Chapter 12
12
ZARINA
I’d exhausted my contacts list on the way to Lilith’s. The viking-like bouncer gave me a smileless nod on my way into the club and I returned the gesture.
The narrow, dimly-lit stairwell was much warmer than the chill of the outside air. It was so early in the night that I wasn’t even sure if anyone else would even be there yet.
People tended to leave the strip clubs until much later into the evening, rather than as an after-dinner event.
The muffled sound of a familiar, smooth R&B beat crept down the steps, just enough for it to be recognisable.
Everything in Lilith’s was tinged by the pinky-purple of the hazy neon lights, and honestly, I found the dimness comforting. There was a strange kind of safety in the darkness, in anonymity. It gave you the chance to sit back and observe, because no one was paying attention to anyone else.
Gwen was already behind the bar, preparing her station for the night. The copper-headed woman shot me a smile once she recognised me and I waved.
“Drink?” she mouthed, pointing to the empty cup in her hand.
I nodded and pressed my hands together as if she had answered my prayer. She made quick work at mixing my drink, remembering my usual order off the top of her head.
I wasn’t sure if it was because she had a really good memory, or if it was because maybe I frequented the bar here far too often.
Lilith’s wasn’t quite as loud as your general night club. The music was always played at a high volume by the stages, but at least here, you could escape to a corner or a bar and hold a conversation or hear yourself think. Which, to be honest, was the opposite of what I was going for at that moment.
What was the opposite of thinking?
Doing?
I needed to do something. I needed action. Distraction. Anything .
Anything to help me forget about the uncomfortable kind of sensation that I felt right at the crease of my thigh where my jeans rubbed against the brand new tattoo that I got on a whim from my fucking enemy.
That little shark was here to stay now though.
I supposed I could think of a name for him.
But Gwen pushed the bluey-purple cocktail my way and I fumbled in my handbag for my wallet.
“Rome’s told you a hundred times that you don’t have to pay here!” Gwen chuckled, swatting my card away when I tried to offer it.
“I know! I just feel bad!” I chuckled, leaning over the counter to push the $10 button on her screen and then tap my card before she could cover the sensor with her hand.
Gwen shook her head, still laughing as the machine printed my receipt. She bunched it up and threw it at my head as I took a long (loooong) sip from the sweet drink.
“Is she here?” I asked after a while.
“Yeah,” Gwen motioned towards the back door with her head, “she’s in her office.”
I considered going to confide in my sister-in-law, but wasn’t even sure what I would say. Any way I spun the story sounded ridiculous, even I knew that.
“So you know that guy you all told me to stay away from? Yeah, well I went and saw him this afternoon and gave my full consent for him to tattoo whatever he wanted on my body.”
Any argument that I had with my brothers in the future about my maturity would be null and void if they found out about this.
“I’ll see her later, maybe,” I mumbled. “She’s probably busy.”
Gwen smiled again, but her expression had changed a little. And I knew exactly what had happened.
She picked up on my weird, sad energy and now she was feeling bad for me. I could practically feel the pity beaming from her big, green eyes.
Poor little princess.
She has nothing to do and no one to do it with so she has to hang out here… alone.
I knew in my logical mind that Gwen was a sweetheart and was probably not mocking me in her head, but that’s what it felt like whenever anyone gave me that look.
So I forced my smile wider.
“Is Livie working tonight?”
“Yeah!” she nodded, pointing towards the dressing room door.
“Thanks, babe!” I chimed, picking up my drink and heading for the heavy door that led through to the dressing rooms and general lounge area.
I exhaled a loud sigh as I pressed the door shut behind me, all the automatic locks clicking into place.
Livie looked at me through the mirror she was practically pressed up against. She was drawing on a dramatic, neon white cat-eye and only chanced a quick glance at me before her eyes focused back on her handiwork.
“Hey Zar,” she mumbled through her concentration.
I groaned in response and flopped onto the velvety couch behind her, cradling my cocktail glass and drinking from it like I was a toddler with an emotional support sippy cup.
She flicked the tip of the liquid liner and then sat back, comparing it to the other eye.
“What happened?” she asked, using her long fingernail to tidy up the edge of her lipstick.
I looked up to the ceiling, searching for the words.
Could I tell Livie about what had been happening?
Even though she was a huge amount more chill than my other beloved sister-in-law, she was still my brother’s girlfriend—and a huge key player in The Family.
She took to curling her pastel purple hair, wrapping the long, thick strands around the hot iron. Livie sat cross legged on the vanity table so she could get the closest possible to the mirror.
Even though she still danced a few nights a week, she had mainly taken to working with The Family, both in Sammy’s auto shop and handling all the techy stuff for Antoni. I didn’t quite understand what it was she did, but I did know that watching her work was like watching one of those hacker movies.
I did respect the fact that she kept dancing.
Even though everyone knew she had no reason to financially, she’d said once that it made her feel like herself. I took another breath and wondered what made me feel like myself.
And I couldn’t think of a thing.
Livie looked at me again now, the worry clouding her eyes as she watched me finish the last of my cocktail with a long drag through my straw.
“I’m okay,” I smiled, sitting up. “I’m just bored.”
She chuckled, returning to her preparations, and I let my smile drop along with her attention.
What would I even say if I were to answer truthfully?
Livie was chill, yes.
But chill enough to accept the fact that I had just been with a Redline Angel, alone? I wasn’t sure. They had nearly been the end of Sammy a little over a year ago.
But, that had nothing to do with Ashe.
Or did it?
I hadn’t thought of it before, whether or not this man had been present when my brother got blown up, or whether or not he had been a key part of the kidnapping of my sister.
My stomach churned.
“Something’s eating at you,” Livie said without looking at me. “I can tell.”
I didn’t answer her.
Instead, I fidgeted with the leftover ice at the bottom of my glass, swirling it round and round and watching as the cubes melted.
“If it’s about the Redliner, I can assure you that Rome is the best one to speak to.”
I arched a brow at her.
“Think about it,” Liv shrugged, curling another section of hair. “Once upon a time, Antoni was our enemy.”
“How did you guys handle it? When she started…you know?”
“Fucking him?”
I made gagging noises. “Ew. We can use the word dating , you know.”
Livie pursed her lips, considering. “Nah, they were never dating.”
“ Anyway. You were saying?”
“We weren’t happy, that’s for sure. We were worried about her. Scared for her. Maybe even a little mad at her. We were supposed to be fucking ending the guy. He was a mark, a target.”
“And?” I breathed.
“Who knows what would have happened if they never got together?” Liv sighed finally. “One of them would’ve been dead, that’s for sure.”
“It would’ve been him,” Rome’s voice came from behind me, startling me so much that I nearly jumped off the couch. I turned just as she plopped lazily on the cushion next to me, a satisfied smile on her face.
“Please,” Livie rolled her eyes. “You were all heart-eyes from the moment you met.”
“I was not!” Rome snapped, bringing a defensive fist down on the couch beside her.
“Mmhm,” Livie made a disbelieving noise, rolling her eyes as she spritzed her curls with hairspray.
“I held a fucking gun to his head the first night we met,” she pointed a finger gun at her own forehead to demonstrate.
“Yeah. And you couldn’t stop talking about it.”
“Because it was cool!”
“Because you were obsessed with him.”
Rome glared at the back of Livie’s head for a few moments, muttering under her breath about how she could easily kill him if she wanted to.
I leaned forward to put my empty glass down on the coffee table in front of me, and then let my head fall into my hands so I could rub my temples.
“At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter,” Rome said finally. “Toni and I are an exception, not the rule. Enemies are enemies for a reason.”
I didn’t feel like arguing the point.
It didn’t matter that I felt like their enemies didn’t apply to me.
It didn’t matter that I still didn’t quite understand why they were fucking fighting in the first place because no one had ever bothered to explain it to me.
It didn’t matter that I felt like Ashe had no intention of hurting me, because it didn’t matter what I thought. All that mattered was that The Santinos and The Redline Angels hated each other.
And even though I didn’t feel like it most of the time, I was a Santino. And Ashe was a Redline Angel.
So, even though I had a hundred questions and a hundred arguments to make, I simply stood up and slung my bag over my shoulder. I kissed Rome on the top of her head, and I threw a quick wave at Livie.
“You’re probably right,” I said, heading for the door.
“You going home?” Rome asked with a frown.
I let out a deep breath and thought for a moment, because I had no idea.
But I still said, “Yeah,” with a smile and a nod that seemed to be convincing enough to satisfy her suspicions, and the pair shouted their goodbyes as the door shut behind me with a quiet thud.
People were starting to trickle into Lilith’s at that point, and I snaked through the few men that lingered around the main floor with my head down, avoiding all eye contact and hoping that no one would attempt to start a conversation with me.
When I made it back out onto the street, I shut my eyes and took a deep breath of the refreshing, icy air.
I wandered towards where my car was parked, paying more attention to the glimmering lights of the city rather than where I was going, and mindlessly pulled out a stray cigarette from the bottom of my purse out of habit.
I leaned against the hood of my car as I rifled through my bag for a light, and groaned when I remembered that I didn’t have one.
The familiar flick sound of a lighter caught my attention from behind me, and I spun around to see Ashe standing there with a smirk on his face. He held the flame out in offering, and I sighed before leaning forward and igniting the end of my smoke.
My eyes flickered to where his bike was parked, a little further down the street than my car, and more importantly, much further away from Lilith’s.
I took a drag and exhaled the smoke into the night sky before offering it to him, and our hands brushed as he took it between his own fingers.
Leaning against my car, I wrapped my arms around myself while I watched him. He had a hand on the roof, resting against the vehicle like he owned it as his eyes raked over me as if he owned me, too.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, mainly to fill the silence.
Ashe passed the cigarette back and stepped closer, eyes seemingly inspecting my face, like he was trying to read me like I could read him.
He looked a little more windswept than he had when I left the studio, like he had been riding at high speeds for quite a while. But his eyes shone bright, like he was content, like he was completely calm.
“We should go for a ride,” he said plainly with a jut of his chin, ignoring my question all together.
I blinked up at him.
“A-a ride?” I chuckled. “Like, on your bike?”
Ashe nodded once, a cheeky, antagonising smirk growing on his lips.
“Where to?”
Again, he stepped closer, closing the space between us. He took the cigarette from between my fingers and let it drop to the ground, squishing it out with his foot. Then he wrapped his hand around mine, dragging me along towards where his bike was parked without another word.
Admittedly, I felt a little giddy at the opportunity. I had never been on the back of a motorcycle, and I knew that if I had ever attempted, both my mother and brothers would have stern words for me.
A helmet swung from the handlebars, and Ashe removed it and quickly shoved it on his head. But what I wasn’t expecting was the second helmet that was strapped to the back, as if he already knew that he would see me tonight.
He used his teeth to cut the tag from the strap, and I frowned.
Had he just gone and bought this just for me?
Something warmed in me at the thought, but at the same time, the assumption that I would just agree irritated me.
But he didn’t give me time to think it over too long, he just stuck it on my head, adjusting it and quickly checking the fit before securing the clasp and tightening the straps under my chin.
With a quick nod to indicate that he was satisfied with it, he turned and straddled the bike and then patted the space behind him. The seat did curve upwards, like it was made for a passenger, but I gripped his shoulders so I would be steady as I kicked my leg over and scooched forward, wrapping my arms around his torso.
He pointed down at two pegs where I could rest my feet, and then he pointed forward, towards the road.
“All you need to do is lean with me, alright?”
I nodded, suddenly either too frightened or excited to speak.
“This’ll help, darlin’.”
“Help what?”
“Clear that head of yours.”
I arched a brow at him.
“Look, I know that you’re like, the weird psychic one, but even I can tell you’ve got some shit going on up in that pretty little head of yours.”
He looked back at me over his shoulder with worried brows, and the genuine concern on his face had my throat feeling tight.
“I promise this’ll help if you let it.”
I nodded, unsure if I’d be able to speak around the lump that had formed in my throat. But he offered a smile, a kind one. It was different from his cocky smirk, but it was just as nice to look at.
Ashe patted my knee once, tightening my hold on him before he turned the key and started the bike.
It immediately rumbled under me, and the low noise seemed to echo and fill every empty and quiet space in all the surrounding streets. He revved it a little before he kicked the stand up, checked over his shoulder, gave me one last reassuring smile, and pulled out onto the road.