Chapter 13 #2
I stiff arm his shoulder and jerk back so violently the only reason I don’t crack my head open on my window is because Sebastian catches me.
He releases me and drops his hands into his lap.
I blink in shock and force my lungs to expand.
Even his warm, woodsy scent doesn’t break the core of ice inside me.
The smell and taste of blood is too vivid.
“Deep breaths, Penelope. You’re okay. I’m sorry for pushing too far.”
“Y-you didn’t push. I…” I struggle to find words through the fog of terror. “I do want to taste you, but only on your lips. Nowhere else. Not yet. Especially not there,” I fumble.
His hands close into fists, but after a few seconds of white knuckles, he relaxes them and cups them around his knees.
“You mean my cock?”
I nod.
Murderous rage shines from his eyes. He turns his face out his window and closes his eyes for a few moments before turning his attention back to me.
“You never have to explain anything to me, sweet pea, but you will give me names. Understand?”
A thrill sweeps through me. I yearn for the vengeance swimming in his gaze.
I nod.
“Good. Let’s go pick out your wedding ring,” he growls.
I grab his sleeve, but he shifts gears and pulls onto the road.
“This is a mistake,” I blurt.
He lifts a brow.
“The only mistake is that I haven’t proposed yet. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Penelope.”
“Even if I never want more than what we did last night?”
“You do want more. You want my mouth on you.” My clit throbs against the warm metal of my jewelry. I close my fist around my ring and pinch my side, using the pain to bridge the gap between my icy fear and fiery arousal. “That’s more than enough,” Sebastian declares.
“No it isn’t. It’s not fair. You shouldn’t settle for someone who won’t—”
“Be careful how you finish that sentence, pipsqueak,” he growls.
The guttural rumble pulls me out of my spiral. I quirk a skeptical brow as his previous vow—to make the impossible happen—replays in my mind.
“What, are you going to fix me? This isn’t the same as—”
“You don’t need to be fixed. Stop devaluing yourself. I will not allow you to trash talk the woman I love.”
A record needle scratches in my mind. I blink and wait for him to back peddle or correct himself, but he continues driving as though he didn’t just confess his love for me.
“I mean it, Penelope. Every word. You hear me?” he chides.
I nod. It’s the only thing my body will allow.
His tiny, crooked smirk reflected in the windshield superimposes itself in my brain, and I sit in stunned silence all the way to the jewelry store.
In fact, even after Sebastian hands the SUV keys over to the flustered valet, ushers me into the fancy designer store, and leads me to the counter, I can’t break through my stupor.
The first few items the salesclerk pulls out are too big and gaudy. When I don’t respond to her sales pitch, she shifts gears and brings out a case from the back of the store.
Two sets capture my attention enough to pull me out of my numbness, but I return the first without a word when I try it on and don’t like the shape of the diamond against my hand.
I slip the other ring onto my finger. A wave of rightness washes over me. The oval cut and simple setting, as well as the smaller diamonds embedded in the engagement band, create a beautiful balance of functionality and elegance without feeling stuffy or flashy.
Sebastian’s phone buzzes in his pocket. I peel my eyes off the ring and marvel at the lithe movements of his muscular forearm and thick fingers as he retrieves his cell.
“It’s my ma,” he says.
My hand moves of its own accord. I squeeze his arm to allay the fear in his voice—and enjoy the hardness of his body.
“Answer it,” I demand.
He nods, his lost expression at odds with his handsome face, and lifts the phone to his ear.
Even before he says anything, I know the echo in the building makes hearing his mother difficult by the strain in his eyes, so I shoo him toward the lounge near the restrooms. He kisses the back of my hand and turns away.
As his long strides carry him away from me, I can’t help but lust over the display of his ass muscles.
I pull my lip ring into my mouth and enjoy the heat blooming low in my abdomen.
A voice from the past douses my arousal.
Every cell in my body ices over. Time slows. I turn my head and meet the source of my nightmares.
Cathy Barbie, the head cheerleader and mastermind behind two years of torture, smiles as she sidles up next to me. I flinch as she flings a boney arm over my shoulders.
I can’t breathe. Her perfume clogs my sinuses. The walls close in.
“Are you finally replacing that piece of shit?”
Her saccharine tone decimates my defenses, and her blithe gesture toward my hand on the counter rips out my guts. As I stand bleeding out, she delivers the final blow with a seemingly friendly pat on my back. My burn scars flare in agony, but it’s nothing compared to the pain in my soul.
“It’s not like Terry cares anymore anyway. She’s been gone for a long, long time, hasn’t she? Go ahead, runt. Replace her.”
Acid eats at my stomach. Bile rises in my throat.
My entire world burns to ash. I slip the rings off my finger and drop them into the attendant’s hand before turning and walking toward the door.
I was wrong for wanting Sebastian. Wrong for dreaming of happily ever after. Wrong for searching for a place to belong.
Wrong for forgetting.
I push against the glass door. Before it fully swings open, thick fingers wrap around my upper arm and halt my forward momentum.
My soul screams in agony. I dare not meet Sebastian’s worried eyes, so instead I stare ahead like the coward I am.
This is the only answer. I need to end things now.
My heart hurts, but I shrug out of Sebastian’s loose grip and push out through the door.
“I’ll never marry you, Sebastian. I’ll never love you. Ever. Leave me alone. Forever.”
The door swings shut between us.
Not long ago, I rushed into the hall and begged Audrey to release me from her wedding party as Sebastian chased me down. Now I walk down the busy sidewalk with legs as numb as my heart and a head as empty as the day I lost my only friend and ally.
Cathy was right. I’m a worthless runt not worthy of friends. I don’t deserve to breathe. I’m a curse to everyone who knows me.
Trapped underneath a dark, stormy cloud, I let my feet carry me to the only safe place in the world.
My apartment.
I don’t think Peter will be able to coax me out this time. I don’t deserve his friendship, not after I betrayed Terry and spoke such horrible words to Sebastian.
Like a robot following basic programming, I unlock my apartment door, slip off my shoes, and step into the place I once called my sanctuary.
Compared to Sebastian’s arms, the space is cold and lonely.
I deserve every ounce of misery.