Chapter 28 #2
His eyes flickered with something raw, something she hadn’t seen before—shame, regret, and an honesty that made her stomach twist. He exhaled sharply, running a hand over his face, his jaw tight.
For a moment, Elsie thought he wouldn’t own up to his mistake. She thought he would simply walk away from her, putting another wall between them. She thought he would be too stubborn to admit to any of it, especially his jealousy, which he guarded like a deep secret.
But the way he handled it in the end surprised her.
“Ye’re right,” he admitted finally, with a sigh so deep he seemed to deflate as the air left his lungs.
“I’ve always been distrustful. Always seen the world as filled with lies an’ betrayal.
I’ve fought me whole life expectin’ the worst.” He met her eyes then, dark, intense, searching.
“An’ I’ve been a fool fer nae trustin’ ye. ”
Elsie’s chest tightened. Her anger didn’t dissipate—it shifted into something tender, something hot and pulsing that made her fingers tremble.
“Ye’ve noticed,” Halvard said, a wry edge to his tone, “me trust issues…”
Elsie nodded, heat rising in her cheeks. “Of course, I’ve noticed. But I’ve never given you a reason to question me, not once. Why then, Halvard?”
He looked away for a moment, then back to her, their gazes meeting. His voice dropped to a whisper, raw and intimate. “Because o’ Bonnie.”
Elsie froze. There was that name again, the one that haunted her like a shadow.
Halvard drew a deep, shuddering breath, the weight of confession seemingly pressing on his chest like the stones of Brochel itself. He took a step closer, lowering his voice so that it trembled with a vulnerability he rarely allowed.
“Elsie… there’s somethin’ ye need tae ken. Somethin’ about me past.” His eyes, usually so guarded, softened, almost pleading for her patience.
Elsie reached for his hand, resting it over her own heart, and felt it tremble slightly under hers. Her stomach tightened in anticipation. Never before had she seen Halvard so raw, so open, so vulnerable.
“I ken. What is it, Halvard?” she asked, her voice low but steady, trying to mask the flutter of worry that had risen in her chest.
“She…” he began, and her stomach dropped.
Her fingers tightened around his hand and she listened patiently for what was to come.
She had never thought the reveal would come in the first place—Halvard was always so guarded, so closed-off to everyone, even to her, that a confession about his past had always seemed impossible, like it was too much to ask.
“She… she was me braither’s wife. Einar.” His jaw tightened, a shadow crossing his face.
Elsie’s eyes widened. “Your brother’s wife?” she repeated, startled.
“I loved me braither, Elsie. Loved him like nay one else. An’ I would have never, never betrayed him. Nae fer the world.” His gaze fell, and she saw the weight of honor and guilt pressing him down.
Elsie’s brow furrowed, a surge of sympathy mixing with a quiet tension. “I see,” she mumbled softly. She could only imagine his brother was dead now, long gone from Halvard’s life. He had never mentioned him before, and Elsie couldn’t help but wonder if he would ever even mention him again.
“But Bonnie…” His voice dropped, thick with bitterness and regret.
“She didnae love him, nae really. She never did. She… she loved me, madly, insanely. Every glance, every word, every subtle touch, it was always fer me.” Halvard’s eyes lifted, dark and haunted, meeting hers.
“An’ I…” He swallowed hard. “I could never return it. I didnae love her, an’ even if I had, I would never have done such a thing tae Einar.
It would have ruined him. So I kept her at arm’s length, never allowin’ more than pleasantries. ”
Elsie could only imagine that something had happened in the end, though, if Halvard was so torn up about this. He claimed he had never loved Bonnie, but what if he was lying to her? What if he was lying even to himself?
“An’ then Einar died, and I let her stay because she had nay family.” His voice cracked, ragged, heavy with grief. Elsie’s breath caught in her throat. She saw his shoulders stiffen, saw the way his hands clenched as though fighting off the memory itself.
“And one night… I was weak, Elsie,” he continued, his voice trembling in a way she had never heard it before, terribly vulnerable.
“Exhausted, grievin’, lost… an’ she took advantage o’ that moment.
She seduced me. An’ I …” His knuckles whitened as he gripped her hands.
“I let it happen. I hated meself the moment it ended.”
Elsie felt her stomach twist. She wanted to reach out, to smooth his hair, to hold him close, to tell him it wasn’t a stain, it wasn’t shame—it was human. She found herself shaking her head, a tear slipping down her cheek.
“Then she claimed tae be with bairn,” Halvard said finally.
“It was a lie but I believed her at first. I told her I would care fer the bairn but I would never love her. She would never be by me side as me wife. Well, she didnae take too kindly tae the news. At that time I was briefly betrothed tae another English lass fer politics… kind enough, but neither o’ us loved each other.
Bonnie tried tae hurt her, she lied about the child an’ I…
I had nae choice but tae send her away.”
“Oh, Halvard, I can’t imagine the weight of that,” she whispered. Even now, Halvard seemed so broken about it, so hurt, that she didn’t know how to comfort him.
Perhaps there was nothing she could do or say. Perhaps this was a wound that would never heal, a wound she couldn’t even lessen.
Halvard looked up at her, eyes glistening with a rare vulnerability. “I’ve never spoken o’ it,” he said softly. “Nae tae me men, nae tae me friends. An’ I’m tellin’ ye now because ye deserve the truth. Because I care fer ye, more than I’ve ever cared fer anyone.”
Elsie’s throat tightened. She pressed a hand to his cheek, feeling the roughness of his skin, the tension in his jaw, and her heart ached with love for him. “Halvard,” she said, shaking her head, “you don’t have to carry it alone anymore.”
“I… God help me, Elsie, I love ye. I want tae marry ye. I’ve wanted ye from the moment ye came tae this castle. An’ now I… I cannae imagine a life without ye.”
Elsie’s chest rose and fell in shallow, ragged breaths.
She felt the storm of his words and the sincerity behind them crash over her like winter waves.
Tears spilled freely now, a mix of relief, joy, and the fierce surge of love she had fought to keep contained.
“You…” she whispered, almost disbelieving, her hands clutching his tunic, “you love me?”
“Aye,” he said simply, this one word carrying the weight of years he had kept silent. “Every day. Every damned day. I want tae marry ye.”
Her lips trembled as she leaned in, pressing her forehead against his. “I want to marry you too,” she said, her voice breaking. “I love you, Halvard. I’ve wanted… all of this, all of you, for so long.”
A shiver ran through him, and he drew her close, their bodies flush together. His lips captured hers in a kiss that was both desperate and tender, a collision of confession and desire, heartbreak and hope.
Elsie’s hands roamed over his broad shoulders, down his arms, memorizing the strength that had protected her, that had saved her again and again. She felt the warmth of him seep into her bones, anchoring her in a world that had so often been dangerous and uncertain.
“I’ve waited fer ye,” Halvard mumbled against her lips, his voice rough with emotion and intimate.
“And I’m not letting go,” she breathed, pressing herself closer.
The morning sun filtered through the high windows, spilling golden light across their tangled forms. They held onto each other, as though they were each other’s only anchor, as though they only existed when in each other’s arms, pressed close together, clinging.