21. Mila
21
MILA
Maverick spent half the day with me.
We had breakfast and lunch in bed and explored each other’s bodies during the times in between, and the big man was surprisingly gentle. I knew better than to think of him as my big, gentle teddy bear. Maverick was too untamed for that. But he was much gentler than I had expected, considering how rough he had been with me the first time.
One look in the mirror, and I could see new bruises and marks added to my body. I wasn’t disgusted by the sight. Just the opposite. Perhaps Dad had fucked me up more than I realized, because I fucking loved the marks left on my body from Killian and Maverick.
We had sex one more time, a quick, rough one before he had to leave—back to the outside world, back to ruling Chicago with an iron fist.
I almost begged him to take me with him.
I was jealous that he got to leave while I was still stuck at home. And I absolutely hated my alone time.
It gave me time to think.
About my future and about the brothers.
I still didn’t know what position, if any, I held in their life, and the more this went on, the more of me I gave to them, the more unsteady I felt.
And I fucking hated feeling like this.
I stayed in my room after he left, feeling too out of it to even try to venture out. I didn’t really want to see anyone.
I’d had sex three times so far. Not many, but none of those times had been with a condom.
I closed my eyes, feeling stupid. I should have suggested they put a condom on. I didn’t really think Maverick or Silas would ever risk giving me anything. I didn’t think they had anything, but STIs weren’t at the top of my list of concerns.
Some quick math in my head told me the chances of my getting pregnant now weren’t high, but I wasn’t stupid. Sex ed in high school might have been cursory, but I’d seen things happen at the clubs, and I had read enough to know that just because the chances were slim, didn’t mean it was impossible.
I had to stand my ground. I wasn’t going to let them touch me again unless they wore protection. I grimaced, thinking back to my first time with Silas, how he had distracted me the moment I brought up protection.
Something told me none of the brothers would like the condom discussion. Which left one choice.
I needed to go on birth control.
But how would I get that? Rachel? Or ask one of the brothers?
I was blushing just thinking about it.
The door to my room opened without knocking, and I jumped, glaring over at the large man taking up most of the space in the doorway.
“Don’t you ever knock?”
Silas swaggered over to me, his usual grin overtaking his face. He fell on the bed beside me, wrapping one arm around my waist. I shifted, self-conscious about how close his face was to my pussy.
“Why?” he asked, looking up at me.
It took me a moment to realize what he was talking about.
“I could be changing.”
That elicited a small chuckle from him. “Hate to break it to you, baby doll, but I’ve seen everything. I fucking love every single inch of your body.”
I blushed. “That’s not the point. And I’m not saying that because I’m self-conscious about my body.” Although… I shook my head. “A girl needs her privacy.”
His smile did nothing but piss me off. I shot him a nasty look.
“Aw, baby. You look at me like that, and I think it’s foreplay.”
My lips curled back. “Are you serious?”
I tried to get off the bed, but he sat up before I could react, his arms wrapped tightly around me as he hauled me up to him. He effortlessly placed me on his lap, positioning us so I faced him. I had no choice but to wrap my legs around his waist. His hand moved down to my ass, and he pushed me closer to him.
I gasped when my clit pressed up against his hard stomach, and he shot me a knowing look.
“Silas, stop. We need to talk.”
He shrugged, as if talking wasn’t a high priority on his list. It probably wasn’t. Especially when I could feel him behind me, feel how hard he was.
I shivered.
“So talk, angel.”
Fuck, he wanted us to talk like this? When I looked up and met his eyes, I got my answer. He really wanted us to talk like this.
How would I even start?
I closed my eyes and felt his fingers running gently over my cheek.
“Angel?”
My eyes opened. “I want to get on birth control,” I blurted out.
His reaction was small but noticeable, especially since I was still straddling his lap, feeling his hard body pressed against me. I felt the very moment when his muscles tensed.
The atmosphere seemed to get ten times colder.
And his eyes, once full of emotion, suddenly turned dead.
It was as if my words flipped a switch inside his brain. I bit my bottom lip nervously and shifted on his lap. Both hands grasped onto my waist, keeping me still. I sucked in a sharp breath, trying not to show any reaction, especially since he caught me at my tickle spot.
“Will you say something?” I quipped. If he stayed silent any longer, I might just mistake him for a gargoyle.
“You want birth control?” he asked quietly. Alarm bells rang loudly in my mind, but I ignored it and forged on.
“Yes. I want to get on birth control. I do not want to get pregnant.”
“We’ve barely had sex and you’re already thinking about getting pregnant?”
I slammed my hands down on his chest. “About not getting pregnant. And what, are you telling me we won’t have sex anymore?”
“I didn’t say that. Just say the words, baby, and I’ll have you naked on this bed with my dick inside you, every-fucking-day. Hell, we could even go multiple times if you’re horny. I’ll make it good for you. Imagine how many times I can get you to come.”
I shivered from his words and tried to tell myself it was revulsion.
I was a dirty, fucking liar.
His eyes glinted in that annoying, knowing way of his, and his hands moved up from my waist and settled on my ribs. His thumbs were just below the swell of my breasts. I wasn’t wearing a bra, and the T-shirt I had on felt thin and flimsy.
I held still and tried to control my breathing. “Be serious. I am trying to have a serious discussion with you.”
He shook his head. “I am being serious, baby, so listen closely to me. No . Now, this conversation is over.”
“No?” I asked. I didn’t know why I was so surprised by that. Perhaps a part of me truly believed Silas wouldn’t ever deny me anything.
“No. You won’t go on birth control.”
His hands inched up. I pulled away, and he stilled his movement.
“Why?”
He shook his head. “Because.”
“Because why? At least, give me a reason.”
“Because I won’t have anything between us. You belong to me. All of you, and if you happen to get pregnant, do you think that will change anything?”
My eyes widened in surprise over his words, before anger took over.
I didn’t think.
I punched him.
I clipped him in the jawline, and though I had used most of my strength behind that punch, when he grunted, his hold on me loosening, it seemed more from surprise than from pain.
Whatever it was, I took it as my chance and scrambled out of his lap. My hands shook as I crossed my arms over my chest.
I hardened my voice and said, “Get out.”
He stood up. I flinched, and that stopped him in his tracks. Something like remorse glinted in his eyes, but that couldn’t be right.
“Mila—”
“Get out.”
“Can’t we talk about this?”
“Talk? But you weren’t planning on talking, were you?” I asked.
I knew I was right when he didn’t answer me.
“You’re not touching me until I get on birth control.”
“Mila—”
“And I know you’re stronger than me. Fuck, I already know that, but unlike the other times, if you touch me, I’ll fight you. I’ll scream my head off, and if you still touch me, then we’ll both know what that is.”
He reared back as if I slapped him.
I turned away from him.
“Get out.”
He didn’t say anything. He stood there like a fucking ghost in my room, which did nothing but piss me off.
“Get out!” I screamed. “Get out! Get out! Get out!”
I knew I was acting crazy, based on the expression on his face. I didn’t care anymore. I didn’t care about anything at that moment except for him to leave me alone. I wanted it so badly, I could cry.
I turned so he wouldn’t see the tears in my eyes. After a moment, I heard his footsteps heading toward the door. I didn’t turn around until I heard the door click closed, and when I did, though I had expected it, I was surprised to find myself alone.
I fell to the ground, my legs unable to hold me up, trying to get my breathing under control.