Chapter 46
Chapter Forty-Six
Rayna
Nervousness is making my stomach churn and bubble, and I almost wish I wasn’t so stubborn that I came here alone. I could use Apollo’s steady confidence for comfort, or even Jade’s kind eyes to make me feel less anxious.
The waiting room doesn’t feel very welcoming.
The chairs are small and hard, the floors are so white that they almost hurt to look at, and the sterile smell in the air makes everything feel cold.
I haven’t been to the doctor’s in over a year at this point, and sneaking off to see one doesn’t feel good.
Apollo thinks I’m shopping for the kittens.
Why did I lie to him? It was so stupid and unnecessary.
We’re trying for a baby, we’ve been fucking unprotected like rabbits on crack for months.
He would be happy if I’m pregnant, so I don’t understand the anxiousness I’m being flooded with.
I don’t know whether I’m more afraid that I’m not pregnant and something is wrong with me, or that I’m pregnant and everything is about to change.
I want to be a mom, I really do. But it’s a lot, isn’t it?
It’s scary, and pregnancy changes you. Not just physically, but emotionally and mentally. I’ve just gotten into this good place with Apollo and part of me is terrified that I’m going to do something to ruin it.
And lying to him is probably a great way to start ruining it.
Ugh, sometimes I hate my own actions, and I don’t know how to stop making the wrong choices. I always do this with important stuff. It’s never about small things that don’t matter.
No, I screw up the things that matter most.
“Rayna?” a kind voice calls out.
The nurse who’s been bringing patients back is waiting for me at the door this time. I don’t have any more time to dwell on my poor decisions as I stand up and make my way over to her.
She wordlessly brings me back into the office, putting me into an exam room that’s just as chilly and clean as the waiting room. The preliminary vitals go by quickly. She takes my height, weight, blood pressure, temperature, and a few other things, noting them in her tablet as she goes.
Then, the questions come.
“Are you on any medications or recreational drugs?”
No.
“Do you drink? How often?”
Sometimes. Not often.
“Date of your last period?”
It’s complicated…
“Any allergies?”
Kiwi.
“And you’re here because you think you may be pregnant?”
I swallow before answering this time. “My husband and I are trying. I haven’t taken an at home test, but I’ve been more tired lately, and I wanted to make sure everything is okay.”
“Okay,” she replies with a smile. “We’ll have you give us a urine sample, and then the doctor will come in and give you a small physical exam. She’ll feel your stomach and your back, and then perform an ultrasound. And we’ll go from there, sound good?”
Sounds terrifying. “Yes, thank you.”
Thankfully for my sanity, the next part of the visit goes by faster than expected. There isn’t much waiting around. Pretty much as soon as my sample is handed in, the doctor is in my room, poking at my stomach.
She introduces herself as Dr. Dana, and gets to work, idly chatting with me as she does.
Her gloves are frigid, but she’s gentle as she presses into the soft bits of my belly.
She doesn’t seem to find anything concerning, and soon enough, I’m laying back on the table and lifting my shirt up for the ultrasound.
The anticipation has been eating at me, but it’s finally about to happen. I’ll have my answer in no time.
“This may be a bit chilly,” the doctor warns, holding up a bottle of gel.
I give her a clipped nod of understanding. Everything about this place is fucking chilly, I’m not surprised that the gel is too.
With the small white transducer in hand, she smears the gel into my stomach, eyes wandering around the dark screen as she moves.
Pushing the wand around further, the doctor finds a spot to fixate on and manipulates the tool slowly, pushing into my belly with more force.
It doesn’t hurt, but it almost dents the small bump that’s been growing my middle more round—the bump I’ve been ignoring for weeks.
“Here we go,” she says, humming. “We’ve found your uterus, and—”
Suddenly, a quiet whooshing sound begins to pulse, the sound echoing through the screen’s speakers. My stomach flips with nerves, understanding what that must mean. The beat continues to boom wildly, the drumming almost sounding excited with the rapid speed.
My eyes squint at the screen nearby, and I can’t make sense of the black and white blobs. I don’t need the images to translate in my brain, though. The obvious heartbeat is enough, there’s a baby inside of me.
Apollo’s baby.
“Well, everything looks great,” Dr. Dana reports, smiling happily. “Congratulations, mama. It appears you have a very happy and healthy baby growing here. Do you want to know the sex?”
My heart skips a beat, hearing the joy in her voice. The baby must really be healthy, I doubt she could fake that kind of enthusiasm at the drop of a hat.
“You can tell already?”
“I can,” she confirms, smiling widely. “You appear to be about twelve weeks, and we can tell on an ultrasound around eleven, normally.”
My jaw drops. “I’m almost three months pregnant? Three?”
My mind whirls while I do the math. Apollo got me pregnant on the first try? How is that even possible?
He’s going to be so fucking smug.
Dr. Dana gives a light laugh. “Just a bit over two and a half, but yes, you sure are. But I can see that you’re stressing.
Try not to worry too much about not knowing sooner.
It’s not entirely uncommon to discover you’re pregnant within the first few months.
We call it a cryptic pregnancy, and it happens around one in five hundred cases. ”
“O-okay.” I exhale, shaking my head. I don’t know why I’m freaking out internally. We were trying for a baby. This was always a part of the plan. The baby is healthy, everything is going to be fine. “I haven’t been on prenatals. That…that’s bad, right?”
“We’ll get you some today, but it’s not the end of the world, don’t worry about it. Like I mentioned, undetected pregnancy early on happens all the time. We’ll schedule you in for some blood work in a few weeks to check on you and baby, but I don’t see anything that concerns me now.”
I breathe out shakily. “Okay, um, thank you.”
“Of course,” she smiles widely. “Any other questions?”
“My stomach hasn’t grown much,” I say looking down at it. Maybe there’s a little bump, but it looks the way it does after I eat a big meal, nothing that would have me thinking twice. “Is that bad?”
“First pregnancies can take a little longer to pop,” she says patiently. “But all women are different. I imagine you’ll start to see some growth in the next couple of weeks.”
All women are different, that makes sense.
“I haven’t been sick at all,” I add next. “Should I be worried about that?”
Her head shakes slowly. “Morning sickness is very common but around thirty percent of pregnancy cases are morning sickness free. I don’t see a reason to be worried about it. Your vitals look good, and so does the baby.”
She’s so calm and reassuring, but I still feel full of concern.
I need to tell Apollo right away, and hope that he can calm me down.
“Would you like to know the sex?”
“You can really tell?” I gulp, still in disbelief as my eyes widen at the screen.
“I certainly can,” she agrees. “Sex can be determined through blood as early as six weeks, and as soon as eleven via ultrasound.”
“I want to know,” I tell her without taking a moment to consider it. I need to know everything so I can wrap my head around this. The more details I have, the better I’ll be able to prepare.
“You’re having a boy,” Dr. Dana reports with a kind and gentle tone.
“A boy,” I repeat, digesting the news. Apollo and I are going to have a son, our second boy—after Yordan.
“Congratulations, again, Rayna. We’ll get you cleaned up and sent on your way with your next appointment scheduled.”
If Apollo doesn’t have another Doctor in mind, I silently think. The Moretti family has a private team of physicians close to the family, and I imagine I’ll be transferred to one of them. I hope he’s not too upset that I went somewhere he doesn’t know and trust.
It’s all I think about on the way home. The million different ways I could have gone about this.
I just have to hope that he’s not too upset with me for leaving him out of this.
I think deep down, I was horrified that I might not be able to have kids, that something changed in the time that I hadn’t seen a doctor.
And if I couldn’t get pregnant, then maybe Apollo wouldn’t want to stay married to me.
Tears threaten to spill, thinking about how horribly that would sting. He married me to give him an heir, but I’ve become attached to him. To him and to the life we’ve built together. If I couldn’t give him the one thing he was required to have, it would destroy me.
Ultrasound pictures in hand, I park my car in the garage and head inside, hoping Apollo isn’t out.
And thankfully, I hear him as soon as I open the door.
I find him in the living room, talking with Yordan who’s animatedly telling a story or a joke of some sort.
Each of them has a kitten nearby, and my heart swells at the sight.
But their chat comes to a polite pause as they notice me coming into the space.
“I thought you were shopping.” My brother frowns. “Where are all the bags? Does Armani need to show you how to spend money again?”
Apollo’s eyes scan me, and he senses something is bothering me almost immediately. “Are you all right, micina?”
“I’m pregnant,” I breathe out, ripping the bandaid off. “A little over two and a half months.” Shakily, I lift the roll of ultrasound pictures, holding them up as some sort of display of proof.
Yordan’s jaw drops open. “Holy shit.”