Chapter 6 #2
“I don’t either.” I gulped over the lump in my throat. All I saw was misery before me. My tongue was sharp, my will too strong, but I wondered how long it would take before Sergiu broke it.
Caden watched me, his tongue sliding over his lip, drawing my gaze to his mouth. I wanted nothing more than to finally know what it felt like to taste him. To feel his lips on mine.
“Caden?” I bit my mouth. Despair waited for me downstairs. For one moment, I wanted to know pure happiness. To be able to think back to this when I wanted to escape and know I had one second of joy.
Leaning into him, the heat of his mouth was so close to mine. My heart hummed in my ears, making me forget all about the cold or grief.
Caden froze, not moving away, but not moving closer, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “Brex, don’t.”
“Why?” Pain and desperation rang in the single word like a bell. “Don’t you want to kiss me?”
His chest moved violently up and down. “More than you know.”
“Then please, Caden.”
Agony flinched his cheek. “I can’t.”
Rejection filled my eyes, shattering my chest as if ice cracking open.
He grabbed my cheek, his warm palm cupping my face, his eyes wild and desperate.
“Fuck, Brex. This is torture. I want nothing more than to kiss you. To lay you down up here, amongst the stars, the world at our feet, and show you how much I want you. How I’ve wanted you for a long time.”
“What?” A gulped cry hiccupped up my throat. He had wanted me? I thought it was completely one-sided. I could only think about all the wasted time. Now it was almost too late.
“Gods, do you even know how beautiful you are? So breathtaking I can’t think properly when you are around.”
Really? He never acted like I interested him. “But—”
“That’s why I can’t.” Both his hands slid along my jaw, drawing me closer to him, his mouth skimming mine.
“Because if I get a taste of you, I will never be able to let you go. And seeing you with Sergiu . . . it will destroy me.” He leaned his forehead into mine, torturing me with the proximity of his lips, his hot breath against my mouth.
“We’ll have the memory. I can carry it forever, getting me through the darkest of nights.” My hand drew up to his mouth, touching his lips. Begging. Needing. It felt like the one thing that would let me float above the woe.
He inhaled sharply, like I was breaking him down. His mouth skated over mine, landing on the corner of my lips, kissing me softly.
“I can’t. Kissing you, being with you, will destroy me. I must do the right thing.” He drew back, tearing my heart from my chest, gutting me, bleeding out my hope. “Ask anything else from me, and I will give it to you. But this I can’t. I won’t come back from it.”
I’d spent so many years hiding my emotions, but now a sob pushed out of me. What I wanted was within grasp, and I couldn’t have it.
The horn of a train floated from below, my eyes watching it curve onto the bridge, gliding across to the fae side.
“The items will be departing on the train before dawn. Without a hitch, I assure you.”
“It will make both our countries very wealthy. Once it is out there, we will control the trade—become untouchable. Have power and unyielding armies at our fingertips. Trust me. What I have seen . . . there is no question it works.”
My attention stayed on the train, the thought sprouting up like a geyser.
It was the only thing I had left. To feel alive.
Free. Every minute from now on, my life would whittle down to a point.
The freedom I took for granted, I would only dream about later.
Sergiu, Lazar, and Istvan would all control me in some way.
This would be my last opportunity. And giving them a big fuck you by going after something of theirs would be even better.
Nothing to really hurt them, but enough to give back to the people they were abusing.
Enough to notice. And I couldn’t deny my curiosity about what they were exporting out of here.
What would make them more powerful than Ukraine?
“You said ask you anything?” I watched the train pull away from the fae stop, heading off to its destination. I knew at four forty-five a.m., the last night train would be traveling back across the same bridge, stuffed full of cargo.
“No.” Caden followed my eye line. “No, I told you, not again.”
“You said anything, unless you changed your mind about kissing me.” I hoped he would choose that option instead, lay me down and let me feel the stars explode inside.
Caden didn’t respond, his gaze still on the tracks. He wouldn’t give in. He was far too stubborn. Once he decided on something, he locked down on it. Crossing that line was a no-go for him. But this was still a maybe.
“Last time.” I nudged him. “You know everything changes after this night. Let’s have one last time being crazy. Being us. The Robin Hoods of Budapest.”
He snorted, shaking his head. After a few beats, he let out a sigh, his shoulders dropping in surrender. “I can never say no to you.”
Only when it came to having me as his.
“Last adventure.” I held out my hand.
He clasped my hand in his, lacing our fingers, sorrow crinkling his eyebrows. “Last adventure.”
Whatever lay in our future, we had this last night together. Caden and Brexley.
Our last night of being free.