Chapter 40 #2
Cole Knight, Killian’s brother and one of the few British mafia royalty. I had heard he was killed by his father, and that Bron Knight’s betrayal is what prompted Ana’s marriage to Cassio Moretti. I didn’t know that she was previously with Cole.
God, that poor girl. No wonder she couldn’t form a full smile while confessing.
“He died in front of me.”
“I—” My stomach drops, and my face must as well.
Ana reaches out, grabbing my hand as if to soothe me for her trauma. “Oh, no, don’t be sad for me. It’s okay, I’m not looking for sympathy. Cassio got me through it. I just wanted to give an example. We’ve been through a lot.”
Jade nods empathetically.
“You go now,” Ana whispers, elbowing Jade softly.
“Oh!” Jade blurts. “Ummm, I grew up with my aunt who was pretending to be my mom. She let her boyfriend terrorize me for over a decade. I had no idea who my dad was or that I had brothers until I was a few weeks from my eighteenth birthday.”
The information comes out like a shock straight to my stomach. “Holy shit.”
“Yeah.” Jade winces. “It’s worse than that, really. I’ll spare the details but my aunt cut me out of my mom, accidentally killing my twin brother in the process. If I say anything more about it, I’ll cry and my husband will be upset.”
I knew Jade was a lost daughter, but I had no clue on the details. It seemed wrong to ask. And hearing it summarized, I’m glad I didn’t try and investigate.
“Not that I can’t cry around him, he’s the best. But he might blame you for it before I can explain and he’s touchy about me.”
“He’s so relatable.” Ana sighs. “If someone made Cassio cry I would want to rip out their lungs and sew them into their ribs like Cat’s cradle.”
“You go again,” Jade tells her. “Something less depressing. This is supposed to be proof that we’re not perfect and it’s turning into a good old fashioned trauma dump.”
“You guys really don’t have to do this.” I swallow hard. “We don’t have to be close friends.”
The words taste like ash, but they’re true. I have a best friend. Sienna is enough, even if she can’t be physically with me for now. I like Jade and Ana, they seem great…but I don’t need them to be my friends because they feel bad for me or because they think they should be.
Just because I’m marrying Apollo, it doesn’t mean we need to become close. We can manage a perfectly healthy future while just being cordial. I can handle that.
“You’re smiling,” I realize, looking between the two girls. “Why are you smiling?”
I just told them we don’t have to be friends, and they’re looking at me like they want to hug me.
“I told Jade I didn’t want to be friends the first time we met,” Ana reveals, grinning happily. “It was circumstantial, what I really meant was not right then. But all the same, I think you just cemented your future as one of our best friends, Rayna love.”
“Definitely,” Jade agrees. “So don’t fight it, we’re going to keep blurting out our past sins until you trust our intentions. Aren’t we, Ana?”
“Sure are.”
I watch in utter bewilderment as the two girls go back and forth, listing out things they certainly shouldn’t and most likely wouldn’t confess to a stranger. Or a Priest.
“Cassio and I fucked outside at Empire before Jade’s wedding.”
“You did?” Jade gasps. “Party foul.”
Ana wiggles her brows, unashamed. “Party score.”
“Yuck, that’s my brother.” Jade winces, shaking her head. “Ugh, but Dmitri and I have done some risque stuff too. We did it in a locker room at Empire while people were swimming in the next room and Anatoly guarded the door.”
Head falling back with a laugh, Ana claps her hands together. “Was that the day you snuck out of class to see him? I covered you so you could get laid?”
Jade flushes beet red. “Yes.”
“That’s perfect, darling. Ten out of ten. Okay, slutty secrets spilled, trauma dumped. Now something dark to cover our bases.”
“You really don’t have to—”
“Shhh, Rayna,” Jade tsks. “We’re initiating you into the fold.”
“I’ve killed several people,” Ana says, voice prim and not at all hesitant. She keeps her chin up and her shoulders straight, like she refuses to be ashamed. “Including my stepfather.”
“Several…?”
“Yes,” Ana replies, nodding once. “I don’t remember many of the details, at least, I didn’t for a long time. Apollo has been helping me recover them.”
“He told me that,” I admit, looking down at my fingers. “Not about the killings, just about helping you with your memory. I, uh, accused him of having an affair with you before I knew you.”
Jade’s eyes flare wide open. “Ana and Apollo? Never in a million years. Ana and Cassio are like soulmates, I swear. They’re so possessive, it’s borderline insane.”
“What she said,” Ana chuckles. “I had the chance to marry Apollo in the beginning. He’s handsome, don’t get me wrong, all of the Moretti men are like walking talking sex—”
“Eughh,” Jade protests.
“—but Cassio is the one for me all the way. Apollo is just helping me out, he knows more about the human mind and how to manipulate it.”
“Right.” I try not to blush in my embarrassment. “You two were just a little close at the hospital and it kind of set me off. He explained he was just grounding you though. I’m sorry that day was so hard for you.”
I didn’t want to admit to my jealousy toward Ana in the beginning. The way Apollo treated her, it seemed so intimate, but really, it was familial caring. He treated her so softly because she’s his brother’s wife—a sister to him—nothing more.
“Oh, please don’t apologize,” she rushes out, giving me a sympathetic smile. “I’m sure that day was ten times as traumatizing for you as it was for me. I don’t blame you at all for seeing something that wasn’t there. Our brains do wild things when we’re worried.”
“Yeah.” I gulp. “They do.”
“Your turn for a dark secret,” Ana tells Jade, getting back to the topic at hand.
Jade’s lips drop into an O. “Umm, I don’t think I have one. What counts as dark? Most of the time my dirty work is done for me, Dmitri killed someone for talking about me in a vile way.”
“That’ll do,” Ana decides with a nod.
They give me an imploring look, and despite how unexpected this little trauma dumping session was, I think it may have actually helped.
“I used to pickpocket people for spare money to get Yordan things he needed,” I start, exhaling shakily. “We never had consistent funds growing up. Our Dad had a tendency of forgetting to provide for things outside of what he would buy for the house to make us look good.”
“Stealing isn’t so bad,” Ana says with a shrug. “You did what you had to do to keep your brother cared for.”
“Agreed,” Jade says firmly. “I would do anything for my brothers too.”
“The only sex I had before Apollo was with my husband who hit me,” I admit, a rush of shame washing over me.
“He never made me, but it was one of the only times he was nice to me. I always hated myself after, but I kept going back because I felt so alone without it. I haven’t even told Apollo that, but I swear it’s like he knows. ”
“You should tell him,” Jade recommends gently. “He would never criticize you for how you found comfort in a bad situation.”
“That’s the worst part of it, isn’t it?” I choke out, laughing humorlessly.
“What do you mean?” Ana wonders.
“I know I’m going to fall for him some day,” I confess, so vulnerable that my hands shake in my lap.
“And I swear he knows how I’m starting to feel.
But I can’t even be excited about it because it’s making me feel immensely guilty and regretful.
I’m realizing that he’s this incredible guy, and I’ve said the most vile things to him—about him.
How can I feel worthy, like I deserve the way he makes me feel, when I treated him like shit? ”
Neither of them can reply before I keep rambling.
“I accused him of kidnapping me and Yordan. I almost slapped him once, I’ve cussed him out on multiple occasions, and I thought the worst of him at every turn. I almost kissed his brother for fuck‘s sake—”
“WHAT?” Jade bursts out.
“Which brother?” Ana asks, eyes wide.
My stomach drops. “Oh, I shouldn’t have said that.”
“Circle of trust,” Jade says like a reminder. “No judgment, only curiosity, Rayna.”
“Unless it was Cassio,” Ana quips, trying to lighten the mood. “Then I’d have to rip your hair out.”
“It was most definitely not Cassio,” I reply, shaking my head. “I don’t think I’ve ever even been in a room alone with him.”
Ana smiles, enjoying that bit of information. She really is as possessive as it gets. I kind of love that about her.
“It was Leon,” I admit hesitantly. “It didn’t happen, it was just a little moment. But the point still stands, I have been horrible to Apollo. Now who am I to fall for him like I have the right to?”
“I don’t know if I’m the best advice giver,” Jade begins, reaching out to hold the back of my hand. “But wouldn’t it be worse to deny your feelings as they grow? I think the best way to make up for your rough beginning is to have a great ending, don’t you?”
“Maybe you’re right.”
Even if she is, it doesn’t make it any less terrifying.