the joyful privilege of living if that’s what you want to call it, but I prefer the term merely existing down here until you’ve earned the right to leave.”
“I’m not following.” My head feels like mush. No doubt from lack of sleep and too much stimulation but I can’t tell Flick that.
“You’re supposed to transition and move up into the land of the living; to the normal level of society up in the castle with everyone else. Sure, I know what you’re thinking, keep your head down, smash your studies and up you go. That’s how it’s supposed to be. How it used to be, but they don’t make the transition easy. They make you work for it and then some.”
“Who are they?” I ask again, eager to know more. “The Dean? The teachers?” Her wide-eyed expression tells me I’m cold before she even opens her mouth to reply.
“Ha… yeah, that’s the other thing you should know about. You’ll soon learn here that the Dean’s word doesn’t mean shit.” I find that hard to believe after meeting her last night. She looked and sounded like a woman who didn’t take kindly to bullshit. But then I remember looks can be deceiving. People only allow you to see what they want you to see. “The Dean is someone who portrays authority down to a T, but the harsh truth of her reality is they own everyone and everything in these walls. Teachers. The Dean. Me and you…”
“Who?” I press some more but my mind does the work for me and an unwanted image of Dane takes over my vision.
“You’ll see.” She promises, her eyes sparkling with mischief before she comes to a sudden stop at the bottom of the stairs. “Well, this is us. Welcome to your never-ending nightmare.”
My head spins from what she’s just told me as she reaches out and opens the door and hits the light before she steps inside and an icy-chill shudders down my spine.
I can do this. I tell myself. I’ve survived way worse than this, so living in a small, confined room should be a piece of cake for me. I refuse to allow something so small to be the thing that breaks me.
“It might not be much…” She sighs, throwing her arms out to signal the cold, damp box room before us. I follow her line of sight, my eyes adjusting to the dim light and take in two single beds, two sets of drawers and not much else. Sure, this might not be much to Flick, but to me this is everything.
Turning, I lower my exhausted body down onto the rickety bed, grateful I finally have somewhere semi-permanent to rest my head. I’ll admit, to most people this probably isn’t the comfiest, but to me it’s the best I’ve ever had so I’m more than happy.
Flick watches me, her eyes unsure what to expect as I lean back and rest my head against the moth-eaten headboard before pulling my legs up, resting my chin on my waiting knees.
“You’re first year too, right?” I ask. I’d expect Flick to be first year seeing how she’s here with me, yet she has so much knowledge on the ins and outs of Stonebrooke that she could have been here for years already.
She shakes her head, brown curls bouncing around her face before she drops down into the bed next to me. “I live like a first year, but in reality, I’m third year.”
I feel the pain in her words as she whispers them. “Shit... so you didn’t move up.”
“Nope.” She pops the P before offering me a small smile, clearly gutted she’s still trapped down here. I can’t help but feel gutted for her, but a small selfish part of my brain is happy that she’s still here. By the way things have been going I could have ended up with a lot worse.
“What about your friends? Do you get to see them… talk?” My mind is on overdrive, running wild, shooting off questions at rapid speed before thinking them through. “I’m so sorry. Please don’t feel like you need to answer that if you don’t want to.” Now would be the perfect time for the ground to swallow me up and eat me whole. “I didn’t mean to pry.” I admit, dropping my head in shame, hoping to hide the heat of my embarrassment as it rushes to my cheeks.
“Nah… don’t worry about it. it’s cool.” She says and a rush of relief swirls through my body. “I’m not the girl who is known for having friends.”
I flash my teeth and give her a reassuring smile. “Well, at least that makes two of us. I’m so new to all of this. I’m used to being a loner. Friends haven’t been my biggest strong point either.”
I wait for Flicks response, not sure if I’ve offended her somehow. Eventually she breaks the silence between us. “I guess we can figure it out and be loners together then.”
My chest swells, tightening at her words. Unshed tears threaten to spill over. That has to be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. “Sounds like the dream.”
I don’t get scared easily, but socializing was my biggest fear when it came to starting over. New people, new surroundings. It makes me sick just thinking about it. I was denied the experience of having friends, or any social output. All my decisions and life choices are instantly taken away from me, but I’m slowly working on myself and finding a way to fix the trauma left behind. I mean, it says a lot when your father sends you away just because you started your period. Proving him to be the selfish bastard I’d always known.
For now, all I can do is wing it. Living one day by the next as I try to navigate these new, unsteady waters, while praying it will all work out fine.