33. Polaris
33
POLARIS
T he weekend passed by in a blur. I didn’t leave the comfort of my room as I spent an embarrassing amount of time beneath my sheets trying to replicate what Wylder did to me.
It’s impossible.
That man is no wolf; he’s a wizard. One that twists me in knots only to unravel me in the most unbelievable way possible.
I didn’t see any of them in the dining hall over the weekend, and Bryony said she was busy, probably with her coven, but it was nice to soak in the familiar comfort of my own company again. It’s definitely not as good as the company I kept on Friday night, but it was nice all the same.
Terence and Sian continue to ignore me, a fact I’ve accepted now that it’s become our new norm. However, B’s absence still concerns me. I’m sure if anything had happened to him, we would have been told about it, and something would have happened to someone else, too, since we’re all fighting the blood kin curse here.
The sound of someone clearing their throat pulls me from my thoughts and I quickly focus on the present. Professor Juniper quirks a brow at me and I sit up straighter in my seat.
Daydreaming in my witch classes isn’t the best idea when I’ve got a lot to learn, but ever since I walked through the door, she’s been pretending I don’t exist. She speaks while looking right through me. Even when addressing the other Florentines, I’m seemingly not here.
Until now.
There’s a weird air, one that leaves a sickly feeling in the pit of my stomach.
“Must I repeat myself, Polaris?” Professor Juniper asks, and I gulp, acutely aware everyone is staring at me.
“Please,” I breathe, curling my fingers on my lap as I bite back the tingle of humiliation.
She sighs, her lips pursing, and I can’t help but wonder what it is I’ve done wrong. Her soft demeanor from last time is gone, and in its place is a rigid woman inconvenienced by my presence.
“Why is sand so important to witches?”
I blink at her. I have no clue. If she just told us, I definitely wasn’t paying attention.
My jaw hangs loose as I scramble to say something.
“Not only does it represent the unconscious mind, but it enhances our abilities, allowing us to protect ourselves and others where necessary,” Bryony answers for me. I spin to meet her stare and silently thank her.
“Thank you, Bryony, but I recall asking Polaris,” Juniper says, turning toward the board at the front of the class as she pushes her glasses up the bridge of her nose.
The thick air stretches around the room as Bryony remains as quiet as I do.
Dammit.
I don’t want her to get the cold shoulder for trying to help me. I need to say something, anything, but before I can figure out a single word, Juniper proceeds. “Sand is one of the most used ingredients in any spell, potion, or enchantment. It is recommended that a witch always carries a small pouch wherever they go. Who here holds one?”
Her gaze rakes over the room and I glance behind me to watch every other student lift a small velvet pouch, each a varying color. The only people not holding a pouch are the three of us seated up front.
She offers a reassuring smile to Danica and Helena, but it drops off as her eyes meet mine. Leaning back in my seat, I feel even more out of my depth than usual. This has become a hostile and tense environment, one I haven’t created. It almost feels like I’m clambering to safety, but every step comes with a slip on the uneven terrain and I find myself right back at the starting line.
Wordlessly, she moves behind her desk, retrieving three small purple pouches, offering us one each as she breezes past.
“Keep them on you at all times. I haven’t been made aware that any of you have lifted your sigils, but it’s important to follow certain practices immediately so you can make it a habit for when the time comes.”
Is that it? Is that why she’s mad? Because of the sigil?
That can’t be the case; Danica and Helena are as magicless as I am.
I roll the small pouch in my hand, warmth spreading down my fingertips. I squeeze them tight around my first witchy talisman, something that indicates who I am meant to be, and I pray it will offer me a glimmer of what my future holds. The flex of my hand has my other hand diving into my pocket, pressing the familiar metal against my palm until I can feel the outline of the entire face against my skin.
I take a deep breath and try to ignore my worries just as the bell rings, bringing the class to an end.
Chairs scrape against the floor as Juniper dismisses everyone, and I rise from my seat, only to feel a hand press against my shoulder a moment later.
“Stay behind, Polaris,” Professor Juniper advises, releasing her hold as she circles around her desk, watching everyone leave. Bryony hovers by the door, her eyebrows gathered with concern, but I shake my head, encouraging her to go on without me. She’s already received backlash over my inadequacy; she doesn’t need to make it worse.
The air is palpable as the final person leaves. She mutters a string of words under her breath and flicks her hand, making the door click shut behind them before she drops into her seat, lacing her fingers together as she stares at me. A second ticks into another, and another, until minutes extend in the air as I brace for the impending doom she’s ready to throw at me.
“I believe you declined your invite from the Renegade coven.”
Ah, there it is.
The second I understand is the exact moment I find my backbone.
“You believe correct.” My voice is firmer than I expect, but I lean into it, taking strength from myself.
“Please help me understand why you would turn down such a prestigious offer.” She sighs, leaning back in her seat as her hands fall lax in her lap.
“Was it an offer, or was it a forced invasion of my privacy to see if I would suit them?” I ask, and she cocks a brow at me.
When I know what I’m defending myself for, I won’t back down. Not even now.
“The Renegade coven is the most?—”
“I know what they are. I also know what they’re willing to do to complete their coven. It’s not something I’m interested in, and if that’s how other covens operate, I won’t be joining them either.”
She scoffs. “You turned down the Renegades. Who do you think is going to invite you now?”
Her words are pained with a hint of despair, but I shrug.
“You’re forgetting that there was once a time you didn’t know about this life. All I know is how I have been treated, and being overlooked and my words dismissed is not something I take lightly. Not when it’s expected that I commit myself to them for as long as I live. Not when that could be a mere few months or all of eternity. I will not lower my standards for anyone, not even the most elite.”
Her eyes bore into mine, searching for answers she’s unwilling to ask questions about.
“You’re going to regret this, Polaris.”
“I’m not,” I state firmly, shaking my head. “I would regret allowing someone else power over me when they wanted to take it without my consent.”
“You may not have been the witch they were looking for,” she offers, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose again, and it’s my turn to scoff.
“That’s beside the point,” I grumble, leaning forward to plant my hands on her desk as I level my stare at hers. “Ask me. Ask me what happened.”
She shakes her head instantly, a slight pinch to her lips, one coiled with fear. “It’s not my place to question another coven, especially not the Renegades,” she insists, and I huff.
“Then it’s not your place to question me either.” I push off the desk and step back, desperate to put some much-needed space between us. For a Florentine, she has no idea what I’m talking about. The need to be free, the desire to be my own person, and the fight for the puppet strings to be forever removed from my limbs.
Now, she’s fully embraced in this new world, where other witches matter more than yourself based on a hierarchy I don’t understand, and no one seems willing to explain.
“Is there anything else, Professor?” I ask, hoping to draw the conversation to an end, and she sighs, shaking her head. I take it as my cue to get the hell out of here, darting for the door before she can change her mind.
I suck in a huge breath as I step out into the hallway, but it’s still stiff and rigid out here. Maybe I need to head outside for a second. I don’t see Bryony anywhere. She must have gone to the next class already, but I think I know which direction I’m going in now.
Hurrying outside, I let the cooler air wash over me, and I calm a little.
“Hey, fancy seeing you here.”
I spin to find Minnie bounding toward me. Her smile is as infectious as ever, and despite my racing pulse, I manage to smile back.
“Hey.”
“Are you okay?” she asks, and I nod, waving my hand dismissively. Her eyes crinkle a little as she assesses me but she doesn’t push any further. “Do you want to hang out tonight?”
I stare at her, her question catching me off guard. “Hang out?”
“Yeah, you know, watch a movie, have a picnic, people watch, gossip; all of the fun things,” she offers, and I nod along like it all makes sense.
“Sure?” It definitely comes out as a question, one word that does nothing to summarize the thoughts swirling in my head, but she doesn’t seem to mind.
“Perfect, I’ll meet you by the main building steps around seven, yeah?”
I nod, but she’s already squeezing my arm and darting off before I can respond.
She’s even more of a whirlwind than her brother, but the excitement at having some kind of plans tonight is enough to put a spring in my step and push the worries from moments earlier to the back of my mind.
There’s a soft smile on my face as I turn to re-enter the academy building, but a hand lands on my shoulder, the feel of someone’s breath breezes past my ear, and the world goes dark.
My nose crinkles at the trickling of water on my face. It takes me a moment to lift my hand, wiping away the trail down my cheek to no avail because another quickly replaces it. Frowning, I pry my eyes open, only to be greeted by darkness.
Darkness and rain.
The sound of the water hitting the ground around me is the only noise as I try to focus my eyes and figure out where I am. Running my tongue over my damp lip, I notice the hard ground beneath me and the stone wall behind me.
I’m propped up against the academy building, the forest off to my right, which has me assuming the quads are on the opposite side of me. Not that it really matters, though. What matters is why I’m here…I don’t understand.
Looking down the length of myself, I’m drenched from head to toe, the rain unrelenting as I scramble to my feet. I don’t know how long I’ve been out here, but it’s dark now, only the moon up high in the sky to guide me.
Wiping a hand down my face, I sigh before quickly recalling what Bryony said the last time this happened to me. I run my fingers over my neck, feeling nothing out of the ordinary before I turn my attention to my arms, but there’s nothing there either.
I slip my hands into my pockets, retrieving my cell phone from one and feeling the usual bite of my coin in the other. My eyes widen when I realize it’s almost eight thirty at night.
Holy crap. I’ve really lost a lot of time.
My stomach grumbles, reminding me that I’ve missed both lunch and dinner, but more than that, I was supposed to meet Minnie over an hour ago.
Rushing around the perimeter of the building, I confirm my whereabouts as the steps where I was supposed to meet her come into view. She’s not there though, not that I would expect her to be.
Drenched to the bone, I stare at the double doors leading inside as I consider what I’m supposed to do next. If she’s in there, and I storm in like this, it will only add to my embarrassment, but if I don’t try to explain myself, I fear it may make me feel even worse.
My face falls into my hands as I try to shake the rest of the fog that clouds my thoughts while the rain continues to pound down on me.
“Ah, so the wicked witch of Florentine’s isn’t dead then.” My gaze snaps to find Lincoln standing on the top step, glaring at me from his dry perch. My mouth falls open, an explanation on my tongue, but I don’t get a chance to breathe a word before he’s in my face. “She waited for you. She waited for you, and you didn’t come. Is this a joke to you? Is my sister a pawn for you to play with? Is that what you think? Because let me set one thing straight: I will make sure you regret mistreating her, and I’ll enjoy doing it.”
“I didn’t?—”
“Save it. I should have known letting her trust someone like you was the wrong thing to do,” he snaps, unfazed by the rain pouring down on him, too. I want to defend myself, explain what happened, but I’m transfixed on the droplets of rain that fall from the tip of his hair hanging over his eyes.
Damn.
I want to tell him what’s going on, that I’m scared, confused, and questioning everything, but right now, he’s rightfully defending his sister, and anything I say is pointless in comparison.
Instead, I settle on two simple words. “I’m sorry.”
He sneers, a scoff curling his lips further. “It’s not me you should be apologizing to. I don’t even want you to apologize to her, but she deserves an explanation, and you’re going to give her one.”
I nod, desperate for the chance, and he takes a step back, finally allowing me a second to breathe.
“She’s inside. Wait at the doors. I’ll have her come to you. We don’t need you causing a scene in the dining hall,” he grunts before effectively dismissing me and storming inside.
I follow after him, appreciating the reprieve from the rain. The hallways are mostly quiet, but I earn a few confused stares from the students passing by, so I press my back against the wall in the far corner and do my best to hide away.
“Polaris, what an earth?” Minnie turns the corner, eyes scanning me from head to toe, and I try my best not to think about how ridiculous I look.
My teeth start to chatter, and I can’t decide if it’s from the cold of the rain or the nerves building inside of me. I fold my arms over my chest, offering a weak smile. “I’m sorry.”
She waves her hand as she stops in front of me. “Screw that, what happened to you?”
Shaking my head, I force myself to keep my head high and my eyes locked on hers. “It doesn’t matter. I shouldn’t have?—”
“Polaris, cut the shit. What’s going on? I knew you wouldn’t just leave me hanging like that. Tatum and Wylder agreed with me. I’m not sure what Lincoln said, but ignore him. Whatever is going on here is more important.”
“It’s not,” I rasp, her whirlwind vibe almost bringing me to my knees.
“You can tell me, or you can tell all of us,” she warns, and I gulp, acutely aware that there’s no way out of this.
Clearing my throat, I decide on the former.
“I honestly don’t know. I don’t remember anything after leaving you earlier.”
Her brows gather in confusion, making it abundantly clear that I’m not making sense, but it doesn’t make sense to me either.
“This is not the first time it’s happened. Bryony mentioned possibly the vampires, but I don’t know…I have no clue.”
I swipe my hair back off my face, defeated in every sense of the word, and in the next breath, she’s bundling me in her arms, offering me a tight hug.
“You’re okay, Polaris. You’re safe.” Her words nestle deep in my gut, and as much as I take strength from them, I’m scared they’re not real. “Do you need help?”
I shake my head as she steps back. “No, I’m good. I just needed you to understand.”
“We can help with this, Polaris,” she insists, and I shake my head more firmly.
“Please, Minnie, please don’t mention this to anyone. I appear weak enough as it is.” Her smile is dipped in sadness, but she nods all the same.
I tuck a wet lock of hair behind my ear and she grins. “The silver came back, huh?”
“Sadly,” I mumble, and she rolls her eyes at me.
“The silver suits you.”
“Thanks.”
Clearing her throat, she tilts her head at me. “Any luck with your sigil?”
“No,” I admit, aware that I’m a one-word robot right now, but my brain isn’t running on all cylinders.
She nibbles at her bottom lip before taking a deep breath. “I thought it could have something to do with your hair.”
“My hair?” I repeat, confused, and she nods eagerly.
“Yes, the fact that it changes back.”
“I have no idea why,” I explain, completely deflated, but she bounces on the balls of her feet.
“Maybe that’s what we need to find out. That way, we won’t have to tell anyone about what’s happening, but we can finally let you have your magic and handle the situation accordingly.”
“I don’t know where to begin. I?—”
“I can help.”
“But you’re a wolf,” I blurt, and she rears back, almost offended.
“And…?”
Dammit. “It’s not a bad thing; it’s just…it seems a wolf and a witch aren’t meant to be friends.”
“Says who?”
“Says everyone I’ve spoken to since I got here.”
“Did I say it?” she asks, and I give her a pointed look. We both know she didn’t. “Perfect, then you’ll come with me tomorrow.”
“With you?” I repeat, struggling to keep up with her.
“Yeah, you can bring Bryony too. She’s cute.”
“Where?”
“For some fun,” she states, her smile back to full beam.
“I don’t understand what that has to do with my hair,” I mutter lamely, and she shrugs.
“It doesn’t, but I want to get to know you before I trust you.”
“That’s…fair.”
“I know, so what do you say?”
I’m scared to say anything because I messed it up last time.
Biting back the worry, I take a deep breath and nod. “I want to learn more about you too.”
“Then we’re on,” she declares, stepping back as she winks. “Don’t be late this time.”