PHOENIX
My head throbs violently. Like someone has hit me with a sledgehammer, not content on the one hit and continues hacking away. I try to focus on the hazy world around me but all I can hear is a deafening silence, aside from the erratic beat of my heart hammering against my chest, beating a little too fast.
I try to open my eyes, but quickly close them again as a rush of nausea washes over me and I’m forced to swallow it down, leaving a bitter taste in my mouth. I don’t think Flick would appreciate wearing what little I managed to eat last night.
Fuck.
What the hell has happened to me? I was perfectly fine last night. Well, apart from my standoff with Caleb everything else seemed okay. Nothing happened out of the ordinary, especially compared against some of the eventful nights I’ve had so far at Stonebrooke.
I dig deep and search my memories but nothing jumps out at me. I remember dinner. I remember heading back to our prison and I can remember the two of us chatting nothing but utter bullshit and it felt so good just to have someone to talk to… and then nothing. Everything zoned out from there until now.
We crashed at some point, and if I had any nightmares then I don’t remember them. Instant relief fills my chest, thankful that Flick wouldn’t have been disturbed by the pain of my past. Memories I shut down by day but I’m forced to relive and endure each night. Except for last night, it seems.
I can’t remember the last time my demons didn’t haunt me, trapped deep in my subconscious, but something numbed the pain. Hell, I could sure get used to the welcome break. The pounding head, not so much.
I haven’t felt this rough in years. It feels like I’ve drank my whole-body weight in alcohol. The chance would be a fine thing but I don’t think that’s something I’ll be experiencing anytime soon. First years don’t get to experience much, we just have to find ways to exist—to exist without disturbing anyone else.
Inhaling deep through my nose, I push through the dull ache, forcing my eyes open. Not that I can see all too much. Darkness graces my vision. Lights out means lights out down here. Our oil lamp must have burned out at some point during the night but I still try to focus, pushing past my blurred vision as I slowly adjust to my surroundings.
The faint sound of Flick’s breathing tells me she’s still dead to the world. A rush of jealousy consumes me because right now I’d do anything to be able to close my eyes and sleep off this pounding headache, but I can’t.
My whole body is on edge. Something has disturbed me and pulled me out of my sleep. The thought sends a ripple of unease through my body. I can’t shift the feeling that there’s someone here, hidden in the darkness, watching me as I sleep.
“I’m being stupid.” I tell myself. I know it’s probably my paranoid mind overthinking every possible opportunity as usual. Working overtime, trying to manifest my biggest fears into my reality. Creating problems which aren’t there.
There’s only me and Flick here. I made sure to lock the door and check it three times, the way I’ve always done. I’m just being paranoid. Extra sensitive because I feel delicate. Maybe I did have a bad dream and I just don’t remember it and my body is still trying to fight off the invisible threat.
I’m safe. The monsters aren’t out to get me anymore.
I try to fight it but anxiety knots deep in my stomach, my heart beating faster as a flicker of movement dances in my peripheral. My chest rises and falls rapidly, my breathing picking up speed as the realization that me and Flick aren’t alone becomes a possibility.
My eyes scan the room, trying and failing to seek out the intruder but it’s pointless because I can’t see shit. I don’t allow that obstacle to deter my stubborn mind though as I force myself up the bed while willing my eyes to focus, but I still struggle to see anything.
“Did you miss me, buttercup?”
I bite down on my scream as it threatens to break free when the familiar sound of Dane’s voice cuts through the silence, instant fear seeping deep into my body, right down to the marrow of my bones.
“How do you get in here?” I demand, not really expecting an answer, and Dane rewards me with silence just like I knew he would. He might think he holds the power here, but there’s no way I’m going to sit back and allow him to silence me into submission. That’s not my style. Never has been and I’m not about to change… not for him or for anyone else.
“How long have you been watching me for?” I press, my shaken voice barely a whisper as I try to remain calm and unaffected by his sudden and unexpected appearance in my room.
“Long enough.” He finally breaks the silence after a few beats, and I don’t miss the hint of danger in his tone. I’m rendered speechless as his open confession hangs heavy like a deadweight in the stagnant air between us and my stomach knots some more, a mixture of fear and excitement courses through my body at the thought of him watching me sleep. I should be disgusted but it makes me hot. Flustered, desperate to feel his wicked touch again.
“What do you want, Dane?” I can’t see him clearly but I can still feel the heat of his eyes burning into me, scorching my skin, marking me for all eternity.
“Would you believe me if I said I’d missed you and that smart ass mouth of yours?”
I shake my head as his words hit me. “I’d say I’m surprised you remember who I am.”
“What…”
“Well, you didn’t say shit to me last night in front of your brothers.” I hate myself for being so open. The last thing I want is for Dane to think I care, or worse… that he has some kind of hold over me. Hell, I shouldn’t fucking care where he’s concerned, but my body betrays me at every fucking turn wherever he’s involved. It’s annoying as fuck.
“You feeling left out?” He mocks. “I’d tell you I’m sorry but apologies aren’t in my vocabulary.”
“I’m not interested in what you have to say. I’m also not interested in your fucked up games.” I admit much too easily and I’m surprised to find my voice holds a lot more conviction than I actually feel. Yes, I want him to apologize for being a dick. For standing there while his brother tries to intimidate and humiliate me in front of the whole school but we both know that’s never going to happen, period.
For the first time in my life, I find myself grateful for the impenetrable dark cloud which blankets us. This way Dane can’t see through my lies. My face would give me away in a heartbeat.
“Shame…” I hear the faint yet all too familiar sound of his zippo lighter before his devastatingly beautiful face comes into view, catching me off guard, his angular features illuminated by the flame. “Games are what I play best and you… you’re my perfect opponent.”
I pull the thin sheet up my body trying to shield myself from his prying eyes, but I’m also quick to remember that Dane has seen more than enough of my body already. There’s no secrets between our bodies… not anymore.
“Go play with someone else then because I’m not in the mood.” I stammer out, feeling overly exposed under the intense heat of his watchful glare.
“I can’t do that.” He confesses, his voice soft like he’s genuinely offended by my refusal to partake in his games. But I must have misheard because surely the likes of Dane Savage can’t feel anything to be offended. Moving the zippo slightly, it casts his large intimidating frame into the shadows, but not before I catch a glimpse of something in his other hand. Something all too familiar…
Horrified, my erratic heart stops dead in my chest when I recognized the familiar outline of my journal. On instinct I lean forward as I fight against the nausea as it takes over every fiber of my being, battling through the light head rush, refusing to acknowledge it. Refusing to give it any power—preventing it from deterring me.
“That’s mine. Give it back.” I demand through gritted teeth, conscious I sound like a whiney brat, but the instant fear and embarrassment consume me and I know my emotions will be evident on my face. My eyes are wide and I know he doesn’t miss it. Here I am giving this monster the reaction he’s been craving. Usually, I’d be more alert but right now, right in this moment I don’t care. I couldn’t give a fuck if I look weak and vulnerable. All I know is that I need to get my journal back and fast.
No one has any business reading that, period.
Who the fuck does he think he is? Dane Savage has no right to come into my room. He sure as hell has no business going through my belongings. My personal property.
“Chillax, buttercup. It’s only a little fun… all part of the game we play so well.” He snickers back at me, his lack of fucks infuriating me more.
“I already told you; I don’t want to play.” My confession leaves my lips on a quiver, my emotions raw and unfiltered. “I want you to put back what doesn’t belong to you and leave.”
“Ah, now there lies the problem. You see everything belongs to me… and now that includes you too.”
Ignoring the heat of his threat as it simmers in the air between us, I make my move, crawling down the bed, toward the devil positioned at the bottom, and I’m conscious that Flick is still sound asleep beside me on her half of the room. Just another unwilling and innocent victim in Dane’s deadly games. Fuck, the poor girl would probably have a heart attack if she woke up to find one of the Savage brothers hiding out in her room. Thankfully, Flick isn’t aware of mine and Dane’s extra curriculum activities and right now that’s the way it needs to stay.
“I have to say, it’s quite the read,” he laughs, taunting me some more, knowing he has me right where he wants me. Knowing he’s taken something personal from me, choosing to violate me in a way only he can.
Shaking my head in disbelief I say, “You haven’t. You wouldn’t dare…” What the fuck am I saying? Of course he would. Dane is something else. Next level crazy. Personally, I don’t think there’s anything he wouldn’t do to get a reaction. I so want to believe that this is what this is. That he’s playing with me. With my mind and emotions—just to see how far he can push me. And right now, it doesn’t seem very far.
“I’m many things…” he confirms, “and being a man of my word is one of them.” His voice is low, almost a whisper and it sends an icy tingle down my spine. Leaning forward I keep my eyes locked on his and the heat of his breath warms my face, intoxicating me. “Let’s not get this twisted. If there’s something that I want, then you can bet your ass I’m going to take it—by any means necessary.”
I don’t doubt his words. Not for a second, and it does nothing to ease the fury which blazes deep inside me, spurring me on. My eyes narrow as my heart accelerates the closer I get to him. Goose pimples erupt over my bare flesh and I know it has nothing to do with the arctic temperatures down here buried beneath the castle. No, this is all Dane as my body ignites—all too aware of his undeniable presence.
“Fuck you, Dane…” I hurl. “I’ll ask you once more…”
I don’t get a chance to finish the rest of my sentence when his arm snakes around my waist and in one fluid motion he lifts me up before dropping me down into his lap. His big arm holds me close against him, ensuring I have no means of an escape. Reluctantly, I breathe him in and a rush of cedar invades my senses, taking over every fiber of my being; sending my fuzzy head spinning; leaving me more vulnerable and exposed than I was before.
“Are you threatening me?” He asks, zero emotion or traces of humor in his voice. I try to fight, to break free of his restraints but he’s no match for me. He’s too strong. It doesn’t help that my body is refusing to resist the undeniable pull—refusing to ignore the sexual chemistry charging the air around us.
I don’t know what but everything about this monster pulls me in and captivates me.
“I hate you.” My voice wavers, struggling to hide the lie. I should hate him. Fuck, I should hate everything about him. But this guy, dark and fucking dangerous brings out a whole new side to me. A side I’m more than happy to explore. No matter how wrong or fucked up it might be. On my heart, mind or body.
“Correction… you wished you hated me...” Dane sounds so confident as he thrusts his hips against me. “You can lie to yourself all you want, but your eyes… your eyes speak a thousand words and trust me, hate isn’t one of them. Not even fucking close.”
“You don’t know the first thing about me.” I remind him, but in true Dane style he’s quick to shut me down with a flick of his wrist, reminding me that he currently holds all my deepest secrets in the palm of his hand.
Just inches apart I can hear the loud thud of his heart beating steadily in his chest and the swell of his solid dick between my thighs is a welcome distraction. A feeling I could get used to.
“I also know that you’re desperate to feel my dick inside your tight, wet pussy.” He mutters as if reading my mind. “I know you’re desperate for me to fuck you—hard and fast.”
I don’t even try to deny it. Instead I allow him to take my silence for whatever answer he craves to fuel his ego. Plus, I don’t see the point in wasting my depleted energy arguing when he’ll just shut me down and prove me wrong time and time again. Choosing to remain silent, refusing to admit what we both already know he flashes me a killer smile, his dimple making a rare appearance.
“Let me go.” It’s more of a plea as the words fall from my lips but instead of releasing me, Dane’s grip tightens.
“Not gonna happen.” He replies, his tone affirmative and full of authority. A gasp escapes my parted lips when his free hand cups the back of my neck, pulling my face toward him. My body freezes already knowing where this is headed. My blood runs cold as he brings his lips closer and whispers, “Beg for me,” against my ear.
My mind is screaming at me to push him away. To take back some level of control, but my body doesn’t want to listen, once again responding only to his agonising touch. Responding to his deadly presence.
“The day I beg is the day my body is finally lowered deep into the ground.”
“That can always be arranged.”
I don’t fucking doubt it. He smirks back at me before fisting my hair as he claims my lips like they belong to him and him alone. Perfectly silencing me before I have a chance to give him a smart-ass reply.
His lips move frantically. His tongue is rough, forceful as it pushes against my lips. So hungry, always seeking more, like he’s desperate and deprived. Starved of my touch for far too long. Against my better judgement I succumb to his touch easily, losing myself in my new favorite place—all things Dane Savage as our heated tongues duel against each other, both of us trying to overpower the other, our competitive personalities clashing.
I willingly give in. More than happy to lose all my inhibitions. My body is more than ready to be destroyed once and for all. Emptiness consumes me when he pulls away, pushing himself up to stand, allowing me to drop back down onto my bed like a sack of shit. Like I’m completely irrelevant.
“I’m going to take this.” He waves my journal in front of my face, knowing all too well it’s the only thing in this place which holds any kind of value to me. “I’ll keep it safe.”
For some reason I don’t believe a single thing he says. If Dane has his way, he’ll read through it and post print outs of my personal entries all around the castle just for shits and giggles. “Quit with the bullshit. It’s not funny anymore,” I plead, jumping up to grab it but he’s faster than me. “Give it back to me.” I demand but my words fall on deaf ears.
“I will… eventually. But you know the rules, buttercup. You know what I want from you.” He’s not listening to me… at all. He’s too wrapped up in his own mind games to see that he’s being horrible. Nasty, and downright evil.
“Go suck on a dick.” I snarl, the childish insult pitiful as it falls effortlessly from my mouth. It’s weak, but the truth is, it’s the best I have right in this moment.
“I think we can both agree that’s your speciality.”
This bastard is insane. If he really thinks I’m going to drop to my knees and beg for him to give it back, then he can think again. I’ll be the first to admit that I’ll do many things; stupid and questionable things are what I love, but not that. Anything but that.
His dark brow furrows, confusion creeping onto his angular face. “I’m giving you a chance here. Something I don’t do often—if ever. If I were you, I’d take it with open arms. I’d use this offer wisely because next time you’ll find I won’t be so forgiving.”
I watch as he steps back, his large frame retreating into the shadows, and just like that he’s gone. Disappearing into the night—like he never fucking existed. Once again leaving me all alone with nothing but my racing thoughts for company.
“Phoenix.” Flick stirs beside me, pulling me back to the here and now, reminding me that she’s still here. “Who were you talking to?”
“No one.” I lie effortlessly and a rush of guilt consumes me that I can be so deceitful to the only friend I’ve ever had. “Go back to sleep. It’s still early.”