Chapter 10
10
ZARINA
Just like every other Sunday since Ren and Val returned from their hideaway in Sweden, my whole family gathered at their house for the afternoon.
I would watch the twins in the morning to give Val and Ren some time to themselves, and then we would all have dinner and chat until late at night.
It was quickly becoming my favourite day of the week.
Though we were a complicated unit, there was nothing more fulfilling to me than being surrounded by my family. The little monsters running around the kitchen, the easy laughter that came from my brothers, those cathartic conversations that I had with my sisters. Even though it wasn’t my house, it still felt like home when they were all around.
I held Evie on my hip while Eliza sat on the kitchen counter, chubby hands in the cookie dough.
“When are you going to have this for yourself?” A voice startled me from the kitchen entrance.
I jumped a little, turning around.
“Don’t do that, Mum!” I snapped, putting a hand over my heart.
“Sorry, Princessa ,” Mum smiled, heading towards us and taking Evie off my hands.
Vera cradled her granddaughter’s head into her chest and rocked slightly, closing her eyes. Mum had never been the affectionate type. She was a cold, oftentimes stern woman—but that had quickly changed once she had grandchildren.
“You would be such a good mother,” she nagged, and I turned away so she wouldn’t see me roll my eyes.
“I know, Mum. One day.”
A platitude that I had given her often.
If she had it her way, I would have been married to the most suitable family associate, a high ranking mafia man so that I could start popping out more little Santinos. More people who could live and work to serve The Family.
I used to think that it was what I wanted too.
It was what every mafia princess was supposed to do, supposed to want. But, when I hit the ‘eligible’ age, it was painfully obvious to me, if not anyone else, that I was still too young.
At 18, I had no interest in the men that my mother paraded before me, and luckily for me, Antoni had already taken over as Don. If my father were still alive, I knew for a fact that I would’ve already been married, trapped in a big house with a man I never saw until he sought me out on the nights when he was in the mood.
I didn’t want that.
Dedicated to being the impractical one in my family, I wanted that true love type of thing.
I knew that some thought it silly, especially my mother, who was once a pretty little chess piece herself. But luckily, I had my siblings on my side.
“Antoni would have already found you a husband if he were a good brother.”
“I’m sure I can find my own,” I said quietly.
“Of course, Bambina,” she reassured me with a shoulder squeeze. “You’re a beautiful person. You’re an amazing girl. Whoever gets you will be getting quite a prize.”
Her face was so sincere that it broke my heart.
But still, even with Dad gone, even with Antoni trying to bring The Family into a new era, I knew that my mother still saw me as exactly that.
A prize for The Family to offer. A bargaining token in negotiations. A participation trophy to placate an enemy clan.
That’s what she was for my father. And that was what she raised me to be. And while our mother had been trying her best to move on from tradition and join us in the modern day, I knew that she still saw me as her greatest project. She had created the ultimate mafia wife, the ultimate heiress, the most expensive bartering offer that The Family had to give.
“Thanks, Mum,” I forced a smile and straightened my posture, knowing that she was watching.
When the rest of my siblings and their partners arrived, we all sat down to enjoy the lunch that Mum and I had prepared.
Valerie was still tired-looking, Ren didn’t look much better. Antoni was tense, and Rome seemed off. Sammy spoke more than usual, which was probably the most suspicious behaviour out of all of them. He gave details about the Redliner feud freely, even with Mum and I there.
Sammy was the quiet one. You were lucky to get a grunt out of him during a conversation. Except when he was nervous about something. Then, he suffered from a dramatic case of word vomit.
Something was very wrong.
“Prince hasn't even been spotted at work for days,” Sammy continued on with updating Toni about whatever information he and his partner, Livie, had discovered.
Livie sat quietly, shoulders pulled in as she nibbled slightly at her food.
Mum had slowly come to accept Rome, but Sammy’s girlfriend Livie had found a harder time flipping the stone-faced woman. I thought perhaps it was because at least Mum could see a little of herself in Rome. They were both brutal, formidable, intimidating women.
Livie was a little more soft-spoken.
Rome had made her way in the world through pure strength, determination, and violence. Livie relied a little more on her smarts, digging into the history of people and playing the long game. Either way, they were both dangerous, capable, brilliant people.
Before their involvement in The Family, they had been the ones who nearly crumbled the whole thing. They had been closer to destroying us than any other threat or rival we ever had.
Now that they had joined forces, The Santino Crime Family was stronger and more powerful than ever.
And I loved both of them.
And I would be lying if I said I didn’t envy them. I could (and often did) listen to them talk about what they did all day.
When I first met Rome, all I did was pester her to tell me stories about her life, what she had done, how she had done it. I probably annoyed her a little at first, following her around like an enamoured child desperate to get some second-hand excitement from her experiences.
“No sign of his bike, his car, or him inside the studio?”
My ears perked up.
“Which studio?”
“Graze Ink,” Sammy offered up freely, and I shoved a roast potato in my mouth to hide the smirk that would have stretched my lips if they were free.
I nodded casually, continuing to push food around my plate and acting wholly uninterested in the rest of the conversation. Nobody said anything, nobody seemed to clock the fact that I had asked the question.
Except for Rome.
When I looked up again, my sister-in-law was staring straight through me with her arms crossed. I quickly cast my eyes back down to my plate, pretending not to notice the way that she was trying to convey the silent warning of, “Whatever you’re up to, stop it.”
I didn’t have to pretend to be uninterested in the rest of the conversation, because my mind was busy with possibilities. Now I knew where this man lived and where he worked. Perhaps it was my turn to do a little light stalking.
Once Rome had moved on from glaring at me, I looked towards Livie with pursed lips. She was a bit of a tech-genius. If I could somehow convince her to get me his information, I could make this man’s life a living hell.
An unconscious smile stretched onto my mouth.
“What are you smiling about?” Sammy frowned at me.
“Hmm?” I blinked back into the present moment. “Oh. Uh, just an idea for the shop.”
He was satisfied by this answer.
Rome shot me an unbelieving look.
“Oh yes, that bloody shop,” Mum rolled her eyes, trying to spoon a heaping serving of peas onto Eliza’s plate without the toddler noticing the addition. “Honestly, Bambina, you could be doing much better things with your time rather than playing retail worker.”
“Mum,” Antoni scolded.
“What?” she held up her hands in defence.
“I don’t play retail worker,” I frowned. “I run a business.”
“Yes. Yes, I know,” Mum sighed, obviously not believing the words. “I’m just saying, you are wasting your youth.”
“She is not,” Valerie cut in, half asleep. “We are proud of what Zarina does with the shop. You never had a problem with me working, why her?”
“Because it is an entirely different situation. You had a whole career. If you had done nothing but got married you would have wasted your smarts. I do not want to see Zarina waste her?—”
“You don’t think I’m smart?” I leaned back in my chair.
Mum stuttered, eyes flickering between Valerie and me and searching for words.
“Zarina, that is not what?—”
“You don’t have to lie to me,” I straightened, pushing my plate away. “You think Val getting married young would’ve been a waste because she is smart. You think me putting off getting married will be a waste because pretty much all I have to offer is my looks. And they will only fade as I get older. Right?”
“Of course not,” Valerie answered for our mother, shooting her a deathly glare while reaching for my hand.
I didn’t take it.
But Mum didn’t deny it.
I got up and gently put my plate on the kitchen counter by the sink, willing my hand not to shake as I did.
Usually, I would clear all the plates and do the washing up for Valerie to ease her load. But I couldn’t. I needed to leave.
I kissed each of the twins on the head, doing my best to offer each of them a smile before I gathered my things.
I’d always known she thought that way, but she’d never spoken her opinion so blatantly.
“Jesus, Vera.” Rome hissed as she stood, her chair sliding back with a groan as she stood to follow me outside.
“What?” Mum groaned again.
“Mum, what the hell?” I heard Sammy’s voice last as I shut the door on my way out.
I could feel Rome beside me. I could tell she was watching me with concern. But I busied myself in my handbag, rifling through it and looking for something to occupy my hands. I found my compact mirror first and I opened it, bringing it to my face and cleaning up the invisible line of long-gone lipstick and then smoothing down my hair.
“Zar, you know none of that is true. Right?” Rome said gently.
I ignored her question, pulling out a lip gloss and painting my lower lip with it, ignoring the way my hand shook.
“You’re smarter than people give you credit for. Vera just doesn’t see it.”
“I know that, Rome. I’ve known that since I was a child. It’s fine.”
“You don’t seem fine.”
I slapped the compact mirror shut and shoved it back in my bag.
“Well, I am,” I forced a smile. “Thank you for standing up for me, though. You really have no idea how much it means to me.”
“Of course,” she shrugged, shaking her head. “I’m always looking for an excuse to argue with Vera.”
I chuckled at that.
“Really, though. I’m fine. I just need to get away from her right now.”
Rome nodded, gesturing towards my car.
I waved a quick goodbye, but she stayed by the front door, still watching me. If anyone had any idea about what was going on in my head, it was her. Maybe she understood, to some extent, as she had ended up married to her enemy.
Or maybe, Rome trusted me to make my own decisions. She would be the first.
* * *
I ended up on the highway. My body had gone on autopilot and I’d been driving around East Melbourne for nearly an hour.
When I eventually calmed enough to loosen my vice-grip on the steering wheel, I slumped back into the seat and turned the music up to drown out any thoughts that might come up.
I didn’t want to think anymore.
The clubs weren’t open yet. I didn’t feel like going to a pub. I didn’t particularly feel like hanging out with Larissa long enough to invite her.
Maybe she’d been right, though. Maybe I did need a hobby. Because all I could think about was either going out to party or going to the shop to find something to organise or clean.
“Hey Siri,” I said out loud instead. “Give me directions to Graze Ink.”