Chapter 18
18
ZARINA
Once the seriousness was over, the club descended into the madness that I had originally expected.
Charmer and Bull were proudly telling anyone who might listen about how they had been the ones to baptise me with the nickname of Captain, and it caught on pretty quickly.
I quite liked it too, if I was honest.
I liked not being Zarina for a little while, not being Princessa or Bambina . No one treated me as such, and no one was particularly careful or precious with me.
That is, except for Ashe, who hovered by me at all times, guarding me with his body, like his mass might be able to shield me from his buddies’ bullshit.
“So, hypothetically,” Charmer carried on again, “if I were to bring multiple women into BoredHeux, then would I get a discount?”
I finished the rest of my drink while rolling my eyes. “No.”
“You don’t have multiple women anyway,” Bull also rolled his eyes.
Charmer’s mouth fell open. “That’s why I said hypothetically, fuckin’ idiot.”
Prince slid into the booth next to Charmer, and sunk into the worn vinyl cushion like he was very tired. A small smile seemed to be on his lips constantly, and I decided pretty early on that it was one of pleasant contentment.
It always ticked up a little more as he cast his gaze over the room bustling with laughter and chatter. It was the same kind of look my mother got on her face whenever all of her kids were in one place and getting along.
Ashe reached a leg out, kicking Prince in the shin and bringing his attention to the table.
“What’re you ruminating on over there?” Ashe tipped his chin up.
“What? Can’t a man fucking think around here?”
Ashe shook his head. “We’d all much prefer if you didn’t. It usually means you’re thinking of something for us to do.”
“Yeah,” Charmer scoffed. “None of your grand plans tonight, Prez. For the love of god.”
Prince offered them a laugh and a nod, but then went back into himself, eyes glazing over.
Bull stood to take the empty glasses to the bar for a refill, shaking the entire table as he did. Ashe reached out quickly and caught the cups that wobbled and nearly ended up on the floor, letting out a hiss as he did.
Bull mumbled an embarrassed ‘ sorry’ as he left, focusing on the glasses in hand and walking much slower than a person usually would to the bar.
“Do ya think you could fit the bike in for a look this week?” Charmer nudged Freddie in the arm, who was only half paying attention.
“What’d you do to it?” Freddie replied after a few beats of silence. His voice was rougher and deeper than I expected from his boyish features, and it didn’t match his face at all.
“Nothing!” Charmer snapped back. “She’s just running a little rich, I think.”
Freddie put his head in his hands, looking like he was about to snap. He took a few moments to mumble expletives under his breath before taking a deep breath and turning back to Charmer.
“Did you clean the carby like I told you last time you whined about this problem?”
“No, that’s what I pay you for.”
Another few beats passed before Freddie bothered replying again.
“Just buy a fucking modern bike with no carby,” he hissed in a frustrated whisper, as if he were speaking to himself, hands pressed together like he was praying.
“Come on Freddie,” Ashe jutted out his bottom lip. “Charmer will pay you just how you like it.” He motioned a handjob.
“Two handed this time,” Charmer continued, giving an even more enthusiastic air-handjob with both hands and a twisting motion.
Freddie stared blankly ahead.
“You want me to pull apart that fucking bike again, you’ll be sucking my dick. No more wristys.”
“Deal,” Charmer held out a hand quickly, and I chuckled and shook my head. Freddie looked like the thought of working on Charmer’s bike had broken him, and he kept his hands pressed together in front of his mouth.
“I can’t wait to lose my virginity,” Charmer pushed, leaning his head against Freddie’s shoulder when he refused to shake his hand.
Freddie quickly shoved him away, still swearing under his breath.
“Remember to breathe through your nose.” I lifted my drink in a toast to Charmer.
Ashe choked a little on his drink, spluttering through his laugh. Bull bashed him on the back, trying to clear the airway, but I think the force just made him cough more.
I shook my head, throwing a thumb over my shoulder towards Ashe. “Fuckin’ amateur,” I rolled my eyes in Freddie’s direction.
I got a hint of a smile out of him and felt like I had won some sort of game.
The complete fucking nonesense continued well into the night. The guys continued their brotherly banter, teasing one another and bickering.
Eventually, I zoned out a little, deep in thought about my own family and the similarities between us. I got the same vibe here as I did when The Family gathered. That familiar jabbing, that easy back and forth.
And again, I could easily see the appeal.
It was a brotherhood, just as much as The Family was. So why the fuck did they spend all their time on this bullshit?
Why not just enjoy the family they had, the things that they had in common, rather than getting themselves into constant fucking danger and drama?
It was the same question I had asked myself about my own family for years. Maybe it was naive of me, maybe it was my lack of understanding or knowledge about anything that they did or went through.
But to me, this was enough.
So why wasn’t it enough for anyone else?
Ashe had wandered towards the bar at one point, following Prince who looked very lost in thought. After Charmer’s third quip about sucking Freddie’s dick, I wandered over and joined them.
Ashe clapped Prince on the shoulder, roughing him up a little and obviously trying to lighten whatever conversation they were having. I could tell it was doing little though, because Prince finished what was left of his drink and pulled Ashe in for a hug that looked like a goodbye.
I waited patiently, a few steps behind them until they were done.
“Zarina,” Prince sighed, nodding a greeting at me. “Thank you for taking a chance on us.”
“Of course.”
Something was weighing on him, that much was obvious.
“I’ll see you round, guys,” Prince offered after a sigh and a wave, and headed out of the door without another word to anyone else.
I joined Ashe at the bar then, and he pulled me in close by the hip.
“How are you doing, darlin’?”
“Fine,” I shrugged. “What’s up with him?” I gestured with a tilt of my head towards where Prince had left.
Ashe let out a long sigh and a shake of his head. “He gets too wrapped up in this shit. Eats at him. Feels like he’s fucking everything up. Doesn’t trust himself.”
I nodded. “I get that.”
Ashe frowned at me, leaning in to tuck a piece of hair behind my ear.
“I’m gonna tell you the same thing I told him,” he said, his voice low. “The only true mistakes you make will come from betraying yourself, ignoring that nagging feeling in your gut. Only you know what’s right for you, Zar, no one else. Don’t let anyone tell you they know any better.”
A smile stretched on my lips. “You told him that?”
He rolled his eyes. “Fuckin’ smart ass.”
I nudged his hip with my own. “Thank you.”
Ashe lifted his drink momentarily, like he was giving a toast.
“Can I ask you something?” I pressed my side closer to his.
He nodded once, looking down at me with an amused little grin.
“Why the MC?” I gestured around the room. “I’m trying to understand it, but I just…” I finished the sentence with a shrug.
His Adam's apple bobbed, and then he plastered what I knew was a fake smile on his face.
“A wise woman once told me that it was probably my daddy issues.”
I pursed my lips at him.
Then with a sigh, he put his drink down and turned back to me.
“Everyone’s different, Zar. Some of the guys are legacy kids, watched their dads do club stuff and ride bikes since they were little. Some of them like notoriety. Some of them like doing the dumb shit and making big money.
Some of the guys just really fucking love bikes. They just want people to ride with, people to talk about riding with.”
He huffed a quick laugh as he gestured to Shag, who was imitating a big pull of a throttle and making the sound effects to go along with whatever story he was telling.
I smiled at the old guy, couldn’t help it. He looked so young in that moment, the twinkle in his eyes as he leaned around invisible corners and held tight onto invisible handlebars.
“Some of us maybe do have a touch of daddy issues,” Ashe continued with a one-shouldered shrug. “Some of us maybe do just want that feeling of family, of brotherhood, of feeling like you have people in your life who are ride or die.”
He was looking at the clock behind the bar now, anywhere but towards me. I put my hand on his bicep, giving it a quick squeeze.
“I get that.” I smiled up at him when his warm eyes finally turned back to me.
“Yeah?”
I nodded. “Of course. I see the same things in my family. They’re all so bonded for life, you know? They go through so much stuff together, and it brings them closer together.”
Ashe tipped his head to the side. “What about you?”
I pushed my tongue into the side of my cheek, feeling a little caught off guard by the way it hit me emotionally. Because at the end of the day, who did I have?
My family, sure, but even to them I was a little bit of an outsider.
Not quite in, not quite out.
Ashe must’ve read my mind, and he drew me closer against his side but didn’t say anything. I let myself melt against him a little bit, trying to compose myself and push those feelings of inadequacy back to the back of my mind where they belonged.
“Ya know, old ladies are an important part of any MC.” Ashe smiled into his glass as he finished his drink.
“What the fuck did you just call me?” I raised my brows.
“Jesus—I’m not calling you old. An old lady is what we call wives and girlfriends of club members,” he clarified with a laugh.
“Oh,” was the only thing my brain could come up with at that moment. “Are they allowed here?”
“‘Course,” Ashe nodded once with a frown. “You’re here now, aren’t ya?”
He looked at me a little while longer, that smile of amusement on his face because he could tell that I was still reeling from the comment. But he didn’t shy away from it, didn’t correct himself or clarify what he meant.
The implication just hung there in the air between us.
“You wanna see my room?”
“You have a room here?” I tried to shake off the way my breath was still a little stilted, looking up at him and searching for any teasing in his eyes.
Did he just offhandedly refer to me as his old lady?
A quick nod. “Shouldn’t really drink and ride,” he gestured to the empty schooner in his hands.
“Do you all have rooms?” I thought about the abundance of doors down those halls.
Ashe tilted his head from side to side a few times. “Not all. But we do have a few spares in case anyone needs one. Or you know, just for extracurriculars.”
I didn’t miss the way his eyes roamed my body as he drew out that last word.
“Hmm,” I tried to compose myself, not smile, not give away the fact that my body reacted immediately to even the hint of a possibility that this man might touch me again. “Okay,” I shrugged.
Ashe took my hand, tugging me along and down the hall in a hurry. He opened one of the doors closest to the meeting room and all but yanked me inside before slamming it shut, pushing me up against it, and planting a hand either side of my head.
I looked up at him through my eyelashes while he stood above me, trapping me between his body and the door.
He leaned in slowly, painfully slow, and ran the tip of his nose along my jaw, nipping at my ear briefly before letting out a pained groan.
“I don’t wanna do the smart thing anymore, Zar,” he admitted in a whisper against my ear.
I put my hands on his stomach, resting my head back against the wooden door and letting myself enjoy the sound of his desperate growl.
“I don’t wanna stay away. I don’t wanna watch from afar. I don’t wanna look and not touch.”
He reached down then, wrapping a hand around my bicep and squeezing lightly, his eyebrows drawing together like he was brandishing a burning hot iron in his grip, like it pained him to do it.
“For weeks I’ve watched you. I’ve watched him be near you, too close for my liking,” he flinched at the mention of Theo. “I’ve watched how these little fucking skirts got shorter, day after day,” he tugged at the hem of my denim skirt. “Because you knew I was watching you, didn’t you?”
I only nodded, trying my best to breathe normally.
The golden-green mixture in his eyes swirled and darkened as he drew closer to me, pressing me harder against the door until I had nowhere to go.
My heart raced, and my pussy throbbed.
“You knew I was watching and you wanted to fucking torture me, knowing that I couldn’t rip this fucking thing off and bend you over the counter of your own shop?”
“Maybe I was hoping that you would.” I hoped that I would sound bold at my admission, but it was barely audible, a whisper.
Ashe groaned in response, squeezing his eyes shut and shaking his head.
And then all thoughts about our families, our alliances, what we should’ve been doing, flew out of the window as he kissed me again. It had felt like an eternity ago since he had touched me last, and I didn’t want to stop.
His rough hands were on me, they were everywhere, up my stomach, down my spine, around my throat.
“Well, you’re going to get what you wanted now, Princess,” Ashe growled against my cheek before yanking me towards his perfectly made bed. He pushed me until my knees hit the mattress and I fell forward, catching myself on my elbows as his hands clamped around my hips.
He stood there for a few seconds, kneading my waist and slowly pulling my skirt upwards.
“All week you’ve been a little fucking tease. You wanted to drive me crazy, didn’t you?”
I nodded furiously, because he was right.
Every morning as I got dressed, I thought less about what would look nice and more about what might tempt Ashe into crossing the street, barging into the shop and locking the door behind him. Every day that passed where he didn’t, I got more bold with my choices.
I gasped as his open palm met my ass cheek in a heavy spank.
“You wanna see what I’ve been thinking about, watching you in that shop all this time?”
I nodded eagerly again, because I wasn’t sure I’d be able to form sentences even if I tried.
Then I heard the zipper of his jeans descend, and felt the cold air meet my bare skin as he moved my panties to the side, and my breath hitched with excitement. There was no preparation, no warning, nothing before he sunk into me the whole way and my eyes rolled back at the sensation.
“Oh, God!” I squealed.
Ashe reached forward then, wrapping my long hair around his hand and giving a light tug as he continued to move behind me in long, slow, hard thrusts.
“Is this what you wanted, Princess?” he hissed against my ear.
“Yes,” I breathed.
“Is this what you needed? My cock inside of you to stop you acting like such a fuckin’ tease?”
“Yes.”
I felt myself tighten around him from the shock of another hard slap against my ass. I groaned and ground against him, needing more. More friction, more collision, more, more, more of him.
“So fucking greedy,” he mumbled, pulling out and taking a step back.
I frowned, turning to protest, but he was already on his knees. His mouth was on me then, kissing, licking, nipping. My arms were about to give way with the way that my body shook.
It was too intense, too much.
And when he slid two fingers inside of me to accompany his tongue, I came apart, screaming my pleasure into the soft mattress and hoping that no one could hear just how pathetic I was for this man.
Ashe’s movements slowed, hands roaming and rubbing up the back of my thighs as I came down from the high of my orgasm. The stars in my eyes barely had time to fade, not when he touched me so carefully, fingers trailing over my ass in a way that felt a little like worship.
Then he was next to me on the bed, flipping me over and onto my back.
Ashe’s jeans were still on, but his shirt was now on a heap by the bed.
He took a moment to look down at me splayed out in front of him, hungry eyes feasting on the sight of me laying across his bed.
Needing to be closer to him, I reached a hand out and trailed my long nails down his stomach. I pressed a little harder than was probably necessary, but Ashe hissed at the mixture of pleasure and pain before hooking one of my legs over his shoulder and sinking back into me.
“Fuck, Princess,” he growled as he fell forward, leaning on his elbows above me and caging me between his arms.
I took in the smell of him, that delicious, masculine scent that was all him. The one that I would recognise anywhere, in a crowd of people, in a dense forest—anywhere.
His harsh breath came out against my ear, causing a trail of goosebumps to form there and travel down my neck.
I gripped at his skin, at the sheets, at the headboard, anything that I could steady myself on as the rickety bed rocked beneath us.
The threat of the cracking wooden bed wasn’t enough to slow Ashe down though, and he continued on harder and faster.
When his eyes caught mine once more, I watched him soften. A hand came up around my throat again, but this time it was reverent. His thumb trailed along my bottom lip, dipping inside and back out again, trailing back down my chin and staying there.
“So beautiful,” he whispered, and my eyebrows drew together at the words.
This wasn’t rough, throw me up against a door Ashe, this was someone else all together. Someone who maybe I hadn’t met before, not really anyway. And I wondered just how many people had ever got to see this person.
Perhaps this was my first real encounter with Ashe, rather than Henny.
Either way, I was falling hard for them both.