Chapter 7
Penelope Miles
Relief pours through me at the sincerity in Kenneth’s apology—for both the awkwardness today and his crassness at my apartment—but before I can open my mouth to accept, a shadow falls over me.
With terror closing my throat, I swing my gaze over my shoulder. Backlit by the sunset, Sebastian aims furious eyes at his personal assistant.
I’ve never seen him look so murderous. The hairs on my nape rise. Every cell in my body freezes as nightmares flash through my mind’s eye.
Sebastian steps around me.
I grab his arm. The violence wafting off him is too much.
“What are you doing?”
I hate the panic in my voice, but I can’t stop it any more than I can stop this goliath of a man if he decides to hurt Mr. Thomas.
Decadent brown eyes capture mine.
“Is he bothering you?”
I blink at his unexpected question.
“No, he’s not bothering me. He was apologizing.”
“For what?”
I hesitate and chance a glance at Mr. Thomas, but he stares at Mr. Sterling as though afraid to take his eyes off him.
When I look back up, I understand why. Our boss glares at him.
“Have you met before?” Sebastian asks.
“Yes,” I answer as I tug his arm.
“Where?” he demands.
“I’m dating her roommate,” Kenneth blurts.
I tighten my grip on Sebastian and marvel at the word choice. Dating isn’t quite what I’d call their one-night stand gone wrong, but it definitely sounds better.
“You’re dating her roommate,” Sebastian repeats as though needing confirmation.
I share a look with Mr. Thomas. Neither of us wants our boss to know the full truth.
I don’t think Sebastian would fire him for being gay, but it’s not my secret to tell, and I hope to never find out what he thinks of me living with a man.
With his supernatural ability of piecing things together, he’ll realize I moved in with Peter before I became an adult, and then all heck will break loose.
“He is, but I met him for the first time this past weekend,” I say.
Sebastian lifts a thick brow before studying my face. When his gaze dips to my nails dug into his sleeve, I loosen my grip but can’t let him go with all the aggression still wafting from him. His lips thin. He swings narrowed eyes at Mr. Thomas.
“What are you apologizing for?” he asks.
Mr. Thomas swallows and flicks apologetic eyes my way before returning his focus to our boss.
“Ms. Miles came home early on Saturday and walked in on…”
Sebastian’s hands clench into fists, and he shifts his weight.
“I’ll apologize again!” Kenneth exclaims as he jumps back. “I’m sorry, Ms. Miles. It won’t happen again. I’ll always and only be professional in front of you from this moment on. I swear,” he stammers.
“Sebastian, calm down before you give him a heart attack.” I shake his hefty arm. “I forgave him already. It was an accident,” I insist.
Rich brown eyes threaten to consume me.
“Is that why you blushed when he joined us in my office?” he asks.
Embarrassment heats my cheeks. Again. I hate how easily he reads me, but I nod and shift my grip lower on his arm.
“I had no idea he worked for you, so I was surprised and embarrassed,” I answer.
His shoulders finally relax. I take a shaky breath and release him, but he settles a massive palm over my hand and pins it to his forearm.
“Are you attracted to him?”
Mortification leads me to give a strangled laugh.
“What? No. Not at all. Why are you so mad anyway? It’s not like—”
“I like you, Penelope. I want to date you.”
His bottomless brown orbs steal the ground out from under me.
I meet Mr. Thomas’s eyes, certain I misheard Sebastian, but the jerk stiffens and spins on his heel so fast I envy his coordination.
He gathers the stragglers left in the office and ushers them into the elevator before mashing the button to close the door over and over with impatience.
As my mind replays Sebastian’s declaration, rage grows behind my sternum. All the emotions I’ve bottled up for years fester in my veins until my entire body vibrates from the intensity.
He has no right to play with my emotions like this, especially not after I saw him flirting with that woman in his office.
She may not recognize me, but I’ll never forget her face. For two horrible years, she averted her eyes every time my bullies cornered me. Her gaze would skip right over me as though I didn’t exist when she caught them hurting me.
I never knew her name, since we were in different grades and never shared classes, but her face often haunts my nightmares.
My mind supplies the memory of her bent over Sebastian’s desk as he braced his arms and leaned forward.
The hard, incredulous voice coming from my throat doesn’t sound like mine.
“You want to date me? Are you serious right now?”
He doesn’t hesitate.
“Yes, I’m serious.”
The set of his jaw and hard glint in his eyes reveals his determination. Dread weighs down my limbs.
“Do you have any respect for me at all?” I accuse.
“What? Of course. I—”
I yank my hand out from under his and turn to stomp toward my desk, but he grabs my elbow and ends my retreat. Afraid I’ll lose control, I close my eyes and fist my hands at my sides.
“I don’t want to do this,” I manage through gritted teeth. “Not here. Not now. Not anywhere. Not ever. Leave me alone.”
He gentles his grip and shuffles around to stand in front of me.
“I don’t understand why you keep shutting me out,” he murmurs.
The note of pleading doesn’t belong in his deep voice, but my heart hurts too much. This is too much.
“Me shutting you out? Really? That’s rich. Really rich coming from you,” I scoff.
“What the hell does that mean?” he asks.
I open my eyes and meet his gaze.
“You didn’t reach out, Sebastian. Not once. Not a single flipping time,” I say.
“I did. I asked Sam—”
“Are you blind? Do I look like Samuel? What part of me even remotely resembles him?” I curse the tears burning at the back of my eyes and change the course of my thoughts to a much less tragic topic.
“What makes you think he knows anything about me? He graduated just like you. He left just like you. He forgot all about me just like you.”
My words are too revealing. I shake from overexposure.
The confusion shining from his dark brown eyes only thrusts the knife deeper into my heart.
“But he was on the phone with your mom every weekend and went home every holiday,” he recalls.
An ugly snort-laugh escapes me.
“Yeah, and guess how many of those visits included me?”
He searches my eyes, but I don’t have the words to express my thoughts.
“I don’t understand,” he says.
I clench my fist so hard the gemstone on my ring pierces my flesh. The pain isn’t enough, but I use it to ground me in the moment.
“You don’t have to. You promised to always be there for me but then opted out of my life. Now stay out.”
He jerks back and drops his hands to his sides.
“That’s not fair, and you know it,” he declares. “You pulled away, too, Penelope. I did come back.” He softens his stance and leans toward me, silently begging me to understand. “I asked your brother and your parents about you all the time, but whenever I visited, you hid in your room.”
“And? You never knocked on my door. You never asked for my phone number. Heck, you never even wrote me a letter.”
My lungs burn and ears ring. I long to shove him for every time he failed to reach out to me, but he’s too big. My strength is nothing compared to his. Always was. Always will be.
Even before he opens his mouth, I hate him for his next words.
“Why is this my fault when—”
“Because you promised!”
I can’t tell him I was too afraid to open the door. Too hurt to face him. Too mad to forgive him. Too miserable to chance him finding out the truth.
My chest aches, but I fill it with oxygen and push the past as far behind me as I can.
Arguing won’t change the past, nor will it improve my future. I compartmentalize my emotions and will my logical brain into motion.
“You are my brother’s best friend. We can’t—”
“Not anymore,” he interrupts.
I pause, certain I misheard him, but also frustrated at his lack of courtesy.
“Excuse me?” I demand.
Sebastian growls and spears his hands through his hair before leaning his butt on the edge of the nearest desk. The defeat in his gaze drops a ball of lead in my gut.
“After running into you again, I realized your brother and I haven’t been close for a long, long time. The only reason I kept meeting him was because I kept hoping to hear about you,” he admits.
His sweet words are everything the lost little girl inside me yearns to hear. All the fight drains from me, leaving an ugly, gaping hole in my heart. I sigh and pinch the curved barbells in my eyebrow before shaking my head.
“Stop. Just stop, Sebastian. This’ll never work,” I mumble.
“Not if we don’t try,” he says.
I want what he offers too much to trust myself to respond, so I shuffle back to the kitchen and lean my hip on the counter.
Long, tense moments pass as I gather myself.
There’s too much he doesn’t know. Too much I never want to tell him.
“Do you even know why I took this job?” I blurt.
“No, but I’m willing to learn. I want to know everything about you,” he responds.
I scoff even as dread threatens to consume me. He’ll turn away once he learns the full truth.
“Do you know why I offered you this job, Penelope?” he quips.
I don’t know what demon possesses me, but I roll my eyes and throw up my hands in exasperation.
“Duh. You needed a compu—”
“Because I’ll do anything to have you close to me. I miss you. I need you in my life,” he confesses.
Emotions clog my throat. Forget about the bullying and self-mutilation, one whisper of my sob story and he’ll never want to speak to me again. I’m an outcast. I don’t belong anywhere.
Even the barest glimpse of belonging with him hurts too much. I’ll never survive when he turns his back on me again.
I push off the counter and skirt around him to my desk. Every word burns my throat, but I force myself to say the only thing that’ll end the discussion as I pack up for the evening.
“If you truly want me in your life, then don’t talk about this again. Let me work in peace. Don’t ruin our friendship.”
I grab my purse and walk to the main elevator as fast as my legs will carry me. After punching the button for the lobby, I keep my gaze on the floor until the doors close.
By the time I reach my room, exhaustion outweighs the urge to cry. I shower and plop onto my beanbag.
Nightmares rule the darkness.
It isn’t until I stand in front of my desk the next morning when my emotions return. Beside my keyboard as though conjured from my freshman year of high school is an orange juice and an oatmeal raisin cookie.
I don’t need to ask who they’re from. Only one person has ever surprised me with these.
Sebastian Sterling.
The one time I bought these for myself was because I was still heartsick and hopeful he’d remember me. It was the second day of school my sophomore year. Queasiness grips my stomach as memories haunt me.
My heart aches. This hurts. I want him even though I can’t have him.
I don’t know how I’m going to survive this new form of torture.