2. Mila
2
MILA
I watched as Killian stalked out of the room without looking back once, before turning away and surveying the luxurious room.
It was the first thought I had when I saw it, and it was the thought now, only the room no longer held the same appeal. It wasn’t a place of new experiences, or a new Mila, but a new prison… just before I would have to go back to Chicago again .
It didn’t matter how nice this prison was. In fact, the wealth now made me as uncomfortable as it did my first day here. I wasn’t used to money.
Even if Dad had hoarded millions in illegal money, it was money I never had access to.
He controlled me with a very limited allowance every month. It was only enough for food and necessities.
Not enough to live off, and not enough to run away with. Though I had been saving some over the years for the eventuality when I would have to run.
That money was taken by Sebastian just a few weeks ago, when he found my hiding spot under the cupboard in the kitchen that no one ever went into.
The only reason he knew it was there was because I got careless, and I hadn’t realized he had followed me into the kitchen.
There was a little over four grand, but that four grand had taken me almost a year to save, and it was gone within a minute.
And what was more, the bastard didn’t take it because he needed it. He took it because he didn’t think I needed money.
He wanted me to stay under Dad’s thumb. Even though I had always suspected his desire to marry me, it wasn’t really confirmed until the night of the attack.
And I had stolen money from Dad’s safe before we left, but now it all seemed so pointless. They would discover that money once they went through my bag.
I looked at the two remaining brothers left in the room.
Maverick stood by the small bar in the kitchen, sipping a glass of what appeared to be whiskey, his eyes on his phone, frowning.
I avoided looking at Silas for a while, because out of the three brothers, it was Silas whom I had gotten closest to. Whose betrayal stung the most.
My eyes turned and locked on him. He smiled. I wasn’t sure if it was supposed to be a reassuring smile or a mocking kind. How could I not have seen it before? The monster beneath the man. Now that I knew the truth, I had a hard time distinguishing between the two.
I resisted showing any outward reaction to that smile and turned away.
I wouldn’t let him see how unnerved I was by it. By him.
“Time for bed, angel,” he said suddenly. I had to force myself not to flinch. Was it only a few days before that I had willingly spent the night with him?
I leaned back in the chair as he approached me, my heart beating erratically in my chest.
“W-what?”
“Time for bed,” he repeated patiently, as if talking to a naughty child who didn’t want to go to bed.
I licked my suddenly dry lips. “It’s still early.”
His dark eyes glimmered from some unnamed emotion I didn’t want to guess as he bent down and lifted me up in his arms.
I didn’t fight him.
It would be useless, and what was more, I didn’t know how to fight him.
Everything in me froze on the spot, and nothing felt real.
My cheeks were numb and my brain was surrounded by a white fog that would not leave, no matter what.
Maverick said something I didn’t hear, and Silas answered him, his chest vibrating a bit and bringing a sort of twisted comfort within the fog.
Then I blinked and we were in the en suite bathroom of one of the bedrooms.
It was the same room Silas had joked about locking me up in and kidnapping me. Now that I thought about it, I realized he hadn’t been joking. I was just too na?ve to sense it.
He set me on the bathroom counter, and I could only stare at him in horror.
His eyes met mine, and he brought his thumb up to his lip, biting on the hangnail there.
I could only watch as he contemplated what he was going to do to me.
Tremors racked my body and had he not sat me down, I would have fallen over. My legs wouldn’t have held me up.
Not in this condition.
Finally, he moved.
I flinched when he held his hand out to me, but he didn’t touch me.
He waited patiently, and I realized two long seconds later that he wanted me to take it.
Take the hand of a monster.
It sounded like a death sentence to me.
Slowly, I placed my much smaller hand in his mammoth-sized one.
Or, at least, it seemed abnormally big to my fuzzy mind.
Yet his skin felt warm and dry and solid.
If I was a stupid girl, I might say it felt nice.
But I wasn’t stupid, and what I was doing right now was placating them.
At first chance, I would run. As far away as I could from places like this, and from men like him and his brothers.
I would not be another captive—not for the MC, and certainly not for the Tiernan brothers.
I refused to be.
Silas slid me off the counter until I stood directly in front of him. He towered over me. What had once made me feel safe now scared me.
I had never been more aware of our size difference than I was now.
The top of my head didn’t even reach his shoulders, and he seemed to be as wide as I was tall.
He could easily crush me, and I was now at his mercy.
I blinked away the burning in my eyes. I would not cry in front of him. In front of any of them. I would not. I would?—
“Ah, angel. Come on, now. Don’t cry. Is it so horrible to belong to me and my brothers?” he asked, his huge hands cupping my cheeks and his thumb swiping away the tears that had fallen.
I closed my eyes.
“Oh, yeah. There is nothing terrifying about being taken by the same men who…” I couldn’t even bring myself to say the words.
When I opened my eyes, it was to Silas looking at me with that inquisitive gaze of his. I wished he would stop doing that. Stop looking at me like he could see deep down to my soul.
“Hmm. Do you really think I can do to you what I did to the club?”
I flinched. It was the first time he’d acknowledged it. I shouldn’t be surprised, but the casual way he had said it?—
“You expect me to believe that? I don’t even know who you are.”
And that was the truth. The playful man I had spent my time with, the one who had tempted me to envision a different kind of future than the one I was planning, was no longer around. Silas was essentially a stranger to me.
That wiped the smile off his face, and if I’d thought his smile was creepy, it was nothing compared to his hardened eyes and lips set in a thin line.
Tears clogged my throat, and I lost the battle of trying to stay strong. “Just let me go, please. I don’t even know why I’m here. Why do you want me here?”
I tried to step back. He wrapped his arms around me and hauled me up until my body was plastered against his. My nipples tightened from the contact, and I didn’t know what I hated more in that moment: my body’s stupid reaction to him, or the man himself.
He leaned down and let his soft lips glide gently over my temple.
I shuddered, and I didn’t know if it was revulsion or something… else.
I closed my eyes once more.
“You’re here because I can’t fucking let you go,” he said, his hot breath fanning across my skin. I swallowed. “You’re here because fate has been nothing but vicious to you—otherwise, she wouldn’t have let you catch the attention of a monster.”
“There’s no such thing as fate,” I whispered. How silly. Just a week before, I had thought fate placed me directly in Silas’ path. But it was his doing all along.
“Perhaps not. Or perhaps there is. Whatever it is that made it impossible for me to kill you—” My breath caught. He tightened his arms around me. “—also made it impossible for you to escape me. Know this, little angel. You. Belong. To. Me.”
He enunciated each word with a hard press of his lips against my skin.
My fists tightened into a ball between us.
“Now, we’re going to get ready for bed, and you’re not going to fight me, understand?”
He shook me until I opened my eyes. A stranger. He was nothing more than a stranger now.
“Understand?” he repeated.
It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him to go screw himself. His hands gripped my shoulders, much like Killian had before, reminding me of his strength.
I nodded, and hated myself just a little.
I didn’t want to fight him. I didn’t want him to hurt me.
Did it make me a coward to admit to that?
Was I stupid for complying with this terrible man’s whim simply because he was bigger than me, stronger than me?
I’d always thought I could be tough in the face of danger.
It turned out I was just as afraid of getting hurt as all the men I’d seen begging my dad for mercy whenever they had done some stupid thing that went against the club’s inconsistent and nonsensical rules.
“Good girl,” Silas said softly.
I didn’t react to that stupid statement, and he didn’t seem as though he was waiting for me to respond anyhow. He let go of me and I let out a small sigh of relief, which was short-lived when he turned to the shower.
I could only stare at him as he began to strip. His shirt came off first, exposing a huge, muscular torso, the familiar tattoos on display. I studied them before I could think better of it, from the black-and-white phoenix tattoo on his left pec that moved all the way down his rib and to part of his back, to the five flaming playing cards that depicted a Royal Flush. In the middle of the cards was a hole with an eye looking through it.
I swallowed, not knowing why it was suddenly hot in this bathroom, or why it felt like the walls had moved, making the room seem smaller than it was. I let my gaze drift down to the intricate black-and-white rose tattoo on the back of his right hand. His other hand remained bare, but I could see small butterflies scattering across his forearms, starting from the inside of his wrist and coming up and around to the fascinating black tribal art that took up the entirety of his right biceps.
How delicate those butterflies seemed on his skin. It was the only delicate thing about him when he was so big, so hard everywhere. His fingers could probably wrap around my own biceps.
His arms flexed a little as he threw the shirt on the bathroom floor. My breath caught, old fears moving to the surface of my skin once more.
I quickly inhaled when I felt a small burning in my chest that told me I had stopped breathing for a while, as he hooked his thumbs under the waistband of his jeans. My eyes flew to his, and he stared back at me with a wide grin and bright eyes.
I let out a small squeak and quickly turned around with my eyes closed when he pushed his jeans down.
He laughed, and I gritted my teeth together.
“Ah, come on, angel. Are you really going to play innocent with me? This isn’t the first time you’ve seen me naked,” he said, his footsteps sounding behind me as he drew closer.
I squeezed my eyes tight. Yes, I had seen him naked before. The image was deeply entrenched in the recesses of my mind. That didn’t mean I wanted to see him naked again.
I flinched when he rested heavy hands on my shoulders. They seemed to weigh me down.
It was a miracle I was even able to remain standing.
He wrapped his arms around my middle. Even with my clothes as a barrier between us, I knew he was fully naked.
And hard .
I could feel him pressing against the small of my back.
I whimpered.
“Don’t be scared,” he whispered softly to me. As if he was my lover, and he was truly concerned over my own feelings. I didn’t answer him. “We’re not going to do anything tonight. We’re both tired. And dirty.”
The last part was added in a whisper.
His thumbs moved up and down gently over my abdomen, so close to the bottom of my breasts, it wouldn’t take much for him to feel them.
“Let’s just take a shower and go to sleep.”
“And that’s it?” I asked.
He hesitated. “And that’s it. For tonight, at least.”
“Why should I believe you? Why should I trust you?”
Whatever faith or trust he’d been able to build between us was gone.
“Because you don’t have a choice. And I do a lot of things, but I won’t ever lie to you. If I tell you something, it’s the truth, and I won’t go back on my word.”
“I want to shower by myself,” I said miserably. I knew that wasn’t happening.
He confirmed it when he laughed. “We’re saving water by showering together.”
I scoffed, and he laughed again.
He pulled on my shirt until my shoulder was bare to him and, leaning down, he kissed it gently. Goose bumps rose across my skin, and I couldn’t help my small shiver.
I felt him smile against my skin.
“Let’s get you naked first,” he said.
Blood rushed to my ears, and I heard nothing after he uttered those words. I felt lightheaded as he skimmed his fingers down, reaching the hem of my shirt. I didn’t fight him when he lifted the shirt up and off me.
I tensed and waited for his reaction.
I’d been naked with him before, and he had touched the scars, but this was the first time he was seeing them in their entirety.
Even I had trouble looking at myself naked in the mirror sometimes. I wondered how I looked through the eyes of someone else.
Deformed.
Hideous.
Pitiful.
I heard him suck in a sharp breath, and I didn’t know if that was a good thing or not.
No. There was no such thing as a good thing when it came to the Tiernan brothers. I kept my eyes closed when I felt his rough fingers moving up and down my spine.
His fingers seemed to slow over every scar he came upon, his touch surprisingly gentle.
“Who the fuck did this to you?” he asked, his voice tinged with anger and darkness.
“Why? Are you upset that your new property isn’t as flawless as you wanted?” I asked bitterly. “You knew what you were getting.”
“Mila.” There was an unmistakable hardness to his voice.
“Why does it matter?” I asked. I wished he would let me put my shirt back on. Wished he would stop staring at the scars that had been my shame for so long.
His fingers found the newest of the batch. Just weeks old, it was still healing.
“The fucker took a fucking whip to you, didn’t he?” he asked quietly, calmly.
I wasn’t fooled. He was just moments away from losing control, and I did not want to be here when that happened. I was so sick of violent men losing control in front of me, or worse, taking it out on me.
“It’s still not too late to let me go. You were expecting someone flawless. What is it you call me? Angel ?” I laughed, the sound hollow.
He leaned down, and I tensed when I felt his tongue peeking out. He was… licking my scar.
What the hell?
“What are you doing?”
“You look perfect to me,” he said, his voice gruff. I could feel my brows pulling together in a small frown. There was something seriously wrong with him. He went down farther, stopping at all the scars that scattered along my back.
I had long ago lost count of how many I had. I had long ago lost count of how many times the whip had bitten into my flesh over some imaginary slight I might have given Dad.
“You taste flawless to me, angel ,” he continued, and I didn’t know why tears were burning my eyes. I did not live for the approval of Silas Tiernan.
I should have hoped they all found me as repulsive as I found myself.
But fuck, why was I reacting to this? To him?
I felt him stand to his full height. I held my breath when he let his finger slide over all the raised skin.
“I should have prolonged his death when I had the chance,” he said.
How was I supposed to feel when he could so casually talk about killing, specifically the killing of my father?
He paused at the clasp of my bra and expertly unhooked it.
The skimpy fabric loosened around me, and I shook as he pulled it down.
Cool air teased my nipples, puckering them into hard nubs. Worst of all, I didn’t know if they were reacting like this because of the air or Silas’ heated gaze.
He kissed the side of my neck. “Every time I look at you, it always feels like the first time. You’re just so exquisite.”
“Am I supposed to thank you?” I asked.
He chuckled softly against me. “That mouth of yours. It’s going to get you into trouble one of these days.”
“I’m held against my will here. It wouldn’t matter what I say or do. You’re determined to keep me.”
“True, little angel.”
“Until you get bored with me. And then what? You’ll kill me?”
He stilled behind me.
“What makes you think I will get bored with you?”
“You’re all the same as the men I grew up with. There’s no such thing as monogamy, and sooner or later, you’re going to get bored with me— of me. I just hope the one who comes after me will be here on her own free will.”
“You really think we have a hard time finding a willing woman?”
I didn’t say anything to that. The brothers were arrogant, no doubt about that, but it was rightfully so. They were all good-looking in their own way, which made me wonder why they were so hard-pressed to keep me.
They should have just killed me. It would have made things a hell of a lot less complicated.
“Then let me go, and find those women.”
“Wish I could, princess,” was all he said as he moved his hands down to the waistband of my jeans.
He unbuttoned them and pulled the jeans and my panties down.
I stood frozen against him, feeling awkward.
I didn’t want to open my eyes and take in the self-satisfied look in his eyes. I might not be able to control myself and punch him.
He turned me around until I faced him.
“Open your eyes, angel. I don’t want you to trip.”
I took a deep breath and opened my eyes, staring into his brown ones. Surprisingly, he didn’t look arrogant.
He looked?—
Some emotion flitted across his eyes, and I didn’t want to find out. I leveled my gaze on his collarbone, watching his Adam’s apple bob up and down on a swallow as he grabbed my hand and led me into the shower, into the warm water that rained down on us.
I closed my eyes and ducked underneath, letting it wet my hair. I didn’t watch him, but I knew he was watching me, and even though I was sure he was hard, he gave me my space in this huge shower.
We cleaned up silently.
I turned away from him and used the shampoo and conditioner already set out on the stand before lathering a cloth with some body wash.
He silently grabbed it from my hand, and I didn’t protest when he ran the cloth up and down my back.
Silas pushed my long hair off to the side, and he helped me wash. The act was strangely intimate from such a brute of a man, and I fucking hated it.
I didn’t want to be lulled into a false sense of security. Not again.
I didn’t want to look at this man as anything other than what he was.
A fucking monster who took away my choices.
I took the cloth back when he got to my front.
“I can manage,” I said, staring ahead at the glass door.
He didn’t fight me.
I felt him washing up behind me, just before he drew me back to the warm spray of water to rinse the soap off my body.
After we were clean, Silas opened the door.
I shivered a little from the cool air that entered, and he quickly grabbed a fluffy white towel nearby and wrapped it around my body.
It nearly engulfed me.
He wrapped another towel around his waist, and this one didn’t look nearly as huge on him.
He handed me a new toothbrush, still in its package. It was as if they’d known I was going to be in this hotel room tonight, and they had come prepared. He winked at me.
We brushed our teeth at the double sink in silence.
Silas, the shameless bastard that he was, kept his eyes on me the entire time.
I avoided him, and once we were done, he took me back out to the room.
I stuttered in my steps at the sight of the huge king-sized bed in the center.
“Where am I supposed to sleep tonight?” I asked.
He looked sideways at me. “With me.”
“I don’t want to sleep with you. You told me you would never lie to me, and nothing was happening tonight.”
“And nothing will. We’re just going to sleep. Come on, angel, get into bed. It’s been a long day and I’m tired.”
I looked down at my towel-clad body. “I don’t have any clothes with me. Where’s my bag?”
He ignored my question and instead, grinned mischievously at me. “You can always sleep naked. I’ll sleep naked, too.”
I shot him a scathing look, not that it seemed to have any effect on him. He threw his head back and laughed in a way that made me want to punch him in the throat, before he walked over to one of the drawers and pulled out a huge T-shirt.
He threw it at me, and I quickly grabbed it and waited.
He cocked his head to the side, as if he didn’t know what I was waiting for, but the glimmer in his eyes gave him away.
He was only going to give me this shirt to wear to bed.
Somehow, that felt much more intimate than sleeping naked.
I turned without saying anything and walked back to the bathroom, closing the door behind me.
I went for the lock, only to stop when I realized there wasn’t one.
I closed my eyes and rested my head against the wall.
It still didn’t seem real that this was now my reality.
I was sure the reality of it would hit me tomorrow morning, and I would probably lose it. But for now, all I could think of was that I was expected to share a bed with a man who infuriated me as much as he scared the shit out of me.
He knocked on the door once, and I jumped away, glaring at it.
“Hurry up, Mila. Or I’m coming in there and carrying you to bed myself.”
I threw the towel off my body, avoided my eyes in the mirror, and quickly pulled on the shirt.
It went down to mid-thigh. I looked like a little kid playing with her dad’s clothes.
I opened the door and turned off the light a little harsher than I meant to.
Silas was already in bed.
He was shirtless.
“Are you naked under there?” I asked, my eyes wide.
I refused to climb into bed if he was. He didn’t answer me, only patted what I assumed was my side of the bed.
I crossed my arms over my chest.
“I’ve been easy on you, Mila. But let me remind you that there is an end to my patience and you’re treading on the line.”
I debated whether I should push him. The challenge in his eyes decided it for me as I climbed into bed, pulling the covers over myself and staying as far away from him as possible.
He turned off the light, bathing the room in darkness save for the city light that came through the sheer white curtains hanging above the enormous window.
I focused my eyes on that, unsure of what I was supposed to do next.
How could he possibly think I could go to sleep with him when I was so aware of his body?
Silas shifted, and I tensed as he snaked an arm around my waist and pulled me to the middle of the bed, close to his warm body.
He snuggled closer to me, and I struggled, trying to fight him off.
My elbow connected with his side and he grunted before positioning his hands once more, one cupping my breast through the shirt and one between my legs. The shirt had ridden up far enough that I could feel a part of his hand on me.
I stilled, my breathing turning erratic as fear kept me immobile.
“Let go of me,” I begged.
“Behave and go to sleep.”
“How am I supposed to sleep when you’re?—”
He squeezed my breast. “You’ve done it before.”
Memories of us lying in this exact position teased my memory, but that had been different.
Burying his face in the back of my neck, he said, “Sleep, Mila.”
“Silas.”
“Fuck, but my name on your lips will be the death of me. I fucking love hearing it.”
“You’re sick,” I spat out.
Another squeeze and I closed my eyes, trying to keep my body from responding in a way that would be obvious to him.
“Sleep, Mila.”
Then I felt him relax his hold, but he didn’t move away.
I tried to remove his hands, but he only tightened them a bit before relaxing once more.
I sighed, tired, and gave up.
“Good girl,” he whispered against my skin.
Tears pooled in my eyes, and I kept them closed, hoping sleep would soon lure me away from this terrible reality.