Chapter 20
Istand back and watch her slip into the tub full of bubbles.
It’s completely ridiculous, such a lavish bath in the middle of the night when what would probably be best for her is a good night’s sleep, but I couldn”t help myself. The need to take care of her is strong, burning in my chest like an ember.
I know she feels it too. She’s letting me play the part of a doting partner like it’s exactly what she wants me to do.
And maybe it is.
This whole day, I’ve been so caught up in worry about why she’s acting like she barely knows me around all the resort employees. All I wanted was to do something to reinforce the connection between us.
I thought that would be a midnight game of Freddy Krueger.
I’m really glad it turned out to be a moment when I can show her how well I can take care of her. She knows we have fun in the bedroom. Maybe she’s waiting to see if there’s anything more to this.
It scares me far more than any horror movie game of chase to admit it, but I think there is. It’s time I showed her my true intentions. Now that I’ve finally figured out what they are.
“How’s the temperature in there?”
“Hmm,” Victoria says, eyes closed and head leaning back against the bath pillow I draped over the side. “It’s great. Want to join me?”
I smile even though she can’t see me. “I’m going to sit this one out.”
Her eyes crack open at that, little slits of green shining out at me from the tub. “Did I scare you, using my safeword?”
I shake my head honestly. “No. I’m happy to know that you’ll use it when you need to. Even if I wish that you told me the truth to begin with.”
“I thought you wanted me to lie.”
I crack another smile. “There are situations that demand both, I guess.”
Her eyes close again and a flash of shadow passes across her face. I can’t quite place the expression, so I plow on, selfishly wanting her smile back. “I brought in this brand-new loofah, do you want to sit forward and let me rub your back?”
She obeys, but her eyes stay closed, and she still looks like she’s about to cry. It’s clearly terrible timing, but I can’t stop myself. “You know, we can keep this thing between us a secret if that’s what you want. But I wouldn’t mind?—”
“Just for a bit longer?” she interrupts me, eyes opening and boring into me, so serious it takes my breath away.
“Of course.”
“I just…I just want it to be just us for a bit longer. Other people are going to complicate things.”
True enough, I suppose. “That’s fine. This evening, this whole day, was just a little awkward. I wish we would have talked about it ahead of time so we could be on the same page.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. That’s not on you. If it’s on anyone, it’s me.”
Her eyes crack open once more. “Why would it be your fault?”
Because I”m the adult? The boss? The owner of the resort? The one with the job and the house and the power? Even as I think the words, I know damn well none of them are true. This woman holds just as much power, just as much autonomy in this as I do. Maybe even more. She’s a free bird, facing a life with so many options in it that my mind boggles to think of them all.
And she seems to be choosing me. She just isn’t ready to tell the world yet.
That’s fine, I can wait.
“I’m always the boss.” I start rubbing my hand over her back, dragging the soft cloth over her smooth, wet skin. “I’m always the decision maker. No matter where I go, or what I’m doing, there’s always a line of people waiting for me to tell them the next step. I guess I just get used to having that weight on me and assume it’s there all the time.”
“That sounds exhausting.”
“It can be. But it can also feel really good. When you feel in control of everything around you, things feel safe. I don’t have to worry about what’s going to happen next, I already decided and told my team how to handle it. It’s like I write the scenes and watch them play out.”
“That can’t be true, though. You can”t control all of life like that.”
I let out a sigh, using the cloth to bring more hot water up her back and over her shoulders. “It’s true for the most part because I keep my world very small. I only enter into situations I can control. I always do the same things, predictable things, so they turn out how I expect.”
“But The Sands?”
I laugh softly. “Yeah, that was a total shitshow for the first couple of years. But honestly, the guys talked me into that. It’s not something I would have chosen.”
“But you’re happy you did?”
“It’s been a great growth experience for me. And I built this house, which I love, so that was a huge plus.” I pause, unsure whether or not I should say the next words.
Ah, fuck it.
“And I got to meet you, which would never have happened otherwise.”
Victoria laughs softly, but I can’t see her face. “A decade of struggling through owning an island resort just so you could enjoy a vacation fling with some girl?”
I hold my tongue for a long moment, trying not to step in something I’ll regret.
She’s clearly fishing for my feelings, and I want to give them to her, but I also don’t want to come on too strong. I mean, she’s not exactly given me much to reassure me she won’t freak out and run if I suggest that this thing between us get serious. “The universe moves in mysterious ways.”
She turns to me then, eyes open, with an incredulous grin her face. “You did not just say that.” She laughs and rolls her eyes. “Not even two minutes ago you said that you controlled the entire world and everything went just as planned, and now you’re telling me that you believe in fate and the universe?”
I shrug. “Things change.”
“What things?”
“Well, me, for one. Sure, I”ve kept my life small and predictable, but look at me now? I’m changing right before my own eyes. And it’s you who’s helping me. Two months ago, I would have never believed any of this. I would have predicted that I’d be the one writing a check for flood clean up, not the one on the ground, ferrying people across the channel and grilling them chicken.”
“You do realize you didn’t actually do either of those things.”
I grin and flick a drop of water at her. “You know what I mean. I’m here. I’m doing the messy parts. I”m in a situation that’s completely out of my control. All day today, I had to look to you for cues on how I should act. That’s never happened. Everyone always looks to me.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that I think this thing between us is good for me. I think you’re good for me.”
She doesn”t respond and I panic a little. “I know it’s soon.”
“It’s really soon.”
“I know. And I’m not suggesting you move to New York with me or anything like that. I just want you to know that I’m here. I’m here for this. I’m not going to just leave.”
There. I hadn’t known what the words would be before I said them, but I think that sounds perfect. Low pressure but letting her know that she’s not going to show up here one day and find out I’ve flown back to New York for work or something.
“Okay,” she says finally, but it’s not the response I was hoping for. It’s not the self-assured tone I’m used to hearing from her. Once again, I’m fairly certain she’s on the verge of tears.
Must be hormones.
“Let’s get you to bed.”
I help her out of the tub and dry her body as she stands on the soft bathmat. I tuck her into her side of the bed and place a kiss on her forehead. She’s asleep before I even undress.