12. Montana
twelve
Montana
“I’m so sorry.”
That’s all I hear when my breath catches, and I gasp. It’s hard to breathe. My chest is tightening up.
I know what he’s sorry about.
“Not again. This cannot be happening to me again.” I shake my head. “Put. Me. Down.”
“No. You’re going to listen to me. The ‘I'm sorry’ isn't about what you think it is.”
I fidget in his grasp because this cannot be happening to me again . He walks over to the couch and sits me on his lap. I’m trying to move but he’s holding onto me like I’m his lifeline.
“Please, Montana. Please just listen to me, before you get it in your head that I’m anything like your ex.”
“Aren’t you?!” I snap. “Let. Me. Go.”
“Baby, I’m going to let that one slide because you’re pissed off—as you should be. But next time, I’m going to spank your ass red til you let me explain.”
I purse my lips, roll my eyes and cross my arms over my chest which pushes my breast higher. I huff, waving my hands to signal for him to continue.
“Baby, please look at me.” When I turn my head, I have tears in my eyes.
He lowers his forehead to mine as a lone tear falls down my cheek. His thumb slowly pushes it away from my skin.
“I know you’re upset. But before you say anything, let me explain.”
“Fine, you have five minutes.”
“Addison stopped me after practice. She asked if I could go to her apartment and help her put together a bookshelf. She said her dad was supposed to come over last weekend, but he didn’t. So, as her friend, I went to help. I thought she knew what it was between us. I thought she knew that I didn’t see her as more than just a friend. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for not seeing it earlier.”
I just stare at him, no words forming in my throat.
“I figured.” I roll my eyes and mumble.
“She said she was ordering pizza, and we could watch a movie, which isn’t out of the norm for us. When you texted me about watching the scary movie, she asked who it was, and I told her it was you. She got upset and started saying things that made me uncomfortable, and then she straddled my lap and kissed me. I pushed her off of me and she fell to the ground. I didn’t want her to do that. I promise you, baby. I told her to stay the fuck away from both of us.”
The little knot in my chest loosens. “What did she say? You said she said things that made you uncomfortable. So?”
“Baby, can we just drop it?”
“No.” I cross my arms over my chest.
He sighs and answers, “She called you fat. And , said that someone like me didn’t belong with someone like you.”
I laugh. Laugh. He’s looking at me like I’m crazy. I guess I do look crazy, laughing during such a serious conversation. What I wouldn’t give to be a fly on the wall when he dropped her.
“You dropped her on her ass,” I say through my laughter.
I try to compose myself, and start talking again, “W-what did you say back to her?”
“I said that you’re not fat. That I love your curves and that you have more heart in your pinky finger than she has in her whole body. I told her that even if I hadn’t met you, she still wouldn’t have had a chance. I also said that she tried to use me, basically telling me that she was my best friend to get me to fall in love with her. Then I left and came right here. I just wanted to be with you.”
“So, then why are you sorry?”
“I’m sorry for not listening to Xander and Talon. I really didn’t think she liked me. I honestly thought she wanted to be just friends. I never gave her the impression that I was into her more than being her friend.”
“I get that. Thank you for being open and honest with me. I appreciate that more than you will ever know. Now, I think it’s time that I share with you a little of my past.” I blow out a breath. I know it's time I open up to him more. He’s been so transparent with me. I go to move off his lap, but he doesn’t let me. “I want to talk to you about something.”
“Okay, baby. I need to hold you though.”
I'm looking down while playing with the string on my sweatpants before I start talking, “My ex-boyfriend is Dylan Drake. He’s a tight end for Ohio State. That’s where I was before coming back to Minnesota, as you know. But my best friend, Holly, was also there with us. Let me preface this by saying, I have known this girl since we were in first grade.” I sigh and swipe away the tears that are rolling down my face.
“We started dating in high school, and I went to the same college to be with him. We didn’t have the perfect relationship, but he was all I knew. He was the first and only guy I’d ever been with. You know, I thought he would be my end game.” I look up and see his clenched jaw.
I sigh and continue on. “Before I moved back, my parents died…and when they did, I felt like a piece of me died with them. I closed myself off to him and everyone else. On my birthday, I woke up to a video text message.” I look him in the eyes when I tell him this next part. “It was a text from Holly, the person who was supposed to be my best friend and had been since we were five fucking years old. The video showed her riding Dylan’s dick. I went over and confronted them. He said it was because I had gained weight since my parents died and I hadn’t touched him in almost a year. I was so mad, because yes, I gained weight, but my parents had died, and I was depressed.”
“Baby.”
“No, let me get this out. Please.”
“I’d gained around forty pounds; I’ve always been a curvy girl and I’ve always loved my curves. My parents instilled in me the importance of loving my body and that there was nothing wrong with not being skinny. Everyone has different bodies. I hated myself for feeling like I was less than because he cheated on me. I had a pity party for one for about a week, then I got really mad and decided that no one will make me feel less than because of my weight. I have always loved working out, so I got back into it, and I started running, which I love. I didn’t lose the extra weight for anyone but myself. I love my curves and whoever is for me will love them too.”
I shrug my shoulders and look up at him and see him smiling at me.
“I’m sorry, but why are you smiling at me?”
“I’m not smiling because of what happened to you. Also, don't ever apologize for being hurt. Your feelings are valid. I’m thankful he fucked up, because then I wouldn’t have gotten a chance with you. I hate that they made you feel less than perfect. You could gain weight or lose it, but just know that I love your body. I love your curves; I love how my hands grip your thighs. I love how big your tits are, and I love how your body fits with mine. You are beautiful inside and out, and I’m so glad that you chose me. I promise I won't break your heart.”
“You mean it?”
“Pinky promise.”
He holds out his pinky and takes mine and links them together. This is our way of growing—building promises to engulf the flames of our hearts. Promises are heartbreaking, but when it comes to the ones that Rocky and I link our pinkies to, my heart no longer wants to break because I know I can trust him.
Crawling into bed, Rocky follows behind me with blankets in hand. His lays his head on the pillows as I rest my head on his chest. His arms wrap around me as my left hand rests on his stomach. Handing me the remote, I start scrolling through our selection.
But when I tell him I want to watch horror movies, he shakes his head. He over-exaggerates, horror movies are supposed to make you yell at the stupidity. But to say that he hates them is frightening. The words leaving his mouth are more frightening than the girl getting cut in half on TV. I mean, Rocky’s not wrong about the stupidity of people in horror movies, but that’s what makes them so much more enjoyable. I smile at the screen as he just shakes his head at me.
“You know I only watch these things because you like them so much,” he says halfway through the movie, while partially hiding his face.
“Don’t be such a baby,” I tease as I nudge his arm.
Honestly, we do more talking than actual watching. He’s wearing his glasses and I’ve never seen such an attractive man. He’s smart, gets great grades, he’s caring. All the traits you would want in someone who is interested in sports medicine. He loves anime which catches me off guard. I never expected him to like that type of show. He’s been watching it since he was young. Even though he’s rewatched One Piece many times, he never forgets how he grew up watching Dragon BallZ .
I tell him Sailor Moon was my favorite. That’s the only anime I watched growing up, and honestly, it is top tier.
I swear it’s like I have all my favorite books, anime, and dream boyfriends rolled up into one sexy tall football player who is a closet nerd.
I feel myself falling in love with him, I just hope he’s there to catch me when I do. The thing is, I have a feeling he will.
I contemplate everything he’s told me, and even though I know I am what he wants, I still don't know if I can wear my heart on my sleeve. Because if I do get hurt this time around, I don't know how I will survive it.