30. Mila
30
MILA
I didn’t know how long it took for me to get down from my high, or how long we lay like that afterward, but then his lips were on the side of my face, gliding smoothly over my cheek, to my nose, to my other cheek, before he finally settled on my lips.
We didn’t move.
We stayed like that, just the simplest touch of his lips against mine.
He pulled away first, lying beside me on the bed, and drawing me close to his body. I rested my head on his chest and slowly opened my eyes, staring at the wall on the side of the bed, not saying anything.
He didn’t either.
At this point, I didn’t know what I wanted to say to him, which was fine with me.
For once, I just wanted to bathe in the silence.
Killian dressed me.
I had expected him to pick an outfit similar to the one Maverick had picked, but it was surprisingly conservative.
We were going to their club.
The brothers and I.
It wasn’t open, but I imagined at this time of day, there was other business going on that wasn’t club-related.
I hadn’t talked to Silas much since the night I’d seen him torture that man, and Maverick had become a ghost—I hadn’t seen him at all.
I wiped my sweaty hands down on the navy blue dress I wore. It was soft and comfortable, and came down to my knees. I didn’t even know who’d purchased this, Rachel or one of the men, but like all the clothes in the closet, it was obviously expensive, and no doubt in trend with the latest fashion. I was also covered in gold. From a gold oval pendant necklace that I hadn’t known I owned until now, to a simple gold bracelet with a thin chain attached to a small golden heart with a big diamond attached to its side that I was sure cost about as much as someone’s house, to matching anklet, and earrings.
Never had I looked so… put together.
A bird with clipped wings, playing dress-up in a gilded cage.
My lips twisted at the thought, and Killian watched me from where he perched on the edge of my bed.
He was already dressed in what looked like designer jeans, black boots, a fitted black T-shirt, and his usual scowl.
I scowled back at him, and his expression changed to surprise. “What?”
“Why are you scowling at me?” I asked.
He didn’t answer me right away. Then, “Was I scowling?”
I rolled my eyes. “Are you really that unaware of your face?”
His lips twitched, and I narrowed my gaze at him. He didn’t smile.
I made a move to walk past him and toward the door. I hadn’t really left my room when I knew the brothers were home, but at this point, I’d much rather run into Silas than deal with Killian and his confusing mannerisms.
He snaked an arm around my waist and sat me down on his lap.
I wiggled against him, trying to get off, when I felt something hard dig into my ass.
I gasped and turned around to meet amused eyes filled with heat. He tightened his arms around my waist and pulled me even closer against him.
“That’s right,” he said softly. “Do you know the dangerous game you’re playing with me?”
“I’m not playing,” I quipped, trying to muster as much venom in my voice as possible. The way he looked at me said he found me as threatening as a kitten.
His lips found my neck, and goosebumps traveled over my skin from the sensation. I clenched my fists to keep from making any noise.
I was still so angry over the tracking.
I fucking was livid. Sex with him didn’t change that.
They had no right to do that to me.
They had no right to take me and bring me back to live with them in this house. Yet they had done it, and no one and nothing had stopped them.
They could do anything they wanted, but fuck, tracking me?
I was angry.
Only, the longer he had his lips on my skin, the harder it was for me to hold on to my anger, no matter how sound the reasons for my anger were.
And that was the problem.
I was letting them do whatever the fuck they wanted, and I would just forgive them.
I shook my head.
“Killian. I’m still mad.”
He nodded. “As you should be. You have every right to be angry. I would be.”
Somehow, his validation of my feelings made it easier for me, and I fucking hated that.
“Then what are you doing with me?”
“Be mad,” he muttered. “But be mad at me with me. Don’t shut me out.”
If I didn’t know any better, I would have said there was a sort of desperation in his voice that I had never heard before. But that couldn’t be right. There was no way a man like Killian Tiernan could ever be desperate, especially when it came to me.
Right?
But when I turned and studied his brown eyes, I wasn’t sure anymore.
We didn’t say anything for a moment.
Then he leaned forward and kissed my cheek.
This seemingly innocent kiss felt much more momentous than any other kiss I had ever received.
I blinked rapidly, trying to will away the tears that suddenly sprang to my eyes.
He watched me intently, a frown marring his beautiful face and making him look more human.
He cupped my cheek, gliding his thumb gently over the tender skin beneath my eyes, but didn’t comment. For that, I was thankful.
I wouldn’t know how to explain the emotions running rampant inside me any more to myself than I could to him.
“Come on,” he finally said, helping me off his lap. I smoothed my palms over my dress, taking away any wrinkles that might have formed. Then Killian stood up and reminded me once more how much bigger he was than me, made that much more apparent when we were both standing.
I swallowed and looked away as he grasped my hand and led me out the door.
“We silently walked down the stairs of this big house and found both Maverick and Silas standing in the living room.”
I hadn’t seen the three of them together much since they brought me home. But now that they were together, I couldn’t help the way my body reacted to their combined presence.
My heart felt heavy, and the air seemed to have been sucked out of the room, leaving me… struggling.
I took a deep breath, and all three sets of eyes turned my way.
Silas was the one I focused on first.
A longing look filled his face so strongly that I was left frozen.
Thankfully, he stayed where he was and kept his hands to himself. I didn’t know how I would react if he touched me. I was just feeling too much when it came to him. I turned to Maverick next, and as usual, his face gave nothing away. If I didn’t know him well, I would have said he was merely indifferent, but I knew better now.
He was acutely aware of my every movement.
I turned away from both of them, and away from Killian, looking out the window.
They all seemed to have the power to subsume the energy in any room and make me feel like I was drowning in it.
“Let’s go,” Killian said, breaking the silence. My grip tightened around his hand as we started for the front door, both Maverick and Silas following us.
I didn’t need to watch the brothers to know their entire demeanor changed the moment we stepped foot outside.
They were much more aware. Being near them made my skin prickle, and it made me take note of my surroundings.
I wondered what it was like to live life like that.
To have to watch your back because there were always people out there who wanted to put a bullet in your head.
I had to live like that at the clubhouse, but it was nowhere near this intense. Back at the clubhouse, I was protected by my father’s rage. He didn’t care much about me as a person, and certainly not as his daughter, but I had value to him. At least, in the sense that he could marry me off to Sebastian and ensure his loyalty.
I’d thought so, anyway, considering how hard he worked to ensure I couldn’t run away. It was why he had sent his men after me that first time I tried to escape.
The brothers had no one to look out for them, save for each other, so it made sense why they were so close.
We got to the waiting car. The driver nodded respectfully at the brothers. They waved him off, and he moved to the driver’s side and got in.
Killian opened the door for me, letting me go in first. The car had two rows of seats in the back that faced each other. It wasn’t as big as a limo, I imagined, but it was bigger than the average car. Like this, I would be facing whoever sat across from me.
I had expected Killian to follow me, but Silas was the one who came in next, much to my surprise. He sat close to me, leaving no room for personal space, but then again, he had never been a man who respected personal boundaries.
I glared at him and tried to slide closer to the door. The fucker just followed me.
I sighed with annoyance, and Silas sighed with relief.
I looked at him questioningly.
“If you can be annoyed at me like this, then it means you’re not scared of me, angel , are you?”
My frown deepened. “You don’t want me to be afraid of you?”
He shook his head. “Never.”
I didn’t know what to say to that. Since the beginning of my captivity, the brothers had been using my fear of them to keep me in line, hadn’t they?
Before I could respond to that, Killian and Maverick climbed into the car. I didn’t know why it took them so long to get in, and at this point, I wasn’t curious enough to ask.
I peered out the window as the car took off, not really taking in the scenery, while the brothers talked business.
Perhaps, if I was smart, I would pay more attention to them when they talked like this, maybe even use the information against them given the chance, but it was already established that I was downright stupid when it came to the brothers.
I dropped my head back at the depressing thought and felt all three sets of eyes turn my way.
Goose bumps rose over my skin in awareness, but I kept my gaze on the passing scenery.
Soon, the brothers went back to talking and mostly left me alone.
Silas grabbed my hand halfway into the drive, and I probably shouldn’t have let him—or, at the very least, put up a fight.
I didn’t.
His shoulders relaxed, and his thumb played with the skin on the back of my hand for the rest of the drive… soothing me.
I didn’t know why my heart did a little flip when the car finally pulled up to an almost empty parking lot, save for a few cars parked near what looked like a nightclub.
I glanced at Maverick, but he only gave me a soft look back.
A soft look I wasn’t used to receiving from him. Killian opened the door.
He got out first, then Maverick, before Silas turned to me.
“Come on, angel.”
“What are we doing here?” I asked.
“We have some business to take care of here first, and then we thought you would like it if we took you out for a while.”
My eyebrows jumped in surprise. “You mean we’re not spending the entire day here?”
Silas laughed and chucked my chin affectionately with his knuckles. “No. Of course not. I’m sure spending the entire day here would be boring.”
For me, he meant. I doubted they would be bored.
“Where?” I asked, trying to push away the small strumming beneath my skin that felt suspiciously like excitement. Fuck me, but I was not excited to be spending the entire day with the brothers. I refused to believe it.
He tapped the tip of my nose with his pointer finger. “That’s a surprise.”
Surprise?
Silas got out of the car before I could say anything, then crouched and held out one hand. “Angel?”
I didn’t know why I hesitated before I took his hand. Was I afraid of him? I didn’t think so. He waited patiently for me. Slowly, I placed my hand in his and let him gently help me out of the car, where both Maverick and Killian stood waiting for us. Maverick nodded once and took the lead, heading toward the door, Silas and I followed with Killian behind us.
If I didn’t know any better, I would have said they’d rehearsed this, putting me in the safest possible position with them.
The club was nearly empty except for a handful of people moving about it, getting ready for it to open later tonight. The workers nodded respectfully to the brothers, but none were brave enough to approach.
I realized they respected the brothers almost as much as they feared them. None of them would meet our eyes.
I looked sideways at Silas, taking in his profile. He must have felt my eyes on him because he turned suddenly, and the hard look in his eyes magically disappeared, replaced by something confounding and soft.
I blinked and looked at the floor. He squeezed my hand, but I didn’t look back up at him again.
We got to the office. I didn’t know whose office this was. Maverick’s? Or all three brothers’? It was certainly spacious enough. And it was located on the second floor of the club. It offered some semblance of privacy, considering the wall between the office and the club was actually just a large window, but the blinds were closed.
A huge oak desk took up the center space at the back of the room. Two leather couches were adjacent to each other, surrounding two sides of a glass coffee table.
I sat on the edge of the couch closest to the door.
Maverick watched me as he sat behind the desk. Silas pulled out his phone and looked at me. “Do you want something to eat or drink, baby?”
I opened my mouth but didn’t know how to answer him. It was a simple question, yet the answer died on my tongue.
Killian spoke from the corner, where there was a small makeshift bar. “Order her something. She hasn’t eaten anything all morning.” He held up a small glass filled with some sort of gold liquid. “Drink?”
I wrinkled my nose. “It’s a little early for that, don’t you think?”
Killian smirked at me before downing the cup and walking over. He cupped both of my cheeks, tilted my head up, and pressed his lips against mine.
It wasn’t until I opened it slightly that I realized he hadn’t swallowed the liquid.
It burned moving down my throat. Thankfully, I didn’t cough, considering Killian was still kissing me.
I moved my hands up and grabbed hold of his waist. I just didn’t know if I was trying to push him away or pull him closer.
We shouldn’t do this. Not here. Not like this. But I couldn’t make myself pull away. I didn’t know how.
I was only vaguely aware of the door opening before a feminine gasp rang out.
I backed away from Killian and looked toward the door to find a woman standing there. A woman who appeared older than me, obviously taller than me, even without the five-inch heels she was wearing, with tan skin. Her hair was bleached blond and her heavily filled lips were painted a deep, daring red.
She stared at us with wide green eyes, her mouth agape. She was holding a tray that held three glasses of drinks, which I assumed were for the brothers. She seemed surprised to see me. Surprised and… angry.
“What do you want, Zoe?” Killian asked. His voice, though not mean, was hard. I blinked. I supposed I had never heard Killian sound like this before, even when we first met, and he clearly didn’t like me much.
“I, uh, I got you all your favorite drinks. I hadn’t realized you had, uh, a guest .”
She said the word “guest” like it was something unpleasant.
I wrinkled my nose, and Silas looked over at her in annoyance. “We didn’t ask you to, and you should knock before coming in.”
She looked down at the drinks, not really saying anything.
Maverick let out a small sigh of annoyance. “Leave.”
She mutely nodded and left, but not before shooting me a hateful glare. She slammed the door after her, and I flinched.
Silas uttered a string of curses. “We can still fucking fire her.”
I shot him a confused look. “Why?”
“Why?” he asked, sounding surprised. “She was rude to you.”
“She didn’t even speak to me,” I responded.
He headed over to me and sat down. “She didn’t need to. It was clear as fucking day.”
I shrugged. “People are rude to me all the time. There’s nothing we can do to control their actions.” Silas opened his mouth, probably to disagree with me, but I shook my head. “Besides, it’s obvious that you all slept with her, and that’s why she was rude to me.”
Silas grimaced at his brothers. Killian had a dark look on his face that caused me to involuntarily shiver, and Maverick, as usual, looked emotionless, though I knew that wasn’t the case.
“That didn’t mean shit. She knew where we stood going in,” Silas said.
I shrugged. I was probably a little bothered that the woman who worked for them had seen all three of them naked at some point, but I was sure she wasn’t the only one. What could they do, fire every woman they had slept with?
Scratch that, they probably would.
There was something messed up about the entire concept, though.
“Don’t,” I said. “Not for me, and not over this.” I turned back to Silas and redirected the conversation. “I’m hungry.”
He looked down at his phone. “Food will be here soon, okay?”
I nodded. There was still tension between us—between me and all three brothers—that I didn’t know how to address. I was still angry, but at this point, it felt like I was holding onto my anger because that was what I was supposed to do.
What they had done wasn’t okay, and we all knew it, but it wasn’t like they had betrayed me in any way, nor had they presented a false picture of themselves. I’d known they were bad men to begin with.
Perhaps what bothered me the most about it was how similar this was to my time living at the clubhouse. I was still so fucking helpless to do anything, and still without my freedom.
The surrounding tension got heavier, and it was getting hard for me to even take another breath.
I stood quickly.
They all turned to me. Silas frowned.
I blurted, “I have to use the bathroom.”
“It’s three doors down the hallway to your left, sweetheart,” Maverick answered.
I avoided looking at any of them and hightailed it out of the office, moving in the direction Maverick said.
It didn’t take me long to find the bathroom, and I quickly walked in and locked the door. I didn’t really have to go. I just needed to get out of there and try to get my emotions under control.
I splashed cold water on my face before confronting the mirror. There had been days living at the clubhouse when I couldn’t bring myself to look at my reflection. I was afraid of seeing what everyone saw.
I was afraid to see the girl who was so fucking unloved that her mother had left her, and her father whipped her in front of his men for daring to run away.
I was afraid of seeing the girl who was so fucking alone in this world, she was afraid to fall.
Now, all those feelings, though still very much present, took a back seat to something else.
I was afraid to see the girl who was stupid enough to fall in love with her captors that she could easily forgive them for doing something unforgivable.
I was afraid to see the girl who didn’t belong to herself anymore, and that scared me shitless.
I couldn’t be in love with the Tiernan brothers.
“Impossible,” I whispered to the mirror. No one answered me. Not that I had expected someone to. I had the urge to see the brothers again. Would it give me a clearer answer?
Heart in my throat, I force myself to move to the door. My hands shook as I reached for the doorknob and turned it. I came out to an empty hallway.
Each footstep I took toward the office felt impossible, yet…
Inevitable.
I didn’t close the office door on my way out, and I could hear the brothers talking. Perhaps I would have made myself known had I not heard my name fall from Silas’ mouth.
I stayed behind the wall as they spoke.
“You know she will never forgive us once she finds out,” Silas said.
“And how will she?” Maverick asked. “Are you planning on telling her?”
Silas scoffed. “Of course not. But shouldn’t we just give up the pretense? Things are tense now, but you saw her. It’s not over. She can get over what she saw in the basement. She can even get over the tracking. She won’t get over this.”
Get over what?
“How would you know?” This came from Killian.
“You didn’t see how she looked when she asked me. I want to tell her everything.”
There was emphasis placed on the word everything .
“You want to tell her what we gave her isn’t actually birth control but a fucking placebo? You said it yourself, she won’t get over this.”
I quickly pulled away from the door to stop myself from making any noise. I rushed back to the bathroom, leaning against the counter as I dry-heaved in the sink. I hadn’t eaten in a while, so nothing came out.
Tears burned my eyes, and it took me a moment to realize someone had come into the bathroom with me. I looked up in the mirror and found cold green eyes staring at me.
I was too fucking tired to get into it with her.
Instead, I turned on the tap water and rinsed my mouth, even if I hadn’t actually vomited. She was quiet as she waited for me to finish.
I turned to face her, using the counter to support my weight. Otherwise, I didn’t think I could stay standing.
“What do you want?” I croaked.
She was silent for a moment, her eyes tracking up and down my body before she offered me a smile I didn’t trust one bit and answered, “To help you.”